The Daydreams I had to Push Back

Renesemee POV

SORRY FOR THE WAIT BUT I HAD SOME EDITING TO DO.

ENJOY:)

It all belongs to SM.

The pleasure of your company
is requested at the marriage of
Renesemee Carlie Cullen
and
Jacob William Black
on Sunday, June 13, 2010
at four o'clock in the afternoon
Chateau Raysse
Paris, France

Cocktails, Dinner and
Dancing immediately
following

All accommodations will be provided.

Please RSVP as soon as possible.

I sighed lovingly as I looked at the last, beautiful invitation and then placed it gently in the cream colored envelope.

Alice and I searched high and low for suitable invitations but none of them fit what I wanted so we went with homemade. I pleaded with daddy to hand write each of the 599 invitations and he spent two hours making sure his calligraphy was perfect. I didn't expect him to be so fast but I couldn't deny that he did a beautiful job. He refused to do the addressing of the envelopes so I had to do those myself but I didn't mind.

It was the end of April and the wedding planning was finally coming together. Alice went to Paris to find the perfect location for the wedding and spent a week sending me pictures of the different options. I finally chose a couple of days ago and Alice booked the Chateau Raysse for the entire week of the 10th. My wedding was being planned for a Sunday but we would be going up a week early with some of our guests to just hang out and tour Pairs. I was beginning to get really excited but also very nervous. I wanted to be a wife so badly, but was I really ready? Was I mature enough to take on the role? I tried to convince myself that it wouldn't be any different than it is now, but somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew that was a lie. Marriage was one of the biggest steps in someone's life and I was getting scared that I wouldn't be able to handle it.

The Chateau was beautiful and looked like a huge palace. There were seventeen rooms that could hold everyone who was staying the week. All the wolves, some of Jacob's employees, my family, and some of Jacob's family were all going up a week earlier and were staying at the Chateau while all the other guests would arrive the day before the wedding and stay at various hotels around the city.

Daddy and Jacob paid for the locations that we were renting and I almost passed out when they told me how much all of this was costing. They were paying for everyone's plane rides, food, and hotel accommodations. This was going to be big. I still can't believe that in a little under two months, I would be walking down the aisle to become Mrs. Renesemee Black. Just the sound of it made my entire body light up in excitement. I was going to be a wife and that felt incredible.

The family was starting to pack up the things in the house because after the wedding, everyone was moving back to Forks. I was really happy about that because I didn't know what I would do if I was separated from my parents. The family was going back to set things up while Jake and I were on our honeymoon and Esme was building us a new house. Jacob vehemently opposed to that because he wanted to buy one himself, but Esme wouldn't have it any other way. We convinced him to let her build it because there wasn't anything in Forks that had what Jacob and I wanted. He had very specific ideas about what our house should have so I let him and Esme work on the blueprints while I headed up the wedding. I was buying my dress next month and I had two options that I was narrowing it down to. They were both in New York so we would be making a trip up there in a couple weeks.

My family was going to stay in the mansion back in Forks but Grandpa was going to start working at the hospital in Seattle to keep the suspicion down. They would stay out of Forks for the most part but we would obviously spend a lot of time with Grandpa Charlie and the wolves. I was so happy that my family was coming back with us because that meant I didn't have to be separated from them like I thought I would after Jake and I got married. I couldn't wait to walk on the rocky beaches or have weekly pizza parties with the pack. I would think that my family would get bored just staying in the house all day but mama assured me that they were making plans to go back to college so they wouldn't be lifeless.

Speaking of college, Jacob had convinced me to go. I got my acceptance letter from Julliard and they wanted me to go up in the summer for a special program but I politely denied. I also got into NYU, Dartmouth, Harvard, Yale and Columbia but none of them held any interest to me. I only had eyes for the University of Washington in Seattle and that was where I sent in my tuition deposit. The university was less than an hour away from Forks and I could commute whenever I needed to. I didn't know where the family was planning on going to school but I had a feeling it would be the same choice as mine. Jake argued that I was too smart to just sit at home and be a housewife even though I would be more than happy to do it. He was very firm on his decision because he didn't want my brain to rot as he put it.

But that was in the fall and before I could even think about college stuff, I had to get through high school. Graduation was at the end of May and I had to make sure that I ended well. I had finals coming up and end of the year things to complete but I was more focused on the wedding until next month when finals got closer. School had slowed down some since spring break was right around the corner and we could relax until May. People just seemed more lax at school and I loved to come home and paint or play the piano without rushing to study.

The garage was doing amazing with Jacob still keeping a distance for the most part. He would go in every other day to check on things but wouldn't spend nearly the amount of time there that he used to. He would be at home when I got out of school and I loved to help him cook dinner, which he had gotten very good at. I never thought I would be able to eat anything Jake made, but I had to admit, he was a fairly acceptable cook. He would make me everything from ham to pasta and I loved to sit and watch him pull his masterpieces out of the oven. He was very proud to be able to make things that people could actually eat and I could tell by the smile on his face whenever he made another delectable meal. He was through with economics and passed with flying colors. The college semester ended last week and his graduation was a beautiful ceremony where he was able to wear his honors sash as he walked across the stage to get his degree in business administration. We flew Billy out so that he could come to the graduation and I could tell that he was so proud of his son even thought he never truly articulated it.

"Nessie, pay attention. We have to make sure that you have the right flower arrangements." Rosalie sighed.

"I told you what I wanted and you always shoot me down so I'm not saying anything else." I crossed my arms.

"I am trying to help you out."

"The colors of my wedding are cream and red so I don't understand why roses won't work."

"Because roses are so common. Pick something exotic."

"I don't want anything exotic. I want roses."

This is how our discussions went. Alice was having a hard time booking everything we would need while in Paris so she left Rose and I to handle the details of the wedding. Rose liked extravagance and so did I but nothing compared to her. I still remember her last wedding to uncle Emmett when I was seven and I don't think I have ever seen so many sparkles in my entire life. I was all for the big church, tons of flowers, and beautiful outfits but she was going a little overboard. She wanted to order wild animals for the reception and things that would make my wedding seem more like a circus. I had to put my foot down on several of her options because there was no way I was having people distracted from the main reason for the wedding; me and Jake.

Jacob and I hadn't picked the people for our bridal party yet but I kind of knew who I wanted. I was still on the fence about Alexia because frankly, she was being a bitch. I thought things would go back to normal after the cotillion but she still kept her distance from me and I didn't know why. I think she just wanted attention and that was something I definitely wasn't giving into. Although she was a good friend, I didn't have time to deal with her. I was still inviting her and David to the wedding to be polite but I still didn't know if she would come.

"Nessie are you sure you have everyone you want to invite?" Rose asked as she fanned through the letters that were stacked on the dining room table, which served as ground central for the wedding planning.

"I think so. Everyone is there." I flipped through the list.

"Ok so I'll send them out tomorrow and people should start getting them by Wednesday." She replied.

"I would love to wait until school ends to hand these out but that might be too late. People are going to freak over this." I nervously laughed as I thought about how the people of Vanderbilt would react when they got their invitations.

"Yup. This is going to be some party. I still can't believe your getting married. You're still so young."

"I am eighteen thank you very much." I giggled.

"We all know the truth. You can't fool us."

We continued to go through the guest list and some other small details for another hour before I decided to quit for the day. Jacob would be at the garage for another couple of hours so I had to fill the void with something to do. I didn't want to play piano or paint right now so I decided to work out. I had never went to the gym before because I didn't really have to but I wanted to start going so I could tone up before June. I didn't know if it would actually make any difference in my body but I could at least try.

I bounced up the stairs to the only other person in the house who unnecessarily went to the gym. I knocked on the door and opened it when I got a reply.

"What up little niece?" Emmett asked as he turned down the music pumping from his speakers.

"I was wondering if you would take me to the gym?" I replied and hopped on his bed.

"Shit yeah. I wanted to go today anyway."

"Why do you even go? It doesn't make a difference does it?"

"Everyone else says no but I know it does. Have you seen these guns?" He flexed and showed off his arms.

"Yeah yeah, when can we leave?"

"Half an hour? I got to finish with these college applications." He sighed.

"Really? Which ones?" I asked and went to read behind his shoulder but he closed his laptop before I could see anything.

"None of your business. Get out of my room." He pointed to the door.

"Fine. Thirty minutes or I'm leaving without you." I went into the hall and climbed the stairs to Jake's room.

I went into the closet to change out of my school clothes and got into something more appropriate for the gym. I went to Jake's side of the closet and pulled out one of his football jerseys that Jasper had given him for Christmas. Jake and Jasper loved to veg out in front of the TV every Monday during the football season and watch game after game. They would give each other the jerseys of the teams they hated just to piss each other off. I pulled out the purple Baltimore Ravens shirt that came down to my knees and tightened it against my back so that it didn't engulf my entire body. I slipped on a pair of short soffe's that i usally wore in the heat of summer. I pulled my hair back in a ponytail and it fell to the middle of my back. I slipped on some tennis shoes and then grabbed my car keys off of my desk.

I went downstairs where I saw everyone doing different things. Mama and daddy were reading while still being all lovey dovey (will they ever quit?), grandma was washing dishes, Alice was shouting on the phone in French so I guessed she was getting something done for my wedding. Come to think of it, I hadn't even spoken to her in about two days. Rose was still in the dining room and my uncles were playing Xbox.

"You ready to go?" I asked as I walked in the family room.

"Where are you going sweetheart?" Mama asked from daddy's lap.

"The gym with uncle Emmett. I want to start working out."

Everyone except uncle Emmett looked at me like I grew another head, "I just want to make sure that I look good at my wedding. Don't tell me you didn't have worries when you got married mama."

Everyone burst our laughing, "Sweetheart, I didn't really care about anything at my wedding. I just wanted your father. I could have gone to the Vegas if Alice hadn't seen it in her damn visions." She growled at the last part and Alice stuck her tongue out.

"Well I have six hundred guests and I can't let them look better than me. You guys will already be perfect so I have to make sure I'm at the top of my game." I sighed.

"Whatever shortie. Let's go." Emmett dragged me out of the front door.

"I want to drive." I said as he led me to his truck.

"Nope. You going with me." He climbed in the driver's side and I had to jump into the passenger's side.

His 4x4 was so gigantic that we were towering over the other poor cars that we passed on the highway as we head into town. I thought Eva was a tank but she was nothing compared to the sheer massiveness that was Emmett's truck. I didn't even know how he drove this thing. It vibrated my entire body as the engine roared with each rev of the gas. I still remebered back when we used to live in Forks and he let me drive his monstrous truck. I was so scared, I promised myself that I would never drive in my life. We finally made it to Gold's Gym and I stumbled out of the truck as my legs felt like jelly.

"Couldn't handle the ride?" Emmett laughed as he opened the door for me.

"Shut up. Those things should be illegal. How do you even handle that?"

"Its all muscle baby. That's why I practically live here." He chuckled and I followed him in.

We went right up to the front desk and the woman at the front lit up when she saw Emmett.

"Hey baby." Her New Jersey accent purred.

"Hey Jess. Just brought my sister in for a little work out."

"Well we're always happy when you come in." She falsely giggled.

She had a fake tan on her skin that made her appear orange and her long nails were highly unprofessional for the workplace. She had some pretty big hair and I almost chocked on the amount of hair spray that was pouring out of her scalp. Her clothes were two sizes too small for her curvaceous figure and I was seriously considering giving her a lecture on appropriate dress but I decided to hold my tongue. She looked like she had just stepped out of Jersey Shore and that was incredibly unacceptable.

Her and Emmett continued to laugh about who knows what for another five minutes before she handed us two towels. We walked to the back where all the equipment was.

"Does Rose know about the little affair you're having?" I asked.

"Who Jess? Yeah right. I asked if we could have a threesome but Rose shot me down." He pouted.

"Are you serious?" I asked a little louder than necessary.

He boomed his boisterous laugh an several people looked at us, "you should have seen your face. Rose would have castrated me if I ever asked her that. Besides, Jess is a straight up slut." He chuckled.

"I can't believe you said that."

"Just a little gym humor. Now lets get to work. You have a lot of work to do if you're going to fit into that dress."

"I don't even have a dress yet."

"Oh. Well I'm sure its really small so you have some work to do." He smirked.

"Are you calling me fat?"

He scrunched up his face and shrugged his shoulders. I punched his stomach and he laughed at me.

He spent the next two hours working the hell out of me. I had never worked so hard in my entire life and I had no idea Emmett was a frickin' body builder though I shouldn't have been surprised. He had me on every machine in the gym and even made me do the free weights. He pushed me to my limits and then pushed me even more. I walked out of the gym almost in tears because everything hurt so much. On the way home, Emmett made a schedule for me and he expected me to come with him to the gym every other day. I was dreading it because I knew it would only get harder as the workouts went on. I would have to make sure to bring Jake with us next time so he could tell me what I was doing wrong.

"I hate you." I cried as I made my way to the front door ahead of Emmett.

"The hurt means you did a good job. I still can't believe you kept up with me."

"Only because you forced me to. I hate you." I said again.

"At least you're not fat anymore." He chuckled and I made a lunge for him but it hurt too much so I pulled back.

My entire body ached as I made my way up the stairs to Jacob's room. Why the hell did we live on the third floor? Damn it.

I went into the room and didn't even make it to the bed. I just fell on the floor. Jacob was in the bed on the phone. He hung up when I hit the carpet.

"Babe what's wrong. What happened." He began patting my body.

"Don't touch me." I sighed.

"Why? Did you have another attack? Damn it. I knew I should kept an eye on you." He began talking frantically. I rolled over.

"No. Emmett beat the crap out of me at the gym. He had me doing so much and it hurts." I cried.

I could tell that Jake was trying to hold in a laugh, "Don't you dare start laughing at me. I don't have huge muscles of gladiators like you do. It was my first time, I think I deserve some credit."

"Of course you do." He kissed my forehead and even that hurt, "Do you want a bath?" He asked and I nodded.

He went out of the room and went to mine, which was one of the only rooms in the house with a tub. I could hear the water running and couldn't wait to get in. I stayed spread out on the floor for ten minutes before Jacob came in and picked me up off of the floor. He carried me to my bathroom and stripped me of my clothes before laying me in the tub. I immediately felt better but I knew I would be sore as hell in the morning. Jacob left me alone and I spent the rest of the night reading in my warm bathtub.

The next day at school would be my last of freedom because Rose was sending out the invitations today, which meant that they wouldn't get them until tomorrow. I looked at all of the people who were ignoring me and thought about how they would turn on a dime by tomorrow morning. I invited a lot of people that I knew from my school but I knew they weren't really my friends. We were cordial to one another but they were usually the ones who would start rumors about me. Alexia was the only true friend I had, or at least I thought I had. I guess I was wrong about her as well. The only reason I was inviting some of the people at school was because grandpa knew thier parents from the hostpial or they were his pateints. Grandma had also made a lot of firends in NEwport, so i invitied some of her regulars. Lets just say that practically half the town was invited for the most part.

Just like I predicted, as soon as I got out of my car in the Vanderbilt parking lot the next day, people were going crazy. Every person at school suddenly wanted to be my best friend and bombarded me with congratulations. I just smiled and kept walking but I knew all of this was a shameless ploy to get into my good graces. Everyone I talked to was really excited that we were paying for them to go to Paris for the summer. They were all so happy to get an invitation and those who didn't, were stuck to me like glue. I couldn't invite everyone from Vanderbilt and those who I left off the list tried everything they could to get on it. My wedding suddenly became the hottest ticket in town and it was all making me slightly uncomfortable but I knew it would get better once the buzz died down. I even invited some of my teachers and they were extremely excited to come as well.

I couldn't believe that people actually wanted to come to my wedding. I hoped they would but it still surprised me that they wanted to watch me walk down the aisle. I'm sure a lot of them were just coming to judge and another portion of them wanted to come and see how us Cullens threw a party but I didn't really care. I wouldn't remember half of them come next year anyway.

I walked in the door after an exhausting day and plopped on the sofa next to mama in the family room while Jake and Jasper played on the Xbox.

"Busy day?" Mama asked as she began playing with me hair.

"These humans are seriously happy to come to my wedding."

She chuckled, "You wanted them all there."

"I know." I sighed.

"We can always cancel." Jake said and sat next to me.

"Don't you dare. I want them there to see us together so I can live with all this hype for now." I gave him a chaste kiss and laid back down.

"People at the garage got their invitations today too. That's part of the reason I didn't go in." He chuckled and rubbed my leg. I was still sore from yesterday and I hated Emmett for it.

"You were lucky. I had people actually get on their knees and beg me to come."

"Good. That means we're popular."

"Great." I replied sarcastically.

Jake and I spent the rest of the afternoon together and when he started getting hungry, I decided to make his favorite; pizza. I was never a very good pizza maker but that was the joy of living in the 21st century. They have pre made crust these days so it's a rather simple task. I was pouring the sauce on the dough while Jake sat at the counter.

"Oh, I have a surprise for you." Jake said after taking a sip from his water.

"Which is?" I asked.

"I got custody of a kid." He smiled and I dropped the spoon I was holding.

"What the hell?" I bet my eyes were as big as saucers.

"You should see your face right now." He laughed.

"Please don't send me into shock. What the hell are you talking about?"

"You know Eve at the garage?" He asked and I nodded, "Well she and her husband were going out tomorrow night for their anniversary and their babysitter canceled. I said we could watch him. Are you ok with that?"

"Oh my god; of course." I was slowly getting make heartbeat back to normal and cleaned some of the sauce that spilled, "I thought you adopted someone." I giggled.

"You would have known if I did. They're bringing him by tomorrow around six. We just have to watch him for a couple of hours."

"They have a little boy?" I asked.

"Yup age four I think. His name's Archie. He shouldn't be too bad."

"What should we do?"

"About…?"

"About Archie. We can't just stick him in front of the TV."

"That's what Billy did with me."

"And you see how you turned out. We have to give him something productive to do. That's what babysitters do Jacob."

"I babysat you pretty well." He chuckled.

"That's true I guess." I put the pizza in the oven and went to sit next to him on the bar stool.

"We could go to the park. Kids like the park." He suggested.

"That will be fun. I can't wait to meet him. Is he cute?"

"I don't know. I've never met him but if he looks anything like Eve then my guess is yes."

"You have a crush?" I raised my eyebrow.

"No. I'm just saying, she looks pretty." He shifted uncomfortably.

"I know. I just like watching you squirm." I kissed him passionately so he knew I was joking and he accommodated my lips perfectly.

I pulled away when I couldn't breath anymore and he smirk with those beautiful lips that I loved so much.

"Don't get a big ego Jake. You're not that good." I said as I pulled the pizza out of the oven.

"That's not what you were saying a couple days ago. I distinctly remember you screaming how good I was in the backseat of your car." He muttered under his breath.

"Shhhhhh. There are people in the house." I felt the heat from my blush rise in my cheeks when uncle Emmett's laughter hit me from the family room.

"I'm not ashamed."

"Yeah well I am." I chuckled.

We ate pizza for the rest of the night and when Embry got home from the garage, I made him one so that he didn't have to share with Jake and I. I drank two gallons of grape soda since I hadn't had any in a long time and forgot how good it tasted. Mama used to never let me drink it when I was younger because she said my teeth would rot but Jake used to always sneak me some anyway. I guess I just got in the habit to not drink soda but my mouth was begging for some so I downed the sugary liquid in less than an hour.

After our dinner, Jake took me to play paintball before we came back to the house so I could write a paper I had due. I spent the next hour trying to write while Jake nibbled on my neck and wouldn't let me concentrate so…yeah. That turned into something passionate. Damn that wolf for knowing my buttons. I don't even think we've gone one day without having sex since Jasper lifted our restrictions. I would never in a million years think that Jake would affect me the way that he did, but he sure did know how to get me going no matter how much I tried to resist him. I fell asleep in Jacob's arms with two sentences of my paper written but it wasn't due for another couple of days so I didn't care.

I woke up the next morning refreshed and ready to start my day. Maybe it was the ending of my high school career or the fact that I would be married soon but I was just happier these days. Maybe it had something to do with both? Whatever. I wasn't complaining.

After I got out of my shower and wrapped a towel around my body, I headed into Jake's closet to find something to wear to school. I looked for longer than I planned and didn't find anything to match my mood so I walked down the hall to my room. It felt weird to walk in because I barely spent anytime here anymore. I had practically moved into Jake's room a couple years ago and it felt good to be near him so I rarely came in my room unless I needed something like today. I walked into my closet and saw clothes I hadn't seen in forever. I would have to visit this place more often.

I spent five minutes in my closet before I found something perfect. It was spring so I was allowed to get away with vivid colors and I was happy to be able to get out of the dreariness of winter although it was always raining in Newport so the clouds still hid the sun. Nonetheless, it was still spring. I chose a pastel yellow dress that had a high waist and high collar. It flared out to fall lightly to the top of my knees and it was warm enough outside that I didn't have to wear stockings. There was a golden belt that went around my waist and was a couple shades darker than the dress. The biggest problem was shoes. White? Black? Yellow? No not yellow, that would make me look like a frickin' dandelion. I went with some white, pumps that were made by a Brazilian fashion designer who Alice fell in love with last year. They were really simple but still beautiful. The mile-high, silhouetted, patent pump had a daring stiletto heel that might even be too high for me, but I could tough it out. It had a pointy, closed toe and went perfect with the light pastel color of my dress. My caffs were burning from the intense workout I had the other day but I would just have to get over that because these shoes were too good to not wear. I left my hair to flow down my back and put on my white Tiffany's watch that Jacob had given me for Christmas.

I grabbed my bag and headed out of my room, down the hall to give Jacob a goodbye kiss. I opened his door softly and went to his bed where he was sprawled out on his back. I trailed kisses up his chest until reached his neck and he shuddered. I reached his lips and gave him a sweet kiss and he opened his eyes. I pulled back to see him smiling.

"Why do you always smile after I kiss you?" I asked as I sat on his bed.

"Because it feels so good." He replied still not out of his sleep.

"Well I'm glad you enjoy our time together." I giggled, "I have to go to school but I should be home by one. I can get out of class early today. What time did you say Eve was bringing Archie over?"

"Six. That's what time she wanted to go out." He sat up.

"Ok good, that should give me time to write my paper and go to the gym." I began ticking the things I had to do off on my fingers.

"I feel so useless. All I do it sit at home and eat." He chuckled.

"Well you opened a business so I think you deserve a little break until you open up the next one." I gave him another sweet kiss before heading out of the door.

I went downstairs and bounced into the kitchen where Embry was sitting at the counter eating some cereal.

"Hey Ness." I smiled when I went to the fridge to pull out the orange juice.

"Hello my wolf friend. How are you today?"

"Tired but good."

"Jake has you working hard?"

"I don't know how he did it. This business is about to kill me and between it and Andrea, I barely have enough energy to sleep."

I gave him a kiss on the cheek, "You can do it. Jake has faith in you."

"I know and I can't let him down so that's why I work my ass off. Plus its fucking awesome at the garage." He chuckled.

"I haven't been there in a while. Maybe I should swing by after the gym today." I wondered if I had time for that.

"Oh I heard that Emmett kicked your ass the other day." He laughed.

"Its not funny. My muscles still ache and I might not ever recover."

"Stop being dramatic. I still don't know why you're going anyway. You look fucking perfect."

"Well thank you but I just want to get a little healthier before June. It couldn't hurt."

"Yeah yeah. Oh and I got your wedding invitation, which doesn't make much sense to me since we live in the same house. Do I have to RSVP?"

"Yes Embry. You have to RSVP so we know what to order you for dinner. Stop being difficult."

"Fine. Andrea and I will RSVP as soon as possible. Don't get too mad at me." He laughed, "I got to go to work." He put his dishes in the sink and then went out of the door.

I sat with daddy for another ten minutes before it was time to go myself and I hopped in my Hummer to head to Vanderbilt. I pulled into the parking lot and saw the bright red hair Alexia as she stood near her car. Over the past couple of months, she had moved her spot over to the other side of the lot but I guess she wanted to talk to me. I pulled into my normal spot and got out of the car. She didn't move from her car so I just started walking to the school. If she had something to say then she would have to make the effort.

I could feel her walking behind me and heard my heels as they quickly tapped on the cement sidewalk. I was almost to the door when I heard her.

"Nessie." She tried to get my attention so I turned around and kept my face stern.

"Yes. How can I help you Alexia?"

"I…uh…here." She handed me a cream colored envelope that I noticed as my wedding invitation, "David and I wanted to RSVP."

"Well thank you. I'm sure Jake would love to see you there." I turned around to walk into the school.

"Please don't act like that Nessie." She whispered and I could tell that her voice was sad.

"Don't act like what? Last I heard, we weren't friends Alexia."

"I'm sorry. I know I've been a bitch lately but I've had a lot going on and I didn't even know what I was doing. Please don't hold it against me."

"Alexia, you ignored me for the past three months and whenever I did try and talk to you, you had an attitude. You want me to just roll over act like nothing happened?"

"No Ness but I've been going through a lot lately and I'm sorry. I'm really sorry." She began to break down crying and I wasn't expecting that. It was kind of weird to have her showing this much emotion in public and I didn't really know what to do. I stood there while she broke down on the sidewalk and people looked at us like we were crazy. After a couple of minutes, I couldn't be mad at her anymore since this was obvoiuosly a seriuos issue.

I knelt down next to here and rubbed her back gently while she continued to cry, "Alexia what is going on? I didn't mean to yell at you."

"Its not you Ness. I…just.. its been a rough couple of months." She wiped her eyes and stood back up.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?" I stood next to her and brushed the dust off of her clothes.

"Not really. I shouldn't bother you. You have so much to do and you probably wouldn't be worried about my issues." She sadly smiled.

"Come on." I took her hand and began walking back to the parking lot.

"Where are we going?" She asked as I unlocked the doors of my Hummer.

"We're skipping." I jumped in and she followed.

I drove us to the mall and headed straight to our favorite spot; Baskin Robbins. I ordered us a giant sundae and I sat down in a booth near the door with two spoons.

"Ok talk." I said and took a bite of chocolate chip ice cream.

She took a deep breath and a couple of bites of ice cream, "My brother died in January. Right after the nominations. He was hit by a drunk driver in Atlanta while he was there on a business trip." She said sadly but didn't cry.

I could feel my mouth hanging open and I didn't even have the brain impulses to close it. How could I be so selfish as to think that my life was the only one that mattered? All this time, I just thought that she was being rude. It never occurred to me that she was having problems. Did I ever ask her? Did it even occur to me to ask her? I tried to quickly remember the past couple of months to think if I had even inquired about her life. I couldn't think of one time. I was such a selfish bitch. She kept all that bottled up and i doubt she told anyone else at school besides me. I should have been there for her but instead, I was too wrapped up in my own world.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I whispered.

"I didn't want to bother you. I had David with me a lot so he helped but its been rough." She hung her head and began playing with the ice cream.

"I'm so sorry. I can't believe I never asked."

"That's exactly why I didn't want to tell you. It wasn't your job to care for me. After awhile, I didn't want you to feel guilty or anything so I just kept it to myself."

"How are you doing?"

"Better. There's always pain in my stomach but I doubt that will go away anytime soon. My parents are really messed up but they're going to therapy so at least they're trying."

"I'm your friend Alexia, you shouldn't feel like you had to keep that from me. I know its not necessarily any of my business but I could have helped you." I sighed, "God I was such a bitch." I whispered mostly to myself.

"No you weren't. I was the one who shut you out. Don't feel bad." She smiled and I nodded even though she couldn't cahnge my mind on the subject.

Alexia and I spent the whole day at the mall just talking and catching up. I mostly listened to her as vented her feelings and I still felt horrible that I never noticed how much she had changed since the death of her brother. She seemed to be doing better the more she talked about it and by the end of the day, we were actually laughing like old times. I could still see the sadness in her eyes but I knew that was going to be there for a while. I drover her back to Vanderbilt at three and we made plans to meet up later in the week. I wanted to ask daddy if she could sleep over during the weekend and I hoped no one would mind.

I pulled up into the driveway and saw daddy standing on the front step with his arms crossed. Damn it. I forgot the school called parents when students were out to make sure they weren't skipping. I went over my day quickly in my head so that he could see I was helping out a friend. I got out of the car shyly and kept my head low as I made my way to the front step. He took a deep breath and kissed my forehead before going back inside.

Whew. Good. I'm not in trouble.

Eve and her husband arrived right at six and dropped off the cutest boy I had ever laid eyes on. Archie had bright blonde hair and beautiful blue eyes that were hidden behind long eyelashes. He was chubby but nothing that would be considered anything but baby fat. He was extremely shy when he first came over but opened up as the night went on.

Jake and I took him to the park like we said we would and Archie spent the whole time on the swing. I sat on a bench while I watched Jake and him try to have a contest to see who could swing the highest. Of course, Jake let Archie win every time and I could tell that he was having as much fun as the four year old. We stayed outside until the sun went down and Archie was about to pass out from exhaustion.

Throughout the night, I had to push back my fantasies of Jacob playing like that with our child. He looked so natural in the role of father and it saddened me to think that he would never have the opportunity. I closed my eyes to think about what it could be like to have Jacob's children for just one second.

Jacob with a baby in his arms, our baby that we made together. My baby, soft and dark-haired like Jacob but still a hint of me. The perfect mixture between both worlds like I had been for mama and daddy. Sleeping on Jacob's chest or crying in the middle of the night. I wouldn't mind getting up to care for a baby. Just to hear the sounds of its coos would be enough for me.

And then I thought about farther into the future. I day dreamed about running a brush through the long, black hair of my daughter like mama used to do for me or watching Jacob carry her on his shoulders. Maybe I would have two children, two perfect children. One boy and one girl. A boy would look just like Jacob, with his short, messy hair and his deep brown eyes that showed the happiness of a pure soul. And a girl who was soft and sweet but still had the tough exterior like her father. I didn't know how my fantasy children would act but if they were anything like me in that respect, I knew we would have a handful.

When I felt the tears behind my eyelids, I knew it was time to stop fantasizing. I quickly wiped my face before anyone had the chance to see me crying and put on a smile as I went to stand near Jacob and Archie.

As soon as we walked in the door, Jacob and Archie feel asleep on the sofa while watching Aladdin and I just watched as they breathed together, letting their dreams take over. Eve and her husband came to pick Archie up at nine and I carried him to the front door where Eve took over and thanked me for babysitting. They left and I went back into the family room to wake Jake up so we could go up to his room but he looked too peaceful for me to disturb him. I took off my heels and snuggled up close to him on the sofa. His long arm instinctively wrapped around my body and I fell asleep next to him as our heartbeats slowed together.

WE'RE GETTING CLOSER AND CLOSER TO THE WEDDING. I KNOW YOU GUYS WILL LOVE IT.

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