A/N: No Lemons in this chapter, just Edward going a little crazy (or maybe a LOT crazy) and a WARNING! Lots of the "F" word and underage drinking! So, be warned! It may not be right, but it's where Edward is right now.

My song choice for this chapter is:

"Sometime Around Midnight" – by Airborne Toxic Event
A link to the video is on my profile. I have also added a link to the video of each theme song for each chapter of Lioness in my profile. That way you can listen to the song as you read.

A link to my Twilighted thread is on my profile. Go over for some great pics of RPattz and see the great banners Melolabel made for Lioness and TwiTrek.

Thank you to every one who reviewed the last chapter, and to all the new readers. Lioness hit a couple of great milestones with this chapter – first, we passed 500 reviews and second – a total of 106 reviews in one week!

Special shout-out to Mambomama, Pamela J Austin, and pearlsnpolos16. They just started reading last week and have reviewed EVERY CHAPTER! You guys just don't know what that means to a writer. It makes me teary eyed and want to write!

I beta for four new young authors. Links to their stories are on my profile. There's something there for everyone!

Many thanks to my beta, Melolabel. She keeps me focused and talks me out of my emo ramblings and thoughts of total story destruction and all manner of craziness. She also made my awesome banners, and we will be working on a collaboration coming soon – "The Marksman". It's a western ladies. Yum-yum! Please go read her story, "Tapas at Twilight". It's really awesome!

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight, and all the characters. I just borrow them from time to time and make them do my bidding…
House and NCIS don't belong to me either; and Family Guy - well Stewie, Peter and all the other resident of Quahog belong to the amazing genius that is Seth McFarlane!

Now, without further adieu …

Enough of this crazy stuff! Just shut up and post the chapter already…

** BM **

Chapter Twenty-five – What Are Dreams Made Of?

EPOV

I sat bolt upright in bed, my hand jerking to my face, covering my cheek. I could have sworn something had touched me. I swallowed convulsively and looked around my room expecting to see someone or something standing beside the bed.

Nothing!

I looked toward the window, and felt my heart race a little faster as I saw the curtains moving slightly. But other than that, the room was eerily quiet.

I glanced at my clock and saw it was almost six. I had a few minutes before I had to get up, but I felt disturbed somehow. As if something wasn't quite right. It was so strange. It was like the feeling I got after I had lost a race.

Disappointment?

Why was I feeling disappointed? I must have been dreaming. I tried to remember what I had been dreaming about. I could catch vague images, mom and dad, and… something or someone. I just felt so strange, like I should be able to remember something but I couldn't. And that made me so…

Sad.

That's what I felt. Not disappointment.

It was sadness.

Why did I feel sad? I walked to the window and gazed out on the day. The weather was normal for late November in Forks, overcast and drizzling. I half grinned to myself wondering if dementors were circling over head, causing the rain and giving me an attack of the blues.

I tried to shake off the melancholy as I walked to the bathroom to shower and get ready for school but the feeling followed me. I was still having trouble dispelling the unhappiness when I arrived at school, if anything the feeling became more intense as I approached my Spanish III class. Something just didn't feel right. I kept looking around, because I felt as if I had lost something.

And why the fuck was everyone staring at me?!

I could feel their eyes on me, but when I looked back, heads would quickly turn as if I hadn't just caught them boring holes in me with their eyes.

As I walked to my seat, I felt a hand clamp down on my shoulder. I turned to face Mike Newton as he halted by my side.

"Hey, man, I won't say much, just want you to know if you need to talk, I'm here. Okay dude?"

And with those cryptic words, he moved along and took his seat.

If I need to talk? About what?! Was my sadness that obvious?

I looked at him like he'd lost his mind but he just gave me a wink and a one-fingered pistol point, before turning to talk to Tyler in the next row.

I felt as if I had fallen into the fucking Twilight Zone and then had the strange feeling of déjà vu, as if this wasn't the first time I had felt that way.

Strange!

And the day just kept getting stranger. I still had that crazy feeling as if something was missing, or just plain wrong, about everything. Lunchtime came and that was the worst. I sat at my normal table with Mike, Tyler and Eric, but it just didn't feel right, and the weird looks they kept giving me didn't help. I caught myself glancing at the table by the window, the one with the new kids, and I wanted to watch them, but I couldn't force myself to look at them for more than a few seconds before I felt as if my brain would explode. And I still couldn't shake this feeling of despair.

Biology was the worst hour of my life. I couldn't even begin to concentrate on what the teacher said because I couldn't stop looking at the empty stool beside me.

I had a lab partner, didn't I?

But I couldn't remember one. I just somehow knew that I had done experiments for class, and I knew I hadn't done them alone, but I couldn't remember her.

Wait!

Her!

I knew I had a lab partner, and I knew it was a girl!

But who, and where was she? I told myself she was probably sick today, or just decided to skip.

But why the fuck couldn't I remember?

I dropped my head into my hands before raising it again and glancing around. People were still fucking staring at me with this strange look of… pity?!

I was starting to get a little scared! Had I gone crazy, or was I the only sane one left at Forks High? I suddenly felt like I was surrounded by pod-people.

By the end of the day, my head was splitting and I was really glad I didn't have a reason to stay after school. I just wanted to get home and try to work out what had happened today.

I was home by three forty-five and threw myself on my bed after taking a couple of Tylenol, just wanting to relax and get rid of this headache.

I closed my eyes, trying to use some relaxation techniques to help the pounding in my head go away. On my third deep inhalation it hit me: the smell of strawberries and flowers. I turned my face into my pillow and the smell nearly overpowered me.

And with the smell came the most intense sense of euphoria I had ever experienced and I was instantly hard.

What the fuck?!

I didn't know what was going on but I suddenly wanted to eat my pillow, but only after I jacked off while holding it to my face!

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!

I threw the pillow aside before jumping to my feet and stalking to the window. I looked out at the forest behind the house, scanning it silently, looking for…

Looking for what!

I dropped the curtain like it was on fire and stepped away from the window, putting both hands in my hair and shaking my head. Was this a delayed reaction to the bone marrow donation? Did I have some kind of strange infection? I felt my hip where a band-aid covered the puncture site. It was still sore, but nothing too bad. No signs of inflammation.

I felt like my brain was full of cobwebs. Nothing seemed right.

I needed some air. I practically ran from my room, down the stairs and out the front door and then jumped into the Volvo. Within thirty seconds I was speeding down the road on my way to God knows where. I just needed some space.

I drove aimlessly around Forks for an hour before realizing that I was just acting crazy and wasting gas. I stopped at the diner to get a burger. I tried to smile at Jeannie, the waitress, as she sat my burger and fries in front of me.

"Eating alone, sweetie?" she asked, giving me a motherly smile in return. "Where's that pretty girl you were with before?"

She was looking at me expectantly and I had no idea what she was talking about. Before I could say anything, someone yelled at her from the kitchen. She gave me another smile and hurried away.

What pretty girl?

I took a bite of my burger and I tried to think of the last time I had been in the diner. I was pretty sure I'd been here since school started back, but it was a little foggy. I didn't remember a girl, though…

A picture of long, mahogany brown hair and pale skin flashed in my mind, but was gone almost instantly.

What?

I closed my eyes, trying to recall, but it was no use. The only thing I could remember was the color of that hair and it was amazing.

I headed back to Charlie's. He wouldn't be home for hours; Monday was his late shift. I called Mom and Dad, letting them know I had gotten home safely and wanting to know how Mom was holding up. The transplant was scheduled for the next morning. I didn't linger on the phone, knowing Dad wanted to get back to Mom.

I laid down on the couch, randomly flipping through the channels before stopping on an episode of Family Guy I'd seen a dozen times, but just got funnier every time I saw it. I finally relaxed a little as I listened to the matricidal ramblings of Stewie Griffith and watched Peter try to outsmart Death.

I must have dozed off for a few minutes because I woke with a start, nearly rolling off the couch! My heartbeat was racing and my breathing was coming in short, shallow gasps as I sat up and tried to calm down.

I felt like I had been running. It must have been a dream, but I couldn't remember it.

I grabbed the remote and turned off the TV then headed upstairs. A glance at my watch told me it was nine thirty and I had homework to finish. I tried, but I was having trouble concentrating on Biology when I really didn't feel like doing anything. I just felt so empty.

After several stops and starts, I finally finished my homework, took a quick shower and fell into bed. It was eleven thirty.

At one o'clock I was still tossing and turning. For some reason my bed felt foreign tonight, and the sheets were so hot I could barely stand for them to touch me. I tried lying on top of the covers, but I still felt too hot. I walked into the hall to see what the thermostat temperature was. Sixty-eight.

Then why the fuck is it so hot in my bed!

I headed downstairs to grab a bottle of water and after another hour of tossing, I still couldn't sleep. Finally, I gave up trying to force it and got up to grab a book. I picked up the first one on the shelf.

Moby Dick! Well, call me Ishmael! I'm hunting a damn white whale!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

buzz-buzz-buzz-buzz….

I rolled over to slap at the clock, silently begging it for just a few more minutes. I had finally fallen asleep, my face buried in my great-smelling pillow, but it couldn't have been for more than an hour. I remembered looking at the clock at a quarter of five. I felt more tired than when I had laid down!

My mind was fuzzy, like the fucking cobwebs were taking over or something. I shook my head trying to clear it and stumbled to the bathroom, still feeling as if someone had kicked me in the stomach!

I headed to school for another day, which turned out to be much the same as yesterday. As the last bell rang, I realized that unlike yesterday, I was somewhat disappointed that I hadn't tried out for the basketball team like Coach Wilson begged me. I wanted to spend my time studying, but I really wished now that I had some kind of physical activity to keep me busy and occupy my afternoon.

I thought of calling Jake, but for some reason, I didn't really want to talk to him right now. I couldn't figure out exactly why, but I just didn't want to. And I wondered for the hundredth time what had happened to my friends at school. They were all acting so weird, like someone in my family had just died and they were afraid of saying the wrong thing. Mom was in surgery right now and she would be fine. I had no doubt about that.

It was crazy! And I still felt so strange. I thought half a dozen times of asking Mike what the fuck was wrong with everybody, but I was almost afraid he would tell me that nothing was wrong with them, but something was definitely wrong with me!

And why did my memory of the last couple of months have huge holes in it?

I was starting to freak myself out, and I realized I was more than a little scared. I knew I should talk to someone, maybe Uncle Charlie, but frankly, I was afraid of what he would tell me.

I got home by four and called my Dad. Mom had come through the transplant procedure just fine and the doctors would be keeping a close eye on her for the next couple of weeks to see if it worked. They seemed quite optimistic for a full recovery. I felt a burst of relief at the news. We spoke for a few more minutes before hanging up. It was now four fifteen and for lack of anything else to do, I figured I should do my homework. I started on it and was finished by seven.

Charlie came home at seven fifteen with pizza. Bless Charlie. He knows neither one of us can cook worth shit, so the pizza was welcomed. He asked me if I'd been home all afternoon and just nodded his head a little and gave me a strange look when I said yeah. Where did he expect me to be? I do live here, after all. He didn't ask any more questions and I debated with myself on telling him about the weirdness going on in my life right now, but changed my mind.

I'm just fucking afraid of what he might tell me!

We watched a couple of reruns of NCIS in relative silence then both decided to turn in.

My bed was still too hot to sleep in and another bottle of water did little to dissipate the heat. I spent another sleepless night with Moby, finally dozing off around five, hugging my fucking pillow.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

buzz –buzz-buzz-buzz….

I slapped at the fucking clock! Damn, Friday fucking morning! I didn't want to get out of bed this morning or any morning for the next fucking year! I had spent every day this week getting stupid looks from everyone at school, every night reading about a fucking whale, then a fucking wizard boy, getting barely an hour of fucking sleep each fucking night while clutching a fucking awesome-smelling pillow and feeling every fucking minute of every fucking day like I'd never feel happy again!

I wouldn't even bother going to school if I didn't have fucking exams coming up next week! I just felt so awful all the time!

I was leaving school Friday afternoon when Mike caught me as I was getting into my car.

"Hey, Edward! Hold up a minute man." He trotted over to me.

"What you want Mike?" I snapped at him, my temper on edge from lack of sleep and being weirded out by the strange way he and all my other so-called friends had been acting around me all week.

"My parents are in Seattle for the weekend celebrating their anniversary and a few of the guys are meeting at my house tonight to play some cards and just hang out. Wondered if you would like to come?"

He was looking at me eagerly so I said, "Sure, what the fuck! I need a change."

"Great! We'll see you tonight about seven." He gave me a brief wave as he ran back to his car. He turned back a moment later and yelled, "And BYOB!"

Bring your own beer! Okay, well at least he wasn't looking at me with pity anymore!

I made a quick beer run to Port Angeles, glad my beard was growing back in. It made me look older, and besides, I hadn't fucking felt like shaving. The guy at the convenience store didn't even think about carding me. I looked twenty-five. Hell, with the addition of these damn dark circles under my eyes, I'd probably pass for thirty!

I arrived at Mike's a quarter after seven carrying two six-packs and the hope that they would lift me from this emo funk I had been in all week.

By eleven-thirty and ten beers later, I had crashed on Mike's couch. I woke up with the sun streaming in my eyes.

Damn! The sun never shines in December here in Forks!

But, low and behold, the sun was shining this morning. Or rather this afternoon, as a quick glance at my watch told me it was twelve-thirty. I had finally been able to get some sleep! The first good sleep I had gotten since returning from Chicago.

"Well, hey!" I heard the cheerful voice of Mike Newton. Too fucking cheerful for my mood! He chuckled and continued, "Did you decide to finally join the ranks of the living?"

"Yeah, I guess so," I answered him, my mood just pissy!

"Well, don't worry about Charlie. I called him last night and told him you were spending the night," he was still fucking smiling as he spoke. "Didn't want to get a visit from the Chief last night, now did we?"

He continued to laugh softly as he walked out of the room toward what I thought was the kitchen.

"You want something to eat?" he yelled.

"No," I yelled back. "Thanks," I belatedly tacked on. "I think I'll head home." I was half way through the front door before my manners kicked in again and I shouted, "And thanks for the use of your couch. "

I heard an answered, "No problem," as I closed the front door.

Charlie's house seemed so empty at one o'clock in the afternoon. Had I ever been here alone at one o'clock on a Saturday afternoon? I couldn't remember a time, but then, I couldn't remember a lot of things anymore.

It was so fucking funny! I had come to accept the fact that I had huge gaps in my memory. I had come to think of it as normal, because I couldn't really remember a time when I didn't have the gaps.

A quick check of the kitchen told me there wasn't really anything in the house to eat, so I headed out to find somewhere to get lunch. For some reason, I didn't want to go back to the diner, so I headed over to Port Angeles, stopped at a McDonalds and had a couple of Big Macs. I also stopped at the same convenience store and picked up a couple more six-packs. Maybe a beer at bedtime would help me sleep again tonight.

I came home at five to find a note from Charlie. He was going to La Push for the evening and wouldn't be home until late. He asked me to call him if I planned on going out.

My sadness deepened as I thought that I really didn't want to go anywhere. I thought again of calling Jake, but still felt that I just didn't want to see him. I thought maybe I should call up one of the girls I had dated, but just the thought of going out with one of them made my stomach churn.

What the fuck? Had I gone gay too?!

No, I knew that wasn't true. I still remembered my reaction to the great smelling pillow on my bed and knew I didn't think of some guy when I held it to my nose. No, that scent brought with it a totally man-to-woman reaction. Just the thought of the smell made me hard!

I laid on the couch watching television for a while, happy as I could be in my depressed condition to find that the USA network was showing a House marathon, so for six straight hours I watched a brilliant fucking doctor make the lives of all those around him miserable and found myself completely sympathizing with him the whole time. I had downed a couple of beers with each of the last two episodes and was feeling quite mellow by the time eleven o'clock rolled around. I didn't really worry about Charlie finding the bottles. While he frowned on under-aged drinking, he occasionally let me join him for one. And as I was staying home and not driving, I told myself he wouldn't really mind.

But I put the empty bottles in the bottom of the trashcan outside, just to be safe, and put the remaining bottles in my bedroom. No use taking any chances.

I settled back on the couch to enjoy another episode, and slowly dozed off…

…the music is loud but I'm focused on the girl in my arms, mahogany hair, pale skin, eyes like liquid chocolate and a mouth like the gates of heaven. We're moving, spinning around the dance floor, our steps to the Viennese waltz synchronized and fluid, like we had been dancing together for years. I want nothing more than to hold her in my arms forever…

I awoke with a start, jumping to my feet and looking around me. My heart was trying to jump out of my chest and I was breathing like a fucking marathon runner!

Dream! Only a dream! Who the fuck was I dancing with?

I racked my brain trying to remember when, or even if, I had met and danced with a girl like that. It seemed so real that I could almost still smell the strawberries and wildflowers.

Damn! Just like my fucking pillow!

I ran my hands over my face, trying to wake myself up. I reached over and grabbed the remote, punching the button to turn off the TV before heading upstairs.

I had come to dread sleeping in this too-hot bed, but somehow tonight was different. I reached for my pillow, hugged it tightly and by midnight, I had drifted back to sleep, hearing again the strains of Avril Lavigne singing "Keep Holding On" while I danced with the most beautiful creature I'd ever seen.

My last coherent thought was, "I love you."

And I woke up a little happier.

My Sunday was a repeat of my Saturday except I was home when Charlie left for La Push. This time he invited me to go along, but I still didn't want to see Jake.

I wondered again why I didn't want to see my best friend.

I spent part of the afternoon studying for my upcoming exams, but by five I was tired of looking at the same shit over and over.

Again, I was vegged out on the couch, watching an NCIS marathon this time. Good old USA Network!

And again, I drank beer to help me relax, hoping it would help me sleep again.

And dream.

My bed was still unnaturally hot, but by midnight, I was hugging my pillow, and living in my dreams.

…I smile at the rose I'm holding in my hand, wondering again if she will like it. Wondering if she will think my attempt at being romantic is lame, but then it's too late to wonder any more, because she's opening the door. I see long mahogany brown hair, pale skin, beautiful brown eyes, and the sexiest pair of pink satin pajamas I've ever seen. She smiles and I hand her the rose. And with that one smile, my heart belongs to her…

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

buzz –buzz-buzz-buzz….

I slapped at the fucking clock, praying there was a malfunction and it wasn't morning yet. I tried to remember my dream and only had vague images of roses, brown hair with burgundy highlights, and pink satin.

And happiness!

I had been happy in my dream. I struggled to hold on to that happiness, and it stayed with me through my shower before being overshadowed again by depression.

Monday morning! I had a Spanish exam this morning, but I spoke fluent Spanish, so the test didn't worry me. If it weren't for that damn test, I'd cut school and drink some more beer and try to find that fuck-awesome dream again.

School wasn't that bad today. At least my depression wasn't compounded by the pitying looks of my classmates. They almost acted normal.

I wish I felt normal. I don't even know what normal feels like anymore!

I made it through the rest of the day and headed home by three thirty. Lauren and Jessica had both come by to talk to me during lunch, and both had given up when I answered them in disinterested monosyllables.

I headed back to Port Angeles knowing I was almost out of beer and decided to buy wine this time, because I fucking hated warm beer and I was afraid Charlie would ask questions if he saw beer mysteriously appear and disappear from his fridge. And everybody knew red wine tasted best at room temperature.

And thus began my daily and nightly routines for the weeks leading up to Christmas break. During the day, I would go to school, take my exams, and make small talk with Mike and Tyler and Eric, when I really felt like dying. At night, I would watch a little TV with Charlie, before heading to my room early with an excuse of studying, only to get a little drunk on wine so I could sleep and dream…

…I feel the wind in my face and cooling my body as I run. I love running! And this trail is one of my favorites. I hear footsteps behind me and glance for a second over my shoulder and see the mahogany ponytail bouncing up and down as the girl behind me keeps up with me effortlessly. I smile at her and she smiles back, never breaking her stride.

We finally stop at the meadow! She's standing beside me and I can smell the strawberries and wildflowers. I feel myself bend down to kiss her head but she wasn't there. I looked up and I was back on the trail, running again, this time down the mountain. I feel the snakebite and the pain shoot through my leg. I see her kneel at my feet as she examines the wound. And I see her catch the snake in her bare hand and put it in my backpack.

I feel myself floating through the air as I am held by vice-like arms against a hard body that smells of strawberries and wildflowers. I want to open my eyes, but I promised. So I float along…

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The buzzing of my alarm clock wakes me up each morning, and my initial feeling of happiness lasts just a little longer each day, as I am able to retain more and more of my dreams everyday. Today I could remember her eyes and the smile on her face. And my happiness actually lasted until I pulled into the school parking lot before the depression set in.

It was the last day of school before Christmas break and you could feel the excitement in the air. At least, I used to feel the excitement. Now I just watched from the sidelines, pretty much unable to feel much of anything anymore.

Today was my day to go to Port Angeles to restock my wine supply. I had started going to a couple of different outlets, figuring the clerk at the first store would start to think I was an alcoholic if I kept going there three times a week for more wine. My beard had grown in again, pretty thick this time, as I just didn't feel like trimming it down. I didn't feel like doing much of anything except drinking myself into dreamland.

I was supposed to go to Chicago for Christmas. Mom was getting along extremely well and the doctors had told her she would be able to spend Christmas at home. I couldn't disappoint my Mom, and I knew I couldn't let her see my depression.

And I wondered how I was going to be able to sleep without getting drunk.

That question should have scared the hell out of me, but it didn't. I was beyond being scared about anything in my life anymore.

I had accepted that the person I was before Thanksgiving didn't exist anymore.

I had accepted that I probably would never be fully happy again.

I had accepted that I would probably only ever experience small glimpses of happiness, brought about by unusual dreams.

And I had finally figured out where the dreams were coming from…

My Great-grandfather's journal!

I had practically memorized that journal during the summer, and I remembered dreaming about the events described inside. It just seemed I had decided to embellish upon my grandfather's writings and incorporate my own version of Marie with the one described in the nearly-century old book. I had made her into a twenty-first century version, complete with sound and smell. I theorized it was in answer to my abnormal depression, a way for my mind to cope with the unhappiness.

Each night my dreams became more and more vivid. And, strange as it sounds the smell of strawberries and wildflowers got stronger and stronger each night, until the smell almost enveloped me.

I lived for that smell.

Mike was having a Christmas break party on the first Saturday after break. I, along with most of the student body at Forks High, was invited. A couple of girls had tried to invite themselves along as my date but I just wasn't interested.

I had a girl! She had long, reddish-brown hair, liquid brown eyes, pale skin and rose-red, kissable lips.

And I loved her!

The sudden thought made the breath catch in my throat.

I loved her!

Yes, I did! I loved her!

I felt as sure of this love as I did that sun would rise each morning and the ocean would continue its ceaseless crash waves on the shore.

Sure, why not?

I was crazy anyway!

I accept that I'm crazy.

So why can't I be in love with the woman of my dreams?

I arrived at Mike's at seven thirty with my hand wrapped around the neck of a wine bottle, with two backup bottles in my car. I didn't even bother with a fucking glass, drinking straight from the bottle like a fucking wino. I didn't really worry about getting wasted; if I got drunk, Mike would always let me sleep it off on his couch.

By nine o'clock I had polished off the first bottle and had staggered to my car for a second. By eleven the haze in my brain was so thick I barely knew what was going on around me. All I really wanted to do was find a fucking place to crash so I could dream!

… I could hear her footsteps behind me as we ran up the trail to the meadow. I wanted her to see this place. I wanted her to feel how special it was. I wanted it to be 'our place'. I wanted to share everything with her.

We stopped at the edge of the field and I watched her face as she saw it for the first time. From the sparkle in those amazing eyes I knew she could see it was special.

Then we were lying on a blanket, I looked down at her, seeing the love and trust shining from her eyes. I loved her so much in that moment and I wanted to show her just what she meant to me.

Kissing her was the best thing in the world. Feeling her cool body against me as I held her in my arms was heaven. We just seemed to fit together as if we were made for each other. And I knew instinctively that we were. She was the other half of me. Without her, my life could never be complete. I brushed the hair from her face and bent to kiss her once more…

Mike caught me around the waist and pulled me to my feet and I groggily realized that I had been sitting on the floor, propped against the wall in his living room. Music was blaring around us as I fought him off weakly, wanting only to get back to my girl.

I vaguely heard him say something about "fresh air" and "sober you up". I didn't really want to focus on him, but something in my inebriated brain told me not to keep fighting him and piss him off if I wanted to crash on his couch tonight.

I let him drag me out to the back deck, and indeed the cold, fresh air did sober me up a bit. Mike had turned on the large floodlights on the end of the house and we just stood there, Mike with his back to the railing and me looking out at the forest that backed up within thirty feet of the back of the Newton's house.

And that's when I saw her!

There she was, standing motionless in the floodlights, almost like a frightened deer on the highway. As I stared at her my brain suddenly felt as if it was on fire and images began to flood through it as if a dam had broken and released a torrent of memories.

I saw the convenience-store parking lot, the blue car, the Seattle night club, our first dance, our first kiss, the hotel room, the most amazing lips, her tongue, my tongue in her mouth. I saw the airport, our profession of love for each other.

I saw the meadow, the love we showed each other that day, the snakebite, her carrying me, her confession, our amazing night in my bed, all the amazing nights afterward. I could feel her body against mine; feel my lips exploring her body and her lips exploring mine.

Everything! I knew what she was, what her family was! I remembered my fight with Jake! I didn't care! I loved her! I remembered every fucking moment we had spent together! It was there, filling my head to near bursting! I remembered her!

BELLA!

We stared at each other for at least fifteen seconds, as the memories swamped my brain. The feeling was so intense I sank to my knees.

I couldn't breathe! I didn't want to breathe! I just wanted her! She was my salvation! I needed to touch her, feel her in my arms, her lips on mine!

BELLA!

Then suddenly someone, I couldn't see whom, stepped up beside her and pulled her back into the forest.

I realized that Mike was rushing to my side, grabbing me under the arms, and getting his first look at my face. I knew he could see the anguish written there.

"Edward!" alarm filled his voice as he shouted my name. "What's wrong, dude?" He turned to follow my unblinking stare, looking between the now empty space of his backyard and my face.

"What did you see, man?" He was again pulling me to my feet and I wasn't sure my legs would support my weight. I could hear other people start to gather around us as Mike was still talking loudly and drawing a group of curiosity seekers.

I still couldn't speak; I was simply staring at the spot where she had disappeared moments before.

"God, man, you look like you've seen a ghost or something!" I turned slowly to look at him, my eyes barely recognizing that he was there, but focusing enough to see that Mike was looking at me with fear in his eyes and speaking with something akin to panic in his voice.

As if in slow motion, I pulled my arm gingerly from his grasp, and turned toward the steps leading to the backyard.

"Bella," I whispered, my feet moving of their own accord.

I didn't think!

I just acted!

Within seconds, I had walked down the deck steps almost as if I were sleepwalking, taking careful, well-placed steps until I stood in the glare of the floodlights. Mike was so surprised he didn't think to stop me. I turned to look at the crowd that had gathered on the deck, each person looking at me like I was some kind of lunatic as I stood there with tears streaming down my face.

I didn't care!

As they watched, I turned and raced into the forest where she had just disappeared.

I heard Mike yell something, but I didn't stop, I didn't even look back. I had to find her! I just had to see her again! I had to find my Bella!

She was real!

I had seen her!

She wasn't just a fucking dream anymore!

She was real! My Bella!

My life!

I just wanted to see her, touch her and hold her!

She was mine!

I ran and ran, not really seeing or thinking where I was going, just following in a straight line from where she had disappeared. I didn't see the small branches whipping me in the face nor did I feel the low-lying brush grab at my clothes.

I just ran.

I didn't see the fallen limb across my path, just as I didn't see the earth as I careened toward it. And I didn't feel myself plunge into instant numbing darkness.

A/N: That chapter was hard to write because, unfortunately, as much as I want him to be perfect, Edward is as human as everyone else. He was just so lost during this time.

I was overwhelmed by the outpouring of love for the last chapter! I wish I could reach through the computer screen and give each and every reviewer a hug. Instead, I'm going to share my "Happy Dance" with you:

~*~)()(~*~)()(~*~)()(~*~)()(~*~

Did you enjoy the dance as much as me? Lets do it again after this chapter, what you say?

Just press the little green button below and send me a note.

(Psst: I have Chapter 26 almost completed. The more reviews I get, the faster it gets posted.)

I really love you guys, and remember…

** May all your dreams be filled with Edward **

***BM***