A Big thank you to everyone who has continued to read this. I'm so thankful. :)
A huge thank you to bodybroke, who has been amazing.
Enjoy :)
14th February 2022
"I hate holidays." Brittany mumbled, clutching the stuffed teddy bear. She turned to meet Marley, eyeing up a love heart cushion.
"I heard you the first time." Marley mumbled, as she placed it back down; "Has she who shall not be named called you back?"
"Well, she sent me a text last night saying she'll call me sometime today." Brittany said, squeezing the stuffed bear before placing it down; "I mean... She didn't say a specific time... but things have been really good between us. We text frequently, call often."
"That's good... She's been distant with me and Jake..." Marley said softly, turning to Brittany; "I mean... I think she's been busy so I haven't pushed for an answer."
"She's been distant but I think she's coming back to herself." Brittany replied
Marley smiled softly; "That's good then..."
Brittany nodded; moving down the aisle to pick up a box of small love heart candles; "This crap makes me feel all funny inside... It feels stupid to be out shopping when... I have no one to shop for."
"You have Santana. I know she's going through... Something... but she loves you." Marley said
"Yeah, I know... I mean she's trying to sort herself out for me... Well, for us. There's no need. I love her..." Brittany replied
"Even after everything?" Marley asked, with a quirked eyebrow; "I mean... We all know about the Fran thing."
"She slept with someone else. It hurts to think about it." Brittany said, rubbing her temple; "But I don't care... I mean, I do... but I would love Santana whatever she did... I know she feels terrible, and I don't want her to."
Marley nodded, looking from the items to Brittany; "Look, Jake says Mike has been talking to her. She feels a lot better. She's been apologizing to all of us..."
Brittany smiled; "Maybe she's being herself now..."
Marley turned to Brittany with an assured smile; "Maybe, but... You don't believe that, do you?
"I just miss her, Marl... I don't want to believe that she's back to her normal self... I hate the fact she's changed. I don't want her to change." Brittany said, haphazardly knocking over a giant love heart cushion; "This day used to be the best... Birthdays were always surrounded with friends... so was Christmas..."
Brittany picked up a pair of socks with a smutty one liner written along the side; "Valentine's day was just for us... We could do whatever we wanted... Stay in bed all day, it was... beautiful. She was beautiful."
Marley smiled softly and gently squeezed Brittany's shoulder; "It must suck spending the day apart. I don't think changing is a bad thing, B. I mean you've changed and its a good thing."
"It does... I mean... I'm so sad all the time." Brittany revealed sadly, trying to send a small smile to Marley; "It sucks... spending time with her, knowing... It isn't the same, you know."
Marley nodded; "Look, Santana loves you... This isn't the end of you two... Not by a long shot. Have faith, Britt. She's trying..."
"I know... I love her even more for it..." Brittany said
Marley smiled softly; throwing it a box of chocolates into her basket; "It'll get easier..."
Brittany hummed but chosen not to say anything as she followed Marley around the busy shop for last minute gifts.
23rd March 2022
Santana sighed deeply, leaning backwards to stretch out the tired muscles in her back; just as she was about to log out of her computer; and go home, April leaned over her cubicle wall; a sly grin across her face which spelt trouble.
"Lopez, we're all heading to the bar after work. You in?" April asked
Santana released a sigh before reluctantly nodding; "Sure. I'm in."
April grinned in response; before popping back over to her side of the wall.
Within 10 minutes, the most of Santana's work floor had managed to find a bar which is literally just around the corner. April tugged Santana towards a table with the rest of the girls. Santana had never been one for mainly girl groups, and finds herself ducking out of the attention. She tried to blend out, avoiding most of the conversation by drinking more.
After stumbling to the bar for another drink, she released a deep sigh when she felt April tapping her arm as she sat down besides her.
"Tired?" April slurred, sipping from her near enough empty beer bottle
Santana nodded, licking her lips, the taste of tequila still lingering across her pouty lips. "Yeah... It's been a long week, you know..."
"Yeah." April replied, peeling the corner of her label off; "Can we get two more beers?"
"Thanks..." Santana murmured, as she took a quick sip of her newly served beer
"You know that girl has been checking you out since you arrived..." April murmured, glancing to the right.
Santana quickly turned and met blue eyes; she let her own eyes run down the rather appealing body before returning her gaze to her beer bottle.
"She's hot, Lopez." April's drunk voice slurred against her ear
Santana pulled away, and shook her head firmly; "Not interested."
April released a harsh laugh; "Come on... She's gorgeous... Well, the most gorgeous looking person in this place, excluding myself."
Santana released a small laugh; "You love yourself too much."
"Well, someone has too." April replied; "So no to the cute girl?"
"I'm married, April... I know... We're having... I'm having some problems, but I'm married, and I won't." Santana said, suddenly feeling extremely sober
April let out a loud snort; before sipping leisurely from her bottle; she slammed it down; before turning fully to face Santana; "I was married once... He was great until he wasn't..."
Santana sighed but nodded; "What happened?"
"His dad died... He was never the same, pushed me away and I guess I let him..." April drawled; before waving her hand away like that was the full story.
"Did you divorce?" Santana asked, running her forefinger along the rim of her bottle
April nodded; "We separated for a year or so... But that was a lie... Cause everyone knows separation is just leading up to a divorce..."
Santana let her eyes run down April's face, taking in everything which was there; she saw her future. A bitter woman, a bitter divorcee, a woman who spent her nights away from Brittany, a woman who spent her nights drunk, looking for random hook ups as her only form of contact with someone.
Santana looked down at the beer stained bar counter, and found herself missing Brittany more than ever.
17th May 2022
Santana rushed into the studio, tugging a strand of hair from her mouth as she tried to compose herself. Brittany had invited her to get dinner at the last minute. After leaving her new job, she had to take the subway back to Brooklyn, and ended up being tripped up as she walked up the stairs.
Santana couldn't see Brittany in the studio, and sat down on the floor to clean up the trail of blood coming from her knee. Wiping a napkin up her leg, she let out a gasp as the rough napkin scratched against her cut.
"Ouch, that looks nasty." Brittany said, walking out of the back room, wiping a towel against her neck; "How did that happen?"
"I tripped coming from the subway." Santana replied, looking at Brittany as she kneeled beside her, her slender fingers gently tilted her leg towards her.
"Do you wanna come upstairs and clean it up?" Brittany asked
"Uh… Yeah, thanks." Santana said
Brittany stood up and offered her hand for Santana to take it; "It's okay... I have to take a quick shower anyway."
Santana nodded and followed Brittany up to her apartment. Santana walked inside, looking around, as Brittany closed the door behind her.
"Wow, it looks nice." Santana said
Brittany smiled; "I'll get you a first aid kit."
Santana watched as Brittany walked out of the room, she sat down on the couch, and edged her leg away from the couch, fearing that blood might get on the fabric material.
Brittany returned waving the green box; "Here you go..."
Santana smiled; "Thanks."
"I'll go take a shower then... I'll be a few minutes." Brittany said
"Okay." Santana replied, gently wiping an alcohol pad against the cut, clearing up the blood, as Brittany turned and walked off, probably to the bathroom. Santana placed a plaster over the small cut and closed the first aid kit. Standing up, Santana walked towards the kitchen, she placed the box on the counter.
Santana turned round, and gasped lightly at the sight, Brittany was stood there, wearing just a towel. Santana's eyes shamelessly ran down Brittany's body. From the neck, where drops of water dripped from her hair, to the miles long legs which were barely hidden from the towel.
Santana licked her lips as her eyes darkened; Brittany cleared her throat, snapping Santana from her gazing.
"Sorry... I'll just get ready." Brittany replied, wearing a knowing smirk; as she turned and walked towards her bedroom.
Santana released a sigh as she leaned back against the counter, tapping her fingers against the counter top.
"Where do you wanna eat?" Brittany called from her bedroom
Santana glanced up at the sound of Brittany's voice, shifting to get a better view for when Brittany walked out; "I'm fine with whatever you want..."
"Okay, so... Chinese?" Brittany asked, walking out of her bedroom, whilst tugging a black jacket on.
"Erm... Yeah, sounds fine." Santana replied, barely lifting her eyes from Brittany's legs to meet her eyes.
"There's a great place round the corner..." Brittany explained as they made their way out of the apartment, and down towards the Chinese restaurant.
Santana felt Brittany's hand on her lower back as she opened the front door, easing her inside. Santana took a seat opposite Brittany, and took the menu Brittany offered.
"What do you feel like?" Brittany asked, looking down the different dishes; "I might get the spicy noodles..."
"Yeah, sounds nice." Santana replied, placing the menu down, and meeting Brittany's sparkling eyes; "You look... happier."
Brittany lowered the menu, her eyes moving from Santana; as she bit her bottom lip before releasing it with a small smile; "Thanks, San... I'll place our orders then... Do you want water or?"
"Water's great, thank you." Santana replied
Brittany stood up, and she gently squeezed Santana's shoulder as she passed towards the counter. Santana turned round, and met sight of Brittany talking to an aging Chinese man, directing him to what she wanted to order. Her eyes flickered to the side and she met sight of three guys sat in the corner, staring at Brittany's behind as they talked loudly to each other.
Santana's skin crawled in a total predictable way. It wasn't that it was guys checking Brittany out. It was human nature to find someone as beautiful as Brittany attractive; but that it was happening in the first place. Her inner jealousy purred as she snapped her head to look forward, knowing her anger would only spike if she continued watching them.
"Hey, it should be around 5 minutes." Brittany said, as she placed a glass of water in front of Santana before sipping her own glass as she sat down.
"Cool." Santana replied, tugging a straw out of the coverings; before placing it in her glass
"So your marketing job... It sounded good when you told me... How is it going?" Brittany asked, taking a sip from her glass
"Yeah, it's good..." Santana said; "I like it... I'm not really... It's more computer work than I'm used to... but it's going well."
Brittany smiled brightly, reaching over to squeezed Santana's hand; "That's great, San. I'm glad you're liking it."
Santana heard someone chuckle behind her; and in response tugged her hand from Brittany; she didn't want anyone to talk to them, or for anyone to comment.
Brittany's face fell when Santana pulled her hand away; she casted her eyes downwards and sighed disappointed. Did she think Santana would actually bother trying to improve their relationship? Was she expecting too much too soon? Santana did say she was trying.
"I'll go check on our meals." Brittany said, pushing herself off the table, and walking out rather quickly.
Santana leaned forward, rubbing her hand against her forehead; she released a shaky breath before drinking nearly half of her water. Releasing a pant, she placed the glass back down.
"Are you okay?" Brittany asked quietly, leaning down to her ear; her hand resting against the top of Santana's back; she was slightly worried about Santana since she was acting slightly awkward.
"Yeah..." Santana said, shifting slightly in her seat; "I'm fine..."
Brittany nodded firmly; and slipped into her seat; her eyes running around the nearly empty restaurant, she landed on the young guys; and it clicked.
"Are you uncomfortable because they're... watching us?" Brittany asked
Santana shook her head far too quickly; she then let out a sigh; "Britt, they're checking you out... They have been since we fucking arrived."
Brittany clicked her tongue against her teeth; before glancing from the top of the table to Santana. "You're jealous."
Santana snapped her eyes to Brittany; "Do I have a reason to be jealous?"
Brittany sighed; "What?! No, San... I'm just... You know there's no reason to be jealous."
Santana shrugged indifferently, making Brittany huff disappointedly.
"I get the feeling too. Being jealous..." Brittany said, making Santana snap her eyes to hers; "Do I need to mention Fran or..."
Santana nodded, with a conflicted expression; "Britt, I don't... I don't have the right to be jealous, especially with my history... I practically cheated on you... And I feel terrible."
"Santana, you didn't cheat on me. I have never seen it as that... I just feel... I felt blindsided by you... You just decided to do something without even talking to me first. It made me feel like... you were a stranger. You're my wife, I should have been the first to know before you chose to do anything." Brittany replied; "Santana, it was like we went from a break, a break to work things out, to a break up, without you even bothering to tell me. You know that if I did that to you... You would have... You never would have forgiven me. It would have been a sign that I wasn't in our marriage... That's what it felt like. That you weren't in this with me anymore... and it hurt, San. It hurt so much."
Santana bit her bottom lip, taking Brittany's words to heart. She nodded firmly, feeling exactly the same. The way she had treated Brittany and the whole Fran situation was terrible. She didn't officially talk to Brittany, and can only image how that would have affected her. Finding out your wife was sleeping with someone else, the intense jealous was bubbling up inside Santana at even the thought of Brittany doing what she did.
Releasing a sigh, Santana rubbed her temple; "I know I was wrong... I should have talked to you, asked for a break before just plowing ahead without your... It was so... harsh, and I'm sorry, Britt."
Brittany sucked in a shaky breath before nodding; "I forgave you as soon as you... Honestly, it's not even about forgiveness. I understand."
"It doesn't make it better, Britt." Santana said, her tone sounding more heavy; she looked around, trying to avoid looking at Brittany, as she only felt more guilty. She noticed the waiter had placed their meals down in front of them. "Thanks..."
Brittany picked up her fork; and slipped a mouthful into her mouth, humming in approval of the sweet time surrounding her taste buds. "That's nice... How's yours?"
Santana nodded, wiping her mouth with a napkin; "Yeah, it's good..."
Brittany smiled, and took another bite; before glancing from her plate to Santana's face; "So... How are you... And me?"
Santana looked up at the implication of Brittany's words; she knew the intention behind Brittany's question. She was wondering about them, whether Santana was ready yet.
"I'm... Britt, there isn't a time... limit. I don't know when I'll be ready, but I want to be." Santana replied, placing her fork down; she shifted in her seat before focusing on Brittany's disappointed eyes; "Brittany, you know I would be with you tomorrow if I thought it would be different... But I know it won't be. I'm afraid that things will eventually... worsen."
Brittany licked her lips; "Santana, it won't. You're different... You don't think..."
"Britt, I blamed you. For everything, for ruining our marriage, for making me lose my job, for getting your own opportunities... I hated it... And that's on me. That's my fault... and I'm working on this..." Santana said
Brittany nodded, with a sad expression; "Santana, I've been waiting a long time... Some people wouldn't even be waiting for you if they were in my position... I'm not trying to be hurtful, but it's the truth... You were so quick to judge me, and I'm glad because I broke your trust and I hate that... But you're asking a lot of me, and you're not giving me anything."
Santana nodded, a flicker of understanding passing across her face.
"I just need to know what's going on inside your head... Santana, you used to tell me everything; and I'd hate for that to change permanently." Brittany added
"I know, I'll share more..." Santana said, releasing a shaky breath; "I feel really... guilty... about how I treated you; how I reacted... right at the start... I just ran away, and refused to deal with anything, and by doing that I didn't deal with anything... I just punished you... For lack of a better word... I hated that you got your dreams, and that was so incredibly childish of me... And I'm sorry..."
Brittany nodded, leaning over to take Santana's hand, albeit reluctantly. "Carry on."
"I just... I hate that you're this understanding, Britt. You shouldn't be like this... You should hate me. I expect it." Santana added, rubbing the back of her neck; "I can't understand my behavior, Britt... And I can't accept it... So why the hell do you?"
"Because I love you, Santana... And I always have." Brittany replied honestly; "You're perfect to me... In an imperfect way... and I love that. Because I love you."
Santana smiled watery; her fingers slipping to entwine with Brittany; "I love you, too..."
"And I get it, San... You need a little time to forgive yourself... And I can get that. I had to forgive myself. You know, for choosing to be honest with someone else. God, you know how I hated that... I hated hurting you, it killed me to see you upset. Santana, I... I was so honest with you about everything after that." Brittany said, rubbing her jaw; she sighed; "I felt so lost and I should have came to you about everything... And I know that, now. That's why I'm trying to make an effort now."
Brittany scratched the back of her neck; "Santana, are you doing this to punish me? I mean... This waiting is killing me."
"What? Britt, no... This is not a punishment. I'm not trying to punish you... I promise you, baby." Santana said, reaching over to take Brittany's hand; "The waiting... I'm sorry, if this is hurting you."
Brittany sighed, rubbing her temple; "I understand waiting... I just... I'm trying to understand, San."
"Thank you... For being you... I know it's hard to understand, so thank you." Santana said
Brittany grinned before placing some money on the check; "Ready to go?"
"Yeah, I'll walk you back." Santana said
Brittany smiled; and walked out of the restaurant along side Santana. Within a few minutes, they arrived back at the door of the studio, Brittany sent a soft smile to Santana as she leaned against the door frame.
"Thank you for... dinner. It was great." Brittany said, scratching her forefinger against the crackled paint along the door frame.
"You paid, Britt. I should be thanking you." Santana replied
Brittany smiled; "Maybe you could repay me... by agreeing to lunch next time..."
"That sounds great, actually." Santana replied; "We'll talk... and set it up. I'm free next week and stuff... So."
"Awesome." Brittany said, biting her bottom lip
Santana nodded; "I should go... I have a ton of work to finish checking. I'll call you soon."
Brittany smiled; "See you soon, San."
Santana nodded, and gently leaned in, pressing her lips to Brittany's cheek; "I'll call you."
Brittany watched Santana turn around before turning to open the door.
"Britt." Santana called, from about two doors down
"Yeah...?" Brittany replied
"You... You have no idea how proud I was... I mean... You going on tour... I was so fucking proud of you." Santana said, walking back towards Brittany; her hand coming up to cup Brittany's cheek; "You were living your dream without me, and even though I hated it... I was still so proud of you."
Brittany grinned happily; "Thanks, San... That means so much."
Santana leaned in and wrapped her arms around Brittany's neck, squeezing tightly; as she sniffed softly. "I don't want you to not be proud of your... accomplishments. You're a great dancer, and you deserved all the success you got."
Brittany smiled softly, wiping her hands together; "San, I never wanted to live my dream without you. I wanted you there. I want us to do this together... You know that's what I wanted, right?"
Santana nodded; "Yeah, Britt... I know you wanted that."
Brittany smiled; "Call me for lunch, okay?"
"Sure..." Santana replied, walking away
6th July 2022
"Happy anniversary, ma..." Santana said, leaning over to kiss Maribel's cheek; "It's good to see you."
The relationship between Santana and Maribel had actually improved drastically; even though they kept contact to a minimum, every month or so, a phone call was shared between the two to ensure that they were informed about each other's life.
The relationship between Santana and George was less than frayed; they hardly spoke until Santana counted the comments George made in the background where she called her mother. They were just two different people, and the bonding was just never there.
Maribel smiled brightly; as she resumed the hug; "Thanks for coming, Ana... You said that you were bringing Brittany, have you?"
"She was busy, work... but she sends her love to you both..." Santana replied
Maribel hummed in thought; "Are you two in a better place?"
"We're talking more, I'm being more honest... We're happier..." Santana said
Maribel smiled, rubbing Santana's arm; "I'm glad you two love each other. It would be terrible for you not to work it out."
Santana nodded; "I'm gonna grab a drink. I'll talk to you some more soon."
"Santana, can you talk to your father? I know you two don't get along but... I know you two miss each other." Maribel said
"I'll try, Ma." Santana replied
"Thank you." Maribel called as Santana smiled, walking towards the kitchen.
Santana grabbed a can of coke before turning and walked out towards the garden. She sat down on the porch, and watched the wind move.
A rough cough caused her both to turn round to the person.
"Can I have a minute with you?" George asked softly, his deep brown eyes glancing from the floor to Santana, he was trying to gauge her answer.
"Erm, sure..." Santana said
George huffed loudly as he took a seat beside Santana who blatantly shifted to increase the space between them. George rubbed his jaw, letting his fingers scratch against his barely there stubble.
"Your mother told me about you and Brittany. The problems... You're both having." George said, trying to keep his voice calm; "I thought we could talk."
Santana scoffed lightly; "If you wanna rub dirt in the wound, go ahead."
"I'm not a bad person, Santanita... I know we haven't gotten along for years but you're still my child, I still love you." George said softly, gently reaching out to grab Santana's hand; he squeezed her hand; "Can I tell you something?"
Santana sighed; before nodding; "Sure, dad."
George gently ran his thumb along a small scar along the knuckle of Santana's left hand; "You remember when you got that scar?"
"I fell off my bed..." Santana said, looking down at the scar
"Santanita, I've talked to your mother, and we both agreed that you deserve to know now." George said; "Your mother thinks it'll help you understand things differently."
Santana furrowed her eyebrows in confusion as her dad released a deep sigh.
"Your mother was involved in an affair... Do you remember when you fell from your bed, and I took you to the hospital... Do you remember when your mother came to the hospital?" George asked
Santana looked away from her father's gaze, as she tried to remember it; she was about 11 when the fall happened. She remembered panicking for her mother; begging her father for her. She couldn't remember her mother being at the hospital.
"She never came, did she?" Santana asked; "I can't remember her there... What are you trying to say? Mom was cheating on you when I was younger, for how long?"
"She never got the messages about you because she was busy with him... It ended after that. She was... So upset that you could have got hurt and she wouldn't be there for you." George said
"How long did it last?" Santana asked
"I never asked. I didn't want to know." George replied gruffly; shrugging his shoulders; "What I want you to know is that I love your mother so much, and I forgave her."
"I was eleven, dad. How could I never know she was cheating? You two acted... You were so in love together. I know that. I remember that." Santana replied firmly, not understanding how something so important wasn't made into such a big thing.
"I did love her, Santana. She loved me, too. You didn't know because we felt it wasn't fair to put you through that. You idolized your mother, Santana. You always have. It would have been cruel for you to lose both parents as role models." George said, gently squeezing Santana's hand; "We weren't the type to shout and argue about everything... I'm not the type to fight, especially with your mother."
Santana released a disappointed sigh; "Why didn't you move out? Why did you stay?"
"Because I still loved her, Santana. I loved Maribel... I always have. I could never leave her; and I couldn't leave you either." George replied; "We agreed to see a couples therapist... And we worked together on fixing our marriage, because that's what you do when you want to be together. You do everything in order to fix it."
Santana nodded firmly; she couldn't help but compare her mother and father's relationship to her and Brittany's. Both of them had gone through some problems. She felt her father's words hit her hard. She hadn't worked with Brittany to fix their marriage; she had tried to fix it single handedly; refusing Brittany's help. Suddenly, she felt like such a fool, she had no clue how badly she had handled this whole situation. If her father had moved out, like she had practically done, nothing would have been solved, which is exactly what had happened with her. Nothing had been solved, and she had just ran away from dealing with everything. Leaving Brittany to handle everything on her own.
"Dad, I'm so sorry." Santana said
George laughed softly; "Santana, none of this was your fault. Your mother felt guilty for it; but we worked through it. She thinks you deserve to know. Santana, you're wasting time, honey. Brittany is a great woman, she loves you. You've both made mistakes... But you're never gonna forgive yourself, not without help with Brittany. It's a partnership, Santanita. You both need to work together."
Santana nodded softly
"I've made such a mess... I'm just scared, dad. I'm scared of us getting back together, working out our problems, and then we still don't fix things. That... We're not meant to be together. I hate fearing that she's gonna find someone else... Someone who is better for her." Santana said
George sighed as Santana fell against his chest, crying against his pale blue shirt; He comfortingly rubbed his hand up and down her back.
"Ana, you know that's never gonna happen. Brittany loves you, she wouldn't be waiting for you if she didn't think you were worth it." George murmured, squeezing Santana's shoulder; "Kiddo, there's never gonna be the right time to be together again... You're just wasting precious time. You only have one life... you need to start living it."
"You're right, dad... Do you mind if I use your office?" Santana asked
George nodded; "Go ahead."
Santana stood up, wiping her eyes; she walked towards the door before turning round and wrapping her arms around her father's neck; hugging her tightly; "Thank you for everything."
"You're welcome, Santana." George replied
Santana kissed his cheek softly; before walking into the house; she arrived at George's office; she closed the door behind her before sitting in his chair.
She grabbed the phone before placing it down. It felt impersonal to ask for Brittany to take her back over the phone. She grabbed a sheet of paper. Although it wasn't the best thing to write for Brittany to take her back; she knew it would be romantic. Well, she hoped.