A/N: Some of the letters or journal entries may be confusing. They aren't really meant to be specific or abundantly clear. They are glimpses into Enaara and Cullen's worlds from a first-person perspective. In particular, Cullen's scribbles may seem disjointed or confusing, but I believe his head is confused as he is writing and it comes out in his writing. Well, at least, I hope that's the effect! o.o

A Collection of Writings

Letters Penned by a Free Mage

To the Hawke Family,

This is the first thing I shall ever write of my own free will—aside from research, from notes. It's been one year since I was shipped to war and the Blight is now over. When I left you and joined the Grey Wardens, I thought of you every day and prayed to the Maker your trip to the Free Marches was safe and speedy. As for myself, I found the Wardens at Redcliffe and helped them save the town under siege. While they journeyed across Ferelden, forming alliances, building an army, and discovering the cure to the Arl of Redcliffe's horrible illness, I remained in Redcliffe, treating the injured and healing the sick. I watched over the arl, too, and his young boy who was, regrettably, left motherless after a horrible affair of magic at its worst. I won't go into details; it is the family's deepest wish for these things to remain within the family, and I do not wish to frighten Bethany with such stories.

Anyway. The boy, Connor, turned out to be a mage and needed to be sent to the Circle. However, it was infested with danger and we delayed sending him until the Blight was over. I helped teach him to control his power until he could be sent to begin his real studies.

I stayed, mostly, so that I could be close to my dearest friend… Was that selfish of me?

When the Wardens returned to Redcliffe to heal the arl, I went with them to Denerim—to the Landsmeet that made Alistair King of Ferelden. I fought with them in the final battle and witnessed from the streets the fall of the archdemon. Jayda, the Hero of Ferelden they all talk about, slew him in a mighty strike—oh, but I won't bore you with all the details. She became queen—Alistair's queen. They are so in love when they look at one another. It's very sweet. I enjoy watching them. Is that weird?

My phylactery… it was destroyed in the battle—along with hundreds of others. King Alistair pardoned me. Can you believe it? A mage—pardoned. To live as she wishes. I'd heard senior enchanters were often allowed to live outside the Circle, though few choose to. While I am not a senior enchanter, Irving told me that he trusts me. I felt honored. So, I am going on a long trip around the country with the Chantry—a service mission to help heal and bring aid to as many grief-stricken towns and cities as we can.

There are still some things I must do here before I can leave, but I was thinking that when I am finished here, I would come and visit you in Kirkwall.

All my love and best wishes,

Enaara

/

First Enchanter Irving,

Thank you very much for your quick reply. I am happy to hear the Circle is fully recovered and back on its feet. Things are indeed busy here. I leave tomorrow for the service mission across the country and it was fortunate your letter arrived before I left.

It's a mysterious thing Jowan never made it to the Circle and I'm saddened to hear about the templars whose lives were lost in the apostate attack. Perhaps he will turn himself in, although deep inside I hope he lives a good life away from magic and all things related. He is my dearest friend, even after everything, and the thought of him losing his life makes my stomach churn.

I suppose there is no room for mistakes in a mage's life…

Your… news of Cullen has come as a surprise. I'm very shocked to hear that he was sent to Val Royeaux for recovery. I wish him the best… Perhaps you know I think and feel more than that. Please keep me informed, as you can.

I will be stopping by before my return to the capital sometime late spring and look forward to seeing you, Devlin, Jesheca, Connor, and the others. Also, Wynne sends her best.

Respectfully,

Enaara Amell

/

Dear Jayda (or your highness),

The year has gone by so quickly and I miss you very much. I hope you've been keeping Alistair busy. Oh, I mean, King Alistair. I won't return to Denerim with children fussing all over the place, will I? Tonight is our last night here at the Circle of Magi and I look forward to getting back soon. Just another month, I've been told.

Unfortunately, the rumors were true. Cullen is not here. Irving did tell me that Knight-Commander Greagoir received a letter concerning Cullen and his full recovery. He's been promoted and sent to Kirkwall, so you can guess where I intend to go after I return. Lydia… isn't the same at all. She seems deeply conflicted over what happened two years ago. She told me, "He would never have done it had you been here!" She has refused to see me since. Devlin and Jesheca are doing well, though, and they've grown so much. They remind me of Jowan and I when we were their age. Connor, too, is quickly becoming a talented young man. He sends his love.

Speaking of Jowan, I still haven't heard anything from him. I hope he's all right. I hate not knowing his fate, how he's faring out there alone. Is he alone? I guess I may never know.

Anyway, I can't wait to see you. I miss you, and love you. Please be well. Give Dingo a hug and a treat for me, and pull Zevran's braid!

Love always,

Ena

/

Dear Aras

I'm so sorry to hear about Bethany. The Grey Wardens is a high honor, though, and I'm relieved she is alive and well. It's good to hear your mother's estate was reclaimed, and you are doing well after the expedition into the Deep Roads. I prayed every night for your safety. Well, most nights.

I'm coming to Kirkwall, as planned, and I apologize it's taken so long. I'll be arriving in Gwaren tomorrow. My trip, as I explained in my last letter, was delayed because of my parents' death. I know Aunt Leandra must be wondering how everything turned out. Please tell her that the estate is in order and the funeral was grand, befitting the fine Amells they were. I miss them terribly. I have letters for your mother, and tokens left to your family in their will.

I'm looking forward to seeing you, cousin. Be safe.

Soon,

Enaara

Scribblings of a Reformed Templar

9 Harvestmere 9:30

Those days are a blur to me now. The Wardens rescued me, freed me from Uldred's grasp, and saved the mages in the tower. I can't recall any more specific events, only feelings. Fear. Overwhelming fear. I started seeing blood magic in every mage. I knew I was being paranoid, but it haunted me. Followed me. I felt it at the back of my neck, eyes on me. I lost sleep. I stopped eating. I lost too much weight. The mages were afraid of me, of my change. The templars were worried, too. I was falling apart. I couldn't take it anymore.

Knight-Commander Greagoir relieved me. I was sent to Val Royeaux no more than a husk, a shadow of the man I once was. Empty, except for fear. I had plenty of fear. But here, I have found relief, peace, serenity. It is beautiful. I do not go below to the streets. Orlais is not home. The Chantry—that is where I find my solace. Every day I pray to the Maker.

Sometimes, I see her face now and I am not filled with anger and fear. Sometimes. Most of the time, I wake in a cold sweat, missing her, aching for her, and hating her, wanting to kill her—all at the same time. Maker, forgive me.

22 Haring 9:30

When I first came here, I found the peace I was looking for, but not the healing. So I went to the Chantry every day and prayed, sometimes many times a day. I found a peaceful garden to sit in and, every day, I sat there. Mother Maris sat with me, in silence. Every day. She told me if I ever wanted to talk, she would listen. But how could I tell her anything without giving up our secret? Still, she waited patiently… kindly. And eventually, I could handle this hole in my soul no longer.

I told her. I confessed. "I loved a mage." I said it and waited, waited for the ridicule, the rejection, the chastisement. But she said nothing. When I looked at her, she had a calm and kind expression. She was still waiting, waiting for me to continue. That acceptance broke my restraints. The truth spilled out of me in a torrent. I told her I loved a mage and that I had prayed to the Maker day after day, begging Him to take away my feelings, begging Him to give me a sign that this was wrong. But the Maker never answered. I began to think it was okay to love her, that the Maker somehow approved. "And she loved me back." That's what I told her, and realized I could say no more. So I left it at that. I think she understood. She is a wise, wise woman.

When I talked of her that day, I remembered everything I used to feel. All the love. It came back to me with a rush of familiarity and, at the same time, newness. I felt a sore longing in my chest, as though I'd only just discovered some ancient cavity inside that once was filled by her now howling emptily. I could no longer talk about it. Mother Maris understood. She said, "Tomorrow, if you want." I suspected the templars would come for me soon after, but I have not been disturbed tonight.

I can't stop seeing her face… seeing her real face—the one I loved. I find I'm missing her more than anything. But even now, I can't bring myself to say her name.

23 Haring 9:30

As she promised, Mother Maris was there today. I felt strong enough to continue, and so I did. I told her how she was sent to war, and how she never came home. Mother Maris mourned with me over that. I confessed I thought of stealing her away for her safety. What a thing to tell… But she did not reprimand me. We sat in silence for a long time before I was able to tell her of Uldred and the horrors I witnessed. I couldn't touch the visions—I couldn't bring them up. I was afraid they would all come rushing back to me and those loving feelings I had for her would disappear again. I think she sensed I was holding back, and told me we could continue tomorrow.

I don't want to continue tomorrow. I don't want to ever talk about what happened in that cage. I don't want to remember. I only want to think of her as we were together. I loved her so much. I loved her so much… She was so beautiful.

1 Wintermarch 9:31

It took me days before I could tell Mother Maris everything, but today I did. I told her why I was afraid, and she told me not to be. That talking about it would not take away those feelings I was afraid to lose. She was right. I felt… relieved to get it all out. All of my shame is in the open now. But Mother Maris has not judged me. She let me grieve, grieved with me, and touched my hand gently. I want to write down her words, for they are very important to me, and I will cherish them always.

"The Maker has created all things, His children, for His children, and we are to revel in them, in the Maker's light and love. Magic is a gift. It is a powerful gift, and like all powerful things it is easily corrupted. That is what makes a mage's life so unique and challenging. It is a daily struggle for them to resist temptation, to bask in the Maker's glory, and serve the light. Like any could who is give such power, many mages fall to darkness, but many more stay true to the righteous path. It is your job to help them do so, and to free those tormented fallen from their own tribulations, relieve them when the burden becomes too much.

"Love was created by the Maker. He would never curse it or condemn it. It is a beautiful thing and He rejoices in it for love rejoices in the Maker. It is no sin that you loved this girl. There are dangers in such a union, as the Chantry warns against. It is those dangers that lead many to believe such a union should be forbidden, but I do not think so. I think, as with everything we encounter in life, it is one more struggle toward the right path, and it is something worthy of that effort. I regret that in this world, your love is condemned. But do not ever think it wrong."

Finally, the hole inside me feels as though it is being filled. My mind is at peace for the first time in… I don't know how long. I miss her… I miss her so much. How I wish I knew Mother Maris's truth back then.

14 Cloudreach 9:31

I know you will never read this, but I hope that wherever you are, you will hear my thoughts and know my heart. If you are at the Maker's side, I send my prayers in hopes He will share my feelings with you. If you are still out there, somewhere, I hope my spirit reaches you.

I have spent the past four months reaffirming my training as a templar. I have recovered quickly thanks to Mother Maris and her unyielding kindness and confidence. I have been promoted to Knight-Lieutenant, and new orders were issued to me just this morning. I am being sent to the Free Marches, to the Chantry in Kirkwall under Knight-Commander Meredith where I will serve. My boat leaves tomorrow. I am happy to be moving forward. I'm looking to start a new life. I am a new man, after all.

I can finally say with honesty to myself that I love you. I love you so much that it hurts. I think of you often, and I miss you. I regret not running away with you when I had the chance. But now things are different. We are different people, I'm sure. I'm a new man, a better templar. And I will serve the Maker with all my strength, protect the mages and protect the people with all my might. I think you could be proud of me.

I know I am proud of you. Of the strong woman you were—are, I hope. I can see your face clearly in my memories. My beloved Enaara. I love you.

Goodbye.