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Author's Note:
Invader Zim is -c- Jhonen Vasquez! Only the events of this story, characters specific to the story, and character tweaking (heh) are mine. :3
~Jizena~
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Dib's Records
I continued procrastinating all the way through November. On that one issue.
Otherwise, things were going fine. Having Lard Nar dead wasn't great, but it wasn't really a setback either, so we didn't view it as much. Honestly, awful as it was to think, it was good to have him out of the way so that we could be more prepared for an Irken attack.
Zim had shared with me—and not even at my request or demand—the gist of what Lard Nar had told him on that final day... everything was a taunt. Lard Nar had apparently been a witness to the supposed murder of Tallest Miyuki, and was dangling the information over Zim's head. For once, I almost started to feel bad for the guy. Zim sort of had it rough, and he really had been proving himself a lot as of late. Nothing seemed to be advancing between him and my sister, which... okay, I tried to have no opinion about... and I couldn't help but feel that it was primarily due to Gaz's unease of who our mother was.
Which made me wonder just how long we could keep that a secret from Zim.
My training schedule continued, and I found myself becoming more motivated as the weather grew colder. November brought with it an early frost, and by the time December was on the way, it was already looking like snow.
One December day in particular changed everything. Changed the way I'd continue operating, from that day on. It came at a fairly decent time, too. Training was just as it had always been... relaxing with Nacea, hectic with Tenn, Purple and Red, and ultimately comforting at the end of the week with Lex. I'd given a bit of thought, throughout November, to what Gaz had said, in regards to possible relationships. On the side, I watched her and Zim getting a little closer, primarily just in that they spoke more often, hardly about anything... they just needed a chance to talk. I mean, Lex and I caught up with each other for the same reasons sometimes. Just to talk. About nothing in particular. I didn't have to talk tactics or treaties with her. I did ask her a little about her past work... her years of hunting vampires with her father, and she wove for me very interesting tales of bonding moments between them, and how careful she'd always have to be when on the job.
Another thing we spoke about was music. I heard Lex and Gaz play together sometimes, violin and guitar, but I hadn't really gotten the chance to listen to Lex play solo. So, that December afternoon, the 7th to be exact, when I heard the trill of a violin leaking out from the music room in the grand hall, I knew I had to listen in. I lingered outside the door for a minute, wondering a little why only recently I had an ear for music again. It was tough to try to remember everything my mother had played, and tough to imagine Miyuki creating such passionate music. Her instrument had been the piano, though, so maybe the different sound helped my new appreciation. Maybe it was that, maybe it was something else. Either way, I wanted to get in that room and have a real listen.
Stupidly, I knocked twice, rapping my knuckles lightly on the music room door; the slight sound did not seem to carry through the thick wood, as the soaring violin persisted from behind the wall. The music was too intoxicating to ignore, so I opened the door and stepped in. The damn thing then slammed shut behind me, and the music came to an abrupt stop.
Lex had been in there alone, completely engrossed in her violin. Her fngers were still positioned on the frets just as carefully as they always were on her crossbow; her music was given just as much of her attention as any of her professional work. But she jumped at my intrusion, and instead of music there was an awkward silence, which I knew I had to break, if only to get her to stop giving me that quizzical look.
Now, I could have apologized in a number of ways... pardoned myself in a professional manner, said a friendly 'sorry' and let her get back to work...
...But no.
No, what came out instead was a wholly uncontrollable, "Uh... hi."
"Hi..." said Lex, a laugh almost creeping up onto her face. I grinned, in some stupid attempt to cover for myself and let her keep speaking, but she nodded toward me to indicate that, no, it was my turn to talk.
"The, uh... did the door slam?" was what came out next. Oh, this was not good. I had very little control over how things were said at the moment, for some reason. That reason being nerves I hadn't known would pose this much of an issue. "I mean," I covered, holding my hands out in defense to show that eventually I really would say something that made a little sense, "of course it slammed, but I didn't slam it. Or, didn't mean to. Sorry."
"Uh-huh," said Lex. The laugh was still threatening to show.
"It's a really heavy door."
Lex muffled her laugh and hid her smile by turning away from me, in order to put her violin back in its case on the table behind her. "Can I help you with something?" she asked.
"Oh—oh, no, no, Lex, don't... don't feel like you have to stop playing!" I said quickly, taking a few long strides into the room.
"It's just me, anyway," said Lex, turning to face me again. "Your sister won't be joining me..."
"I know," I said, and immediately felt like I was being overwhelmingly forward. In reality, I was just being awkward and unsure. As Lex herself had said: fourteen. I'd been a kind of awkward kid. Because I'd always immersed myself in my paranormal studies, I hadn't really had friends growing up; mostly Gaz and I just stuck together and even then we hadn't been close until recently... so I wasn't quite the expert on social situations. Especially ones involving, oh, girls. Which was exactly why I'd tried not to think like a normal teenager, why I'd tried not to get involved in anything I couldn't handle. I didn't get love or affection, really; it was a concept that sort of eluded me. That didn't mean I couldn't feel it, or wouldn't be surprised, though. "I-I mean," I went on rambling, "that's fine. I know, and it's fine. I..." I took a deep breath, trying to calm my thoughts. Finally, I fixed my eyes right on Lex, and said, a little stronger than I'd been managing, "I wanted to hear you play. Just you."
Lex chewed the inside of her cheek, and, looking almost hesitant, tucked a stray wisp of hair behind her left ear. "Why?" she wanted to know.
"Um..." I tried to glance around the room for another excuse, but came up with nothing. My gaze fixed directly back on her, my exact reasoning came out: "I... I kind of lost my faith in all forms of music after my mother left."
"I'm sorry."
"I—me, too, but... Lex, I can listen to you," I said, my heart pounding so fast it felt as if each heartbeat was forcing words out of me at a faster-than-usual pace. "And it's... oh, God... I'm sorry, I do this thing where I just start talking out loud about things normal people would just think out, but..."
"Do you?" Lex smirked. "I don't believe I'd be offended. Plenty of people do that."
"Well, do plenty of people say things like... like, I don't know..." I shook my head, and blurt out, "Like, I think I'm getting so awkward right now because there's absolutely no way to tell you how glad I am that I can talk to you..?"
"What do you mean?"
Jeez, why'd she have to keep me going like that? Words were becoming harder and harder to find. "I don't know," I groaned. "Long story short, I like talking to you, and... o-our talks kind of inspire me to do more. So..."
Lex almost laughed, and asked, "Dib, do you have a crush on me...?"
"Oh, I think I'm even past that stage," I blurt out. Which was absolutely stupid. I needed a muzzle or something. "Oh, God," I caught myself, "I mean... wow, that sounded—I am so sorry."
"You have no idea what you're getting yourself into, do you?" Lex smirked at me.
"I... I wasn't aware I was getting myself 'into' anything," I admitted. But she took a couple steps closer, and I realized how wrong that statement was. I didn't want to be nervous around her. She was the one who kept me grounded, kept reminding me that, despite anything, I was still human. I couldn't push such a great—and even understanding—anchor away. And, no, she was no longer just that; I mean, she was a friend. Hell, given what I'd gone through in the past, it was nice just hearing someone agree with me... and yes, there were a lot of people around me now who would do just that, but... Lex had something else. I couldn't put my finger on it, but there was something I saw in her that set her apart. Yeah, that's how much experience with girls I had.
"Oh, come on," she said. "Are you trying to tell me you've never had a crush on a girl before?"
"N-no, I have, but..."
"But what?"
"But... never on someone as supportive and kind as you," I told her. "You just... sorry if this sounds weird, but, it's like... you keep me grounded, you know? Up until today, apparently, I've been able to talk to you. And... and I like that."
"Honestly?" Lex wondered.
"Y-yeah, of course."
Lex covered a smile. I still didn't understand why she did that. So I asked.
"Why do you do that?" I asked right out.
"Do what?"
Almost without thinking, I caught her wrist, which got her to lower her hand. "Cover your mouth when you laugh or smile," I said, without letting go.
Lex's eyes widened one second, and narrowed the next. "Do I still do that?" she asked, her words coming out as a half-gasp.
"You didn't notice?"
"Well... I suppose, every once in a while, it's obvious, but—ugh, that ass!" she cursed, downcasting her gaze. "It's because of my stupid ex-boyfriend, Jonathan." My stomach flipped. I'd kind of forgotten about that—she had mentioned someone of that name before. "He said it was more ladylike the less I... oh, damn, I can't believe... I'm sorry."
"It's okay," I shrugged. "You don't have to be sorry, but, uh..."
"Hmm?"
"But, maybe try letting yourself smile, for once?" I tried. "You're a pretty girl, Lex, so I'm sure..." And just then, she started laughing, revealing behind her lips a white but nervous smile. "What? What's funny?"
"You think I'm pretty?" she laughed.
"Well, I mean... I... yeah?" I said, realizing that just about everything I wanted to say was now out there. "There's a lot of reasons I like you, Lex, just... oh, um..."
Finally, she let out a full, rounded, personal laugh, one showing that she found total amusement in the way I was handling things... but one light enough to show that she thought no less of me for it. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," she said as she calmed herself back down. "This is just very..."
"Lame?" I offered on a groan.
"No! No, not exactly, it's... it's sweet," Lex told me. She glanced down, prompting me to do so as well... and our eyes fell on our hands, where I still lightly held her wrist.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah," Lex breathed.
For a moment, the music room was filled with silence. Even my mind seemed to shut off, and I was left wondering exactly what would come next. "Would, er... would it be awful for anything to start between us?" Lex wondered after another several beats.
"Awful? I don't think so," I answered "Why would anything like that be awful?"
"I don't know," she sighed. "Never mind. It's all just, a bit... confusing for me."
"What?"
"The fact that I've rather come to like you."
That set my stomach in flips and my heart in a marathon. I honestly had not seen anything like this coming. I had not envisioned myself as half of a pair... not any time soon, anyway. But this was... just about the only one I'd accept right now. Constant contact with the person who kept me sane and human. An excuse to get to know someone on a much closer, tighter level. God... over time, I really had become attracted to her, to everything she was capable of.
"Why didn't you say so?" I asked her, as gently as I could.
"Well, you didn't say anything, either!" she reprimanded, flushing red as she looked up at me again. "Honestly, you really are such a... a kid, and..."
"Oh, come on," I laughed. "I'm taller than you, get over it."
"Ugh, you're spending entirely too much time with that Tallest Red," Lex said, laughing outright for once.
"Yeah," I agreed— "and not enough time with you. O-or..." I started to amend my statement, just in case I'd said something wrong, or overstepped a boundary.
"Oh, stop," said Lex, quickly but quietly.
"What?"
"Stop feeling like you need to justify things, Dib," she said, nearly grinning. "I'll stop, too."
"Justifying?"
"As in..." said Lex, "I don't know, you pretending you've other reasons to say things, me pretending that you being younger than me is a setback..."
"It isn't?" I asked hopefully, somehow managing not to sound too ridiculous when asking it. I mean, we were apart by only, what, three years?
"Look, maybe you're young, but you do manage to keep things exhaustingly professional," she said, squeezing my shoulder a little, "and I've come to admire that. I wouldn't mess that up by allowing yourself to become awkward, if I were you."
"Believe me, I'm trying," I admitted with a grin.
Lex sighed lightly and rested her head on my shoulder. Almost without thinking, I set my free hand on the small of her back and pulled her in. Moving into me, she shifted her arms to wrap them around my waist, where she clung, rather tightly, to the back of my shirt. Having her there was something so new, so different from anything else I'd ever experienced. Having someone else right there... someone else's warmth, right there, promising comfort, promising some kind of balance I always sort of knew I'd been missing... it was a pretty wonderful feeling. No wonder Gaz had said I needed to chill out more. I'd never felt more relaxed. No amount of meditation or other form of discipline could teach me to let go and be present quite like this.
Since I had barely been prepared to even confess to her that day, the pace at which we were moving startled me a little. The closest I'd ever been to a possible relationship was back in the fourth grade, when I had a slight attraction to Tak, before finding out the truth about her. I suppose one could say I had a thing for girls with accents. But Lex was a bit different from any of the other girls that had played a major role in my life before. Whether trying to kill me or calling me crazy, most of the girls I've had 'relationships' with in the past haven't been exactly girlfriend material. Lex was the one though. I was sure of it. One problem: I didn't know where to start.
Once Lex had drawn out of our embrace, I rested my hands again just on her shoulders, squeezing them a little, glad to have been so close to her for that moment. I wanted that closeness to continue, and it seemed that she did as well, which was a more than welcome feeling.
"So..." I began to ask, feeling the slightest bit of awkwardness while bringing up the subject, "where do we go from here?"
"I mean... it's up to you," Lex said quietly. "Now that we've both got our feelings out there..."
"I don't imagine many opportunities for dating in the same sense as in, you know, the real world, would come up," I admitted, "but, if you wanted to, we could..."
"That doesn't matter much," said Lex, her eyes getting brighter after I mentioned the possibility of dating. "Really, I'd just like to start spending more time with you."
"Yeah," I told her, "same here. I really like you, Lex... I'd like to see this go somewhere."
Lex smiled, instinctively bringing a hand up to cover her mouth, then stopping herself quickly. Cautiously, I moved my hands down her arms until my hands clasped hers. She gave my hands a quick sqeeze, casting her gaze down as she did so. "Dib, I... I don't know what to say," she said quietly. "I've never been this speechless before pursuing a relationship before. I suppose that's good, since the other relationships I've been in have ended pretty badly. My last boyfriend told me I'm bad luck."
"That damn Jonathan again?" I guessed.
"That's him."
"Well... I could give you the chance to prove him wrong," I told her, leaning in a little. Our foreheads touched together, and my heart started pounding. I'd never willingly been that close to anyone before. Not even Nacea, with whom I shared a minor spiritual bond. Lex was the only one who had ever made my heart race quite like this.
She looked up directly into my eyes, her face going red at my last comment. "I'd like that," she confessed. "I'm ready to really give this a try. I... yes..."
I gave a slight laugh, more than pleased at where the moment was leading us. "Okay," I said. "So... we're going for it?"
"Yes... I mean, I'd like to."
"So would I." I took a moment to pause, letting the thought of being in a relationship sink in. And it wasn't just any regular relationship... there was so much going on around me, so much I'd have to do, and I had no idea what Lex made of the fact that I was technically half-Irken. Of the fact that I'd eventually have duties to Miyuki's side, as much as I hated to admit that part. Still, I wanted to make the most of what time we could share together, since I couldn't stand to make nothing of what had just transpired between us. I'd do my best to be all I could for her, I told myself then and there. "So... yeah?" I guessed.
"We're dating?" Lex added. I liked the sound of that.
"Yeah," I agreed. "We're dating."
– – –
I gave up on my duties for the rest of the day, since I really only had a couple of meetings lined up anyway. I felt a little bad at leaving it all to Gaz to attend them, and hopefully she'd catch me up, but it would have been awful of me to declare myself in a relationship with Lex and then apologize and leave her for the rest of the afternoon.
It was a pretty nice day, for December, so Lex and I went for a long walk in the fields outside. When she'd get cold, I'd hug her close to me, and she'd laugh, and then we'd pause for a moment, just enjoying one another's company.
We used that afternoon to catch up, as we decided to put it. At her request, I told her about my childhood. It felt pretty good to finally get to let out my true feelings regarding my past family life to someone, and Lex listened intently, telling me she felt sorry that I had such weak ties with my father. Once my life story was done, Lex told me a little more about her own family, especially her father. He'd divorced her mother, Amelia, when Lex was seven, but she said she didn't mind much. Her mother hadn't fully supported Victor's infatuation with the supernatural, especially vampires, even from the beginning, so she said it was a wonder the two ever married in the first place. Lex had been hunting and studying vampires since she was old enough to read, she told me, and her favorite novel was, of course, Dracula. She'd read it at least ten times, each time finding something new that could help her in her further studies.
She'd been educated at a private school in England, and taught on the side by her father in things not covered in formal education. She was lucky to have had a parent who encouraged her to study the supernatural, and I told her so, feeling almost a little jealous.
As the day was winding down, Lex told me a little bit about her past relationships. She'd been in two, both of which had ended poorly after having gotten off to rocky starts anyway. She admitted that she once considered herself shallow—she liked taller guys, but finding them, she said, was hard, since she was rather tall herself, which distressed her to a point—but was finding new things about herself that could work her out of setting standards for others. When I asked her if I met any of her old standards, she just laughed, then admitted that she'd never been attracted to anyone who wore glasses before, something about her father wearing them that usually turned her off, and that she normally liked blue or green eyes, but with me, she said, she'd overlooked the usual standards. I was her first that she chose for personality. (Though she did tell me straight out that she liked my looks, then blushed immediately afterward. And for once in my life I actually cared about a girl's opinion on the matter.)
When we arrived back at the main building, her right hand was clasped in my left. We'd been walking that way for probably the past half hour. It felt amazing, being so close to someone else, someone I could really open up and be myself with. I was that same type of person for her, and in several ways that was even more rewarding. Lex paused before we could reach the door, stopping and turning to face me, tugging a little at my left sleeve with her free hand.
"You want to stay out here for a little while?" I asked her.
She shook her head. "No, it's all right; it's getting cold anyway, and besides, we should make some sort of appearance at dinner. I just..." She sighed a little, smiling as she did so, and stepped closer to me. "How are we going to tell the others? Just... let them find out on their own? I mean, my father will find out right away, and probably your sister..."
"Let's just take things one day at a time," I suggested.
Lex smiled again. "I like that," she said. "We'll go from there."
There was another long pause, and only a slight tension between us. I could sense from her aura that she wanted to take things just a little further at that point in time, but she was awfully nervous, as I found that I was as well. Things between us were moving much faster than I'd anticipated, but then again I hadn't had previous experience with how relationships usually ran. When it seemed that the tension couldn't build any further, Lex ended it by simply moving closer and hugging me. I gladly returned the gesture, keeping her close.
When we pulled away, we both laughed a little, inexplicably. No other words were exchanged, but really they weren't necessary. I led Lex back inside, taking and hanging her coat for her in the entryway. Once we'd slowly made our way into the living room and kitchen area, I noticed that Gaz was helping Zim with dinner. I thought immediately of shooting my own foot off when I realized Lex was supposed to be on rotation with Zim that evening. Of course my sister would volunteer to help him after Lex didn't show, even if she couldn't cook to save her life.
"Welcome back," Gaz greeted, a little flatly. "You were gone all day."
"I know," I apologized, casting a quick, warning look over at Zim before continuing speaking with my sister, "I didn't plan for that to happen, sorry."
"You didn't miss anything," she grumbled, setting out only a few plates at the counter, rather than the table. "Red and Purple aren't joining us tonight," she explained, "and neither is the Professor, no clue why. So we're just waiting for Nacea, and Tenn if she cares."
Nacea, I realized, might feel a little let down when she figured out that Lex and I had started going out, but then again, I was sure she didn't completely understand the concept of relationships anyway, so I put that thought to rest. I also began wondering about what could have gone on between Gaz and Zim while we were gone, even though I'd kept telling myself to remove myself from that.
As it turned out, neither of them had made a move. I would later find out that all they'd talked about was a possible Irken ship sighting, which was why Red and Purple had chosen to skip dinner that night, in order to watch the monitors so we could all be prepared.
Zim excused himself midway through dinner, complaining of a persistent pain in his right arm—he'd been getting twinges, apparently, all through the past month. I hadn't seen anything bad come of it, other than Zim having to switch out that bandage of his every so often since the wound would continue opening up, but it was something I knew I needed to watch out for. That night, though, nothing really bothered me.
Gaz cast Lex and I a little questioning glare, which we both responded to with a slight smile and a shrug. She understood right off, and told us to leave so that she could clean up before she could change her mind.
Immediately after dinner, Lex silently pulled me to the side and suggested that we go somewhere. I didn't object, so after a quick glance over my shoulder to make sure Gaz had everything taken care of, I slipped away with her down the hall and into the grand corridor leading to the rest of the building. Lex paused in front of the music room, then said, "Let's go back in here. I want to play for you."
I certainly didn't object to that, so we entered the music room and Lex led me silently back towards the grand piano. "The piano?" I wondered. Mom's instrument...
"I learned something on it recently," Lex admitted. "If you don't mind, I'd like for you to be the first to hear it."
"I don't mind at all."
Lex smiled, sat at the bench and thought for a moment, then began to play a beautiful, classical piece from memory. I stood nearby, leaning over the back of a chair, and listened intently. Every piece of music she played was new to me, and made me feel pretty sorry that I hadn't given any sort of music the time of day before I'd started listening to her.
Lex's fingers moved deftly over the piano keys, the melody pouring from the instrument and filling the air, giving life to the previous silence. As I could see just from her movements, Lex was putting her soul into her music, and that carried through every phrase she played. When she finished, she drew in a long, deep breath, pleased with the work she'd done, then turned and rose, walking back over to me.
"You didn't have to stop," I told her, speaking quietly.
"Well, the song was over," she said, taking my hands in hers, "and I couldn't think of anything else to play. I'm just really happy you wanted to listen."
"Of course," I told her. "I haven't listened to piano music in... years."
"And it was okay?"
"It was incredible."
Lex moved in closer, resting her head on my shoulder, then asked softly, "Are we moving too fast?"
"I couldn't say," I admitted, allowing myself to then rest my head on hers, "but, I mean, I like it. No matter how fast or slow we take things, Lex, I'll still be here."
Before the tension could begin again, Lex nuzzled against me a little, then let her eyes flutter open for a brief moment before closing them again and bringing herself even closer. I could feel her breathing. I'd never been in such a situation before, but somehow I was doing well with what I assumed would eventually come as naturally to me as anything. I leaned in a little more, then, before I could even think about how to go on from there, we were kissing.
It was just small and quick at first, and honestly it surprised me a bit, but when Lex drew back for a second then immediately kissed me again, I became more comfortable with what was happening, and let myself sink into it. I hadn't expected anything like that to happen so soon, but it was positively exhilarating. There was no doubt in my mind, at that point. I wanted to stay with her, but I remembered that I was the one who suggested we take things one day at a time. Still, I did like the pace at which everything was moving, war or no war. I felt wonderful. I certainly wouldn't mind falling in love with Alexandria Haynsworth.
When she drew back out of the long kiss, I rested my forehead on hers again. "Wow," I breathed, completely against my will.
Lex laughed a bit. "Don't tell me that was your first kiss," she said, grinning brightly.
"Alright," I agreed, "I won't tell you that."
She laughed again, squeezing my hands, still clasped in hers, then swung her arms slightly in a playful manner. "Dib," she said, her words nervous but somehow strong, "I'm really, really happy when I'm with you. I really liked talking to you today, and I want us to keep going like this. I've never enjoyed anyone's company this much before. I really do like you."
"You, too," I told her, instinctively leaning in and giving her another small kiss.
We stayed up late, still in the music room, just talking, occasionally pausing for a musical interlude, as Lex jokingly put it. At the end of the night, I walked her slowly back down the halls to the room she shared with my sister. And then, happily, I kissed my girlfriend goodnight.
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Author's Note:
:3
Awww, Dib. ^^ Is he possibly loosening up a little…? He's been pretty uptight for a while, maybe this will finally let him ease up a bit…
Aaaaaaaand tomorrow will be the final chapter of Transitions! We'll shift back to Zim's narration for that, but my gracious, whatever could be in store…? I'm seriously so excited, guys. Sooooo much is in store for Part Three, are we ready? ^^ Tomorrow is one of my favorite chapters, so stay tuned! It'll be updated some time in the evening~ (hopefully not too late!)
You are all awesome, thank you all so much for your comments and support! See you tomorrow, October (omg) 1st!
~Jizena~
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