Chapter 25
Wednesday, December 16
9:41 am
Oh my am I tired.
I think I shall have a nap.
This time change thing is a bitch.
2:10 pm
Bwahahaha I love Shane.
Jason just informed us that we all have dentist appointments at three-thirty, and Shane looked at him and then farted right in his face and walked away with Mitchie and they left to go shopping.
Jason just scoffed, rolled his eyes, and walked away.
2:12 pm
Dentists are evil.
2:13 pm
Honestly, they are.
2:46 pm
Made some mac and cheese.
When I was making it Gene came in and said, "Don't make a mess. I'll shoot you if you do."
I laugh.
He says, "Oh haha, you thought I was kidding."
Then he rambled on – in depth – on how exactly he would shoot me if I got 'that damn cheese powder all over his countertop.'
Oh my god.
2:50 pm
"Harry Potter free Dobby! How can Dobby ever repay him?"
Yea, I'm watching Harry Potter, jealous?
It's quite odd, because Ronald says "bloody Hell" like three times. That's swearing. And it's on Disney Channel.
2:55 pm
Haggrid reminds me of my aunt. They have the same haircut.
2:56 pm
Hermione has stupid fringe in the second movie.
2:59 pm
Oh my goodness, it's over.
3:00 pm
Whoa, what the shit? It's playing again!
Damn Disney Channel.
3:01 pm
This is bull shit!
What a rip off!
3:03 pm
Oh, well it's starting from the beginning. I started at the end last time.
3:08 pm
Jason says we have to leave soon. I hate the dentist. Did I ever tell you I have this insane irrational fear of the dentist?
Well, I do.
Everyone in band found out somehow about my fear last year. I think it might have been because I nearly had a panic attack when Jason came to pick me up for a dentist appointment.
I started crying.
It was pretty bad.
3:15 pm
We are in the car. Right now. Driving to the place of all torture and hell.
3:27 pm
They have stupid magazines here.
Like Kiwi magazines.
This place is so odd, I must say.
3:31 pm
Jason fell asleep. I had to wake him up because he started snoring. He said, "Oh, goodness, I still haven't gotten used to the time change."
I haven't either.
It's a bitch. Honestly, it is.
3:34 pm
Oh, bollocks, they just called my name.
Fucking shit fuck.
4:57 pm
I had two cavities
They gave me six shots.
Yes. Six.
I flipped about ten shits.
The Evil Dr. Dentist of Doom (that's an alliteration, kiddies) was like, "Relax. Goddamn, calm down." (Cause I was basically in tears. No, wait, I WAS in tears.)
And I was like, "I CAN'T WHEN YOU HAVE A FUCKING NEEDLE IN MY MOUTH!"
I was swearing left and right at that asshole evil dentist dude.
It hurt. A lot.
And then after, they made it so much worse by giving me a sticker.
I DON'T WANT NO BLOODY STICKER!
I ripped it up in the dentist's face. It had a smiling tooth on it holding a tooth brush. It was sickening.
Disgusting.
Revolting.
Heinous.
Stupid happy tooth.
I'm not happy, that's for sure.
Jason was like, "Oh, Nate, now's not the time to get your grumpy knickers on."
I screamed at him right there in the office, "Yes, well I like wearing my grumpy trousers or knickers or whatever!"
And then everybody looked at us.
It's time to plot revenge on the dentist.
5:24 pm
I am in paaaiinnn.
Ugh.
Help me, someone!
Please?
I'll give you a cookie.
5:29 pm
I am searching through the drug cabinet.
Thirty seconds later
I spy some Advil.
Hmm… maybe.
Umm… prenatal vitamins? WTF? Like that'll do any good. Cough syrup, some tea, heroin, cough drops… Wait, heroin? Who the hell put that in there?
Did I really just ask that?
Okay…
Oooh, Vicodin! Finally, something good.
5:32 pm
Oh, bloody hell!
Harry Potter just got bit by that big scary snake thing!
5:33 pm
Oh, yea, bee tee dubs, Harry Potter is playing again.
I know.
Disney likes Harry a lot apparently.
But I guess if he was a huge money maker for me, I would like him as well.
5:46 pm
Shane and Mitchie invited me to watch a movie with them they just rented called, "Knocked Up," with that chick from Grey's Anatomy.
I said, "Oh, Mitchie, it's so perfect for you!"
She growled and said, "Oh, shut it, you damn Brit! I'd like to see you get laid!"
Then Shane pinched me.
And now we're watching the movie.
It's quite the hilarium.
6:51 pm
At the end of the movie, it shows the scene where that chick, Allison, gives birth to her kid.
I turned to Mitchie while we were watching it and said, "Hey, Mitchie, that's gonna be you in seven months."
Mitchie was looking at the screen, her eyes wide open and her jaw dropped. She said, "OH FUCK! THAT LOOKS LIKE IT HURTS! THAT IS SICK!" Then she turned to Shane, started punching him, and said, "YOU DID THIS TO ME, YOU ASSHOLE!"
6:52 pm
I heard somewhere that sex is the leading cause of babies.
6:53 pm
So don't have sex.
6:54 pm
Or go to the dentist.
They are evil.
Très evil.
Très, très evil.
Yea, I just double 'trèsed' you
Jealous?
7:57 pm
Our internet decided to be a bitch and stopped working, and so I tried connecting to the neighbour's network.
Well, I didn't know their password, so I tried a bunch of random words.
And I typed in 'penis.'
And it worked.
My neighbour is a creeper.
I think it might be the Jonas Brother's network.
8:14 pm
I was walking my dog, and I saw my neighbour through my window setting up a table for 6. Weird part is… he's single.
8:31 pm
Ugh, ugh.
I HATE Christians!
Them and their stupid family dinners!
I quietly stalked over to their house with Miley and he invited like all the neighbours near him to go eat dinner with him.
8:32 pm
Hey, we weren't invited…
8:33 pm
Anyway, it was so gross because they were all sitting there, holding hands, and praying.
With their candles.
Ugh.
It looked like Thanksgiving. So perfect and nice.
Our family dinners usually include me eating some mac and cheese, Jason making one of those frozen pizzas, Mum eating Chinese takeout (ugh, Asian food) and Shane is always either drunk or high.
I don't know if he eats at all.
But we NEVER sit down at the same table and eat together at the same time. I'll be in my room, Mum will be on the couch watching TV, and Jason will be the only one sitting at the table.
And then Mr. Nextdoor the Penis Password Guy is there with the whole goddamn neighbourhood.
Minus us.
8:35 pm
Pondering why everyone hates us.
8:36 pm
I think it's a Christian thing.
Maybe they can tell we're all atheists. Like as if we radiate some sort of smell of an atheist or something crazy like that, I don't know.
What if they have a fifth sense or something?
8:37 pm
I meant sixth.
8:39 pm
Stop laughing at my blumb moment.
Now for a note from Nate:
Hello my lesbian lovers!
It is I, the one, the only, Nathaniel Bernard Gray!
Love me, hate me, still an obsession. Love me or hate me, that is the question. If you review then, thank you! If you don't then, fuck you!
Just kidding, you know I'll always like you! Maybe not as much as the people who review, but still.
15 more reviews and new chapter!
Love,
Nate