Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.

XXV. Differences

"It is not our differences that divide us. It is our inability to recognize, accept, and celebrate those differences."

- Audre Lorde

"What are you...," Hermione asked while Severus was getting up from the bed, heading for the bathroom.

"We've got things to do today, young lady," he said in a steady voice, giving her a side glance before closing the door behind him.

Hermione sighed, but didn't try to get up. It was nearly seven o'clock, and they had worked until three in the morning in order to prepare all the potions that St. Mungo's hospital had asked Severus to deliver before eight o'clock; it was not only the potion that they had worked on during several days that the hospital needed, but also a bunch of potions that every hospital needed: some pain-relief potions, Pepper-Up potions, and even a few phials of Skele-Gro. Severus had wanted to work on them on his own, urging her to go to bed in order to rest, but Hermione had insisted; it was a part of her job as his apprentice, after all.

But now, Hermione was regretting her stubbornness. Waking up with a headache wasn't something that she was looking forward to, far from it. But she was pleased to know that they had managed to prepare every potion that the hospital wanted: it was the most important.

With a groan, she eventually managed to get up, and went to the bathroom that she had been used to go to every morning a few weeks ago, and spent almost twenty minutes under the warm water of the shower. She could have stayed here longer, but Severus eventually knocked at the bathroom door.

"Are you still alive in here?," he asked aloud, trying to cover the noise of the water that was falling on Hermione's skin.

"Give me a minute," she mumbled, praying to be heard despite the door that was separating them.

Severus was still the impatient man that he had been in the past, nothing had changed about this facet of his personality. Her eyes closed under the water jet, and Hermione tried to think about how the day would take place: she would have to behave like a proper apprentice, of course. Nobody could know about the bond that linked her to Severus Snape, not yet.

But then, some dark thoughts came into her mind: what if they could never talk about their relationship to anyone? They hadn't talked about this yet, Hermione realized it. Severus hadn't told her that they were truly together, after all, and she neither had she. They were working together, eating together, spending time together, even sleeping together, period. It meant something to her eyes, obviously, but she didn't know if one day, they would come out in the open.

Frowning, she stepped out from the shower, and dried herself with a white towel that was hanging on a hook on the door.

"Why are you thinking about things like this?," she said to herself, trying to focus on more important things. Her work, for example.

XxX

"Are you ready?," Severus asked while holding a suitcase full of phials in his right hand, raising an eyebrow when he saw her coming in the living room.

"Yes. I'm sorry I took so long in the bathroom."

"It is not a problem, we are not late anyway," Severus mumbled before heading to the garden. Hermione tightened her red coat around her chest, afraid of the sudden change of weather; two days ago, the days had became colder, and she obviously didn't want to catch a flu.

Hermione followed Severus, and without another word, he gave her his arm in order to Apparate together.

"I can Apparate on my own, you know," she teased him with a shy smile.

"Oh, can you?," Severus asked, trying to repress a grin of amusement.

"Of course, I can. I know perfectly well where to Apparate, and..."

Without giving her a chance to finish her sentence, Severus Disapparated in a "Pop!", leaving her alone. With her mouth agape, Hermione shook her head, stunned by what Severus just did.

"If he wants to play to this game..."

Closing her eyes in order to focus, Hermione felt her whole body flinch, as if her arms and her legs wanted to get loose from her. Seconds later, she felt on the cold cement of the street, a few feet from Severus Snape who gave her his hand to get up.

"You wouldn't have fallen if..."

"Just... Don't say it, please," she grumbled, noticing the amusement in his eyes.

It just took them a few minutes in order to reach St. Mungo's, and Hermione let Severus walk in front. He went to the reception, and asked for the Head of the Potions and Plant Poisoning. They asked them to wait there for the Healer Helton to come and take care of them.

"I never understood why I need to deal with this woman in particular. All of them need potions, it's a total nonsense," Severus muttered to Hermione's attention.

"I agree," she said in a low voice, while a tall blonde woman was coming toward them.

"Severus Snape, it's a pleasure to see you again," she said with a smile, shaking the hand of the Potions Master at the same time.

Severus gave her a nod as an answer, and without a word to introduce Hermione, he pointed out the suitcase full of potions that he was holding.

"Do you need to check the potions first?," he asked icily.

"It's the protocol, Mr. Snape. I know that we haven't seen each other for quite a long time, but it haven't changed, I'm afraid."

When the Healer and Severus went to the elevator in order to reach the Potions and Plants Poisoning floor, Hermione didn't know if she had to follow them. Eventually, she decided to do so, and she skipped in the elevator before it closed. She tried to catch Severus' eyes, but he was looking straight ahead, not giving her a chance to do so. They finally arrived in a room full of phials, and Severus put his suitcase on a table before opening it. The suitcase didn't seem to have a great volume, but Severus had enlarged it magically. A thousand of phials were now in front of them, and Mrs. Helton seemed to be satisfied.

"Did you bring the potion for burned skin?"

"It's here," Severus answered, handing her a phial full of a bright yellow potion. "Don't forget that it is an experimental potion, and that I cannot promise that it will work..."

"We know that, Mr. Snape," the Healer nodded, before letting her gaze drop on Hermione, for the first time since the beginning their meeting. "And may I know who is this young lady?"

Severus turned to see Hermione, and he seemed to be surprised to see her right next to him.

"Oh... She is just my assistant, Hermione Granger," he eventually introduced her, with his cold and low voice. Despite this, Hermione managed to give back her smile to the Healer, but at the bottom of her heart, she was mortified. Between all of the scenarios, she hadn't thought of this one: a cold and not caring Severus Snape hadn't been envisaged.

"Yes, I am just Mr. Snape's assistant," she said in almost a whisper, shaking the Healer's hand.

"Nice to meet you. Well, I guess that we're done for today, don't you think? Be sure that the hospital will contact you soon, Mr. Snape. We'll let you know about the success of this new potions of yours."

"Success... or not," Severus said in a sarcastic tone before giving a nod to the Healer. "Have a nice day."

Hermione did the same, and she left the office with Severus, the latter skipping in the elevator without even looking if she was following him. Hermione bit her lower lip until they reached the street where they had Apparated in the first place, trying to find an explanation to the situation that just happened before her eyes.

To her great surprise, Severus gave her his arm once again, but she didn't wait for him this time. She was pissed, pissed by his reaction, his detachment toward her. Oh, no, she didn't expect him to be close to her like they used to be when they were alone together, far from it; she wouldn't have allowed it. In a second, she Disappeared, knowing perfectly well that Severus wouldn't take it the good way.

She wasn't mistaken; Severus Apparated in the garden of his house less than two seconds after her, and grabbed her arm, taking care to not hurt her.

"What was this?," he asked, frowning.

"Why did you treat me like I was invisible?," Hermione spat. "Let go of me."

Severus shook his head, visibly lost. "What are you talking about? I didn't..."

"I don't even know why I'm talking to you right now," she interrupted him. "Please, I have to clean the cauldrons that we used last night."

"I didn't treat you like that," Severus insisted, putting his hand on the back door of the house, forbidding her to enter. "I did what I thought was the best for both of us. What did you expect, Hermione? Do you think that it would have been a good idea to go to St. Mungo's hand in hand, like two lovers?"

"No, of course not...," she began huskily, but Severus didn't stop there.

"I cannot be the nice man that you want me to be, Hermione, I thought that you already understood this. I cannot introduce you in a sugary tone to strangers, because it is not who I am. If you want me to be the perfect boyfriend, I am afraid that I can't fulfill your dream, end of the story."

Hermione took a step back, visibly hurt by what he just said. Of course, she didn't want him to be the perfect boyfriend, she didn't even have a single idea of what a perfect boyfriend should be.

"You don't understand, Severus," she said slowly. "I don't want you to be perfect, I just want you to show me some respect. Obviously, you didn't when we were at St. Mungo's. I can understand why you did that, but you could have done it in another way, that's all."

Severus sighed, irritated by what she was saying.

"What do you want me to say? What do you want me to do? You want me to apologize? Fine, I will do it: I am sorry if I hurt your feelings, Miss Granger, I am sorry if you did not understand that I wanted to protect you while doing so."

"Now, you're just condescending, Severus," Hermione whispered, trying to fight the tears that threatened to fall down on her cheeks.

"Then what do you want?," he eventually shouted. "Tell me!"

"I just told you!," Hermione shouted back. "But you were so focused on what you were about to say that you didn't even hear me."

"I don't even understand why we are arguing on something so silly...," Severus mumbled, trying to calm down. He hadn't thought that she would be mad at him for what he had done at the hospital, he had just wanted to do the right thing. Why couldn't she understand?

"The way that you are seeing our relationship is not silly to my eyes. On the contrary, it's quite important."

"If you think that I am going to take your hand wherever we are, that we will one day act like a couple of teenagers to the eyes of everybody else, then you are clearly mistaken, Hermione. I let you enter my life, and I think that it is quite enough for now," he let out in an icily voice.

A breeze made her shiver – or was it the effect of his words on her?-, and Severus let out a sigh.

"Come on in, you are going to freeze out here...," he whispered, his voice softer now, while opening the door.

Hermione entered into the house, and, avoiding his gaze as much as she could, she headed for the stairs.

"Where are you going? I don't think that this conversation is over," Severus' voice raised in her back.

She didn't turn around.

XxX

"You're acting like a child...," Hermione muttered to herself, lying on her bed, her red coat thrown at her feet. She had spent her day in her former bedroom, trying to read her parchments in order to be ready for her bi-annual examination. But the conversation that she had had with Severus was haunting her, and it was hard for her to focus on anything else.

He had tried to talk to her, twice. For lunch, and then around four o'clock. She hadn't answered, and now, it was almost midnight. She hadn't heard him going to his bedroom, and she didn't even know if he was still in the house.

Where was the proud Gryffindor girl who had faced so many things in her life? How could she have change that much during a year and a half? She didn't know, to be honest. After the War, she had spent her days working; she had tried to forget about the horrors of this dark period of the Wizarding World. In a way, she had managed to do so; she had focused on what was important, and it had been her studies. She had tried to develop a relationship with Ron, but it hadn't worked out. It had been a good thing in the end: they were better as friends anyway.

What had she done wrong? Everything had been fine between Severus and her during weeks, and now, she wasn't sure if it was a good idea to go further in this relationship. Even if none of them had put a word on what they shared, they were obviously in a relationship. But how could a relationship work when they clearly didn't have the same opinion about such important things? No, she didn't want Severus to take her hand in front of everybody, but she didn't want him to be ashamed to be with her either. She was twenty year-old, for Merlin's sake, and living a life like a recluse wasn't in her future plans.

But you love him, her inner voice whispered, and she couldn't deny it. How could she? Severus was a brilliant man, and under his shell, there was a caring man, a man with feelings. He had helped her to discover the art of love, to discover her own body and how to take pleasure from it. He had helped her to become a woman. She wanted so badly to make it work, but she couldn't find a solution to their problems. It wasn't a good idea to hide them under a rug and leave them like that, even if it seemed to be easier; eventually, they would come back in their lives to haunt them, and destroy everything.

Driven by some unknown forces, she got up and went to her desk, where she had left all her stuff, moving just her clothes from her former wardrobe to Severus' one. She took a deep breath in order to calm down and eventually put her hand on a quill and a piece of parchment, while Severus' words were repeating in her mind : "I let you enter my life, and I think that it is quite enough for now".

XxX

The next morning, Severus woke up with a terrible headache. He had spent his night in his office, trying to work on some new potions, and he had eventually felt asleep on his desk. His conversation with Hermione was repeating over and over in his head, and he didn't know what to say to her today. Obviously, they would have to see each other; she couldn't spend more than one day without eating something, and he had forbidden Artie to bring her food to her bedroom; he needed to see her.

Last morning had been terrible, and even if he knew that he had done it for her own good, he was realizing that she had been right, in a way; he could have done it differently, to not hurt her feelings. She was young, so young, and he knew that he needed to be more tolerant towards her. He knew it, but at the same time, it was hard for him to change his character in a snap of finger.

Severus eventually got up, and stretched lazily before leaving his laboratory. He was doubting that Hermione was already awake at this time of the day, and he decided to go to his bedroom in order to take a cold shower in order to wake himself up.

When he was about to go up the stairs, a piece of parchment forgotten on the dining table drew his attention. Frowning, Severus made a few steps in order to be next to it, and took it in his hands.

"Dear Severus,

I don't know if I can do this considering that I have to work with you in order to have my Potions degree, but anyway. You can't say the contrary: we don't have the same vision of a relationship. I didn't want you to take my hand, no. I didn't want "us" to become official just three weeks after becoming close to you. I just didn't want to hide forever. I just wanted you not to be ashamed of what we shared.

I didn't have the opportunity to take my clothes in your bedroom; be sure that I won't leave them forever there, I'll take them back soon. If you don't mind, I'll see with the Ministry if they can appoint me another Potions Master in order to end this year and have my Potions Degree.

My feelings for you didn't change, Severus; I just realized that we have less in common than what I thought in the first place.

Take care of yourself,

Hermione"

Slowly, Severus put the parchment back on the dining table, his hand shaking a little. She was gone. He swallowed hard, his lips pursed. He realized that he had failed to do the only thing that she had wanted him to do: to show her that he loved her, in every possible way.

No tears fell on his cheeks, not a single one.

But inside, deep inside, he was heartbroken.