A/N: Sorry for the day delay, this was tough to edit. Thanks for all the reviews. you really help when I am sitting here struggling. I am working on the next chapter. My head is full though as I have a few loose ends to tie up so it might be the weekend before I get it finished unless inspiration bites me sooner. x

xxx

Judy was waiting for her when she walked in the door. When she saw the state Quinn was in she wrapped her up in her arms and walked her to the couch.

"What did he do to you?" she asked softly

"He did nothing. I saw Rachel"

"What did she do?"

"She held me"

"Oh Quinn please tell me when you are going to stop with this silly game?"

"I thought I could do this and then when I get to New York I would get to win her back"

"I wouldn't have you back you know. If I was Rachel"

"Mom"

"I'm sorry. I just think you are stupid for doing this and what was tonight about. 100% Lesbians do not go on dates with boys"

"I am stupid, I just wanted the college money from Dad and Fran set up the date, I didn't feel like I had a choice"

"Quinn you can say no, you don't have to do what they tell you to do. I'm sure they meant well and wouldn't force a boy on you and if they did? Then I say it's time we tell your father where to stick his money"

"We can't Mom, I need to go. When I am in New York I will be free"

"You will never be free if you take his money you do know that right?"

"I don't know what to do. Fran has told me to quit Glee. It's the last thing I have"

"You dare quit Glee! I will talk to your father"

Judy made a phone call, Quinn could hear that she was angry but pulled a pillow over her head to drown out the words. Judy walked back in and sat next to her.

"Your Father agrees that being a part of a winning Glee team will indeed look good on your applications. I explained to him that it followed the same principles as being a part of the Cheerios so he couldn't really argue. He also understands that Rachel being a member of the same team is not a concern of his. You have made enough sacrifices and he is pleased that you gave Josh a chance last night, but as far as he knows there is no obligation to date him. He thinks Fran may have been misleading you but I don't buy that. I know he wasn't happy about you and Rachel, so maybe it's a little game you can play him at."

"She has been very clear it was all Dads' request and I think he'd do this. So what do I do? "

"Let them both think you are dating Josh."

"Date Josh and keep them quiet, but I don't like him like that. Is it fair?" Quinn fell back against the couch.

"Put it this way Quinn, if he asks you out again you go. Then you let him down gently or you make sure he isn't keen on you. There are lots of ways to play your Daddy's game."

"You think I should play along?"

"Not all of it. You come to me ok, if he demands anymore I want to know, but I really don't see the harm in taking his money under false pretences, not after all that he has done" Judy sat back and wrapped her arm around Quinn. She felt Quinn calming against her. She knew Russell had a mean streak, she had ignored it for too many years and she didn't like what was happening right now. Fran had some questions to answer and Judy had some thinking to do, she knew it was up to her to help Quinn out of this mess.

Xxx

Rachel could still feel her. She had been shocked when she saw Quinn with that boy. She knew it was a date when she saw the guilt on Quinn's face. If only she hadn't agreed to bring dessert to the party. She couldn't get out of there fast enough. She dropped the food at Pucks and despite a little protest from Santana she made her excuses and left early, the party wasn't exactly happening anyway so they all accepted the need to rest her voice, but she knew Santana was suspicious.

When Quinn knocked on her door she felt her stomach flip. Holding her again had felt so right.

And then she was gone, she just got in her car and left. Rachel held herself. She wanted to remember the feel of Quinn against her bones.

She had been ready to let it all go but when Quinn had turned up at her door her whole world shifted again. Words weren't spoken but it was enough, it said all the things Quinn hadn't been able to say. She lay back on her bed and her thoughts drifted to the good times they had together, the moments when Quinn had been all hers.

Her phone buzzed and she lazily reached for it, she felt her heart rate increase when she saw the senders name.

Thanks for holding me Q x

She felt all her emotions topple over as she read the message, she tried to catch a breath as she let her heart speak.

I will always hold you. R x

I miss you Qx

Didn't we do this before? Hot and cold Quinn?

I am so sorry Qx

Talk to me Quinn

I can't. Not yet. I don't know what to say.

Please try….

She didn't get a response.

Just don't quit Glee ok? You have to talk to me first.

I'm not quitting. My Mom has sorted it. I never want to leave, just know that.

Rachel felt so much relief.

Good you need it and we need you

Can't win without my swagger?

It's true. Also you make me better and we all know it's all about me.

So true!

So…we will see you Monday?

You will

And you will talk to me soon?

She got no reply but felt some hope return.

xxx

Quinn felt the rush of blood as she sent the messages. She typed one out and her finger hovered over the send button, but it didn't sound right so she just turned her phone off and went to sleep instead because she didn't want to rush into words she wasn't sure of. She felt some hope coming back into her world. Rachel's touch had made it all seem ok, she knew she had a long way to go to make things right, but that she would do anything to make it up to Rachel. Talking things out with her Mom had helped too. She had a long history of keeping things in and shutting people out, she didn't find it easy to turn to anyone for help so knowing her Mom was there for her meant a lot. She was also relieved that she didn't have to quit Glee at Fran's behest. Her real friends were in Glee, they were the ones that had been there for her when she needed them. She couldn't imagine not being a part of that.

Quinn was happy that she could go back to Mr Schue on Monday and say she had been a fool and that she could make that mistake right with just a few words to him. No one else needed to know. She was grateful that Rachel had never let the group split, that even when Quinn was horrible to her, she made sure no one turned on her. She knew if it was the other way around and she had that power within Glee club she wouldn't have been so nice. She missed Rachel so much. Sure she was focussed and occasionally annoying but she was also kind and loving. Quinn missed that love, without she was hollow.

Xxx

As Quinn settled into sleep a video went viral from Jacobs's blog. It was a recording of the Cheerios and their vendetta against Rachel and then the following attacks against him. Somehow Rachel had kept it from the Glee club about the slushie Quinn had thrown. There were rumours of course but no one believed them when Rachel dismissed it as nonsense. They had no choice but to believe her.

Santana absolutely flipped when she saw it. She'd had enough of Quinn being an idiot and when Brittany started crying at the video she made a plan. They had all had a few drinks at the party but it wasn't really kicking off because they all knew something had been wrong with Rachel and now they knew why. They all retold stories of how Quinn had been mean to Rachel.

"She isn't coming back to Glee you know that right?" Santana told them "I know what Mr Schue said but I know Quinn and I can tell from how Rachel was about it all"

"I can't believe it, why would she quit? What is wrong with her?" Mercedes asked

"Once a bitch, always a bitch. Rachel was a fool for letting her in" Finn moaned

"For once I have to agree with you Finnessa" Santana took another shot of tequila as she gauged the reactions around her. Quinn had been such a bitch, she tried to get her to come around but nothing was working and to see what she had done to Rachel made her mad. She tried not to but she couldn't help but care about Rachel. The video was repeating on the PC and she looked up to see Rachel being slushied once again. The look on Rachel's face gave her the shivers and the stony gaze from Quinn as Rachel fled the scene made her feel sick.

"So what are we going to do about it?" Mike asked

"Revenge. Pure and simple" Santana sneered "and I know just the person to help us"

Throwing a slushy at one of their own was bad. Hurting Rachel was worse. The whole club cared deeply for Rachel, in the past they had feigned indifference, but the truth was Rachel had been there for all of them at one point or another and now they were going to be there for her.

xxx

Rachel woke with a smile, last night she had held Quinn but today was Saturday and Quinn would have to wait because she had a date with Beth.

Shelby welcomed her warmly but her smile faded as the conversation turned serious within moments.

"Will told me that Quinn is leaving Glee."

"He told you that? I don't think she is" Rachel fidgeted with the hem of her skirt.

"Well according to him she is, she came to see him the other day and made up some nonsense, he isn't convinced she wants to go, but said she seems adamant. He told me he has given her until Monday to make a final decision"

"I think it's already made, I think she is staying."

"You do?" Shelby questioned "Well if that's true then I'm glad" Shelby sat down with a coffee and looked at Rachel "really what does she have if she doesn't have Glee? Since she pushed you away Rachel? I feel for her you know, I don't get why she is pushing everything good in her life away?"

"She still sees Beth though?" she was struggling to meet Shelby's eyes as they talked.

"She does. But it hurts her as much as it makes her happy. I'm glad she makes the effort, I think it has done them both good and you being here is lovely for Beth too."

"Does she talk about me? Quinn I mean" Rachel couldn't help herself as she finally looked up.

Shelby looked at her two daughters, one so happy to have a big sister and the other one so heartbroken to have lost her love.

"I have never asked her. Quinn needs somewhere she can feel safe and I have tried to give her that"

"I'm sorry I shouldn't have asked"

"If I talked about you she may have used it as an excuse to back away from Beth"

"She probably would have" Rachel nodded her understanding.

"I wanted to though Rachel, so many times. I wanted to tell her to stop being such a fool and messing up her chances with you but I didn't feel it was my place"

"Thanks I guess. I'm sorry I just wanted to know if she was still I don't know. I wondered if she still cared for me. I think she does, last night I thought she did but what if she doesn't come back to me?" Rachel tried to stop herself but the words fell easily from her mouth, she hadn't wanted to tell Shelby about Quinn's visit because she didn't know what it meant yet but she couldn't keep it in anymore.

"You will get over her you know, she might not come back. Wait what happened last night?"

"She came to my house last night"

"She did?" Shelby was shocked "and what did she say?"

"Nothing really, she just. Well we hugged and she left"

"Will we ever understand how Quinn Fabray works?" Shelby asked more to the air around her than Rachel.

"I love her so much, even now, even after everything. I wanted her as a friend and she was such a good friend. I wish I still had at least that, someone to talk to and someone that just got me. When I hear her voice or she texts me I just want it all to go back to how it was but then she blanks me again. I know even if we work things out now things have changed a lot. I am not the same person."

"She texts you?" Rachel nodded "why won't she let you go Rachel, you can't let her play these games with you"

"I don't think it's like that Mom. I don't"

"You are young Rachel. You'll realise one day"

"Don't patronise me, you don't know Quinn, you see what she shows you, you don't know the real Quinn"

"I have seen the real Quinn, when she is with Beth I see a lovely girl but with you well you won't want to hear it but I see a girl that is repeatedly breaking you. I see someone who lets you go and keeps a string attached so she can pull you back in whenever she pleases"

"Stop please!" Rachel screamed. Beth started to cry and she quickly picked her up and whispered apologies over and over until Beth calmed and went back to playing.

"I'm sorry Rachel, I shouldn't have pushed it. I just care and I felt like I needed to defend you because you don't seem to want to do it yourself"

"I know. I shouldn't have shouted, but I do care about myself too. Quinn is Quinn I can't stop the way I feel and I don't think she can too. There is more to this than you think. I know she didn't want to stop. I know she still loves me"

"Is it enough though?"

"I hope so. I don't know what will happen but what we have together is special. I let that blind me a little. I was going to stay here you know?"

"Stay?"

"Quinn might not be able to come to New York so…"

"Don't give up because of Quinn. You don't even know if the two of you can make it work, you don't have the best history after all"

"I know that, it just felt like the worst thing in the world, the idea of not seeing her every day or even being in the same town."

"College isn't forever"

"Long distance doesn't work" Rachel retorted

"You live in the same town now and it doesn't work! So whatever happens you promise me that you will always try and make it in New York" Shelby clasped Rachel's hands in her own and shook them "Don't give that up you will only hate yourself and resent Quinn for it later"

"I promise. I know you are right, I just didn't want Quinn to think I was leaving her."

"I can't believe Quinn would be so selfish as to let you stay"

"She wasn't, she told me not to do it. It was just before she broke up with me"

"Oh"

"What? You think that's why she would do it?"

"Maybe but that doesn't make sense"

"Either way I know I need to put myself first now"

"I think that sounds very wise, but perhaps we should stop talking about Quinn and give Beth some attention. How do you fancy getting out of here and having some fun at the park?"

"Great idea" Rachel beamed.

Xxx

Quinn woke with a lighter heart, she had things to work out but that could all wait as Saturday meant additional Cheerio practice, Nationals were only weeks away now so Coach was working them hard. She put everything into it as she had so much frustration to work off. Coach seemed impressed with her work ethic which was some reward. Kylie had tried to compete but gave in eventually. Santana had blanked her which suited her just fine because she wasn't in the mood for another one of her rants, all they seemed to do was spar with each other these days and it got tiring. Quinn had things to work out in her head, things that she needed to say to Rachel. Her body ached all over at the end of it all so she took a long hot shower to try and relieve some of the ache. She wished the heat would heal her heart but it still felt too frozen, she needed Rachel to help her with that. When she finally turned off the shower the locker room was empty and she was pleased to have some quiet as she dressed and tied her wet hair back. She had no other plans for the day, just to get some lunch and then work on some things to say to Rachel. She couldn't keep hurting her, but she knew that she couldn't be with her as it would ruin both of their dreams. She needed to find some kind of middle ground. What she really wanted was to ask Rachel to wait until they got to college but after the way she acted she wasn't sure she'd get the answer she wanted now. Her thoughts were still confusing her so she packed up her things and headed out to her car.

She walked into the parking lot and then she heard him. The sound of his shoes tapping on the tarmac made her roll her eyes. The boy liked his designer shoes almost as much as Fran did.

"Jesse St James" she turned to look at the boy.

"Quinn, Queen Bitch, Fabray" he snarled and she was slightly shocked at the venom in his voice.

"Why are you here Jesse?" she did her best to sound nonchalant.

"I told you once remember? I said if you hurt Rachel you'd have me to answer to"

"How do you even know I hurt her, you don't even go here" Quinn carried on walking. It was then that she realised it wasn't just her and Jesse in the car park.

"Rachel still keeps in touch, although she didn't tell me what you had become, I saw it on the internet. I have to say I was severely disappointed in you. I have a few connections within the delightful Glee club you go to, a lot of angry people got in touch with me last night"

"So I see" Quinn saw the faces around her. Santana, Mercedes, Kurt, Puck, Finn, Mike.

"I think it's fair to say that you messed with the wrong person this time. You don't get to hurt someone like Rachel and get away with it"

"Yeah you are just an ice cold bitch" Finn snapped

"Shut it Hudson" Quinn stepped towards him.

"Don't even bother Quinn" Santana chimed in.

"So what are you going to egg me or what?"

Jesse looked around to the others and that was it, suddenly she felt the hit of all the slushies as they slammed into her. She fell to the ground as they all made sure their cups were emptied on her head. Her eyes were shut tight and her body was cold. No one spoke, a flash went off and then she heard footsteps as they walked away and left her alone. There was no laughter. No one thought it was funny. It was revenge pure and simple.

Xxx

Rachel drove into the parking lot just as the others got back into their cars. She had received a message from Santana while she was out with Beth and Shelby.

This one is for you Berry. School parking lot. Be there in 15 minutes.

It took a few moments before she saw Quinn sat on the floor but she didn't hesitate as she ran over to her and scooped her up. She couldn't make sense of the words that Quinn was trying to say as her body wracked with sobs. Rachel carried her back into the school and towards the locker room. They were both covered in the coloured ice mixture now. Rachel turned the shower on and pulled Quinn in with her fully clothed. Quinn was shaking a little so she held onto her tight and rubbed her back and arms.

Slowly she peeled off their damp clothes as the water continued to run over them. Quinn bit her lip and watched as she did. When Rachel was finished she held her and Quinn felt some warmth return to her heart. She looked into Rachel's eyes as they both stood under the hot water, the tears were still falling but she felt comfort in Rachel's arms. Rachel tenderly washed Quinn until all the dye was gone and her hair was clean.

Rachel dried her and left her wrapped in a towel as she looked around for some spare clothes.

"Are you ok?" she asked gently as she handed them to Quinn. Still wrapped in her own towel she didn't get dressed, just sat down next to her.

"I don't think I will ever be ok" Quinn stated matter-of-factly.

"I didn't know they were going to do that" Rachel shook her head, she couldn't believe what she had seen, she knew what it felt like to be targeted like that.

"I deserved it"

"Maybe a little" Rachel smiled and Quinn half returned it. "But it wasn't right. I would have stopped them if I'd known".

"I know you would have" Quinn sighed and looked at Rachel "I missed that smile"

"Why then Quinn?" Her frustration evident as Quinn crossed that line. "It's always been here. I have been here for you but you pushed me away"

"I can't explain it's just so many things. My Dad, money, college. You can't understand. I am not worth it"

"Is this still about New York?"

"Yes"

"Because I said I would stay if you couldn't go?"

"You can't do that for me"

"I know that now. I wasn't thinking straight at the time, I just wanted us to work and I didn't want you to feel bad. Is that why you broke up with me?"

"I thought it was the only way to stop you making a mistake. I have seen you being a fool in love. I remembered that day when we argued at the piano. You thought Finn was everything then and I was right, you don't belong here Rachel"

"I think you are a fool Quinn" Rachel sighed "I didn't feel anything for Finn compared to how I feel about you, but you know that, don't you?"

"I do and that is why I got scared. I can't let you give up things for me I am not worth it. I heard you talking about OSU. You can't"

"I'll have to if I don't get into Julliard, I need a backup."

"No, you will get in"

"I will do my best and I hope you will be coming along too"

"I'm not worth worrying about Rachel."

"Quinn you are I know that you don't think much of yourself but you are special Quinn, you matter to me and you are worth it."

"How can you say that even after I hurt you like this? I am not a good person Rachel, I make bad choices. You have to promise me that you will go to Julliard if you get in"

"I promise. I know what I said before about staying. Well back then I just couldn't imagine being apart from you but I know I can cope, you have shown me that much. If I get in I will be going. I can't let my Dads down after all the effort they have put into my dream but most importantly I have to do it for me" Rachel looked into Quinn's eyes "What I need to know right now though is can we work this out?"

"I don't know how to make this right" Quinn turned away "maybe it's best if you just forget about me"

"So you just push away and we give up without even trying! You are such a coward Quinn, I don't know why I let you do this to me" Rachel grabbed at the clothes she had found and quickly put them on. "I thought maybe last night meant something and that you were finally getting over yourself, but still it just feels like you don't want to open up."

"Rachel please"

"No Quinn, I won't do this. I have hurt so much these last few months. I can't beg for you to be with me now. I can't do your hot and cold. My heart isn't strong enough" Rachel headed towards the door.

"Rachel" Quinn shouted, Rachel hesitated but still reached for the handle "Don't go. I want you" Rachel froze as Quinn pleaded "I want us. I love you and I made a mistake" she had closed the gap and pulled Rachel's outstretched hand away from the door. "Rachel don't let me being an idiot ruin this for us, I promise to try and be more open. It's hard for me. You know that but I will do anything to make this right, if you still want me, I will give up my ticket to New York"

Rachel turned to look at her and saw the love in her eyes mixed with the hurt, pain and pleading. It was all too confusing, she felt the tug at her arm and she looked down at Quinn's hand gripped on her. She looked up and met hazel eyes once again as Quinn loosened her grip.

"Do you choose me Quinn?" she spoke at a barely audible tone.

"I choose you Rachel Berry, forever and always" Quinn tilted her head to one side a small smile made its way into her eyes "do you choose me? All my faults and mistakes and foolishness? Will you wait for me to make it to you in New York? Because I am determined to make it somehow"

Rachel took a deep breath, she was feeling a little overwhelmed but then she looked into Quinn's eyes once more and knew she had no choice. "All yours Quinn"

Quinn's let go of Rachel's arm and tenderly placed both hands on the brunette's hips. She pulled Rachel into her until they were almost touching. "I love you" she kissed her slowly and it felt so right.

Rachel pulled back "but how do we do this? So many things have changed"

"I don't know. I have to work it all out and see what grants come in and what my Mom can do, but it could be a while until I get to join you"

Rachel pulled out of Quinn's arms, her heart racing again. "I can't" she felt the lump in her throat and tried to gulp it down. "How can I take your chance from you? If your Dad is happy to help then you have to take that"

"But we can't be together if I want his money. I don't want that I choose you" Quinn tried to pull her close again but Rachel resisted "I suck at this stuff. You need to know I want to be with you"

"If I can't stay for you then how can you give up that for me?"

"I can easily. I have other options, they may take a bit of time" Quinn held her hand on her head in confusion as she looked at Rachel "am I just messing things up again?" she asked as she felt her attempts to reconcile fail.

"No, I am just confused" Rachel sat back down and pulled Quinn with her. She looked to the floor for inspiration. She eventually turned to her and smiled "Why can't we see each other in secret? We did it before. Your Dad doesn't have to know."

"We did secret. We fail at subtle"

"So be mean to me. Be as mean as you can in front of everyone, but be my Quinn when we are alone"

"You'd do that? Even after all that I have put you through?"

"It would have been my first suggestion if you had just talked to me about this before breaking up with me and throwing a slushy in my face!"

"I am sorry about that. The slushy. I had to do it. Kylie was on my back. The deal was I do it and then it stops. No one throws another at you. I thought it was the lesser evil and I also thought it would help you get over me quickly"

"I could never get over you Quinn" Rachel tucked a stray hair behind Quinn's ear and held her eyes in an intense gaze. "I love you Quinn Fabray. Slushy madness and all"

"I don't deserve you"

"I wish you would let me decide on that one."

"I think maybe being a secret would work, if you are sure. Would you really pretend like that for me?"

"I so would" Rachel smiled "Perhaps it's for the best. I mean what if we don't work out anyway? This way you won't lose out on your shot because of me. I mean if you won't let me give up my chance for you, how can I take yours away?"

"We will work out Rachel, I am sure of how I feel but it's not just my Dad that we have to hide from. It's Fran and its Kylie. We wouldn't be able to be seen together in Lima at all and I don't think we could even let my Mom know or your Dads"

"My Dads wouldn't say a thing."

"They still talk to my Mom though. I know she has been cooking secretly for you all"

"How did you?"

"The vegan food factory that is now my kitchen gave it away and she isn't happy with what I did to you, she tells me that almost daily."

"Your Mom is sweet. I think she is Daddy's new best friend. It's kind of weird really, I haven't seen her. I know she has been over to the house but I couldn't face it"

"She misses you"

"I miss her"

"But we have to keep this from her for now, she'd be fine but with Fran on watch it's too risky" Quinn added "This is all such a mess"

"I can live with a mess Quinn so long as I have you"

"You have me Rachel"

"So what happens now?"

"We talk, we work it all out"

"Maybe we could go somewhere after you get dressed?" Rachel let her eyes roam across Quinn's body. Quinn blushed at the intensity.

"Somewhere secret?" She breathed.

"My Dads are away again."

"Ok, you go now and I'll follow in five"

Rachel opened the door before turning back and placing a brief kiss to Quinn's lips. She drove home wondering how it would all work out. All she knew was that she needed to give Quinn a chance and she hoped this time it would be worth it.

xxx