Chapter 25

'This is all wrong' Liam stated, his voice even.

The two men lay, side by side, bodies still intertwined following a quick and dirty interlude between the sheets.

Todd scoffed. 'But did it feel good?'

'That's not the point, Todd. Feeling good doesn't make it right.'

Todd turned sideways, draping his leg over Liam's body. 'Why are you making this more complicated than it needs to be?'

Liam wriggled out from under him and threw off the sheet covering both of them. He got to his feet and began hunting for his boxers which had been thrown across the room along with the rest of his clothes. He checked the time. It had been less than thirty minutes since he'd stood, resolute, in the doorway to his room and now he was going to have to recite the whole breakup spiel all over again.

'Nothing's changed. I told you earlier how things have to be.'

Todd pushed himself up onto his elbow and watched Liam getting dressed. 'Why though? Why do things have to be this way?'

Now that his libidinous impulses were no longer clouding his mind, Liam was coming to his senses, realizing the consequences of his latest lapse in judgement. Ever since he'd first met Todd Greenway, he'd known the man was persistent - hell, he'd come after him like gangbusters after they'd first met. The guy just couldn't or wouldn't take no for an answer; why would their breakup be any different.

'Josh'll be back any minute and you and I need to talk' Liam said, pulling up his pants.

Todd stared back at him, his eyes bright and shiny as they always were after a robust lovemaking session. 'Come on lover, you're not going to tell me you didn't enjoy that.'

Liam ignored the question and continued getting dressed. He threw some of Todd's clothes in his direction: boxers, shirt, jeans.

'Get dressed' he ordered. 'We'll go for coffee.'

WCWCWC

Neal had been awake for about an hour when Sara finally stirred next to him. She felt his arm tighten around her waist.

'You awake?' she murmured.

'Uh huh' he replied.

She turned to face him in the early morning light. 'How come?'

Neal flipped over onto his back and she settled in against him. 'Just trying to wrap my head around a few things, plan my day.'

'Is this about Jesse?'

'After I get back from driving Hope and Cam to the train, I'm going to confront him.'

'What are you going to say?'

Neal sighed loudly. 'I'm going to tell him that we know he faked the mugging and ask him again what he's up to.'

'Don't you want to see if Jones found out anything first?' she asked.

He felt her warm hand resting on his chest anchoring him and he placed his own on top as if to keep her from moving.

'Yeah…' he muttered, his voice far away. 'I'll give him a call.'

Sara Ellis knew her husband pretty well and she could tell there was more to the story. She waited patiently for him to speak up.

His face grew tense and he turned to look at her. 'But before I talk to Jesse, I need to sit down and have a heart to heart with Caitlin. I need to get it over with and tell her the truth.'

The 'it' Neal was referring to was no mystery to Sara. He'd mentioned his ambivalence about sharing his past with their foster daughter on several occasions since she'd come into their lives. There were arguments to be made on both sides of the issue but ultimately, he'd just never managed to work up the courage to tell Caitlin about the years he'd spent in federal prison - or the illegal actions that had led him there.

On the pro side, telling her might help bring them closer. Knowing Neal had gone through a rough time and had somehow made it through might help her gain insight into her own struggles and conclude that she could turn her life around despite her difficult beginnings. The flip side - and the argument that had always won out - was Neal's fear that she might lose respect for him and that somehow he would lose the moral high ground.

'I don't think I have a choice anymore' he murmured. 'He's obviously found out about my past and if I let him take control of the narrative, there's no telling how he'll spin it.'

Sara nodded. She'd encouraged him to tell Caitlin the truth back when she'd first moved in but Neal had been afraid of losing credibility in her eyes - especially at a time when she needed a strong authoritarian figure.

'Honey, she'll be fine' Sara said reassuringly. 'She's not a kid anymore and besides, she'll understand. She's no angel herself.'

'That's just it though. I don't want her to perceive this as permission to live the kind of life I was living when I was her age.'

Sara pushed herself up onto her elbow and let her other hand continue to linger across Neal's chest. 'That might have been a valid concern when she was sixteen and messed up but she's a lot more… mature than she was. Except for her recent little flare-up, she's been doing well… you said it yourself.'

Neal sighed again, the lines on his forehead growing deeper.

'Look how much you worried about telling Hope and Liam' Sara reminded him. 'And that turned out just fine.'

It was true. For years, beginning even before Hope was born, he'd agonized about coming clean to his kids about his criminal past. In the end, it had been mortifying but, in both cases, he'd been relieved to finally have everything out in the open. And Sara was right, his relationship with his kids didn't appear to have suffered after they'd found out the truth about their dad.

'But they were little and… it happened naturally.'

At the age of seven, Hope had discovered Neal's GPS tracker at the back of their bedroom closet and in true Hope style she'd drilled him with questions about it. He'd explained as best he could that when he'd been younger, he'd done things that were illegal and that he'd gone to jail. He explained in general terms that her uncle Peter had arranged to have him released so he could help the FBI catch some bad guys and that the tracker was a condition of his release.

At the time, Hope had been more interested in the anklet itself, how it worked, how it was worn and she'd even slipped it on her own ankle and dragged it around the bedroom while Neal watched. That had been the extent of her curiosity and she'd never mentioned it again… except for that time she'd gotten angry at her dad and had proceeded to throw his past in his face like any other defiant teenager might do. Neal had been crushed by her outburst but the two of them had managed to work it out. Hope had always insisted that her unwarranted hissy fit was the biggest regret of her life.

Explaining things to Liam hadn't been a picnic either. He'd been just shy of four years old when he'd gotten into a scuffle at preschool with another little boy who'd teased him about his daddy being a criminal who'd gone to jail. Liam had accused the other little guy of lying and had defended his beloved dad. Neal had been forced to explain things to his son in a language he could understand and Liam had barely batted an eye, equating Neal's stint in jail to the time outs he sometimes had to endure at the hands of his parents when he misbehaved.

Once everything had been out in the open, any questions the kids had had over the years had been answered on the spot, honestly and completely, until it had all faded into the background, inconsequential to their everyday lives and Hope and Liam's unconditional love and admiration for their dad.

In both cases, breaking the news to his children had been less painful than the troublesome scenarios Neal had allowed himself cultivate over the years.

Caitlin, however, was another story. She'd already had such a difficult childhood and adolescence and the last thing he wanted was for this news to push her over the edge and give some justification for the outlandish behaviour she'd been exhibiting. He'd always told himself that this was his main reason for holding back but in the back of his mind, he'd had less altruistic motivations. He didn't want to lose credibility in her eyes. He'd been her knight in shining armour, saving her from a life of malfeasance, taking her into his home, raising her as his own and giving her every bit as much as he'd given Hope and Liam. She was about to find out that their whole relationship was built on a lie. What would her reaction be? Would she think less of him?

'Why don't we tell her together?' Sara murmured pulling him out of his thoughts.

He looked down at her fondly, bringing his arm around her shoulder and resting his lips on her forehead. 'Thanks babe… but this is something I need to do this by myself. You're not the one who got herself arrested for bond forgery and served four years in a federal penitentiary.'

'Neal, that happened a long time ago and it doesn't define who you are as a person. And besides, we're in this together.'

Neal shook his head sadly. Here he was, almost three decades later, still haunted by the bad decisions he'd made in his youth. Somedays, he thought the whole ugly mess would never end. He'd worked so hard to be a good role model for his kids but he realized that he could never erase what he'd done. Ever. He'd be paying for it in one way or another for the rest of his life.

He smiled, albeit a sad smile. 'I love you for offering Repo but I'll be fine. Just… just promise you'll be here for me when it's all over and done with.'

Sara felt her throat tighten. 'Always and forever, Caffrey.'

WCWCWC

When Liam woke the next morning, it was to the sound of Josh Monteith singing in the shower. For a tall, skinny black kid, the guy had an amazing set of lungs and Liam lay there for a minute taking it all in and letting the memories of the previous night wash over him.

Josh had been sound asleep when he'd finally made it back to their room the night before. After their romp in the sheets, Liam and Todd had gone out to a little roadhouse off campus for coffee. Liam had managed to stay focussed and he'd spent the better part of two hours telling Todd Greenway in no uncertain terms that they were done and that their little roll in the hay was the last time they would ever be together.

He'd apologized profusely - as only Liam could - for toying with the man's emotions and he'd reiterated that he'd never meant to hurt him. They held hands and reminisced about the fun times they had during their short courtship and Liam thanked him again for being there for him during his first few months away from home. He explained how he'd agonized about the decision to break up, how he needed to concentrate his energy and attention on school and basketball and he reassured Todd that, at least for the time being, his decision had nothing to do with Cody Miller.

When they'd parted ways, it was well past midnight and Liam was confident Todd had finally gotten the message. Liam set some clear ground rules: he asked Todd not to come to his room uninvited, not to show up at his basketball practices and he apologized again for putting him through a break-up, not just once but twice. If Todd could respect Liam's wishes, Liam agreed they could remain friends - as much as exes can be friends once the hurting has subsided.

Liam had walked Todd to his dorm on the other side of campus and the two men had hugged before finally parting ways. He hadn't even felt the bitter cold nipping at his extremities as he'd trudged back to Booth Hall in the dark and once there, he'd slipped into a guilt-free slumber for the first time in several weeks.

Liam was startled by the sound of the water being turned off, the pipes banging loudly as they always did. The singing continued for a few seconds then Josh appeared in the doorway to the bathroom, a towel around his waist and dripping water all over the floor.

'So, where did you disappear to last night?' he asked. 'I thought you were too tired to come out for a drink with the rest of us.'

Liam sat up on the edge of his bed, his eyes bleary; it was time to come clean about what had happened after he and Josh had parted ways. After all the time and energy his roomie had invested in his effort to coach him through the breakup, he was embarrassed to tell him what had happened.

'I was… but…'

Josh picked up on the hesitation and gave his head a firm shake, sending droplets of water flying in Liam's direction.

'No! Tell me you didn't…' he began as he saw the telltale signs of unease on Liam's face. 'You slept with him again, didn't you?'

His tone was accusatory - almost like a jilted lover - and Liam looked down at his feet, avoiding his roomie's probing glare. He stood, scratched his head, his sandy coloured hair sticking up unnaturally and he made his way over to the small coffee maker on the sideboard, fiddling with it. He wasn't proud of the fact that he'd given in to his baser instincts mere hours after breaking up with Todd. He had barely put up a fight.

Seeing that look of disappointment on Josh's face was akin to facing himself in the mirror and admitting to himself just how weak he'd been.

'Caffrey, what the hell's wrong with you?' Josh asked, arms up in the air in a sign of defeat.

'Do you want some coffee?' Liam asked in an attempt at deflection. He poked around absentmindedly, filling the pot with water and checking the mini-fridge for milk.

Josh wandered over to his bed where his clothes lay and he let the towel drop on the floor, grabbing for a pair of underwear and slipping them on.

'You know I just don't get it, Liam. It took you forever to make up your mind and then it took everything for you to finally go through with it. And then you go and step right back into the pile of shit you just got yourself out of.'

'He was in my bed when I got back to the room last night' Liam said petulantly as if that was reason enough to set reason aside and act so impulsively.

Josh shook his head and rolled his eyes. 'Oh, he was in your bed when you got back to the room' he repeated in a whiny voice. 'Well, that explains everything!'

Liam looked away; he knew Josh was right. It had been foolish of him to give in to his hormone fuelled body when it had been so painful to break up with Todd in the first place.

'Afterwards… we went out for coffee and I told him we were done.'

'Whatever!' Josh exclaimed, disbelieving. He pulled on a shirt and grabbed for his jeans.

Liam picked up a key chain from the desk and dangled it in front of his roomie. 'I got my room key back.'

Josh seemed to soften. 'I guess that's something.'

'He has this effect on me, I can't explain it' Liam admitted. 'You know how you get when Allie Jenkins comes to practice… you trip over your own two feet.

Josh seemed to take Liam's last comment into consideration. It was true that when the pretty girl from his sociology class dropped by the gym to watch them practice, he suddenly developed two left feet.

Liam could see Josh's mood changing. 'Anyway, I think I finally got it out of my system' he said as he lifted up a coffee cup in invitation.

Whereas one minute earlier, Josh had seemed ready to head out, he let his shoulders drop and sat down at the small table, his lanky legs tucked under the chair.

'Fine' he said with a shrug. 'I'll have some coffee.'

Liam smiled at him, that shy, disarming Caffrey smile of his.

'So' Josh said, taking the cup from his roomie's hand. 'Tell me everything that happened.'

WCWCWC

'You know you didn't have to do this, Dad' Hope said as she sat in the back seat of the car alongside Cameron. 'We could have taken an uber.'

Neal shrugged. 'And miss spending an hour and a half stuck in traffic with my beautiful daughter and her handsome fiancé?' he said in jest.

'You can flatter us all you want, Dad' she said with a mischievous smile. 'We're still not going to tell you anything until it's time.'

He gave her a put upon pout and turned his attention to his future son-in-law. 'So, are your folks excited about your visit?'

'My mom's over the moon. She's been cooking and cleaning and just generally driving my dad crazy.'

He looked over at Hope and reached for her hand, squeezing it. 'We're going to have a great time, right sweetie?'

She nodded but Neal picked up a certain reluctance in her gaze. The prospect of staying with the Armstrongs had her feeling uneasy. The life Cam's family lived was pretty well the polar opposite of the way she and her brother had been raised in a big metropolitan city.

'So you'll let us know…' Neal said, leaving the rest of the question unspoken.

'Just be patient, Daddy. You and Mom are right up there at the top of our list.'

Traffic was a bitch and the young couple insisted on getting out two blocks from the train station. Hope leaned over to kiss her dad goodbye and followed Cam out of the car. Neal watched fondly as they walked away, hand in hand, carrying their backpacks and looking like the young, carefree couple they were. He sighed and set his sights on making his way back to White Plains and Mel's Diner where he'd made a date to meet Caitlin for lunch. Jesse was out looking for work and there would never be a better time to share his findings with her and to finally get things off his chest.

His early morning call to Clinton Jones had confirmed Neal's earlier suspicions. Jesse Davis was a two-bit hustler with a long record of misdemeanours in four states. His rap sheet included a couple of arrests for assault, shoplifting, petty theft, two drug charges as well as an arrest for credit card fraud. He'd served time both in Florida and in Texas over the past twelve or so years. This information didn't shed much light on what he was doing in New York but it was a safe bet he was up to no good.

The news of her brother's lack of rectitude might be difficult for Caitlin to hear and Neal braced himself, aware he needed to tread lightly. His intention wasn't to demolish him in her eyes but she had a right to know her brother was lying to her, to all of them.

More than anything else though, Neal was worried about Caitlin's reaction to the news about his own past. Jesse Davis might be in their lives in passing but his relationship with his foster daughter would endure long after the young man disappeared in a cloud of dust. The most important thing was to make sure their relationship survived this hiccup so they could come out the other side with their connection intact.

He got to Mel's Diner before she did and he settled at his usual booth to wait. Sonia, their regular waitress, brought over some coffee and Neal did his best to chat her up while he kept one eye out the window to see if Caitlin was coming up the road. Before long, he noticed her colourful hat bopping along the sidewalk - the one they always teased her about. She mostly wore it to work at the daycare; the kids loved how bright and multicoloured it was.

He watched her make her way to the door and point herself towards the table where he was waiting with a nice hot cup of coffee for her.

'Hey Mr. C' she called out.

'Hey' Neal said in return, getting to his feet and leaning down to kiss her cheek.

It was a rare occasion when they got to spend time alone together - except for the hours they spent sharing Neal's studio in the basement. Meals out were usually a family affair and she'd been pleased when Neal suggested they meet up - although she had been a little mystified by the invitation.

Neal waited until they'd ordered their food before tackling the thorny subject he needed to discuss with her. Sonia filled their coffee cups one last time and walked away with their orders, leaving them to chat.

'Caitlin, I found out some stuff about Jesse that I think you should know about.'

'What do you mean you found out? Have you been spying on him?'

Neal could instantly feel her defensiveness; blood ran pretty thick after all. Except for her no-good mother, Jesse was her only living relative; it was normal that she would want to protect her relationship with him.

'It doesn't matter how I know. The point is… ' Neal said, trying not to get sidetracked. '…I found a loaded gun in his bag and some narcotics.'

Caitlin stared into his eyes, her own gaze hardening.

'So?' she said, her voice meek. 'A lot of people carry guns.'

'Honey, you know how I feel about guns in the house. Bibi and Chloe are over at our place all the time. What would happen if they came across a loaded gun?' he asked, his voice growing louder.

He glanced around the restaurant making sure he wasn't attracting any attention.

'Caitlin, I'm not telling you this to hurt you' he said, hesitating. 'Jesse's been lying to you, he's been lying to all of us. The night before last when you came home and he had those bruises, I snooped around.'

She stared back in disbelief.

'His wallet was in his bag and he had over eight hundred bucks in it.'

She shrugged.

'Honey, he didn't get mugged. He lied.'

'That's not true. He was covered in bruises, you saw it yourself.'

Neal nodded. 'I know… he was roughed up but that doesn't mean he was mugged.'

Caitlin's face grew dark. 'I don't believe you.'

Neal had hoped it wouldn't come to this. He pulled out his phone and showed her the photographs he'd taken in the powder room two nights earlier - the definitive proof that her brother had deceived her.

She stared down at the pictures on Neal's phone and shook her head from side to side.

'Why are you telling me this?' she asked, her voice trembling.

'Honey, Jesse's not who he says he is and I don't think he came here just to see you. I talked to Clinton today and he did some checking for me.'

Caitlin's eyes grew and he could see tears forming. 'Why would you do something like that? Why would you spy on him?'

Neal steadied his breathing. This wasn't going quite as he'd anticipated. He waited a moment to give her time to assimilate what he'd just told her.

Curiosity got the best of her. 'What… what did Clinton say?'

'Jesse's been in trouble with the law before' Neal stated.

'I know… he's no angel' she replied, her voice shaky.

Neal felt like he was spinning his tires; maybe it was time to use a different tactic. 'Why do you think he pretended to get mugged?'

Caitlin's bright blue eyes swam in unshed tears. 'I don't know…'

'I don't either. But I'm going to talk to him… I'm going to confront him, find out why.'

A tear spilled out onto her cheek and Caitlin reached up with the back of her hand to wipe it off.

'I want to be there. Maybe there's a perfectly good explanation.'

Neal nodded. 'You can if you want. But you don't have to. Do you trust me?'

He almost choked on the words; when he finished telling her what he needed her to know she might never trust him again.

She nodded in silence.

Neal's hand reached out to touch hers. 'Caitlin, Sara and I love you very much and we want you to be happy.'

'I know' she stammered. 'I love you guys too.'

'I know it can't be easy to be hearing this stuff about your brother but I don't want him messing with you, getting you wrapped in his shenanigans somehow.'

Caitlin was grabbing for her coat. 'Well, let's go. Right now. See if we can clear this up.'

Neal's held her back. His face grew serious. 'Wait, wait, sit down. There's something else I need to talk to you about.'

The intensity in his eyes stopped her dead in her tracks. 'What is it? Are you sick? Is it Sara?'

Neal smiled. 'No, no. We're both fine. It's something else. Something that happened a long time ago.'

She dropped her coat and settled back in the booth, waiting for him to continue.

'What is it?'

Neal took a couple of steadying breaths. He'd been dreading this moment ever since he'd decided he had no choice but to tell her about his past.

'Peter and I used to work together' he said, easing into the subject.

'Yeah, you worked with him at the FBI, helping him with forgeries and stuff, right?'

Neal nodded. 'Yeah.' His voice was barely more than a whisper. 'What I've never told you is how I came to work at the FBI.'

This was infinitely more difficult than he'd imagined. She could react in so many different ways: with warmth and understanding, fierce anger, bitter disappointment. He let out a shaky breath.

'I was on work release' he stated, his voice flat.

'Release… from where?'

'From prison.'

'What?'

'Honey, I did a little over four years at Sing Sing.'

'Sing Sing? You mean that federal penitentiary?'

Neal nodded and for the first time, he let his eyes drop into his lap, noticing he was wringing his hands.

'When I was younger, in my twenties, I was arrested for bond forgery.'

'What?' she said again with a nervous laugh. 'You're kidding, right?'

'No' he replied soberly. 'I'm not. Peter was the one who arrested me and… I escaped from prison when I had three months left on my sentence.'

'This is crazy.'

'I was dragged back to jail but I managed to negotiate a deal with the Bureau to help them with some cases in exchange for a reduced sentence. I was released and put on an electronic monitoring device until my sentence was up. Peter was my handler.'

Caitlin stared ahead in disbelief. 'Your handler? Like in those movies with criminals?'

Neal just nodded.

'Does Sara know?' she demanded, her tone accusing.

'Yeah, of course. I was still on the anklet when we got married.'

'So… you're a criminal?' she said, as she finally put the pieces together. 'A common thief?'

The words cut through Neal like a knife. He hadn't expected her to react this way; who was he kidding, this reaction was exactly what he'd feared.

Her eyes hardened. 'You've been acting all high and mighty, all this time. Pretending to be a good guy. Saving all those kids at the art school.'

'I'm not pretending Caitlin. It happened a long time ago. And I paid my debt to society.'

She shook her head and laughed sardonically. 'This is rich' she scoffed. 'You're on Jesse's case about a few petty crimes and you… you're some sort of master forger.'

Neal sat in silence. He couldn't deny that what she was saying was true; it was all true - and his crimes had been much worse than he was now admitting to.

'Why are you telling me this now?'

'Jesse… Jesse found out somehow and he threatened to tell you if I didn't keep quiet about what he was doing. I didn't want you hearing it from him.'

Caitlin frowned; the information was coming at a faster clip than she could process.

'Do Hope and Liam know?'

Neal nodded.

'So basically everybody in the family knows but me' she stated. He could see the hurt in her eyes. 'Why didn't you tell me?'

'Honey, it happened a long time ago and it has nothing to do with our lives today.'

'You didn't trust me?'

'It wasn't my proudest moment. I know you've always had a lot of questions about me and my mom and I was never able to tell you the whole story of how we became estranged.'

'So now it's Grandma's fault?' she asked sarcastically. 'I suppose she knows too?'

Neal's eyes drifted down to stare at his cup of coffee. 'Yes' he mumbled.

Caitlin was on her feet, grabbing for her coat.

'Caitlin, wait' Neal attempted but she was having none of it.

She stared at him, her voice shrill. 'You're a fraud' she declared. 'And everybody knew but me.'

His instinct was to hold her back, try to make her see sense but he thought better of it. She needed some time to digest all this and the best he could do for the time being was give her a little space. She stormed towards the door with only one arm in her coat and Neal watched her from the window as she walked away without turning back.

Neal's attention was diverted by Sonia, standing over him with two large plates of food.

'Everything okay Mr. Caffrey' the woman asked.

She set the food down and held up her pot of coffee, silently asking if he wanted a refill. Neal shook his head in silence. She was just walking away when he called out to her.

'You know what, Sonia. Why don't you bring me a scotch? A double.'

TBC