XXV - First Slippery Step...
The girl's voice had started fading as she described the predicament of the role-playing game character. Soon another voice started to resonate in Max' head. A creepy, demented voice Max would give almost everything to forget.
"Maaaax! Look at you the porcelain skin, the soft curves as shy as their owners, like an innocent flower awaiting to be plucked!"
No, I gotta stay in the present! It's just a memory! Just a fucking memory brought out by a fucking game!
She closed her eyes muttering and muttering that truth in her head again and again.
"Aww Max... Please do show me your pretty eyes... I need to see them if I want to catch the moment they will express your troubling heart, the fear, despair!"
This is not real! This is not real! that jackass is dead! David killed him!
She heard the clicking of the camera, saw the lightnings of flashes through her eyelids. She tried to fight her fears, tried to fight the panic. She tried to move to prove herself it was just a dream. But all she could do is feel the restraints on her wrists, the plastic of the duct tape holding her arms together the cold of the floor she was laying on, on her skin.
The sensations grew stronger and stronger, more and more real in her mind. She slowly opened her eyes looking around. The tattoo and gaming store had been replaced by the cold concrete walls of a bunker dimly lit by sort red spots. She was laying on a white drape, covering the cold floor. She looked at her body, seeing her pale naked skin, only covered by her plain white cotton panties. She curled trying to cover her chest with her arms while she twisted her arms trying to claw the tape off.
"Yeah like this! the buildup of the panic, the embarrassment, the flush in the delicate skin! Oh, I can't wait for the moment the panic turns to despair!"
She saw the flashes lighting up the room, drawing shades on her skin as the camera clicked again and again in rapid salvo as she felt the presence of Jefferson moving around her.
I got to go away from here! I gotta run!
She frantically twisted her wrists working her nails at the grey band holding her, sobbing and whimpering.
"Oh Max, look at you! So shy, so fragile! You and your quietness, just like a doll!"
She felt something brushing her shoulder and she squeaked trying to move away as she kept fighting her restraints.
"Max? ... what are you doing?" The voice was soft but still filled with drooling sleezy depravation in it. The touch she felt along her arm was sickening and she tried to move away.
"Max... Stop!" She started to claw at the duct tape like a demented wolverine in vain.
"MAX! You got to stop!" She was shaken softly. She whimpered and shook her head concentrating, trying to ignore the mad man.
I can't stop I got to escape quick! I got to go back to Chloe!
"Stop it Max!" She felt a stronger shudder as the hands gripped her arms with more strength, her vision blurring as the voice started sounding slightly different.
"MAX!"
She closed her eyes shaking her eyes as she whimpered and sobbed.
"MAX! Your hurting yourself!"
What?
"Max! Stop it!" She opened her eyes and blinked a few times as she saw a blue blurriness slowly turning clearer.
The blurriness shook her more and more making her head wiggle around. "MAX! Listen to me!"
Her vision started to clear, the voice calling her turning more feminine, more worried.
"Max! For fuck sake! stop!"
She felt something pulling trying to pry her arms apart. She blinked again and again.
"Chloe?" she whimpered.
Steph reached for a paper in behind her screen and nodded. "You see that forcefield shackles are holding her wrists and ankles tightly to the rack, making it impossible for her to move."
God! If she had freckles it would be so hawt!
Chloe felt her lips curling slightly at the picture drawn by Steph. She saw Mickey looking around. "What should we do? I mean we don't know her so freeing her might be dangerous."
Chloe frowned. "Dude! if we don't free her she won't be able to play!"
Warren nodded. "Yeah man! Let Max play!"
Steph smiled "Yeah it's the goal of today after all!"
Chloe nodded enthusiastically turning to look at her friend with a smile. What she saw froze her blood.
The girl was pale, her eyes wide open starring at nothing, absent. Slowly she realized the girl's breathing was short and quick.
"Max?" She asked softly reaching to pat the brunette's shoulder.
Max didn't react, she just panted nervously and kept scratching her wrist with her fingers, nails drawing lines on her skin.
"Max you okay?"
The worry in her voice attracted everyone's attention. The bickering between the boys stopped, every eye turned toward Max as Chloe started to shake the brunette's shoulder softly.
"What's wrong?" Warren asked with a worried frown.
Drew reached hesitantly waving a hand in front of the inanimate blue eyes. "She looks... like she is having a stroke."
Max' breathing turned louder and more panicked, filled with strain and urgency. Her small hands frantically clawing at her wrist as if trying to get rid of something.
"Max? What are you doing?" Chloe's felt her hear sink as she noticed the small scraps appearing on the girl's wrists.
Brooke frowned and stood up walking around the table. "She's having a panic attack." The girl went to crouch by Max reaching a hand on Max' forehead.
Chloe reached with her hands, taking Max' shoulders softly as she started to shake her. "MAX! You got to stop!"
But the girl stayed unresponsive, just twisting her arms close to her as she frantically claws her skin.
"Max!" Chloe felt dread starting to fill her veins as she saw her friend's face, pale, lost somewhere far away from her.
"Shit! She's bleeding!" Drew reached quickly for Max' arms but couldn't slip his hands to catch them as the girl's twisting and clawing increased.
Steph jumped to her feet and ran toward the back of her store while Chloe felt tears in her eyes at the sight of the few scarlet pearls appearing on her friend's wrist.
"MAX! Your hurting yourself!" She almost shrieked as she shook her friend more vigorously hoping to make snap out of her nightmare. "Max! Stop it!"
The brunette's eyes blinked, her face twitching as Chloe kept shaking her. "MAX! Listen to me!"
Steph came back to the table placing gauzes and a disinfectant spray from the tattooing and piercing stations, on the wooden surface. "Thank god I'm fully stocked on those!" she softly said her eyes watching the girl. "Drew try to grab her arms, just be careful not to break anything."
The dark-skinned boy nodded as he did his best to duck under the punk who kept calling her friend.
"Max! For fuck sake! stop!"
"Gotcha!" he breathed as he finally caught the girl's wrist and started to pry them apart.
Chloe stared at her friend's face feeling the girl's body shivering in her hands. The brunette's eyes blinked more and more, her breathing getting steadier, more regular.
"Chloe?"
The whimper in Max' voice was heart breaking. Chloe reached to hug her friend, pressing the brunettes head to her chest as she slowly started to caress her mousy hair.
"God Max! It's okay Max, you're safe with me okay!" She started to say.
Chloe felt a hand on her shoulder and looked to her side seeing Steph giving her a faint smile. "Chloe, we need to treat her wrists and with you holding her it's a bit weird."
The bluenette looked down and noticed Drew had turned red, his face turned away as one of his arms was trapped between Chloe's belly and the wheelchair's armrest.
"Oh..." Chloe blushed a bit and moved aside still holding Max, feeling the brunette shuddering with soft sobs. She felt her tank top growing damp on her skin and she leaned to whisper in Max' hair. "It's okay Max... please don't cry... It's all okay."
She watched as Steph and Drew started to tend to the girl's self-inflicted wounds, her eyes lingering at the raw cuts on the fragile looking arms. It didn't look that deep but the way it had happened made Chloe wince.
"I'm so sorry Chloe..." The brunette cried in her chest as she kept soothing her.
"It's okay Max... Just a little scare... I'd rather you cooled down on those but it's okay."
She tried to keep her voice soft and soothing, to be strong for her friend, but she knew some of her fear and worries were transmitted with her words.
Shit Max! What the hell is going on with you! What is happening in that hella cute head of yours to make you lose it like that!
Chloe leaned kissing her friend's head softly as she kept caressing her hair comfortingly.
The first real sensation confirming she was back, was the sting of the antibacterial spray on her wrists. She winced softly, burying her face in Chloe's breast as she tried to gather the broken parts of her psyche.
Dog! I'm such a mess! I can't be like that! I can't stay like that! I'm so broken...
For a moment she just stayed there crying her pain, her worries, her dark thoughts away while she felt the warm embrace of the one person she really cared about. Minutes passed slowly and after the agitation that had buzzed around her uncomfortable silence filled the store again.
Fuck! I'll have to explain why I broke down like that... I just don't want to...
She took more time, composing herself now that tears had stopped. She dreaded facing the small group, having to face their questions. Hell, she was scared of Chloe's reaction too. She couldn't explain what had happened, explain that in a parallel universe or timeline or whatever, she had experienced the tortures and degradations suffered by several others at the hands of psychopath Jefferson.
Even if I don't talk about the Time travel component, it would fucking bring out too many interrogations and problems!
She took a deep breath, inhaling the comforting scent of her best friend.
Well! Here goes nothing!
She slowly pulled away from Chloe, reaching to push a hand on the punk's belly. The girl hesitantly let go of her, loosening her hug and looking down at her.
"You okay, Max?"
Max nodded, her heart fluttering slightly at the concern in her friend's voice. "Yeah... Sorry."
She took a quick glance at the blue-haired girl's face, seeing the crease forming as her brows deepened down.
"You scared the hell out of us Max! What the hell happened? Where did that come from?"
Max looked around, seeing that Chloe's words were showing on everyone's face.
Warren nodded softly, his brown eyes scanning her as if trying to gauge her sanity. "Yeah, Max... It's... scary, dude! I mean ..."
Max looked down biting her lip. She looked at the Band-aids on her arms and quickly pulled her hoodie's sleeves down as she stuttered. "It's... nothing."
To her surprise, it was Brooke's voice that called her lie. "A panic attack isn't nothing, Max!"
Max winced, closing her eyes.
Shit! I wish they'd just let it go!
"Something must have triggered it, please tell us Max... We want to help!"
Max shook her head, her voice weaker. "I... I don't know..."
Chloe's voice barked. "Don't fucking bullshit us Max!"
The brunette recoiled at the tone. "You know what happened Max! You do know you just don't wanna talk! It's the same with everything since you been back Max!"
Max sighed. "Chloe I really..."
Chloe groaned with frustration. "Stop! Don't try to avoid the question for fuck sake!" Max saw the bluenette's hand reaching for her arm. "You fucking hurt yourself Max! It can't be nothing!"
Max felt panic settling in her head.
Dog! I gotta find a way out!
She looked at each of the person around the table searching someone who would support her, let her keep her secrets despite Chloe's insistence. But all she found was either worry or interrogations.
They all think I'm a freak! God I gotta do something!
In the back of her head, she heard a soft tantalizing voice slowly raising.
You can erase all of this, make it like it had not happened you know? It would be so easy!
Max shook her head softly trying to ignore the voice, trying the ignore the lure of a siren's song.
Come on, Maxine, it's not a big deal! Just a few minutes, it won't be the end of the world!
Max closed her eyes, struggling internally as she started to debate with herself.
I can't! I can't take that risk!
What risk Maxine? It's not like you would change history! It's just a few words without consequences!
No... No, you can't know! You can't control the consequences!
Max, at the moment you do not even control your life! Your fears control you! You got to regain that control! Show that you are not scared! Go on! just a few minutes! Show them you are controlling your life again!
Max groaned internally, feeling like some Sith was trying to lure her to the dark side, like a demon was trying to get her sell her soul. She wanted to resist it, resist the easy way out. She wanted to be strong, to stop being a coward.
"So! Tell us Max! What is it!"
Chloe's voice gave her no real choice though. The mixture of anger, exhaustion and fear in the punk's voice weakening her resolve.
Max shook her head softly, tears at the corner of her eyes. "I am so sorry!" she whimpered as she rose a hand.
"What are you so-"
She bit her lip and concentrated searching for her mental grip on Time itself, and she pulled.
As she reopened her eyes, she saw Chloe, Warren, Brooke, Steph, Mickey and Drew starting to move in silence as they slowly replayed the events backward. The further she got the faster the rewind went, and the stronger the pain that had started as a soft poke at the back of her brain turned.
She still couldn't let go yet. She had only backed up to when the group was around she kept going, feeling like a red-hot needle was pushing through her skull, she now witnessed what happened in the room during her black-out. How Brooke had moved to check on her, how Chloe had started to shake her, how Drew had tried to catch her arms to pry them apart.
She witnessed the bickering between Warren and Mickey before even Chloe had realized what was happening to the brunette, the sneer on Brooke's lips as her boyfriend argued, the rolling eyes of the Football player as his little brother tried to make his point.
She slowed her rewind down, trying to catch the good moment to let it go, just before the triggering description that had taken her by surprise and brought back the nightmare.
Dog! I hope I won't relapse!
She reached the moment when she last threw her dice. She quickly stopped rewinding letting the dice roll.
"Dude! That's a Sith power!"
Max forced herself to smile like she had done before. "It's a Force Power, nothing says it's only for the Sith! And I got 17."
Steph nodded. "The droids convulses as lightnings cracks from the Miralukan's fingers turning his circuits into scrap."
Mickey pondered a moment. "I look at the torture rack to see how the Miralukan is attached."
Steph reached for a paper in behind her screen and nodded. "You see that forcefield shackles are holding her wrists and ankles tightly to the rack, making it impossible for her to move."
Max bit her lip concentrating on the other players. She felt the darkness in her starting to creep up and she pushed her mental hands down on it hard to bury it.
She heard Mickey asking "What should we do? I mean we don't know her so freeing her might be dangerous."
Chloe frowned. "Dude! if we don't free her she won't be able to play!"
Warren nodded. "Yeah man! Let Max play!"
Steph smiled "Yeah it's the goal of today after all!"
Max took the opportunity to latch on the conversation so as to push the bad thoughts away. She rose a hand carefully swiping it between her and Mickey as she said in a dark voice. "You want to free me!"
Everyone around the table chuckled softly only to laugh loudly as Mickey feigned a dreamy face, eyes looking at the wall behind Max, half closed, as he slowly says in a half sleepy voice. "I want to free you..."
A/N:
And here we are Chapter 25! Yeah already 25 chapters in this story! And we are close to a month since I began! WOOT!
I'll try to think of something good for tomorrow, some kind of bonus for the anniversary maybe?
Anyway, here it is, Max panic attack/nightmare and all! And also, the first slippery step on a path I decided she would take. A fall from grace of sort due to her mental state and her fears... basically clouded judgement due to her PTSD. Like many I would like to think Max would promise herself not to use her power if Chloe is alive. Both from fear of messing up again, and because she wouldn't want to cheat in her relationship with Chloe... But I also think Max, at least with the nightmare, exhaustion and other PTSD issues she would not want to face or share, could be lured into the dark side and break her internal vow at least while Chloe isn't aware and can't ground her and prevent her from doing so... From the game I always got the impression that it's Chloe who gives her courage, Max is more likely to be shy and run away from her problems when on her own, just like she ran away from the pain of separation by not talking to Chloe for 5 years.
Anyway, please enjoy this chapter!
I'd also like to reiterate that your reviews are what helps me going when I feel a slight block or hesitation in the writing so do not hesitate to post them!