Cold Summer Heat Chapter 25
I don't own R and I.
Jane couldn't remember the last time she felt so tired. Her legs felt heavy and her arms virtually useless as she felt every imperfection in the road as the ambulance made it's way to the hospital. The sirens were loud, too loud, so loud. Jane wished they would stop and it was all she could do to get the attention of the paramedic that was closest to her. "The sirens…" Jane gave up as soon as she began. Too much movement.
The relief that followed when the sirens were silenced caused Jane to begin to fade out. She had had enough and knew she had no control over what was to happen next. She wondered if Maura had come with. Jane knew she had upset Maura again by shutting her out, but she also knew Maura was way better off without her. She attracted psychos, a job hazard that came with the territory. Maura would always be in danger if she was around Jane. Benjamin and Bradley both proved that.
Jane wanted to scream out as the ambulance bounced. She prayed she would just pass out, staying conscious hurt too much and she was tired of hurting. She tried to picture Maura in her mind, but all she could see was the hurt in her eyes. Maura was so good at taking Jane's anger, Jane's frustration and Jane's mood swings. She was so good at knowing what to say and when to say it. Jane was forced to listen to Maura carefully due to her present condition and she could hear the pain she was causing her friend. Maybe this was best for everybody. Jane forced her body still which helped with the pain. She heard less and less as her body finally relaxed enough. Her last thought was of Maura and the fact that she would never see her again. I'm sorry, Maur, but I've got to go. I can't do this anymore. Jane felt the ambulance shift once again and with it the pain resumed. Jane wished there was something that would relieve this, but was convinced nothing short of dying would.
Jane tried once again to let go, to let herself fade out. She was able to pull up a picture of Maura in her mind and it was enough. Maura needed her, the look on her face back at the train station told Jane just how much. Jane relaxed at the sight of Maura that she had been so desperate for. She relaxed as she watched herself pull Maura to her to undo her wrist restraints. She breathed easier as she felt Maura's arms around her neck. It was after that that she finally let go. The darkness was darker and the constant noise had since faded away. Jane hated what she was putting Maura through. That woman didn't deserve any of what Jane was dishing out to her. Yet she refused to allow Jane to push her away.
Maura made her way into the hospital and was directed immediately to where they were working on Jane. Jane had been in and out of consciousness since her arrival and each time she woke it was with more agitation than the time before. Maura took a deep breath as she took in the sight before her when she entered the exam room. Jane was frantically pulling at the I.V needle that was just recently placed into her arm. She held her head with one hand and fought against the nurses who tried to restrain her with the other. Maura knew the best thing for Jane right now was to pass out and she realized the purpose of the I.V. then. They were once again going to sedate her. Maura figured they would want to get a look at what was going on within Jane's head.
"Jane." Maura was careful to keep her voice at a level she felt Jane would respond to. "Jane, please. You have to calm down."
Maura watched carefully as Jane did hear her and did respond. "Maura, don't let them put me out. Please don't put me out." Jane was truly scared as Maura let her grab onto her arms with both hands.
"Jane, honey, listen to me." Maura leaned over so that she was talking directly into Jane's ear. She squeezed her hands within her own as she tried to make Jane understand what was happening. "They need to find out why so much pain. Okay, we're going to make this stop for you, but you have to help."
"I can't Maura. I can't stand this any more. He won, okay. I give up, he won." Jane could feel the tears as they soaked her face, then she felt Maura's hands move to her face as well.
"No, he didn't win. You did, Jane. Now we have to make you better. Please, just relax. Let the doctors take care of you." Maura stayed in close, knowing Jane was responding to her proximity. "Please, Jane. I can't lose you."
Maura could tell Jane was losing the battle against the sedative quickly. She felt Jane's hands lose their grip on her arms. Maura glanced up at the doctors who were preparing to move Jane for her scan. "Jane, I love you. I know you can hear me. I love you and I need you." Maura was now crying as well not caring who saw, who heard.
Jane hated how she always managed to hurt Maura. She knew Maura wouldn't know if Jane had indeed heard her. Maura wouldn't know that she loved her as well. She must love her. Why else would she be so upset that Maura was hurting. Jane wanted to reach out for Maura as she pulled from her. Her body wouldn't respond. The last thing she would hear is Maura tell her she loved her. The last thing she would feel would be Maura's hands. And still, still she couldn't see her.
Frost had arrived followed closely by Korsak. Angela and Frankie had both come in just as Maura had returned to the waiting room. Angela immediately embraced Maura as she took the younger woman in her arms.
"What is it, Doc." Frost was alarmed at Maura's tears and needed to know what was wrong with his partner.
Maura pulled away from Angela giving Jane's mother a weak smile. "They don't know yet. They're going to do a scan to see what's causing the pain." Maura wiped her face as she quickly composed herself. It only took Maura a few seconds to realize all eyes were on her as Jane's family knew Maura had her own opinions as to what was wrong.
Frankie took a few steps closer to Maura before taking her hands in his. "What's wrong with Janie?"
"I don't know, Frankie." Maura continued when Jane's brother gave her a look that said he knew better. "She's experiencing a lot of pain, probably a brain injury."
"Do you think that's what's causing her blindness?" Frankie never took his eyes from Maura.
"I think it's all related yes. She was hit very hard by…when we were…" Maura let her thoughts trail off as she turned away from the group.
Angela quickly led Maura over to the chairs and encouraged her to sit. "You're not well either, Maura. You need to try to take it easy."
Maura let herself fall into the chair. She didn't feel well, but she knew it was nothing like what Jane was going through. Now that there was a bit of down time, Maura could feel the burn in her chest. She slowly shook her head as she thought about what Jane had had to do to save her. She thought about how Benjamin had tortured her. It wasn't fair. Life wasn't fair and once again the reminder was in their faces.
Frankie and Frost had taken a seat on either side of Maura. Frost was still dealing with the effects of his gunshot wound and Frankie was still not a hundred percent either. Angela was trying to be strong, trying to use Maura as her guide. Maura knew how bad this was and she was trying herself to hold it together. Korsak kept his arm securely around Angela realizing how close she was to losing it.
"I need the next of kin for Detective Rizzoli." Everybody had been so lost with their own thoughts that nobody had noticed the attending physician enter the waiting room. Frankie got to his feet and was immediately by his mother's side. Maura sat frozen in place as Angela took a few hesitant steps toward the doctor.
"We've found a small bleed on Jane's brain, most likely from the blunt force trauma she suffered a few weeks ago." Angela's shifted her gaze to Maura before returning to focus on the doctor. "We need to operate now to relieve the pressure on her brain."
"Brain surgery? Are there any other options?" Korsak wasn't liking what he was hearing.
"In my opinion, no. Time is of the essence, so we need the go ahead." Angela knew this decision was on her, but she felt paralyzed with fear. She looked back at Maura once again. Maura had gotten to her feet by this time and was making her way towards the group. She shook her head slightly at Angela who then instantly turned to the doctor giving him the go ahead he needed.
Maura watched the doctor leave as quickly as he had appeared. She wasn't at all surprised that surgery was necessary. Her heart felt heavy and her breathing shallow. Frost was quickly behind her, guiding her to sit once again. He didn't even bother asking her if she wanted to go home, despite the fact she was looking weak and pale.
"Brain surgery? That's awful risky." Korsak looked from Angela to Maura. Angela looked as pale as Maura at this point.
"It's just as risky if they don't operate." Maura stared ahead at the wall in front of them. "She probably wouldn't have made it through the night." The realization brought more silent tears, prompting Angela to come to her.
"Come on, Maura. You know how strong and tough Janie is. She'll pull through this too." Frankie knew now how much Maura cared for his sister and he hated how scared she was right now. They were all scared and worried about Jane and he knew there were no words that would change that.
Angela had returned with coffee for all of them only to find Maura sleeping against Frankie's shoulder. Frost was losing his battle with fatigue as well as he slouched in his chair. "It's going to be a while, I'm sure. Maura needs to rest at home, she's still so weak." Angela spoke to Korsak as if she expected him to be able to convince her to go home.
"I'd have to take her out in cuffs. She's not leaving Jane and you know that as well as I do." Korsak took off his jacket and draped it gently over Maura's shoulders. He smiled at Frankie who was intentionally holding his position as to not wake Maura. He handed him a coffee after reading the concern in the younger Rizzoli's eyes.
Korsak took his place next to Angela as they sat in silence waiting. Three hours had gone by with one update saying that the surgery was going well. It was a small glimmer of hope that they all held onto. Another couple of hours passed without word causing the anxious detectives to start questioning the hospital staff. They were assured somebody would update them as soon as possible.
"No news is good news at this point." Korsak tried to keep the groups' spirits up.
"I'm not so sure about that." Maura had awoken and was struggling to get to her feet.
"Easy." Frankie had found himself extra protective of Maura. Jane would be proud of him and that was always so important to him to have Jane's approval. He took hold of Maura's arm to help steady her.
"It's been six hours since they took her in. We should be hearing something soon." Maura looked at her watch with a very concerned look on her face. She took a cup of coffee that had since grown cold. Maura nearly dropped the coffee as almost on cue the surgeon had appeared, flanked by the original doctor.
He waited until Frost and Korsak joined the others before speaking. "Detective Rizzoli…"
"Call her Jane, please." Today Angela was hating that Jane was a police officer.
"Jane." the surgeon nodded at Angela. "We were able to find and repair the bleed. She's was very lucky to get in here when she did."
Frost was behind Maura squeezing her shoulders. "It's in Jane's best interest at this time to be placed in a medically induced coma which we have done. We need to give her every opportunity to heal at this point and keeping her still and quiet is imperative."
"Is she going to be…will she be able…" Angela struggled with her thoughts.
"We won't know until she wakes up what damage has been done, if any." The surgeon was very matter of fact which caused Maura to speak up.
"Do you know yet about her vision?" Maura's voice was rough and it caused her to clear her throat numerous times. Professionalism was important, but the doctors weren't expecting that from any of Rizzoli's family.
"We won't know until she wakes, Doctor Isles. She is stable at this point and resting in a private room where she will be monitored closely." The doctors looked at each of them, asking silently for any other questions.
"Can we see her?" Frankie asked what was on everybody's mind.
"One at a time, and keep it brief." They shook hands with Korsak and Frost and turned away leaving Angela ready to collapse.
"Ma, come on, sit down." Frankie tended to his mother while he motioned for Maura to go see Jane.
Maura was anxious to see Jane, despite the fact she would be unconscious. She entered Jane's room to the all too familiar sounds of monitors. She smiled briefly at the attending nurse before moving closer to Jane's side. She looked so weak and vulnerable, two words that one would never use to describe Jane Rizzoli.
Maura took in the ventilator that was breathing for Jane and the white bandage that circled her head. She knew Jane would be pleased that they didn't have to shave her head for the surgery. Maura let her fingers trace the scar on Jane's hand as it lay lifeless by her side. She knew only time would tell if Jane would be able to see again. Maura refused to think about what other complications could present themselves from the surgery or the injury itself.
The sound of the ventilator was consistent. It seemed loud, but the noise wouldn't bother Jane, not for awhile at least. Maura closed her eyes, letting the sound of Jane's assisted breathing give her hope. Jane was alive and right now that was good news.