A/N: I'm a liar. Ok, this'll be the last chapter for a while. I have mid-terms next week, and then I want to get working on several stories. Three of which I've already started. One is a Harry Potter story, The Princess's Daughter, and another is my Eragon story, Fantastical Love. My best friend and I have also started a joint story based off of Eragon, called Waíse Heill. None of those have been posted yet, but yeah, that's what'll be keeping me back.

The Council of Elrond

COUNCIL can be spelled any number of ways. One such way is, as it appears in the title for this SCENE, COUNCIL, in which case this SCENE should really be titled THE BOARD OF ELROND. It can also be spelled COUNSEL, which would make this SCENE title THE ADVICE OF ELROND. It's a better fit if you ask me.

Back to our REGULARLY SCHEDULED SCENE.

ELROND is MAKING A SPEECH.

ELROND: O strangers from Far, Far Away. You have been summoned to answer to phone of Murder.

GALDOR: Hi, my name's Galdor. I'm not in the movie, but I'm in the book. I have a question. Is Sauron ignoring your calls again?

ELROND: I'm afraid he is. Anyways-

GANDALF: Anyway, not anyways.

ELROND: Thank you for correcting my grammar. Anyway Middle-Earth stands upon the brink of destruction. None can escape it, for destruction is like…is like an endless abyss. You just keep falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling….

FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER.

ELRONG: And falling and falling. You will unite, or you will fall. You will keep falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling..

AN HOUR LATER.

ELROND: And falling. Each race is bound to its fate. Well, except the Elves, we get lucky and escape to the seas. Bring the Ring here, Frodo.

FRODO looks TROUBLED.

FRODO: Gandalf told me to not use it and whatnot.

ELROND: I don't want you to pull a Houdini, I just want you to show the Council (CounSEL) the evilness of that toy from Sauron's Pirates of the Caribbean cereal box.

CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW, ELIZABETH SWANN, and WILL TURNER: We're baaack.

FRODO: Oh no, not you guys again!

ELROND: Ahem. The RING!

FRODO: Would you believe me if I told you I lost it?

JACK BLACK: I would.

FRODO: Ew. Get away from me.

ELROND TAPS HIS FOOT IMPATIENTLY.

FRODO: Oh, right.

FRODO PUTS THE RING on the CONVIENT PEDESTAL.

GIMLI: Wow, that's helpful. If I strain my eyes hard enough, I can just barely make out a shimmer of light on that pedestal.

FRODO: Would you prefer I put it in the middle of the floor.

JACK SPARROW: Aye.

FRODO: Huh?

ELROND: Shut up, both of you.

BOROMIR stands up and MAKES A PROFOUND SPEECH.

BOROMIR: I have a dream, that one day, our brothers, and our brothers' brothers, and our brothers' brothers' sisters will be able to sit with freedom in the house of Murder.

AND SO ON AND SO FORTH.

BOROMIR REACHES for THE RING.

ELROND: BOROMIR!

GANDALF: Nooooooo! I shall now deliver to you….BLACK SPEECH.

LEGOLAS CLOSES HIS EYES IN HORROR.

LEGOLAS: Oh my achy-breaky heart.

ELROND LOOKS HORRIFIED.

ELROND: Legolas Greenleaf, you know perfectly well that that song was outlawed in the year 33 H.M

H.M STANDS for 'HAIR METAL'.

BOROMIR: Use the ring! It's just a toy, after all.

GIMLI: Still can't see it.

GLOIN: Oh my son, do shut up. We're courteous dwarves, unlike Elrond.

ELROND SCOFFS.

ELROND: I daresay I'm not a courteous dwarf, master midget.

GLOIN GROWLS.

ARAGORN: Hello! Have you forgotten me? I am Aragorn, son of Arathorn, son of Aragorn, son of Arathorn, King of Gondor.

LEGOLAS: Ah yes. Your family reeks with creativity.

BOROMIR is ASTONISHED to LEARN THAT GONDOR HAS A KING. Yet, HE is in DENIAL.

BOROMIR: Gondor has no pants, Gondor needs no pants.

ARAGORN: Um, ew.

GANDALF: Aragorn is right. The Ring is unusable, and unrecyclable, and, most importantly, unreturnable.

ELROND: It is nonrefundable.

BILBO: Why am I not here?

ELROND: Why are you here now?

BILBO: With my super-sonic hobbit ears, I heard you say that the Ring was nonrefundable. I came to complain.

ELROND: Go away.

BILBO: Ok.

BILBO LEAVES.

ELROND: The Ring must be destroyed.

GALDOR: I have another question.

ELROND: What's that?

GALDOR: Why must the word Ring always be capitalized?

ELROND:…….

GALDOR: Huh?

ELROND: What kind of a question was that?

GALDOR: No, no, no. Don't respond to my question with a question of your own!

ELROND: I don't know and I really don't care.

GALDOR: Grumpy. Jeez. Just wondering.

ANYWAY…(not ANYWAYS)

GIMLI: I shall destroy the Ring, and then George Bush will award me the Medal of Honor.

COUNCIL: Fat chance.

GIMLI ATTEMPTS to DESTROY the RING. It doesn't WORK.

GIMLI: My axe! Oh well, I'll magically get a new one somehow.

PETER JACKSON: It's a movie.

GIMLI: That explains it.

ELROND: The Ring cannot be destroyed by any craft that we possess.

GIMLI: How contradictory! First he was like, the Ring must be destroyed, then after the Ring destroyed my axe, he's like, oh, no, it cannot be destroyed.

ELROND: It's not contradictory at all. I was stating what had to happen in order for the world to be at peace with itself. I never said it was possible.

THE COUNCIL DECIDES that IT'S HIGH TIME TO FIGHT. RESPECTABLY, OF COURSE.

JACK BLACK: Beards, head bands, piercings!

JACK SPARROW: Cereal, rum!

ELIZABETH: Will!

WILL: Elizabeth!

LEGOLAS: Shampoo.

FRODO: This is ridiculous. I'll bloody take the bloody Ring.

COUNCIL: Good.

FRODO GETS INTO HEROISM.

FRODO: I will take it, although I don't know the way.

GANDALF: That's what maps are for laddie. I will accompany you in order to carry your map.

ARAGORN: You have my sword.

LEGOLAS: And my bow.

GIMLI: And my axe.

FRODO: Oh, thank you! I've always wanted a sword, a bow, and an axe.

BOROMIR: I'll come too.

FRODO: What are you going to give me?

BOROMIR: Nothing. You're not that important you know.

SAM: I'm a-comin'. Can't go to Murder without a gardener. That's wrong, that is.

COUNCIL: And he'll be out of our hair.

MERRY and PIPPIN: We're coming!

FRODO: I'm one step ahead of you. At least I know where we're going!

MERRY and PIPPIN: One step at a time.

A/N: I'm done. D-U-N. I'm so happy. LOL. A few disclaimers. I don't own Pirates of the Caribbean, nor it's incredibly delicious cereal. I don't own the Jack Black skit from 2002. Disturbingly funny. It's on the first disc of the extended version. Watch it if you haven't. The 'Gondor has no pants line' comes from the CARTOON version of the Lord of the Rings. The men in that movie didn't wear pants. They had weird skirt things. And Boromir looked like a Viking. Weird. The whole, grammar thing near the beginning (anyways, anyway) is a true story, and a long one. Drop me a Private Message if you care to hear it. I do not own the song Achy-Breaky Heart, and I don't know who sings it, either. I just know that it was on VH1's Top 40 worst songs ever. I obviously don't own Martin Luther King's 'I Have a Dream' speech. I got to go, so I'll close with this note: REVIEW!!!!!!