Disclaimer – I do not own BMT world – it belongs to Trudi Canavan

A Bolt from the Blue

Akkarin sighed. It was not the brief sigh a person makes to show some mild emotion to another, rather it was a deep, gut-wrenching sigh and was born of his tiredness; a tiredness not of the physical kind which could be cured with a good night's sleep, but rather a tiredness of the spirit, and he knew of no cure for that.

It had been a very long few days since his meeting with the King. He found himself looking for signs of dissent and treachery within the Guild every time he was with a group of magicians. Every meeting, every casual conversation was poured over afterwards as he tried to identify who might be trying to push him out. There were obvious suspects like Charen and perhaps Balkan, but he was now so on edge that he saw conspiracies everywhere.

But that was not the worst. He had coped with the undercurrents of disapproval and dislike within the Guild for years. No, it was not that which caused his tiredness. It was Sonea.

Her enthusiasm to search his books had waned as it became obvious that there was nothing of interest to be found. She had gone with him to the Library storeroom one night and they had looked through some of the older books which dealt with Healing, but again, there was nothing. Each time they met with disappointment, Sonea's despair deepened and she became more and more withdrawn.

Very few people knew exactly what was wrong with her, only Rothen, Lorlen, Vinara and two or three trusted Healers, and Sonea was anxious that news of her inability to use her magic stayed within that small group. She refused to go out of the Residence during the day and it was only with the greatest difficulty that Akkarin had persuaded her to walk in the gardens. She would only come outside late at night, when everyone else had gone to bed.

Many of her Warrior students had called at the Residence and left messages, but she ignored them all.

"I can't meet them!" she had cried when he'd tried to encourage her, "Without magic, I am nothing. Nothing but a dwell!" and she had run up to her room and slammed the door.

Although she couldn't lock the door without magic, he'd respected her wishes and left her alone. She had reappeared some time later and apologised.

"I'm truly sorry, Akkarin," she'd sobbed as he held her close, "It's not your fault. I know you're doing everything you can, but I feel so…." She couldn't find the words to explain, but Akkarin, who remembered the magician from long ago and his distress at having his powers blocked, knew exactly what she meant.

He thought back to breakfast that morning. Sonea had come down a few minutes after Takan had started serving. She was dressed, as she had been since recovering from her physical injuries, in plain dark coloured trousers and shirt, her only ornament, the ruby and diamond jewel he had given her when they married. Nothing would persuade her to wear her Warrior's robes.

She looked pale, but composed as she sat down and took a warm roll and some butter. Takan served her tea but apart from thanking him, she said nothing. Akkarin sent a mental command to Takan to leave them alone and the servant silently withdrew.

Akkarin looked at his wife for a moment, she was concentrating on buttering her roll and didn't look at him. He wondered if she would ever look into his eyes again.

"How did you sleep, Sonea?" he asked quietly.

She shrugged, still not looking at him, "Not very well, as you know."

Akkarin watched as she finished spreading the butter and put her knife down. She stared at the roll as if she'd never seen one before and began to pull it apart and piling the pieces up on her plate.

"Sonea….." he started, but she suddenly pushed the plate away and stood up.

"Don't Akkarin! Don't say anything!" She walked over to the window, and stared out for a moment, then turned and sat down again. This time she looked directly at him.

"Just listen, don't say anything until I finish. I've been thinking about what's happened to me and there are things I have to say to you." She picked up her cup and swallowed the rest of her tea. "I have to face the fact that I may never be able to touch my power again. I know you're trying to find a cure, but I'm starting to think it's impossible. There's nothing in the books, Vinara doesn't know what to do and all you've been able to find are some vague stories about Elyne witches."

Sonea paused and looked down at her hands. She rubbed her forehead, then looked at him again. "So, you may find you have married a plain, ordinary wife, with no magic, with nothing to help you defeat your enemies, a wife who's unable to keep her promise to keep you alive." She saw him move and start to speak, and she held up her hand.

"No, let me finish. It's been difficult to start, and if you stop me now, I may lose my courage completely. As well as all that, bad as it is, the worst thing is you've married a dwell, a slum child with no wealth, no relatives, nothing. When I had magic, I could convince myself that I was like you, a member of the Guild, a graduate of the University, a strong magician, but now, I am nothing, just a dwell."

She stopped speaking and covered her face with her hands. He saw her shoulders shake as she tried to hold back her tears. He hesitated for a moment, then stood up and went to her, pulling her out of her seat and into his arms. She sobbed into his shoulder as if her heart was breaking and he didn't know what to say. But he had to try.

"Sonea, listen to me. I love Sonea the woman, not Sonea the magician. With or without magic, I will always love you. I will find a cure, and you will touch your magic again."

She raised her head and stared intently into his eyes. She wound her arms around his neck and drew his mouth down to hers. She kissed him deeply, and said so softly that he had to strain to hear her, "I love you very much, Akkarin, more than I think you know."

She withdrew from his embrace and raised her hand to his cheek. "Thank you for listening."

He had watched as she left the room without a backward glance. He heard her footsteps cross the hall and run up the stairs, then the distant slam of her door. He felt drained, as if he had spent the last hour fighting a powerful black magician, instead of simply listening to his wife.

Now, sitting in his study, he felt bone weary, his brain unable to think coherently about anything much. I don't know what to do about her, he thought. At least she doesn't know what I saw in her mind. She doesn't know the balefire is taking a deeper hold on her power.

He looked at the clock. It was almost time to leave for the Palace and another long and, no doubt, tedious meeting with the King and his Advisors. I must not forget to watch out for Lord Dagran, he remembered the King's warning. I really could do without these extra problems until I've solved Sonea's!

It was late when he returned to the Residence. Just as he'd feared, the meeting had lasted for hours and at the end, very little appeared to have been accomplished. He hadn't even had a chance for a quiet word with Merin, as Lord Dagran had glued himself to the King's side throughout.

As he came into the hall, Takan was waiting to take his cloak.

"Bring some wine and tartlets to the study, Takan," he said. "Where's Lady Sonea, in her room?"

Takan shook his head, "I haven't seen Lady Sonea for some time, Master. She asked for lunch in her room, but Viola found most of it untouched when she went to collect the tray."

Akkarin ran lightly upstairs and knocked on Sonea's door. There was no response and he used a little magic to search for signs of her, but found no trace. He knocked again, then opened the door.

The room was empty. Sitting on her bed, was a pile of clothing and other possessions and on top was a white envelope. Akkarin's heart lurched and he felt a heavy weight start to settle in his stomach. He went over and picked up the envelope. It was blank apart from his name written on the front. He opened it and took out the sheet inside. As he unfolded it, the ruby and diamond jewel fell out into his palm and he stared at it as if he hadn't seen it before.

The note was short. It repeated the things she had said at breakfast and ended with the lines:

'The only solution is to leave you, the Residence and the Guild. I have taken very little with me, only the things I need, the rest I leave behind with my old life. Please don't try to find me, a clean break is better for both of us. I love you, Sonea.'

At the end, almost as an afterthought, she had added, 'I have kept my marriage ring.'

He sat down on the bed and crushed the note in his hands. He didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Only his Sonea would say in one breath she was leaving him and there must be a clean break, and then in the next, say she loved him and was keeping his marriage ring as if she intended to return.

He stared unseeingly at the crumpled paper in his hand, then took it and smoothed it out so he could re-read it. He noticed her writing, usually so firm and bold, was hesitant and untidy; there were faint marks on the page as if she'd been crying when she wrote it. I should never have left her this morning, he thought sadly. If only I had been here, this wouldn't have happened.

But even as the thought came into his mind, he knew it was not true. Once Sonea had decided something, very little could change her mind. If he'd been here today, she would have gone the very next time she was alone in the Residence.

He picked up the jewel. He had taken great care in choosing it, rubies to reflect her Discipline and diamonds to represent her bright, shining spirit. He slipped the chain over his head and hid the jewel beneath his robes.

I will find a cure!

I will get her back!