Long chapter for you today to make up for the delay. I've been struggling to get this one right, but hopefully you enjoy it
Let me know what you think
x x x x
"Uh hum." Catherine cleared her throat non-to subtly. "Are you forgetting something?"
Grissom didn't look up from his stack of paperwork as he answered with a muted grunt.
"I forgot to do these evaluations. Ecklie's been on my back all night" He grumbled, shuffling papers around with a flustered expression. "I'm not going to be leaving this office tonight."
Cath pursed her lips, attempting to hide a smile.
"So, I guess you're not going to be handing out assignments then?" She clarified, again receiving a grunt. He nudged the stack of slips towards her, an unconcealed hint. She rolled her eyes, scooping the folders up. "You know, if you kept on top of your paperwork you wouldn't find yourself in this predicament so often."
He dropped his pen, giving her an exasperated look.
"Are you going to help or hinder, Catherine?" He asked.
"Help." She smiled sweetly, spinning on her heel. "Enjoy the paperwork."
"Hey Cath," he called after her, taking his glasses off. She turned in the threshold, quirking an eyebrow expectantly. "Are you doing okay?" She was taken aback by the unexpected breach of emotion from him, but recovered quickly.
"Yeah," she grinned. "Actually, I'm doing great." He scrutinised her for a minute, scanning her face. Finally, he settled on the fact that she was telling the truth and offered a single brusque nod.
"Good."
She watched his gaze fall instantly back to his mountain of work with a chuckle.
"Have fun." She threw over her shoulder, "I'll try to bring you back a bug."
X x x
Having flicked through the cases en route to the break room, Catherine had already decided which one she was taking and slipped it to the back of the pile.
"Alright." She greeted, silencing the chattering of her team. "Grissom has gone into hibernation so-" she waved the cases in the air like a prize. "Nick and Warrick, you guys get a dead hooker on the strip. Greg, you're going solo on a 419 in Henderson."
A grin broke out on his face and he silently celebrated as he snatched the file. Grissom never sent him out solo, especially on a body case. Ordinarily the boys might have complained about the youngest being sent out alone but it was difficult to be bitter about it when he looked so happy. With only one left, Cath turned to the only other person in the room with a devilish smile.
"Sara … you're mine."
X x x
"I think you're Greg's new best friend." Sara chuckled softly as Cath swerved the CSI Denali out of the lab parking lot.
"Grissom doesn't give him enough credit." The older woman shrugged, keeping a straight face.
"Yeah." Sara nodded, suppressing a smirk. "And of course that left me free to work with you." Cath bit her lip.
"Entirely coincidental." She stated, shooting Sara a sideways smile.
"You know, the boys will get suspicious if you keep pairing us together." Sara commented with amusement.
Catherine chewed on the inside of her cheek. She had opted to keep quiet about Warrick's sly comment to her the other day. Things were still in the very early stages between the women and breaking the news to the team hadn't arisen yet. Until Sara brought it up, there was no need to worry her needlessly.
They had inadvertently lapsed into an unnerving silence, so Sara cleared her throat and twisted in her seat so she was facing her companion. She lay a hand lazily on Cath's thigh, doodling mindless patterns with her fingertips.
"How's Lindsey doing?"
"Same as before." Cath shrugged, biting her tongue at Sara's absent-minded shenanigans. "I walked in on her getting changed yesterday; honestly you'd think I'd pounced on her with a video camera!" She sighed. "Makes me wonder what she's trying to hide."
Sara laughed softly.
"Well, she's growing up. Maybe she's just getting shy." She theorised with a shrug. "I don't like people walking in on me when I'm changing either."
Cath tore her eyes briefly from the road to send her a sideways glance.
"You don't mind me walking in on you." She pointed out with a pout.
"That's because you don't give me a choice." Sara retorted cheekily, squeezing her knee. "Besides, I've got nothing left to hide in front of you."
"That is true." Catherine grinned, attempting to divert attention away from the blush trying to creep up her cheeks.
"What about Billy?" Sara asked, changing the subject before her girlfriend turned any pinker. "Any mention of him lately?"
"No, thank God." Cath groaned, relaxing her shoulders. "After the night she ran off, I don't think she's looking to date anytime soon."
X x x
"I heard that Emily did it with Chris West." Lucy giggled. The other girls all pulled faces and let out disgusted squeals.
"I can't imagine doing it with anyone." Rebecca turned her nose up in horror. "It's gross."
"It's meant to be fun." Zoe countered. "If you do it properly."
"I've heard that it really hurts but that you can't get pregnant the first time." Rebecca continued with naïve conviction.
Lindsey rolled her eyes, choosing to keep quiet. She had no idea how they had gotten onto this subject but she wouldn't complain if the ground wanted to open up and swallow her whole right now.
"I bet Lindsey knows all about it." Lucy's teasing voice dragged her out of her thoughts and she found herself being nudged playfully in the ribs. "With Billy." The way she drawled his name and rolled her eyes in a mock-dreamy fashion made Lindsey's stomach knot.
"I hate Billy." She spat testily, but her protestations only seemed to urge the girls on further.
"Yeah, you hate him." Rebecca repeated. "Which means you really luurve him." The trio fell about laughing, clutching their sides with glee. Lindsey wasn't laughing.
"You don't know anything!" She erupted, a scowl marring her face. "You have no idea what it's like."
"No, but you do." Zoe piped up, and the giggles continued.
"I bet you've done everything with him." Lucy jibed, even though for all intents and purposes she didn't know what 'everything' entailed. The more red Lindsey's cheeks turned, the more crude the jokes got. And then Lucy took it one step too far. "You're gonna be a whore, just like your mother!"
If you'd asked her which part of that sentence it was exactly that made her do it she couldn't tell you. Her fist had collided with Lucy's nose before she could even comprehend what she had done. The dark-haired girl blinked at her, shock written all over her pretty face as a thin trail of blood trickled over her lip and tears of pain and anger began streaming from her eyes.
"You hit her!" Rebecca stated the obvious, pushing Lindsey away from their friend.
Now, Lindsey was not by nature a violent person. She'd had a few scraps after her father had died, all in defence of his name, but this was new and impulsive territory to her.
In instinctive retaliation, she shoved Becky, causing her to fall over. And then she was on her back, pinned to the grass by Zoe's firm grip. A sharp hand slapped her around the face, dragging her nails across the delicate skin. Lindsey struggled against her, but Zoe was a strong little girl and easily outweighed her.
She was subconsciously aware of people calling their names. A shadow had fallen over them from the crowd of people that had gathered to watch.
Suddenly Zoe's fingers laced through her blonde tresses and tugged. The feeling of her hair being wrenched so tight stirred a nauseating memory in her and with impressive strength she threw the bigger child off of her.
Suddenly the shadow broke apart and a pair of suit-clad legs appeared in her view. The breathless girl followed the legs up to a pair of brown eyes watching her from behind a set of gold-rimmed glasses.
"Lindsey Willows." Mr Carpenter declared in a stern voice. "I might have guessed."
X x x
The whistling of the coffee pot broke the comfortable silence that had fallen between them. Cath snatched it up and started pouring out two cups. She felt Sara sidle up beside her. She had developed a specific reaction to Sara's presence; her body would flush and all the hairs on the back of her neck stood on end, like she was anticipating the touch that usually followed.
"What's troubling you, girl?" She asked at last. Sara blinked at her in surprise.
"How do you do that?" She queried. Cath sent her a sideways smile.
"You're distracted. I can tell." She declared. "What's up?"
Sara laughed nervously, shaking her head at her girlfriend's mind-reading abilities. She inched closer, placing a hand on the small of Catherine's back.
"Well, since you mention it there was something I wanted to talk to you about. I wasn't planning on doing it here, but…"
"Break time already, ladies?" The amused voice of Conrad Ecklie startled Catherine so much that she jumped a full foot away from Sara, knocking over both coffee cups in the process.
Sara emitted a startled yelp, jumping away from the counter. Everyone watched in horror as a pale stain began to spread across her stomach.
"Oh … God!" Cath gulped, grabbing the nearest cloth and pressing it into Sara's abdomen in an attempt to absorb some of the hot liquid. "I'm so sorry."
Ecklie remained in the doorway, his mouth opening and closing in bemusement like a fish on land. He knew his joke hadn't been the funniest in the world but he hadn't expected it to elicit such a reaction from the blonde.
"Are you okay Sara?" He asked, stepping into the room.
"I'm fine." She nodded abruptly, biting her tongue against the urge to scream. Catherine ran the towel quickly under the cold tap and replaced it on the scald.
"Catherine…" Grissom poked his head into the room but whatever he was about to say evaporated on his tongue. The scene before him was both baffling and concerning. Catherine was pressing a damp towel against Sara's stomach while the brunette appeared to be holding her breath, her knuckles turning white as she gripped the centre bench behind her. Ecklie was stood to one side, watching on unhelpfully. Gil's gaze scanned the room, eventually settling on the upturned coffee mugs and dark liquid dripping rhythmically onto the floor. "Are you okay?" He asked, concern lacing his voice.
"I'm fine." Sara gulped, inching her shirt up slightly to survey the damage. There was a nasty red line running the length of her slender stomach. Without even having to examine it they could tell that it was going to blister.
"I'll take care of it." Cath declared frantically, already rummaging through the contents of the first aid kit. She dragged Sara by the arm and dropped her onto a stool, undoing the buttons of her shift without a second thought to the men in the room.
Suddenly feeling uncomfortable, Ecklie turned his back to the girls and addressed Grissom, who was still watching them with a furrowed brow.
"Have you finished those reports yet?"
His mouth said yes but the sheepish look on his face suggested otherwise. Ordinarily, he might have let the lie slide, but right now Conrad Ecklie wanted nothing more than to get out of the room. He was no prude, but Sara was his underling and it had not escaped his notice that she happened to be very attractive. And right now, she was half-dressed and being man-handled by another woman.
"Good," he nodded at Gil, snapping the other man's attention back. "I'll just take them off your hands then." Grissom smiled tightly at him. They both knew he was lying and they both knew why Ecklie was so desperate to get them out of the room.
"Catherine, come find me when you're done." The entomologist called, receiving little more than a nod in response. She was too engrossed in what she was doing to have even heard him.
"I thought they would never leave." Sara joked softly, shivering despite the obvious burning sensation on her stomach.
"I'm so sorry, Sar." Cath mumbled, pressing as hard as she dared with the damp cloth. Sara brushed the comment off.
"Reminds me of our first date." She mumbled with a coy smile. Cath flicked her gaze up to meet Sara's.
Their first official date had ended much better than it had started. Of course, this is remarkably easy when you start by spilling a glass of wine on your partner.
"Shut up." She muttered. "That was an accident." Her petulant pout caused a giggle to bubble out of Sara, despite her pain. "You make me nervous." Catherine added shyly, drawing another laugh from Sara and earning the brunette a soft smack on the thigh.
"I think it's cute." Sara managed to say. Catherine stuck her tongue out, rifling through the box for a suitable bandage.
"This is the second time I've had to patch you back up." She pointed out. Sara hummed in agreement, wincing as the material was pressed against the tender skin. As Catherine affixed the dressing with tape, she suddenly realised why this had happened. "You wanted to tell me something." She said, casting a brief glance at Sara's face.
"Yeah," Sara cleared her throat and opened her mouth to speak, but was cut off by a cell phone vibrating. Cath sent her an apologetic smile and unclipped it from her belt, drifting across the room to answer it.
Sara pretended to check the bandage on her stomach, not wanting to appear as if she was eavesdropping.
"What?" The harsh bark drew her eyes up. "Yeah, okay. I'll … I'll be right there." The blonde wiped a hand over her face, hanging up.
"What's wrong?" Sara asked, hopping off the stool.
"That was Lindsey's school, she's been fighting again." Cath sighed, dragging her fingers through her hair. "Can you tell Grissom…"
"Yeah, don't worry about it." Sara brushed her comment off. "Do you want me to come with you?"
"No thanks, I'll deal with it." Catherine breathed, placing a chaste kiss on Sara's lips. "I'll call you later." She added, already scuttling out of the room.
Sara watched her go with a sad smile.
"Yeah … later." She murmured despondently.
X x x
If she squeezed her eyes tight enough, she could almost feel Sara's soft hand trailing up her body; her gentle breath tickling the back of her neck and gradually everything else started to fall away. But all dreams had to end sometime and when she opened her eyes she had to accept the sad realisation that the tender hand on her body was her own and the only thing grazing the back of her neck was her golden waves.
She kicked the covers to the bottom of the bed in a sulk, curling onto her side.
Lindsey had looked so helpless when she'd arrived at the school, scuffing the toe of her shoes against the worn floor outside the Principal's office.
The parent in her told her she should have admonished Lindsey for the fight, but the child had looked so pathetic that she just didn't have the heart to do it. She was probably beating herself up enough anyway.
And if she wasn't, she had two weeks suspension in which to think about her actions.
The punishment had seemed harsh, but Catherine had neither the energy nor the inclination to fight and so her and Lindsey had reluctantly accepted it and slunk out of the school with their heads bowed.
It was funny how being in the Principal's office had the power to make everyone feel thirteen again.
With a heavy sigh, she rolled out of bed and grabbed her robe. If she wasn't going to sleep she may as well do something productive. She was sure there was some ironing she could be doing.
As she sloped into the kitchen, stifling a yawn with one hand while combing the other through her hair, she was surprised to find that she wasn't the only Willows plagued by insomnia.
X x x
Lindsey had been expecting her mother to yell at her. Or in the least to look disappointed.
But she hadn't. She'd just looked tired.
Even on the drive home, filled with a suffocating silence, Catherine hadn't chastised her.
If her mother's detached mood wasn't enough, she'd been replaying the fight over in her mind ever since leaving the school.
She'd never made anyone bleed before, except for once when she pushed Jeremy too hard on the swings and he fell off and grazed his knee. But that had been an accident.
Yesterday, she had actively and deliberately hurt somebody else.
Sometimes, when she'd had a fight with her mom, or when she was so sick of everyone treating her like a little kid, Lindsey missed her father. She missed him on Sunday afternoons when there was nothing to do. She missed him on school play nights; because it reminded her of the night he died. She missed him every time she had ice cream with all the toppings, or when she heard a 70's rock song.
But a part of her, a deep part that she kept hidden from the rest of the world, didn't miss him at all. This was the part that remembered what he had done to her mother. This was the little girl who'd sit at the top of the stairs in her pyjamas long after bedtime and watch her father beat her mother until she bled.
Just like she had done to Lucy yesterday.
She had loved her father. But she hated him too. And right now, sitting in the dark with bruised fists and a raw scratch on her cheek, she felt sickeningly similar to him.
X x x
"Hey," Catherine blinked, surprised to find her daughter sat at the kitchen table, idly tracing circles around the rim of a glass of water with her fingertip. "You're up early."
"I couldn't sleep." Linds mumbled, dropping both hands into her lap. Cath hummed in response, dropping heavily into a chair beside her.
"Yeah, me neither." She confessed, stifling another yawn. With her elbow on the table, she propped her head up and surveyed her daughter for a moment. She looked just as miserable as she had when Cath arrived at the school. "Hot cocoa?" She suggested softly, already knowing what the answer would be.
The kettle boiling was the only sound in the house as Cath made up the drinks with her back to the girl. She splashed some milk into each cup, making the mixture thick and creamy – just the way Lindsey liked it. She grabbed the bag of mini marshmallows from the cupboard, but before she could open it a pair of small hands beat her to it.
"Aren't you going to yell at me?" Linds asked, creeping up to her side.
"No, I think there's been enough yelling in this house." The older woman sighed, stirring her drink lazily. With their mugs in hand, they took their seats back at the table and sipped from them quietly for a moment, each avoiding the other's gaze.
"You know you said I could talk to you about anything?" Lindsey asked, keeping her eyes fixed on the table. Cath looked up, surprised by the question.
"Yeah." She encouraged softly, reaching out to let her fingertips graze the back of Lindsey's hand. The girl fell quiet for a moment. Catherine desperately wanted to ask what was wrong but she kept her lips sealed, giving Lindsey the chance to organise her thoughts.
"The night I ran away, I didn't tell you everything." She swallowed hard, feeling her throat go dry. "When I went to Billy's he had some friends around."
"You told me that." Cath pointed out in a gentle voice.
"I know." Lindsey wiped at her eyes with her sleeve. "And I said that Billy tried to kiss me."
Alarm bells were starting to ring in Catherine's mind but she did her best to disguise it, not wanting to panic the child.
"Baby, did he try anything else?" she asked with as much composure as she could muster.
She knew that Lindsey was clued up enough about sex to know what she was being asked, but it still hurt to have to have this conversation with her at such a young age.
"He didn't." Lindsey's voice trembled as she spoke, fidgeting with the ring around Catherine's finger as she clutched her mother's hand. "But someone else did."
Suddenly, without warning, she collapsed in tears and dropped her head onto her arms, emitting pained mewling sounds. Catherine slid out of her chair and onto Lindsey's, scooping the teenager into her lap. She hadn't held her like this since she was a little girl; although looking at her now there was little difference.
"Baby it's okay, just tell me what happened?" She begged softly, running her fingers through silky blonde waves.
"He said he had something to show me." Lindsey gasped between sobs. "He took off his pants and grabbed my hair. He asked if I'd ever done it before; I was too scared to say no." She curled up tighter, throwing her arms around Cath's neck and nestling into her as close as she could. As if she could crawl back inside her mother, where it was safe.
Catherine felt like she'd been kicked in the gut.
Her daughter, her baby girl…
"Afterwards," Lindsey mumbled against her neck, her breathing hitching as she spoke, "I was scared that they would all do it so I ran away. But I daren't come home in case you'd be able to tell what I'd done."
All of a sudden Lindsey's actions the night she was found made sense. She hadn't reacted when Cath had pulled her into a hug, or when she'd taken her by the hand and walked her upstairs. She'd just been … quiet. Oddly calm.
In shock, Catherine realised now.
"It's alright honey." She promised her, kissing away her tears. "It's all going to be alright now. We're going to fix this."
She didn't know how.
She'd always told herself that nothing could surprise her. She knew from her line of work that anything could happen to anyone; it did, every day. She had convinced herself that should anything happen to someone she loved she would be able to deal with it. Because, on some level, she would have been expecting it.
But she had not been expecting this. And right now, her whole world and everything she'd thought she'd known about it lay crushed at her feet.