Hi Everyone Let me start out by saying I owe everyone a huge, huge HUGE apology, so I'm sorry. I should have updated weeks ago but this chapter gave me hell to write. This is literally the 5th re-write because I was never happy with the way it turned out, but now I'm finally content with it. This chapter is short but pivotal as we go into the second half of the story so I hope you enjoy it
Also to anyone on the East Coast at the moment I hope you and your families are safe. This Sandy is a real _ (I'll just let you fill in the blank with an appropriate word)
25 – Lie To Me and Tell Me We're Gonna Be Ok
Lulu's POV – August 20th
Even though I was crying, I felt numb. The tears were on automatic now; like my body simply deciding to cry because it was the appropriate reaction to what had transpired, but the fact was I had lost sight of why I was crying. Dante had hurt me but I should not have been surprised since I was surrounded by couples who had spent years bringing out the worst in each other. My last two relationships had ended in complete disaster so I should have gotten the hint by now that nothing lasts anymore. Feelings and relationships made life complicated and almost always caused heartache. It was so much easier when Dante and I were friends with benefits; no commitments, no feelings just purely physical attraction.
Wiping away the burning tears, I glanced into my side mirror and saw Dante still following me a few cars behind. I pressed harder on the gas going way past the speed limit and began to weave through the traffic. At this rate I was probably going to get a ticket for speeding but I would have done almost anything to get as far away from Dante as possible. When I got closer to my apartment building I made a sharp U turn and doubled back towards the docks, incurring a string of angry honks and curses from other drivers. If was going to wallow in misery, at least I could do it surrounded by shelves of alcohol that would hopefully dull the pain.
Dante's car was no longer in sight so I parked my car in the first spot I could find and walked the rest of the way to the Haunted Star. This old boat held so much of the Spencer family history I could not bear to sell it. Maybe one day I would turn it into a restaurant or a club, but for now it served as a place to gather my thoughts whether it meant sitting on the deck for hours staring at the gentle movement of the water, or having a few glasses of liquid courage. Either way it was a personal sanctuary.
I tossed my purse and keys on top the bar then scanned the shelves looking for something potent enough to quickly grant me the escape I so desperately needed. My hand stopped at the tequila bottle, staring intently at its amber contents contemplating the status of my life thus far: an abortion, my third failed relationship - four if I counted Dillon – and a divorce on the horizon. "To living up to the Spencer legacy." I toasted to the universe then unscrewed the bottle and put it to my lips.
The burning trickling down my throat was a welcomed sting when everything Dante and I had been through from the moment we met to this point played across my mind like a silent movie; no sound just flashes of emotion filled images surfacing one after the other. I could pinpoint exactly how I felt in each moment and when my feeling had shifted from friendship, to like, to….
"Lulu, can we talk please?"
Surprised to hear Dante's voice I turned around in an instant. I should have figured he would have caught up with me sooner than later but I just didn't care anymore. "If you want to talk get a shrink." I told him bitterly, and then took another swig from the bottle. "Then again maybe you should be cutting back on your spending since you won't be getting that inheritance." It was a low blow but he had taken a number of cheap shots at me over the past few weeks so I figured I was entitled to give him a taste of his own medicine.
"You're drunk." He concluded reaching for the tequila bottle in my hand, but I held on to it as if for dear life.
"Not yet but give me about half an hour." I stepped around him, kicked off my shoes and ran my fingers through my hair hoping to release some of the tension.
Dante Falconari no longer had the right to be concerned with what I did and how I lived my life. If I decided to drink myself stupid then it was my business, not his. He had humiliated me enough to last a lifetime so the least he could do was let me wallow in peace.
"I made a mistake but you mean a lot to me and I don't want to lose you because I was jealous and stupid."
My lips curved into a slight smirk then I held up my hand to him, calmly listing his infractions on my fingers one by one. "Maybe you should have thought of that before you had me followed, embarrassed me, called me a liar and a cheater, and shacked up with Brooke-Lynn." I went for another swig of tequila but Dante successfully grabbed the bottle and dragged it away forcefully. His actions unfazed me; in fact it was almost amusing seeing him so bent out of shape when I was only speaking the truth. It's funny how people get angry when you tell them the truth about themselves, especially when that same person is so quick to point out your sins.
"Nothing happened with Brooke. Can't you see that the only person I want to be with is you?!" Taking me by surprise for the third time today, Dante pulled me into a hard and ravenous kiss. Our tongues battled for possession and consumption of the other and I loved how overwhelmingly forbidden this felt. No tender kisses, no meaningless sweet nothings, no gentle feather-light touches, just raw torrid physical attraction.
For a moment, I considered slapping him hard for thinking he could just kiss me like everything was ok; then I asked myself was there really any reason for us to stop? The only motive I had for swearing off sex with Dante was because I did not want to complicate our arrangement, especially after we decided to try a relationship. But,] now that everything was so screwed up there was nothing left to complicate. This marriage of convenience was soon to be over and we were right back where we started: friends with benefits. Well no longer friends, just benefits. This was how we began, and compared to the state of our relationship now, neither of us could deny just sex was when we were at our best.
He lifted me onto one of the tables with the hem of my shirt bunched so tightly in his hands that I was sure one quick shift in movement and the garment would become rags at our feet. Then just as randomly as Dante initiated the kiss he stopped it, leaving us wanton, breathless and staring darkly into each other's eyes. "Maybe…maybe we should talk." He finally spoke, still holding tightly onto my shirt.
Talk? Talking was overrated and useless in our situation. The more we talked, the further entrenched in drama we sank with no sign of refuge or resolve. If I had my way we never had to talk again.
"Later." I lied, wrapping my legs around his waist, determined to keep him here until I got what I wanted. Closing what little space was left between us I pressed my body seductively against his and worked desperately at removing his belt and pants. Seeing Dante's half naked body made me miss him terribly, but I was on the road to self preservation which meant this had to be just sex. He lost the right to my heart the day he accused me of cheating without listening to my side of the story. Even though I had done things I regretted in life, I deserved better than a man who had no faith in me and chose to think I was capable of the worst.
Dante's hands moved with determination pulling off my jeans and panties in frantic search of skin. His fingertips pressing into my bare inner thighs dissipated the numbness that had driven me here in the first place. Now I was hot – scotching, dizzy, blinding hot - with lust and pulled him on top of me, leaning us back on the table. One of his hands instantly pinned my wrists above my head while the other caressed between my legs, in and out, relentlessly coaxing me into surrender. My hips instinctively arched into the rhythm of his hand yearning for that much needed release.
Somewhere in the logical recess of my psyche I knew having sex with him was the last thing I should have been doing, but look at what being logical had gotten me: a broken heart and unnecessary drama. This was not about getting back at Dante or using him, I just wanted to feel something good after weeks of feeling so bad.
His lips trailed a searing journey of kisses along the length of my neck, stopping at my ear lobe, nudging it gently with his teeth. "I'm sorry for everything Lulu." He whispered warmly and sincerely before sinking into me as if it were the most natural place to be in the world.
"Shhhh…" I pleaded, not wanting to hear anymore apologies. Was it too much to ask for him to stop being so kind so that I could enjoy this without feeling like it was – for lack of better words – sinful and wrong?
Guilt stung the back of my eyes and I closed them tightly willing myself not to cry but the physical once again betrayed the psychological, and with every thrust of increasing pleasure Dante kissed away each falling tear. His grip on my wrists loosened so that his palms were on either side of my cheeks, cradling my face. "I can stop." He offered with genuine concern.
I shook my head adamantly too far gone by my need, and that emanating from those hypnotizing chocolate brown eyes to even consider going back. "Don't."
Dante's POV
When I followed Lulu here, the last thing I expected was to get the one thing I wanted for months. Yet it was happening as everything I remembered it to be and then some. Our lovemaking would be the start of a new chapter where the lies, the misunderstandings and the distrust would be a thing of the past leaving room for us to build a truly solid relationship. I was not delusional about the time it would take to regain her trust, but I was willing to do whatever Lulu wanted to make sure she stayed in my life. If starting over meant a divorce, I would give it to her even if I lost my inheritance because having millions of dollars would never be worth losing a chance at genuine happiness.
Reaching in between our joined bodies my thumb repeatedly teased her, giving back what she was doing to me. Our moans filled the empty casino, and I reveled in the way Lulu could make me feel so exhilarated yet like I was drowning all at the same time. It had been such a long wait, with a constant push and pull between what our bodies wanted and our feelings. Now everything was coming together and it seemed as if we were finally getting the chance to be a good place.
I looked down into her amber eyes dazed with a mixture of unshed tears and intense desire and stopped moving out of worry that she did not want this or I was hurting her. "Are you ok?"
An impassioned urgent kiss and her ankles locking around his waist were the only answers to my question as her inner muscles clenched in the exact way she knew would drive me insane enough to temporarily forget this world. "God… Lulu!" I gasped almost painfully, and my entire body convulsed on the brink of collapse. Her nails scraped along the length of my back, eventually settling at the base of my spine where her fingertips pressed deeply into my skin. I watched her eyes close and listened to the shallow quickened pants of her breathing when she finally gave into overwhelming pleasure.
Moisture rolled from our bodies in the now increasingly humid casino and neither of us moved while we tried to catch our breaths. It was not until Lulu tapped me on the shoulder that I realized all my weight was on top of her, so I quickly jumped up to let her breathe. "Sorry about that."
She slid off the table quietly, picking up her strewn clothes and began putting them back on. I pulled on my pants then wrapped my arms around her waist from behind, easing her to me. Now that Lulu was back in my life there was no way I was letting her get away again. "Come back to the penthouse." I coaxed, kissing from below her ear to her bare shoulder blade. "I know we have a lot to work out but at least spend the night."
There was no reciprocal affection or warmth; instead she shifted to cold and detached without warning. A far cry from the woman I had just been intimate with a few minutes go. Her body stiffened against mine, then twisted out of my hold as she turned in circles searching under tables and chairs. "God where is my damn shoe?!" Lulu snapped in obvious frustration.
I watched her frantic search feeling more and more apprehensive at the way this night was turning out. Not that I was expecting sex to be a magic fix, but this was supposed to be the gateway to us starting over; instead it felt like the gate was being welded shut. I could not tell if she was mad at me, the situation or both, but either way I wanted to do whatever I could to ease her mind and make things better.
Grabbing my shirt from the floor, beneath it was the missing shoe. "Slow down a minute, you're giving me whiplash." I joked hoping to ease the tension as I handed her the shoe. Taking the sandal from me, she never cracked a smile and simply slipped it onto her foot.
"I have to go." She mumbled despondently after retrieving her purse and keys. Before I could attempt to stop her, or offer to drive her somewhere, Lulu sprinted out of the Haunted Star like she was being chased.
'What the hell just happened?' I wondered, heading onto the casino's deck just in time to see her running towards the docks. Every instinct in my body wanted to go after her but I did not think it would solve anything. She was doing what came natural to her when things became overbearing: she ran. All I could hope for was that she stopped running long enough to let me back in.
Just as Nona had predicted, a woman would be my undoing and Lulu was it. Everything I always wanted and needed was wrapped up in a blonde bombshell of fire, stubbornness, kindness, strength, resilience and beauty. She infuriated me in a way that was unexplainable and yet still had a hold on me like no other. When I was with her there was no other place in the world I would rather be and when I wasn't she was all I could think about. I had no idea when it happened or even how it happened, but somewhere throughout friends with benefits, a fake marriage, dating and my stupidity I managed to fall in love for the first time.
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Lots of Love till next time