Kimber laid in Christian's arms and stared into the darkness not managing to get to sleep. Contrary to her, he had fallen asleep right after their passionate love making. There was too much going on in her head. The baby has only been the first challenge. It would be much harder to talk to him about Sarah and Gail. And it seemed to her almost impossible to let him know that the wedding couldn't take place at the weekend as planned. Kimber looked at the clock. It was two o'clock in the morning and Christian's alarm clock will go off in four hours. He'll have a shower, get dressed, have breakfast and then he would leave the apartment and come back late afternoon the earliest. Another full day would go by without her informing him about Gail's state of health. Time she didn't have since she didn't know how long Gail had left to live. She couldn't let him sleep now. She had to finish what she had started and she didn't know how it will all play out. She touched the light switch of her night stand lamp determined and a light streak fell on his face, "Christian?" She whispered quietly, "are you asleep?"
A pointless question as she could see from his regular breathing that he was deep asleep. She started to shake him by the shoulder lightly as he didn't react to her calling, "Christian, wake up!"
He mumbled something unintelligible and then finally opened his eyes, "what is it?" He asked drowsily.
"We have to talk!" She said the words quickly because she was afraid he would interrupt her.
"Oh, no, not again!" Christian reluctantly sat up to cast a glance at the clock and then sunk back moaning, "it's two o'clock in the morning Kimber," he sighed, "not really a good time to have a discussion."
Kimber sat up straight in the bed, "there's never a good time!" She said heatedly, "if you would've had some more time for me only once in the last few weeks, then all this would've not happened. But you...you preferred to spend your time with this...bitch instead..." Kimber's voice was shaking from the suppressed anger. But as soon as she completed the sentence she was already regretting her outcry. She didn't wanna start about Natasha. She wanted to talk to him about Gail. But apparently jealousy was bubbling much more fervently in her than she would've wanted to admit to herself.
He became abruptly all awake and also sat up, "what the hell are you talking about anyway?" He demanded to know.
Kimber avoided his eyes and started to nervously bite her bottom lip. Not only she had woken him up from his sleep in the middle of the night, she had now also changed the subject that was even more unpleasant for her to talk about than the conversation about Gail. But it was too late now, "Natasha phoned," she started to recount hesitantly, "she wanted to call off your agreement..." Kimber stopped and turned her head to the side because she felt her tears filling her eyes, "I knew something was up," it gurgled out of her, "the lots of overtime, your excuses you had no time to take care of the wedding preparations...if you don't wanna marry me why didn't you just say so?"
Christian sat there and started at her all flabbergasted, "nothing's going on between me and Natasha!" He finally said, "how could you think that?" He said shaking his head, "she's a patient that's all. She came to the practice because she was disfigured when she suffered a car accident. And she asked me to do her face," he sighed, "the thing between me and Natasha is long over. You have to believe me!" He suddenly had an idea, "was this the reason you wanted to get rid of the baby?" He asked quietly.
Kimber shook her head silently. Her tears dribbled down onto her nighties and made them wet.
"Look at me!" Christian gently pulled her chin towards himself, "what were you afraid of?"
"I imagined how my life would be with the baby," she said uncertainly, "I never really wanted to be a mother you understand? I don't actually know what it means to be a good mother. I was only a child when my mother died..." Kimber stopped and cleaned her eyes with her hand.
"What happened to you back then?" Christian asked patiently.
Kimber hesitated for a moment. Maybe the timing wasn't neccessarily ideal, but she really had the desire to tell him more about her past for the first time since she met him. And maybe she could also build a bridge to having the possibility of talking about Gail after that, "I was about eleven when my mother fell ill with lung cancer," she stared to explain at a snail's pace, "the doctors were optimistic at the beginning that she would make it after all. But her breathing became difficult, she got weaker and weaker..." Kimber got stuck and cleared a tear away from her face.
"And what else had happened?" Christian asked sympathetically.
"The next few months she mainly spent at some hospital. I've been alone with my dad for most of that time. I didn't know for a while what was wrong with her, but finally when it was to be seen that she would die, she took me to the side and told me everything about her horrible disease. She died three days after my twelfth birthday," Kimber said expressionlessly, "me and my dad, we were there with her when it happened. He didn't talk much about her death after that, but he cried a lot. And I was standing helplessly next to him and I didn't know how I could help him."
"I'm very sorry about that..." Christian was visibly moved, "and what was after that?"
Kimber stared at the ceiling, "he left me too," she said detached, "a work colleague found him dead one day in his office. He had bought himself a gun and sent a bullet into his brain. The police later said that he must've died on the spot."
Christian saw the pain and the grief in her eyes and felt his heart breaking for her. Possibly for the first time in his life he had no idea what he should do or say. He pulled Kimber into his arms mutely and wrapped her head around pressing it to the curve in the middle of his neck.
"They took me to a home because I was too young to be left alone at twelve and there was nobody who would take me in either. Neither my mom or dad had siblings. I stayed there till I was seventeen and then I tried to establish a living for myself. I was lucky I wasn't exactly ugly. So I became a model. I worked for a hostess service for a while. The men I went out with were more than generous. But they were also expecting corresponding services for theirs..." She stopped.
"Did you...sleep with them?" Christian had to make a great effort to be able to ask. He pushed her a bit away to be able to look at her.
"With some of them yes..." Kimber admitted hesitantly, "but I've never worked as a prostitute," she said quickly, "I always hoped back then that there will be someone one day who would present me with a ring and take me away from that sinkhole I lived in," she pulled her face into a smile, "you know, like in the movie "Pretty Woman".
"You've found him," Christian noted dryly.
Kimber shook her head, "it was all different for me with you from the very beginning."
"We slept together right away when we first met and I gave you some money for the cab after that. Why do you say it was all different with me?" Christian asked scrunching his forehead.
"Because I fell in love with you," Kimber gave the answer, "I tried to fight this feeling at first because I knew you didn't love me. But I gave the battle up quite quickly," she sat up uncertainly and took his face into her hands, "I love you Christian and nothing and nobody would be able to change that!" She underlined her words with kissing him passionately.
He returned her kisses and pushed her a little away from himself after that to look at her, "why did you tell me all this?" He asked and looked at her scrunching his forehead, "we know each other for three years now and you haven't spoken about your family once. Why now?"
Kimber closed her eyes. It was truly a good time to tell him about Gail, but she suddenly lost all her courage. She had to find another way, a smoother one to let him know about his mother's illness. She considered feverishly how she should wrap everything up without arousing Christian's suspicion, "maybe because we'll become a family soon and I simply want no more doubts and lies between us."
Christian looked at her surprised, "you doubted my love for you?"
Kimber nodded uncertainly, "but now it's okay," she forced a smile and let herself back down onto the pillows, "let's sleep on," she said. She demonstratively pulled the covers up to her chin.
"You wanna sleep now?" He asked confused, "we're in the middle of a conversation here!"
"I'm tired and you should also sleep a couple more hours before you have to get up again," she made him consider.
Christian let himself fall back sighing and stared at the ceiling. He would probably never understand women. How could she sleep now when he was still all worked up? Kimber's past, Natasha, the baby-they preoccupied him further and didn't give him peace. He guessed instinctively that Kimber haven't told him everything yet. Her abrupt ending of the conversation suggested that, but he had no idea what other secrets she was keeping from him. Christian looked at the clock and moaned quietly. The alarm will go off in two hours. Falling asleep now would be senseless. He looked at Kimber who apparently had fallen asleep. He stood up shaking his head and walked out to have a shower.