AN: This chapter in Severus's perceptive!
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I sit at my desk, my hands in my hair and my eyes closed tightly. I need to be left alone. No students, no professors, no Death Eaters; just me. I groan and rub my eyes before looking toward Phineas Nigellus Black's portrait. He left rather abruptly to check on his other painting which is still no doubt at the bottom of Miss Granger's bag.
Damn it! I was not supposed to be thinking about her!
"Problem, Severus?"
"Leave me alone, Albus," I growl.
Dumbledore laughs merrily behind me. Damn that old man. I wonder if there is a way to remove his painting from this office. Merlin knows it would help me concentrate if I didn't have his commentary running in the background. The other paintings sleep, or at the very least, pretend to sleep and have the decency to leave me to my thoughts. Dumbledore happens to be just as annoying and persistent as a painting as he was in real life. Just my luck.
"Come on, Severus, I can help. That is what I am here for- to offer advice to the current Headmaster of Hogwarts."
I bite back a reply and stand. I need a room without paintings. Or another member of the human race.
My cloak billows behind me as I exit my office, slamming the door behind me so Albus knows I am most definitely not in a good mood. I stalk through the hallways, a scowl on my face. The students who cross my path jump to the walls in fear, with the exception of a few idiots who publically try to stand up to me or the Carrows. Bloody morons. Longbottom stares me down as I sweep past. Bully for you, I think as I turn the corner, you've finally managed to grow a bloody backbone. Now, if you would kindly grow a fucking brain, you wouldn't be spending so much time in the hospital wing.
"Shouldn't you be on your way to your common room?" I bark at two Hufflepuffs who stand idly against a wall. "Move it! Curfew is in five minutes!"
I watch them scurry away from me, in the completely wrong direction. Not very subtle about having a secret hideout for those stupid enough to fight back. Honestly, everything would be so much bloody easier if these thunderheads learned to just keep their noses to the ground! Potter's had a bad influence on them.
I round another corner and come face to face with Minerva McGonagall. Her lips are pulled together tightly as she glares darkly at me. I sneer right back and continue walking, grateful she doesn't stop me to scold me again. I don't need another round of her 'disappointed and disgusted' bullshit piece.
When I finally find myself outside of the entrance to my private labs, I breathe a sigh of relief.
"Headmaster Snape, a word please."
Damn it all to the seven pits of Hell! I turn to stare down Alecto Carrow. "What do you want now?" I hiss.
She arches an eyebrow and me and crosses her arms against her chest. "A few of the students have confessed to staging an uprising. They were planning to attack Amycus, you and myself and then seizing power of the school."
All the gold in my Gringotts account says it was a group of Gryffindors. I resist the urge to rub my temples in frustration. Why can't the students just be intelligent and worry about their own arses for once? Must they always attempt to play the hero and save the day? They are just going to get themselves killed! Not to mention I am running low on patience, as well as ideas for silently less horrible detentions than the ones Alecto and her brother are so fond of. Fuck, fuck, fuck.
"I trust the threat has been dealt with and the students punished?"
"Of course, sir." Alecto gives me a grin that causes the muscles in my right hand to twitch with the urge to slap her. "Amycus and Filch are currently punishing them as we speak."
Fantastic. Now I have to spend the rest of my evening untying students from the dungeon ceiling. Perfect.
"And you are here because?" I growl, my annoyance levels raising to an all-time high. "If you had the situation under control there was no need to come and inform me. You and Amycus are in charge of all disciplinary actions."
"Amycus and I are running low on Veritaserum. We like using Crucio to get answers, but a select few students refuse to tell us anything then either. Forcing that potion down their throat should do the trick, wouldn't you agree?"
Damn it, Longbottom!
"Of course. Wait here." I mutter the password to my labs so Alecto can't hear before slipping inside and shutting the door. I cross the room to my store closet and pull out two vials of Veritaserum. I take an empty vial and fill it with water before charming it to look exactly like the other potion. I can't help my students too much, but I can at least give them a chance.
I return to Alecto and hand her the vials. When she opens her blasted mouth to continue our conversation, I give her a deep glare that rivals that of the Dark Lord's. I wait until she's hurried off and turned the corner before reentering my labs. Finally, peace.
I glance around the room, my black eyes falling on the work station on the opposite side of the room. I do not have time for memories today. I pointedly ignore that station and go to mine. I remove my outer robe and toss it onto the couch before rolling up my sleeves. With a single tap of my wand, the fire under my caldron is lit. I casually walk to my storeroom and pull out potion ingredients. I don't care what I'm brewing, I just need to do it.
"I was brewing a potion to help me calm down and focus. I find that brewing is an excellent method for tuning out the world around me, as I have to focus solely on my cauldron."
I can't help the repeat of Granger's words echoing against the walls. My memories have an annoying habitat of bringing her up when I most definitely do not need to be reminded of her. Again her voice floats around me. A sudden blind fury comes over me and I grab the closest glass vial and hurl it at the wall. The shattering sound of glass on stone is so satisfying that I throw another and another.
I have to force myself to unhand the last vial before I break it as well. I lower myself to the couch and place my head in my hands. I need peace. I need quiet. I need… damn it, I need Granger. No. I quickly shake my head to remove the sentiment. I need to focus. Granger is a distraction, one I simply cannot permit myself.
I wave my wand at the broken vials to mend them. Another wave sends them back the storeroom where they belong. I cannot brew today. I haven't been able to brew in weeks. I grip my hair tightly and focus on keeping my mind clear.
I am Severus Snape. I am no longer a Death Eater. I am not loyal to Lord Voldemort. I am a member of the Order of the Phoenix. I am loyal to Albus Dumbledore. I am Severus Snape. I am no longer a Death Eater. I am not loyal to Lord Voldemort. I am a member of the Order of the Phoenix. I am loyal to Albus Dumbledore.
I look up at my private labs, suddenly finding the room empty. A small part of me, a piece I keep hidden and locked away, expects to see a head of thick, brown curls exiting the storeroom, her arms full to the bursting point with potions ingredients. I see her homework scattered on my work station. I hear her humming as she brews. I see her roll her honey eyes at some comment I made before giving me a worthy comeback.
I stand abruptly and leave the lab. I cannot be here, there are too many memories. I wonder the halls, keeping my eyes peeled for students out past curfew. When I find myself outside my chambers, I promptly turn in the opposite direction. The castle seems too small now. There are only so many places I can go that don't haunt me. I scowl as I make my way back to the Headmaster's Office.
"Oh, good you're back!" Dumbledore says brightly when I enter the room. "Phineas has been looking for you."
"Headmaster! They are camping in the Forest of Dean! The Mudblood-"
"Do not use that word!" I yell, slamming my fist onto my desk. "How many times must I tell you? Never say it in my presence!"
Phineas Black gives me a dirty look and I glare right back. Bastard.
"Fine, the Granger girl, then, mentioned the place as she opened her bag and I heard her!"
"Oh, marvelous!" Dumbledore cheers. "Quickly now Severus; we must act quickly! You must give Harry the sword, but remember he must take it under conditions of need and valor- that is essential! And you must not be seen-"
"I am aware," I snap as I move toward his painting and pull it away from the wall to retrieve the Sword of Gryffindor from its hiding place. "Are you going to tell me why the sword is so important? You've been going on about it for months now. Why does Potter need it?"
"Don't worry about that," Dumbledore replies. "Just make sure Harry gets it; he will know what to do."
I pull a traveling cloak over my robes and calmly sweep out the door, the sword hidden in my robes. I stalk out of the castle and down the grounds until I reach the Apparition point. I turn on the spot and vanish.
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"Expecto Patronum."
A silver doe bursts from the tip of my wand. She walks gracefully around me before stopping and cocking her head to one side as if asking a question.
"Find Harry Potter and lead him to this pond," I tell her softly. "There are charms protecting his campsite so I cannot locate him."
My doe nods her head and sets off through the forest, her silvery light casting shadows on the trees and snow. I follow her, but stick to the shadows. I must watch Potter collect the sword; I cannot leave until I know he has it. I watch with weary eyes as my doe comes to a stop. I trace the line she makes with her eyes and watch as Potter materializes out of thin air. He is watching my patronus closely and follows as she turns to lead him to the pond.
I know I must turn and trail after them. I know my duty is to ensure Potter gets the sword. However, the moment I saw Potter step out of his protective shield, I was able to see in. A small tent sits in the center of the clearing. I look back to Potter and can still see the dim light of my doe. When I don't see Granger emerge from the tent, I assume Potter was on watch. I take careful steps toward the tent, completely aware I am not doing what is expected of me.
Granger is curled up on a small bed, the blanket tucked up to her chin. Her brown hair is spread out against the pillow in all its curled glory. I glance back toward the entrance of the tent. No Potter. I am already risking too much. I kneel beside her bed and gently move a lock of hair out of her face. She sighs in her sleep and nudges my hand with her nose. Once more I check to see if Potter is back. Satisfied that I have enough time, I lean forward and kiss her, gently and softly.
I notice her eyelashes fluttering when I pull away and quickly leave the tent. I hear her voice thick with sleep say my name, but I must not look back. When I hear her call out for Potter, I know she is fully awake and hurry to the darken line of trees to hide myself. Granger emerges from the tent, wrapping a blanket around herself. She looks around for Potter before narrowing her eyes at something she sees in the forest.
Potter and Weasley exit together, both soaked, one carrying the sword of Gryffindor and the other a broken locket.
I watch with a smirk as Granger attacks Weasley, screaming at him for abandoning them. Potter lets her go on for a bit before casting a protection spell between Granger and Weasley. She is fury incarnate with her hair a fizzy, wild mess and her honey eyes set ablaze. I allow myself a few more moments to look at her before I melt into the shadows and darkness around me.
I wonder through the forest until I get far enough away from them to Disapparate back to Hogwarts.