Author's note: Thanks so much to Larkafree, Maknatuna, RachelPhobia, Maddy Love Castiel, QuietCrash, CherylB1964, Kirabaros, PercyJfan1982, Nicolene B, XxZessxX, kb18142, Nyx Ro, BritishSweden, smitey-winchester, random yet lovable, FlowerChild13, LeeMarieJack, Sorry-I-Wasn't-Listening, Turtle Kid the Woolgatherer, eiahlaie, manic the hedgehog, Chichi-10018 and one guest for last chapter's reviews!
I am really overwhelmed by the response I got for the last chapter! You guys make me smile so much, it's awesome!
Special thanks to Treeni for beta-reading!
24
For a few long moments, Gabriel gave in to temptation and kissed Sam back. The archangel's hands slid in the human's hair to hold the taller man close and angle his head to Gabriel's liking. Sam went willingly, allowing the archangel to take control over the kiss.
Unfortunately, Gabriel couldn't keep his conscience from interfering for long. There was a reason why the archangel hadn't given in to his love -and lust- for Sam this far. None of the things that caused Gabriel decide to put a tight lid on his feelings had changed. He had to end this before it went any further. The time for the truth had come.
"Sam, no," Gabriel sighed, gently pushing the younger Winchester away enough that they could talk. The temptation to close the gap between them again was strong, but it would work against everything the archangel tried to accomplish and send some seriously mixed signals. "This is wrong."
"Why? I..." Sam began to ask in a confused tone, before realization set in and changed his tone to resignation, "Nothing has changed, has it?"
Even if the younger Winchester was completely free of any trace of demon he had ever had in him, it didn't change his past, it didn't change the things he had done and it probably didn't even change anything about how people saw him. As relieved as Sam was to know that the stain that he had carried around with him nearly his entire life was gone, he still was Lucifer's vessel and nothing more than the grown up version of the kid Gabriel formed a deep attachment to.
"What are you talking about?" the archangel frowned, barely resisting the urge to hug the deep scowl off Sam's face. Gabriel finally managed to get up off the floor and sit on the bed the younger Winchester had been strapped to earlier. They had to talk this through, if they wanted to get out of this room with their friendship intact. Gabriel decided to make sure they would at least manage that. The reason why the archangel had to reject Sam, though it went against what he wanted, was that he couldn't bear to lose the friendship they had under any circumstances.
It didn't help that previously, Gabriel hardly ever considered these things before he got himself into a relationship head first and without any regard for the consequences. After all, it wasn't much of a problem to deal with a scorned lover, if things went sour. It wasn't as if any of the pagan gods Loki had been with could do much harm to him. Granted, they could inconvenience him a little and make meetings with others seriously awkward, but that was about the worst of it.
However in this case, Gabriel wasn't willing to pay the price for not doing the math beforehand. The archangel had to have Sam in his life and if it was as nothing more than a friend to ensure that it would last, then that was the way it had to be. Though some parts of Gabriel -especially certain parts of his physique- were firmly against that notion.
"I'm still nothing but a freak," Sam answered matter-of-factly, like he fully accepted what he had just said as the truth and nothing, but the truth. The younger Winchester knew he had made a mistake the moment Gabriel looked at him like he wanted to hit him over the head with a rolled up newspaper. Of course, the archangel didn't like it when Sam spoke about himself like that. Or - the now clean slated man thought bitterly- Gabriel didn't like it when Sam spoke about little Sammy like that.
"If you're a freak, what am I?" the archangel replied in a demanding tone, before his voice softened again, "Besides, all the best people are freaks."
Gabriel understood that the word 'freak' held only the worst connotations for Sam, but he hoped to make him reconsider by making clear that the archangel viewed himself as a freak as well. Gabriel was far from what an angel was supposed to be, but he had never managed to be the average pagan god either. Actually, taking the thought further, Gabriel cared much more about people than was expected among angels, but not quite as much as any human believers would like to think.
The archangel patted the bed next to him as a sign for Sam to sit down next to him. It was strange to speak to someone who was towering over Gabriel as much as the younger Winchester did from his standing position while the archangel was sitting. To Gabriel's relief, Sam followed the suggestion nearly immediately.
"Then why...?" the younger Winchester asked, trying to make sense of the situation they were clearly in. At least Gabriel was willing to discuss the matter. Sam had some hope to walk away from the talk with an understanding of where they stood, even if it was likely to break his heart. If Gabriel's rejection didn't come from the fact that Sam was obviously a freak, that only left a much more heartbreaking alternative. The archangel simply didn't love him. "Oh..."
"I have a feeling like whatever you're thinking is wrong again," Gabriel stated in a gentle tone, turning his head so he could look directly into Sam's eyes. It was much harder to have this conversation than it had any right to be. At least, the younger Winchester didn't seem to be mad at Gabriel, though the human's acceptance of imminent rejection left a stale taste in the archangel's mouth, too.
"Gabriel, why won't you...? Why can't...?" Sam started before he stopped himself with a calming breath. He wasn't trying to make accusations, he was only trying to understand what was going on. "Why is this going nowhere?"
The younger Winchester vaguely gestured between them with a small, crooked smile. Of course, a part of Sam hoped for an answer that would make it possible for them to have a relationship after all, but he would settle for any answer that made him understand what was really going on between them.
"You don't really want to be with me that way," Gabriel tried to explain, utterly confusing Sam in the process.
The younger Winchester hadn't been prepared to discuss his own feelings, when they were clear as day to him. Sam was head over heels for Gabriel, it was the archangel who kept his distance. To hear Gabriel say that Sam didn't want the relationship the younger Winchester was completely sure he wanted was confusing.
"Look, if you don't have feelings for me, I can deal with that," Sam replied, though his body language spoke a different language altogether. Granted, the younger Winchester would have a hard time dealing with being rejected, especially since he was pretty sure that Gabriel had kissed him like he meant it earlier, but he would learn to live with it.
"I wish it were that easy," the archangel groaned. If Gabriel didn't have the intense feelings he had for Sam, things would have been much easier. To be completely honest, he probably would still be drinking ale with the other Norse gods instead of getting his ass kicked in trials to stop the Apocalypse and save the entire world, for one human. "Sam, when you were a kid, you had that little puppy crush on me."
This was it, they were finally getting to the core of the problem. Sam was immediately embarrassed by the topic, but Gabriel had expected as much. If they were finally putting the cards on the table, they had to speak about all the issues.
"Don't worry, it was cute. Very flattering, really," the archangel stated gently when Sam buried his face in his hands. Gabriel couldn't help finding the blush that reached the younger Winchester's ears endearing. It had been cute when little Sammy's ears had turned red over basically anything nice the archangel said to him and it was no less charming on adult Sam.
"The thing is, what you're feeling now is only an aftereffect of that," Gabriel explained reasonably. The archangel sighed, though he wasn't quite sure himself, if he was relieved to finally talk about the core of the problem or disappointed to have to face the truth. Unfortunately, Sam apparently didn't dream of making this any easier for Gabriel.
"No, it's not," the younger Winchester protested vehemently. For all his faults, Sam was very much in touch with his feelings. If what he felt for Gabriel had been nothing more than a shadow of the crush his eight year old self had on the archangel, he would have known. In the very least, he would have been able to see the truth in Gabriel's words. There was no truth in them though.
"Sam," the archangel nearly begged, trying to get the younger Winchester to see reason. Sam had to accept the truth so they could move past this. It might hurt that moment, but in the long run it would be better for both of them. The moment the younger Winchester realized that his feelings only stemmed from the week he had been an easily impressible kid, would have been the end of any relationship they might have built. Chances were they wouldn't have been able to even stay friends if it came to that.
"No, it's not," Sam repeated once more with a little more force. The younger Winchester knew that he had to make Gabriel believe him without a trace of doubt left, if he wanted them to have a shot at a relationship. Hell, after the kiss they had shared earlier, Sam was even more convinced that he wanted exactly that. "I didn't love you when we met again in that hospital. I was glad you were there and I hoped we could be friends again, sure, but I didn't love you."
The younger Winchester was willing to admit that he wouldn't have been half as glad to see the archangel, if it hadn't been for the week Sam and Dean had spent with Gabriel as their guardian. Of course, the brothers had never gotten the chance to get to know the archangel better before then, so the younger Winchester thought that was understandable.
"I first thought that there might be more when you gave me this," Sam continued, pulling the amulet out from under his shirt, "But then you kept calling me munchkin and I thought... I thought you were only so nice to me, because you liked me when I was a kid."
Gabriel gaped at Sam for a few long moments, before he started to laugh. The younger Winchester wasn't sure what to make of it, until the archangel wrapped his arms around him and pulled him closer. That at least was clearly a good sign and Gabriel was probably going to explain everything else to him, once he managed to stop laughing.
"We're both idiots," the archangel stated with conviction a few moments later.
Sam thought about objecting to that, but all thoughts fled his mind when Gabriel brought his hand to the side of Sam's neck to pull him into another kiss.
For the first few moments it was nothing more but a press of lips against lips, but that changed when Gabriel wound his fingers into Sam's hair once more, pulling just enough to elicit a small gasp. The archangel used the moment the younger Winchester's lips were parted to suck his lower lip into his mouth, worrying it gently between his teeth before he ran his tongue over it soothingly.
Months of imagining what it would be like to have Gabriel kiss him had done a poor job of preparing Sam for what the real deal was like. The younger Winchester was far from complaining, though. All his expectations were exceeded.
"I... I should go upstairs, tell Dean everything's okay," Sam breathed when they had to part for air, still leaning his forehead against Gabriel's, "He's probably worried."
Actually, Dean was worried for sure, but the younger Winchester couldn't have thought of that earlier if he had tried. Too much had happened and Sam was sure that he was nowhere near done processing everything that had changed in the past twenty-four hours. They had gone up against Famine and had not only survived but won, the younger Winchester's demon blood addiction had resurfaced and had not only been beaten once more, but completely eliminated and Gabriel not only returned Sam's feelings, but was finally acting on them too.
"He was a tiny bit grumpier than usually earlier," the archangel admitted with a smirk. It was an understatement of course, but it wouldn't help anybody if Gabriel said that Dean had been grumpier than the Grinch at Christmas. Sam was going to get a first hand impression of his older brother's mood soon anyway.
"Sam, wait," Gabriel exclaimed before the younger Winchester could leave the panic room. There was one more thing they should talk about before everyone else inevitably got involved. "We're going to have a dinner date tomorrow."
Sam frowned slightly, before he huffed out a chuckle, "Is that your way of asking me out?"
There had been a question in Gabriel's statement for sure, but he hadn't made it sound like he was actually asking. Not that Sam minded. The younger Winchester was willing to go along with what the archangel wanted, as long as he kept it within reasonable parameters. There would very likely be things they'd need to have long discussions about in the future, but Sam's willingness to date Gabriel wasn't one of them.
"Would you have said anything other than yes, if I'd actually asked?" Gabriel asked in a highly amused tone, before he walked up to Sam to take his hand, "Besides, we've lost enough time, I thought we could speed this up a little."
"Why not breakfast then?" the younger Winchester retorted, giving the archangel a challenging look.
They both enjoyed the playful exchange more than they even realized that moment. After everything that had happened to Sam and Gabriel, it was the ultimate sign that they were both okay and that things were looking up.
"'Cause that's not romantic, you philistine," Gabriel replied in fake outrage, before he leaned in to press his lips against Sam's tenderly once more. Of course, breakfasts could be romantic too, but first dates were done with dinner and the prospect of good night kisses at the door. Besides, Gabriel expected that they'd have ample opportunities for romantic breakfasts, second breakfasts, elevensies, lunches, afternoon teas and suppers in addition to dinners in the future. Alright, given their daily schedules and especially the situation with the Apocalypse, maybe not ample opportunities, but opportunities still.
"Alright, dinner tomorrow evening," Sam agreed, taking a deep breath before he let go of Gabriel's hand and opened the door of the panic room, "Breakfast the morning after."
Gabriel wasn't completely sure if Sam had been serious, but so help him Father, he hoped.