Goodbye and Hello

These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home.

"Grief knits two hearts in closer bonds than happiness ever can." Alphonse de Lamartine.

I hope you continue to hang on for the ride! I am going somewhere with this, I promise :)

Chapter 25

Roy wanted to beat the elevator doors down because they wouldn't open fast enough. When they opened he made a beeline for the ICU doors, going past the couple of men who were standing and talking together.

Mike and Marco stood talking about Johnny when they saw Roy whiz by them, almost at a run. Hank was right behind him using his long legs to try and keep up with the panic that was fueling Roy's heart. They felt for Roy since they already knew the results of the lab work, updated by Dr. Early and Brackett just moments before. They just didn't know how he would handle it. Once Roy and Hank were past the ICU doors the elevator opened once again and the two men were concerned with who came off of it.

Roy went straight to the nurse's station and realized he didn't know what room he was in. Quickly he turned to Hank with the unspoken question. But before he could answer him Brackett took Roy by the arm.

"Roy, I need to talk to you before you go in." He was taken aback by the serious look on the doctor's face.

"I want to see him." It wasn't meant as a question but Brackett wasn't surprised.

"No Roy. Dixie's with him. I have to talk to you first."

Roy's heart was not in his throat, God, what had gone wrong? "Okay," he said softly.

Hank moved back to the waiting room and was caught off guard by who was standing there. Enough was enough. Time for a heart to heart talk with his senior paramedics wife.

Roy and Brackett moved to an office behind the nurse's station with Brackett closing the door behind them. He moved around the desk and sat down placing his hands together, elbows on the desk. His eyes reflecting something that Roy didn't like to see at all.

"Roy in the last 24 hours Johnny has started showing signs of drowsiness, lack of energy, and his blood count as dropped meaning his anemic again. We've run several tests and he shows no sign of infection. The concern comes from his electrolytes. They're highly abnormal."

"What does that mean?" Roy asked, not sure where this was leading.

"During his surgery he experienced significant blood loss. We replaced it as fast as we could but our concern about the decreased blood flow to his kidneys seems to have caused permanent damage." He made eye contact with his friend, "Roy's he's in kidney failure."

It was a good thing he was sitting down because his legs wouldn't have held him up. Hank watched him closely. He didn't even know what to ask. "What are his options?"

"We are managing his IV fluids carefully, following his labs closely and setting him up for dialysis. His scan showed that one kidney is still trying to function but the buildup of toxins in his body will eventually destroy it. The other kidney is showing no function at all now."

"But he can't stay on dialysis for ever doc. How do we fix this?" There had to be an answer. Johnny had to be alright.

"The only possible fix for him would be a transplant."

"Transplant? How do we make that happen?" Roy asked.

"We put him on the list and wait for a kidney donor to come up. The wait is unpredictable."

Roy's mind was spinning at this point, "What about rejection? Isn't that a big risk?"

Brackett nodded, "It's always a risk with any transplant but the technology has improved so much in the last few years with tissue typing and rejection medications. If we can find him a new kidney and he doesn't reject it his chances of living a normal life will very good."

"I'm his blood type doc."

Kel knew what Roy wanted to do. Of course he would want to give one of his own kidneys to his best friend. Johnny was as close to a brother that he could have. "We can test you Roy but blood type isn't the same as tissue type. You can share the same blood type but not be able to be a donor."

Roy had a thousand questions but was interrupted by Dixie knocking at the door. Brackett waved her in. They both knew, without asking, what Roy would want to do.

"Test me," Roy said.

"Of course Roy. After the results are in we will rediscuss the options for you and Johnny. Dix, will you take Roy down for testing?"

"Sure Kel." She said as she brought up a little smile.

"I want to see Johnny first," he said as he stood up.

Dixie put her hand on his arm. "I just left him Roy, he's sleeping. Let's get the testing done then you can stay with him.

He took a deep breath, "Okay". Dixie led him down the hall to the employee elevator and then took him to the lab for blood to be drawn. Brackett was worried. He had already had a very frank discussion with Hank about the implications of Roy donating to Johnny. The risk to his own health, the possible implications to his job. They had agreed that knowing Roy would demand the testing they would not bring anything up right away but simply wait. If he wasn't a match then everything they discussed would be a mute point. If he was a match they would make him listen to all the implications of his decision.

It seemed like forever to Roy, the wait in the lab for his blood to be drawn. All the wanted to do was to get back upstairs to Johnny. Finally he was released after they drained him of several tubes of blood and he worked his way back up to the ICU, via the back stairs. He came into Johnny's room to find his friend was still sleeping peacefully, his breathing easy but Roy noted he was now on some oxygen. Several IV's were going which he presumed belonged to fluids and the dialysis process. Pulling up a chair it made a slight scuffing noise and Johnny's eyes opened up.

"Roy." He reached up and rubbed his sleepy eyes to force them to stay open.

"Didn't mean to wake ya up Junior. How ya feeling?" Roy said as he stood and went to his side.

"Like a trouble maker as usual. Leave it to me to not do anything the right way." He shot Roy a half hearted crooked smile.

"We'll you always did like to be the center of attention you know," Roy smiled back. Johnny's color was pale but he seemed in pretty good spirits.

Johnny looked down at the gauze and band aid on Roy's arm, "Been doing some blood donation again?" His face got serious.

"Just a little," he replied.

Johnny sat up some in the bed, "I won't let you do it pally."

"I don't think you have much choice at this point Johnny," Roy said a little surprised by Johnny's reaction. "This is your life we're talking about."

"I know but it's your life too and I won't let you give it up for me." Johnny was serious.

"Who says I'm giving up my life. You're only getting a kidney junior, don't get greedy on me." Roy shot him a smirk.

"I'm not kidding Roy. If you do it they could put you behind a desk. Then coming back here wouldn't have made any difference. You'd still lose your paramedic badge."

Roy realized he hadn't thought about that. Would they really do that? But as he looked at his friend he realized that it didn't matter. "I'm not going to just sit around and watch you die."

Then a voice came from behind them, "There is another option." Both men turned to see Joanne standing in the door with Hank behind her.

Roy looked at Johnny as a look of sheer panic crossed his face. His first thought was that Johnny was remembering about that night not so long ago. The last time Johnny had seen her. He turned on his heels and headed towards her but was stopped by Hank who stepped between them.

"Roy, let her finish." What? Why in the hell was Hank defending her? He glanced back at Johnny.

"No Joanne," Johnny stammered out.

She stepped towards him, her voice soft and compassionate. "Johnny, Doctor Brackett says that your best chance at a working match would be a relative."

Roy stepped back and looked again at Johnny then to her. "Johnny doesn't have any relatives."

She looked at him, "John, it's time."

"Joanne, no, please doesn't." Johnny looked like he was near tears.

"This is your life were talking about John Gage. You promised me that when the time was right you would talk to Roy about it."

That was it, Roy had had enough. "What the hell is going on here? Johnny what is she talking about? You have family somewhere?"

Johnny threw his head back on the pillow and took a deep breath. Roy watched Hank excuse himself from the room quietly, leaving them alone to discuss it. Once he opened his eyes again he seemed more settled and readjusted himself in the bed to be comfortable before talking.

Roy could see he was delaying. "Johnny?"

"It was almost a year ago. I got a letter in the mail from," he paused. "From someone in my family. I didn't even know that anyone knew where I was. I didn't want them to know where I was." He looked at Roy with pleading eyes. "I'm sorry Roy. I just asked Joanne one day if she could help me right a letter back to her."

"Her?" Roy asked.

"I have a sister."

Roy was dumbfounded, a sister? Johnny had a sister? "Where is she?"

"Roy, I'm sorry I never told you. I know I have never told you much about my family and why I left the reservation but I do have a sister. She's 3 years older than me but she was never at home. She left whenever she could to escape our father. Then when she was about 15 she never came back. For years I thought she was dead but when I found out she had just run away I hated her."

Roy had heard some stories of his father and how abusive he was. He knew that was why Johnny left home at such a young age but he had never mentioned a sibling. Johnny grew quiet and Roy wasn't sure if he was able to continue.

"Johnny you don't have to if you don't want to," Roy told him. He knew this was torture for the young man. He knew that revealing personal family issues was always hard for him.

"No, I wanted to tell you but when I wrote the letter back to her I never heard from her again. When she left there was no barrier between me and my father. I hated her for doing that to me. Within a year I left too. Until that letter came we had never made contact again."

"We have to find her Johnny," Joanne said.

"No," was all he said.

Roy felt lost as to what to say. A blood relative would be his best match, his best chance of not rejecting the kidney but he understood, he thought, Johnny's anger. It sounded like she ran away leaving Johnny to take the brunt of his father's abuse. He had loved her and she had abandoned him, how could he ever trust her again?

But he wasn't going to let Johnny's stubbornness be the death of him.

"Johnny, we need to do whatever it takes to get you out of here and back to work." He could see the resistance in his face and knew that when Johnny decided to be stubborn there was very little that would change his mind.

"What if I went and talked to her?" This time it was Joanne that was asking.

Johnny looked at her. How could he tell her how he really felt? Her betrayal went far deeper than anything his sister had done to him. She had betrayed him and the most important person in the world to him.

She could read his eye's better than he thought. She knew he was remembering that night and the many phone call attempts in the last few months. Hank had told her, in no uncertain terms, the aftermath that she left behind, the hurt and pain not just for Roy but for everyone at the station. But especially for Johnny. It was the first time she had heard what he had given up, his paramedic and finally his decision to leave the department over his grief. If she never thought her heart could crumble it had while sitting in that waiting room. Hank's tale of the months that followed her leaving, the look on Mike and Marco's face a mirror to what she had done, it had been too much. Then he told her about Johnny now and suddenly she knew what she had to do. This young man had been family to her. Somewhere in her panic and grief over Roy she had lost complete sight of that. She knew it was past asking for his forgiveness and that she had to do something tangible. He couldn't see her band aide because of her long sleeved shirt but yes, she would give him anything that he needed right now.

"Jo, you can't go there alone. It wouldn't be safe. I really don't know anything about her anymore or the people she's with. It's bad enough that she was back on the reservation. And besides that was a year ago, no telling where she is now."

"I will find her for you." Joanne statement was simple but spoke volumes to the two men in the room. For the first time in a long time Roy saw the part of her that he always loved so much.

He looked to Roy, "Roy, please don't let her go. It's not safe. I can't let…" the 'anything happen to her' went unspoken. No matter what, she was still family to him. Feelings had changed and he wasn't sure how he really felt anymore. Right now he only knew that he was beyond tired and felt like crap, his thoughts no longer clear in his mind.

Roy could see the exhaustion wash over his face, he was now spent and this was too much for him to handle right now. "Get some rest Junior. Don't worry; we won't do anything stupid okay?"

Johnny smiled at his brother and knew that he would take care of him. With that knowledge he let sleep take him.