A/N Brace yourself, darlings! Ashes has decided not to sleep tonight, so there should be at least a few updates! It's Update-palooza!

Ulrich instantly froze, the air suddenly stolen from his lungs. That one word, called out so innocently, so sweetly, brought more pain to the eighteen year olds chest than he could have ever imagined possible. No! This wasn't supposed to be how things went! He wasn't supposed to have fallen in love to begin with! If he were well and truly honest with himself, he had to admit that he hadn't liked Lovino at all in the beginning. No, it had simply been a way to piss off the man who had changed his beloved older brother so much, a quiet conflictless revenge. It was bitterly funny how much that had backfired on him.

By the end of the first few weeks, he had found himself feeling strange. When Lovino smiled up at him, or giggled so softly, not a care in his voice, Ulrichs chest had tightened. He had found himself quietly swearing that he would do anything to make sure Lovino never frowned again. He remembered the old Lovino, a frown simply didn't suit the boy. And when the seventeen year old would excitedly tell him about something, or would pick flowers, laughing as he ran the blondes finger over each petal in an attempt to give Ulrich a glimpse into his world, his voice filled with awe, Ulrich would find himself smiling in spite of himself.

The German wasn't sure of the exact moment he had fallen in love with Lovino. All he knew was he had. It was so hard not to. And now, with that one word, everything was crashing around him. His blood ran cold, chest tightening. Not with anger, not at Lovino anyways. He could never be mad at the Italian. No, he was feeling a mixture of heartache so strong it was a physical ache, and extreme disappointment. His fingers, until now cradling that little wooden box, dropped it to the floor with a clank, and he understood why Lovino hadn't said it back when he had confessed.

Lovino hadn't even realized what had happened, that the man he loved so dearly 's name had slipped from his lips. It confused him when Ulrich stiffened, as the room took on an eerie stillness. "Ully? Baby, what's wrong?" He questioned, leaning forward to cuddle his face into the blondes neck gently.

"...That wasn't my name, Lovino." Ulrichs voice was hoarse, not much more than a mere rasp, his skin cold. A feeling of horror washed over Lovino all at once, as he realized what he had done. "I… I didn't…." His voice was shaky, it was clear to hear the panicked tones. "Oh god… mi dispiace, Ulrich, I'm so sorry, that was the last thing I… I didn't mean to, I swear it!"

Ulrich sighed, tugging Lovino closer and gently rubbing his back. He wanted to be mad. God, how he wanted to be mad, to turn the fragile boy in his arms away. But he couldn't. After all, he loved him, and he knew that wasn't going to instantly fade just because Lovino didn't feel the same. They did, however, need to talk. Right now. "I know…" Another broken sigh, fingers stroking soothingly through Lovinos hair. "I know you didn't. But I do think we need to talk, yeah?"

Lovino chewed his lip, nodding against Ulrichs chest quietly. "Y-yeah… you're right." He didn't speak as Ulrich lifted him to the couch, taking the younger teens hands in bigger, stronger ones. "Lovino… I know you didn't mean to say that… but I also know it wasn't without cause. I need you to tell me, I won't be mad, or yell, or anything like that. But I need to know. Do you love Antonio?" The name came out so pained, and it was all Ulrich could do to keep the venom out of his voice at the mention of the Spaniard. He hated him. Everything Ulrich cared about, Antonio stole or destroyed.

"I…" Lovino let out a miserable breath, his fingers curling into the fabric of the others shirt. "I do…. I swear I didn't know.. I only figured it out about a week and a half ago. I didn't.. I didn't mean to hurt you. I care about you, alot, just…"

"Just not as much as you care about him." Ulrich softly finished. "I'm not mad. Not at you anyways. I know you didn't mean to." His fingers never stopped running carefully over the others back, as he took a shaky breath. "Is that why you wanted to…?" He let the question trail off, unable to finish it. It meant a lot to him to know that Lovino really had tried. He knew this boy, he knew he wouldn't offer his body, his innocence, up like that for fun. It proved to him that the Italians intentions had been good at least.

Lovino simply nodded, head hung in shame. "I wanted… I wanted to make myself only care for you… a-and I thought…. if I…" He didn't understand. Why wasn't Ulrich yelling at him? Shouldn't he be mad, telling Lovino how awful he was? And yet, there was none of that, the other just continued to gently hold him.

"I understand." Ulrich sighed out miserably, stabbing his fingers through his hair. "Don't get me wrong, I don't like it. But you can't help what you feel, any more than I can. Heart wants what the heart wants, and all that shit. I just…" He paused, fishing the box out of his pocket, and pressing it into Lovinos palm, curling the delicate fingers around it. "I bought you this. It would make me really happy if you'd wear it. I don't… know what happens to us now. If you want to keep trying, to give us a shot, I won't say no. But if you decide this just isn't working, I won't hate you. I'll probably be in a bad mood for a few days, but I won't be angry at you."

Lovino could feel his heart sink as the box was pressed into his hand, opening it and feeling the little ring. "I'll wear it. You got it

for me, so I promise, I'll cherish it." He swore, sliding it onto his right hand ring finger. "Ully.." He sighed, reaching out to capture the others face gently between his hands, peppering his jaw with gentle kisses. "I'm sorry… I don't want to hurt you any worse than I already have.. I think… it's best… if I let you find someone who will love you the way you deserve." Lovino paused. "I'm not leaving you for him. I swear. I don't plan on even telling him how I feel. I just want you to have a chance at real happiness."

The silence that sat in the room was almost enough to suffocate, pain poisoning the very air. And then- a weak whisper, barely audible. "Let me have you for one last night… please Lovino…" Ulrich swallowed the lump in his throat, trying to force the words out. "Just let me pretend one last time."

"Of course." Lovino whispered, burying his face back into his boyfriends chest. In the morning, they could face the uncertainty of the future. For tonight, he was Ulrichs- if for the last time.

That night, the two boys slept curled up in each others arms, clinging to the last remaining fragments of comfort almost desperately. The morning would indeed be a cold one.