Sheldon POV: 14 years ago.

Sheldon perched awkwardly on the arm of the couch. The baby carrier was at his feet, the sleeping infant fast asleep. He focused his attention back to Leonard, who had quickly slipped into a deep slumber; his legs were curled awkwardly and one arm was dangling over the side. It seemed impossible to Sheldon how anyone could sleep so comfortably in that position.

Sheldon reached over and removed his friend's glasses.

The apartment was almost silent, aside from the obnoxious dripping from the tap.

It was comparable to fingers running down a blackboard. He wanted to shove his fingers in his ears and shut it out. There was something wrong with it. For the past couple of days, Sheldon would repeatedly tighten the tap, but still the dripping continued.

A plumber.

He needed a plumber.

There would be a long process. He reached over and grabbed his laptop. He considered the websites he would have to visit: all the reviews he would have to read, all the quotes he would have to compare.

It didn't seem worth it.

Yes, considering, he wasn't even going to be here, it seemed like too much work. He looked at Leonard.

Would he do it?

Or, would he become used to the incessant dripping. Sure, it would be annoying for a while, but surely less of a hassle than having to get it fixed? Over the years, the dripping tap would just become an everyday thing for Leonard.

Eventually, after several years, the water lost through the dripping tap could have probably filled a swimming pool.

Sheldon shuddered – That was just plain wasteful.

He opened up his laptop and conducted the search. He made notes on each company he found, drew up a table that listed the pros and cons. Eventually, it came down to two, they each had seven, five star ratings and there was little difference in the prices.

He was stumped.

He needed the choice to be clear.

Why wasn't it clear?

This filled him with a rage he couldn't quite understand. Those plumbing companies couldn't just be equally as good, one of them had to be better, so why wasn't that apparent? Sheldon wanted to open the window and throw the laptop out.

He took a deep intake of breath through his nose.

The first company had a cat in the logo, compared to the other one which was of a cartoon man holding a plunger. The cat was nonsensical; no matter how hard Sheldon tried, he just could not make the link between the feline and the company's purpose.

All of a sudden, he did not trust them.

It seemed to be experiencing some sort of identity crisis. There was no way he would trust them with the tap. They would probably turn up on a unicycle, juggling fire, whilst singing Cher's greatest hits.

Nope, they were out of the running.

His mind made up, he clicked on the logo that made sense, booked an appointment for the following day and paid in advance. Whilst he was there, he logged into his online bank account, transferred enough money to cover the rent and bills for the next three months into Leonard's account.

He closed down his personal and work email account.

He deleted all social media and his Skype account.

Removed himself from all the online forums that he participated in.

All subscriptions were cancelled.

In time, he would cancel all his credit cards and disconnect his phone number.

He reached over into the carrier and lifted the baby out; it didn't feel quite so strange the second time around. He placed her on his lap and looked down at her. He felt slightly light headed. When he was growing up, he was told about the rush of love he would supposedly feel when he saw his child.

Instead, he felt scared and overwhelmed.

He felt his palms go sweaty.

Sheldon put her back and slowly backed away into his bedroom. Closing the door, he slid down it until he was sat on the floor. He placed his head between his knees and took several deep breaths.

The room seemed to be spinning and for a second, maybe even two, he thought that he might just be sick.

He took a moment to look at the clock, acknowledged the time. He knew this was time sensitive -If either one of them awoke, his plan would surely derail. Sheldon wasn't entirely sure what the full plan was yet, but he had to get out tonight. He used the door handle to pull himself up. He imagined someone slapping him across the face or throwing a bucket of ice cold water over him – anything to snap him out of it.

He reached under his bed and pulled out the large suitcase. He noted how it had become scuffed and discoloured.

He pulled open each drawer and piled in as many pairs of underwear and socks that could fit in his grasp.

His usual packing system had gone out the window.

The process was nothing short of chaotic.

His clothes were ripped from their hangers, balled up and stuffed in the case.

His eyes briefly skimmed his prize possessions; comic books, video games, various awards. He shook his head and looked away. He was not going to see them again.

Sheldon quickly strode across the room, knocking over a lamp as he did so. He held his breath for a second; desperately hoping that he hadn't woken Leonard. After a few brief moments, he kicked the pieces to one side.

He dragged the bulging case towards him and struggled with the zip. Panting, he looked up and surveyed his room. Only a few short minutes ago, it had been immaculate- now it was a messy nightmare.

Pushing the thought to the back of his mind where he hoped it would stay, he grabbed the handle and made his way toward the exit. Sheldon wasn't going to look back.

He closed the door for the last time.

He made his way into the kitchen, picked up a notebook and pen that resided next to the refrigerator. He thought about all those TV shows and Movies he had seen before. Usually, in situations like this when the protagonist was walking out of a loved one's life, they would go to the trouble of writing a poetic and powerful goodbye note.

The words would be poignant and bring the reader to tears.

Sheldon mulled it over.

That was all well and good in fiction, but this was reality and he couldn't think of anything he could say that would make this better.

He wasn't the hero of his own story and he knew it.

If Sheldon could've thought of the perfect words that would make this dreadful situation better, then he surely would have written them, but he didn't. He had never been good with words and this time was no different.

He wrote the note, reread it twice.

It was grammatically perfect, but ultimately it would not help Leonard in the long run. Leonard would probably read it over and over, looking for some meaning, secret code; but ultimately he would accept it for the disappointment that it was.

Sheldon placed it down on the table next to where Leonard slept.

If he couldn't write something comforting, he could at least save him the inconvenience of searching the flat, finding the ransacked room, the slow realisation of what Sheldon had done.

No, when Leonard woke up, it would be the first thing he would see. There would be no doubt that his friend had done a midnight flit.

It was the least Sheldon could do.

He pulled the case over to the front door, keep it just above the floor, so it didn't squeak. Sheldon felt like some sort of ninja.

He had almost pulled off the perfect escape.

Almost, but not quite.

He heard her stirring; A slight murmur from the carry cot.

Sheldon froze, he looked over to where the noise had come from. He saw her eyes flicker open, her mouth forming an O. It was silent for a moment as she prepared to unleash her fury. As quickly and quietly as he could he grabbed the cot, picked it up and rushed out the room with it. He kicked the suitcase out into the corridor and closed the door behind him.

Within seconds, he was safely down a flight of stairs.

The baby started shrieking, loud unrestrained cries that he had no idea how to soothe.

He let out a heavy sigh. "You weren't mean to come with me." The words were not unkind. "I'm so sorry."

Sheldon knew he couldn't safely return her to the flat without waking his friend.

He needed a new plan.

oOo

Sheldon sat down on a hard plastic chair.

It was surreal seeing the university at this time of night. He had entered his place of work, his swipe card letting him in despite it being way passed usual business hours.

Before he had arrived, he had wandered the streets, desperately praying that she would stop crying. Eventually, he had stopped at a public restroom. A mother had been out, pushing a pram. He had told her that he was terribly sorry to bother her, but would she mind changing his daughter? He didn't have anything with him and she was getting seriously cranky.

The woman had looked at him in what looked like disapproval, she had raised an eyebrow, shook her head in disbelief, but still she took the newborn into the stall and returned minutes later with a happy baby.

Sheldon produced some change from his pocket to offer her money for the diaper she had reluctantly spared.

She waved a dismissive hand, passed him a bottle of pre-made formula and was on her way.

Sheldon noted that throughout the entire exchange, the fellow parent had not uttered a single word to him. He imagined she was prescribed to the not saying anything at all if there was nothing nice to say theory. She knew as well as he did that he was not meant for this.

Poor child she had probably thought.

She would probably go home and tell her husband about the strange man who could not take of his own child. The husband would probably get all preachy and tell her that if he had been in the situation, he would have called social services.

She would then respond that she thought he was a weirdo and that she was only interested in getting as far away from him as possible.

They would have Mac and cheese for their dinner, watch a terrible telenovella before bed and by the next morning, her encounter with the strange man would be all but forgotten.

Pulling himself out of his thoughts, Sheldon opened a can of soda that he had gotten from the cafeteria. He noted the sweat patches under his arms.

He had been at the university for less than an hour, but had done a lot. He had cleared out his desk, emptying the contents into a large cardboard box, which was promptly thrown into the dumpster around the back of the building.

He had been ruthless, nothing was spared, not even his favourite paper weight. He imagined it going to landfill and staying there for all eternity, day by day, more waste would be piled on top of it, until eventually it would be submerged, destined to never see the light of day again.

All documentation was shredded – draft copies of current research that would never be completed. Page after page destroyed within seconds.

With a screw driver he had found in the janitor's cupboard, he had unscrewed his name plate from the door. It was officially no longer his office. Sheldon wondered whether anyone else would occupy it. Would they use his leather swivel chair, or would they swap it out?

He had written out a resignation letter to the head of department. He could imagine the professor reading it the next day. Boy, would he be mad! It was a good job Sheldon was going off grid, because he didn't hold up much hope of his employer being willing to give him a good reference after this.

He focused his attention on the carry cot he had placed on the table.

He lightly rocked it.

"I'm sorry for all the upheaval you've endured tonight." His voice was low. "It sure is chilly outside, I hope you weren't cold."

She remained asleep. He was thankful for that.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. "I hope you don't mind me checking my phone. It's my girlfriend Amy." His heart sank when he saw no notifications. "She's left me and I need to go find her now."

He was silent for a moment, staring at the phone, he urged it to ring.

"I wish you could come with me." He looked at her. "Maybe, in another universe, I could've done it. I could pick you up, take you to your mother and things would be okay."

Before he could continue, a male voice interrupted him. "Maybe they still could be."

Startled, he turned his head and came face to face with Howard who was leant up against the door frame. "How long have you been stood there?"

Howard shrugged. "Not long." He said. "I've been in my office, working on a few things." He paused for a moment, focused his eyes on the baby. "Is she... is she alright?"

Sheldon nodded. "Would you like to..." He gestured to her.

Briefly, Howard considered holding back – it soon passed. "Of course I do." Within seconds, he had crossed the room, unclipped the safety straps and bundled her up. "Hey baby girl, did you miss me?" He nuzzled the top of her head, taking in her newborn scent. "I sure missed you."

Sheldon diverted his eyes- he felt like he was interrupting something. "She likes you."

Howard barely heard, he rocked her back and forth. "This place is no place for you, is it?" He was speaking to the baby. "You need to be in crib, in a nursery, with pink walls and teddy bears." He placed his little finger in her palm, watched as she curled her fingers around it.

Sheldon cleared his throat. "It was never my intention to bring her here."

Reluctantly, Howard turned to look at him; his eyes were soon diverted from his friend to the suitcase the stood beside him. "How can you think about taking a trip at a time like this? It's time to step up- Amy could come back any day."

Sheldon shook his head. "Not this time. It's my time to go to her." He said. "I don't know where she's gone, but there are ways and means of tracking a person down."

Howard looked confused. "Okay... sure." He readjusted the child in his arms. "And how long will that take? Are you taking her with you?"

"I don't know, hopefully not too long. She's not experienced with stuff like this, she should've left a trail, electronically, or told a family member where she's going." He paused, looked at his daughter. "And, no, she's not coming with me, Howard."

Howard pulled up the chair next to him. "Is this... is this permanent? You're not coming back, are you?" He desperately tried to hide the judgement in his voice. "I just don't get it."

"You wouldn't would you." He gestured to him. "Look at you; you were made for something like this. You want it."

"Who are you to say whether or not you're made for something? This isn't ideal, but you have to deal with it now."

Sheldon reached over, placed a light hand on the baby's head. "Look at her, Howard." His tone was serious. "Do you honestly think any child deserves to be raised by a man, who was forced to just deal with her?" He moved his hand, placed it on the table.

"I..." Realising he had no counter argument, Howard trailed off.

"Can I recite the whole of the periodic table? Sure, I'd be glad to." Sheldon continued. "How about I sing a nursery rhyme? Well, to be honest, I'd really rather not."

Howard remained silent.

Sheldon held his friend's gaze. "How about you put a mathematical equation in front of me? I bet you anything that it would be easy, I could solve it in seconds."

"But...?" Howard couldn't recall a time where he had been this lost for words.

"But, ask me to change a diaper and you've lost me. I haven't got it in me. I can't deal with anyone else's poop but my own." He took a deep breath. "My biggest dream is to win a noble prize! That would be brilliant- A best Dad mug on the other hand? It wouldn't mean a lot to me; I wouldn't proudly drink from it, nor would I display it on my desk."

"I would." Howard's voice was barely a whisper, but still, Sheldon heard.

"I'm a physicist not a father." He said.

"There are plenty of physicists that are fathers."

"Well, not this physicist." He said. "I'm being really honest with you here. I understand how terrible it is and believe me, I feel terrible. I'm just hoping that by admitting it now, I spare her a life of growing up resenting her own father for getting it so wrong."

"You could..." Howard found himself swiftly interrupted.

"You've seen Leonard." Sheldon argued. "That is not a man that was raised with love. His mother did not compromise when it came to her career and he suffered for it."

Howard slowly exhaled. "I don't know what to say to that, Sheldon." He looked down at the ground, avoiding his gaze. "I wouldn't even know where to start, what do you expect me to say?"

"I want you to say ok."

"But it's not... It's not ok and it never will be."

"I'm not asking you to be ok with it; you don't have like it, you don't have to understand it." Sheldon could feel himself sweating. "I just want you to say ok. Ok, you've heard me; ok, you know that I'm sure."

"Ok, I'm not going to talk you out of it?"

Sheldon nodded. "It may not seem like it, but I want good things for her." He bent down and retrieved his luggage. "Really good stuff for her." He looked at his phone, turned on the camera feature. "Will you face her this way? I need a good shot."

Howard did as instructed.

"I'm only going to ask you this once, Howard and want you to answer me honestly." He said. "This isn't a decision you can play around with."

Howard didn't wait for the question. "I want to be her Dad." The words shot out lightening fast, no hesitation.

Sheldon looked unconvinced. "I also want to be her Dad, Howard." He crossed his arms. "It's not enough to just want it."

For a second, he was lost for words. "I mean...I can be her Dad." He said. "I can do it all, everything; every school play, every doctor's appointment, every tantrum. I want to be there for her, even if she's acting out, even when she's slamming doors and telling me that she hates me."

Sheldon let out the breath he hadn't noticed he'd been holding. For the first time in a long time, he felt like he could breathe easy. "Then... I guess I should get going."

"I feel like I should stop you somehow." Howard said. "Letting you walk out like this doesn't seem like the right thing to do."

Sheldon picked up the carry cot and gestured Howard to place the baby inside it. "When they ask, you tell them that you tried, but I slipped by you." When the baby was in the carrier he placed it on the floor next to a near by table. He gestured to the headphones that were dangling out of Howard's pocket.

Howard reached in and produced his I-pod. "What do you want with it?"

Sheldon took the music player and scrolled through it. "You've gotta couple of Maroon 5 songs on here, I see." He gave a half smile. "It's a shame, you couldn't see them live, but you can still appreciate their music." He pressed a button and handed it back to him. "When Leonard asks, you tell him you had your headphones in; you were singing along, your back was turned away from me..."

"And when the song was over, you were gone?"

"There was nothing you could do, you searched the toilets, you looked in my office, but I you guess I must have made a run for it."

Howard untangled the wires and placed buds in his ear, turned up the music. For a second, maybe even two, he held his friend's gaze, nodded, then turned away.

Sheldon slowly backed away towards the door. Once there, he paused and looked over at his daughter. He acknowledged that this was his last chance; if he was going to change his mind, the moment was now. "Have a great life, baby Wolowitz." His voice was barely a whisper.

With that he made his exit, down the corridor, out the building and out of her life.

oOo

Sheldon stopped talking.

Clare was stunned. "Holy... that was..."

"Yes, it was." He replied.

"Oh my God... Sheldon." She placed a hand on his knee; tears were glistening in her eyes.

"Im sorry, that was awful lot information I should've..." A sudden realisation him. "You just called me by name?"

"Yes." She let out a nervous laugh. "I needed to call you Doctor Cooper, I couldn't get too close, but now, it doesn't really matter."

"It doesn't?"

Clare shook her head. "It was all meant to be wasn't it?" She looked thoughtful. "I was always meant to be with Dad, wasn't I? Everything aligned perfectly."

"I've never been a big believer in fate, but yes..." Sheldon swallowed back the lump that had formed in the back of his throat. "I was better after that. I tried harder; I opened myself up more, stopped being so cynical." He paused. "When Stewart was born, I was not the same man."

"I'm proud of you." She said. "I'm not angry with you anymore; I think I even understand it."

Sheldon looked at her for a moment. "So, where do we go from here?" In the back of his mind and deep down, he already knew what was coming next. "It's your turn to decide."

She took a deep breath in through her nose. "I think this is it."

Sheldon wanted to protest, beg her to stay. "I..." He trailed off.

"You see, my Dad needs me now, more than ever." She explained. "All of this, its not going to work. There's a part of me that's curious, that wants to explore, but I know where I belong and, I'm sorry Sheldon, it's not here."

"I'm the only one that needs to be sorry, Clare." He squeezed her hand. "The loss is all mine."

She forced a smile, despite the tears. "I'm leaving tonight."

"You can stay until morning."

She shook her head. Clare had made up her mind. "I really do, will you say goodbye to May for me?" She paused, rephrased. "Amy. Will you say goodbye to Amy?"

Clare did not wait for a response.

There was nothing that could stop her returning home.

oOo

Sheldon lay out on the couch, stared up at the ceiling.

He knew there would be no sleep tonight.

He thought of Memaw and the son she never got the chance to sorry to. Sheldon had always maintained that there was no such thing as an afterlife, but for half a second, he was willing to pretend and in that half a second, he hoped that when she died, he was there waiting for her, with open arms and a smile on his face.

He let the moment pass.

He heard Clare on the stairs. Her approaching footsteps told him that she was ready to go – her turn to say goodbye to him.

Within seconds, she was at the couch

For a moment, she looked like she was about to say something. She shrugged off her rucksack and placed it to the side.

She knelt down, bringing them to eyelevel.

She opened up her arms.

He nodded and made room for her on the couch.

For a moment or two, they just lay there, perfectly still. Gently, ever so gently, she curled up next to him. Surprised to find that warmth ran through his veins, she rested her head on his chest. Sheldon was slow to react, in disbelief; his arms remained at his sides.

He could hear his Grandmother's voice in his head. She was cheering him on, this was his last chance, he needed to grab it, and he needed this moment to last a lifetime.

He unfurled his limbs and wrapped her up in a strong embrace. Sheldon hoped that when the time came, he would be strong enough to let her go again. Clare could feel his heart beating through his shirt. She wondered if this was the sound of a heart breaking, she prayed that he could find a way to piece it back together.

Reluctantly, she prized herself away.

She wasn't going to say anything and neither was he.

Once more, she picked up her rucksack.

Clare nodded.

He nodded back.

All too soon Sheldon could hear her moving footsteps.

Then all he had was the echo after she had closed the door.

She was gone.

"Boldly go, Clare Wolowitz."