When the Sun Rises on a Forever Midnight
[Again, I am taking much of my dialogue directly from both 'Twilight' and 'Midnight Sun'. Thank you Stephanie Meyer :D]
Edward's POV
The drama unfolded with the lights returning to our wonderful biology classroom. This time I was seated and facing the front, where Mr. Banner would normally have been writing on the chalkboard, but instead, of the blackboard, my eyes were looking forward unseeing into the faces of everyone present in Chandra's 'home room'. Chandra was standing behind me, leaning casually on the desk at my back. Bella walked in, my mother at her side and sat her things down beside me. I, of course had been spying on her through everyone's mind and I knew she had already kept her promise to me repeatedly so far by telling everyone I was standing next to her and pulled her out of the way when Tyler's van came streaking out of nowhere. She had even got quite inventive during lunch, when Mike Newton refused to be swayed by her cover story of me already being there. Apparently, he had his eye on her before school the previous day as well. She had told him, that since I had missed a week's worth of class she had agreed to let me copy her class notes but forgot them in her truck and I was retrieving them from the front seat.
"Hello Edward," Bella said in the biology room visual. Her voice was pleasant and friendly.
'I wonder why the change from the anger her voice held the last time we spoke? Is she not angry with me anymore? But I must focus on my ability to keep her safe—safe from me.' I saw myself in the visual turn my head an inch in her direction without shifting the focus of my gaze from off the front of the room and give her one small stiff nod before turning my head back where it had been. I saw Bella's smile slide off her face in response. She sat down and quickly found her place in the text and pretended to read it to catch up for the day's lecture. I knew she was faking. Not only was she a terrible actress, she was too responsible to come to class unprepared.
"I can't believe it." My Mother said in indignation. "That is just plain rude."
"Believe it," Chandra sighed. "He's too noble for his own good."
"But he has better manners than that! Bella doesn't deserve this kind of a snub from him. How could he do this to her? Doesn't he understand anything about how, with her self-sacrificing nature, this will make her feels about herself? "
"Yep," Chandra replied looking down in disgust. "It's not going to be good. She will get depressed and think he feels he was wrong to save her life." They both shook their head.
Then the scene changed. It was still the biology room but the passage of time, basically six weeks' worth of time, was marked by slight movements of the people in the classroom and everyone clothing changing as the lights slightly shifted to reflect the weather outside. Chandra and my Mother were there each day, and each day Bella became more and more dejected. She would look directly at the back of my head on her approach to our table, sigh and then come and take her seat resigned to ignore me the best she could. Each day, she seemed a little sadder. Every now and then when she would flick her hair or drop something and make a sudden movement, her scent would overpower me again and I would clench my fists in response and stop breathing, but never look her way. Each day Mike Newton got closer and closer to our table until he was actually sitting on the corner of it to talk animatedly with Bella before class started. I remembered wanting to throw him across the room.
Once Chandra got so irate at me, she made some kind of energy light ball, and bounced it off my head. I continued to look forward unaffected. She shook her head sadly. "He isn't ready to listen." She said sighing. "But it's getting harder for him to resist."
I took my eyes off the visual and looked at Chandra, "What was that you were bouncing off my head there?"
"Oh," She said with a smirk, "It was just an energy ball. Don't be put out—it didn't do any damage. I was just testing to see how hard your head was. And as I already knew…you were very hard headed—in more ways than one."
The scene continued to change and I could see my mother become more alarmed with the passing days about Bella's depression. Finally the scene slowed a bit and the Chandra in the visual turned to my Mother and told her, "Don't worry I've been working on Jessica Stanley for a while and things will change tomorrow because it's time to take another approach." With that my Mother started grinning.
Then the scene shifted slightly again signifying the next day and I knew which day that would be. It would be the day Mike Newton asked my Bella to the 'Girls-Choice' dance. Right on cue, they walked into the classroom. This time Mike wasn't his usual cocky self.
"Oh, let's spice things up again and turn on Bella and Edward's thoughts as well." Chandra said with satisfaction.
"Yes, Lets!" Emmett enthused rubbing his hands together. "It certainly makes it more interesting!" I turned to give him my best sarcastic glare but once again I was taken aback by the eagerness on everyone's faces. Even Jacob's and that surprised me, as I knew if Chandra kept this game up for long, this current trend would backfire on him as well! In the visual Bella was taking her seat, while Mike perched himself on the corner of OUR table; neither of them looked my way.
My shocked reverie was broken as my own mental voice picked up the narrative. 'To think it has come to this! I am completely fixated on the petty high school dramas I once held so in contempt. Look at him, Hah, not so smug now are you Newton? You've been waiting all this time for Bella to ask you to this dance so you could know she preferred you but she didn't. Now your hand is forced because Jessica asked you instead. You are nothing but a weak coward. It would be so satisfying to hear the sound of your bones shattering from being hurled….'
"So," Mike began his eyes on the floor. "Jessica asked me to the spring dance."
Bella's thoughts kicked in now, 'I know she did. She already asked me if I minded—which I don't. Is it your fault she has been so sulky with me today? Well, I better play 'dumb' here and try to salvage this. It means a lot to Jessica.'
"That's great!' Bella responded her voice excited, happy. "You'll have a lot of fun with Jessica." I saw my mouth in the visual twitch for half a second before returning to its passive state.
"Well," Mike stammered, trying to decipher Bella's smile.
'Look at him floundering! Loser!' My mental commentary interjected. 'You're going to chicken out now aren't you? No, wait…Drats, maybe he has more guts than I figured him for.'
"I told her I had to think about it." He added
'Well, thank goodness he didn't give her an absolute 'no', Bella mentally added, 'I have to help him understand he's hurting Jessica's feelings.'
"Why would you do that?' Bella asked. In response Mike's face flushed red and he looked down for a minute.
'Dang it! Way to go Bella, now you're hurting Mike's feelings.' Bella chided herself.
'Wait a minute,' my mental chattering began, 'Sure that sounded disapproving but there was a hint of relief in there as well. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?' My face in the visual became stone cold and I remembered the fury that was building inside of me at that precise moment. I was a walking time bomb. My mother and Chandra were clapping their hands in anticipation from the visual. 'Look at Mike blush; are you ringing the dinner bell Newton? I would happily have you for lunch right now.'
"I was wondering if…well, if you might be planning on asking me."
'Oh, this is just great! How in the world do I fix this while making Jessica and Mike both happy? It isn't possible. Well, I'm not going to a dance where I can fall flat on my face in front of the whole school regardless so I pick Jessica. Still, Mike has been the nicest person to me at school so far. I don't want to offend him…' Bella mentally debated with herself.
My anguished thoughts overrode hers, 'The girl may say yes or no to Mike, and it doesn't matter. Someday soon she will say yes to someone. She's lovely and intriguing and human males are not oblivious to that fact. Whether she will pick someone in this lack-luster crowd or wait until she escapes this dreary place, the day will come when she will say yes.' I remembered the despair I started to feel in that instant of realization.
My mother had her arms around me from where she knelt between Bella and I as though she were some sort of referee. 'Of course she will say yes to someone, Edward. That someone is you!!! Look at her Edward, she is your future! She is here for you. Listen to me my sweet boy, Bella is here not for Mike Newton, she is here for you to love.'
In the visual, Chandra who was still standing behind me put her hand on the top of my head for the briefest of seconds and then my eyes closed as my mental anguish continued. 'This girl deserves her future. She deserves to go to college, have a career, to fall in love. She will look so beautiful as a bride, on her father's arm, dressed in gauzy white, her face flushed with excitement as she walks to Wagner's March.'
My Mother's voice took on a soothing tone, 'It isn't meant to be this way; you are supposed to be her destiny. Not someone else. You are her future. Don't let her slip away from you Edward. Follow your heart, Son.'
While my Mother played on my sympathies, Chandra played on my temper. 'You're not going to just sit here and let this farce play out are you? Are you going to take this like an unmoving stone while the love of your life is taken away from you by the likes of this guy? You have more sense than that. So what are you going to do about it?'She challenged.
'I'm not sure, but did Edward just look in my direction for a second? I think he did? No, I must be wrong. No, I'm sure he did.' Bella's mental thought added.
'Uh, question," Emmett said stopping the visual. "I thought you said you weren't allowed to interfere with 'creatures of darkness'?"
Chandra looked over at him. "No, we usually cannot because they won't listen and it can alert 'dark beings' to our presence. However Edward was trying to do the right thing here. His reasoning was flawed, but his intentions were noble and so I was able to get through to him. Since there were no 'dark beings' present, I took the risk." Emmett nodded seemingly satisfied. He sure was 'Mr. Question' today. I sighed and was surprised when I turned my head back to see Chandra looking at me. "But that wasn't all. What can you tell everyone about the vision you had of Bella as a bride?" Her eyes sparkled.
I remembered that vision from my past and gasped aloud. "It was the same!" I said startled. "When I closed my eyes, I visualized Bella walking down the aisle on her father's arm…and it was not my imagination. It was a vision. She was wearing that same beautiful dress Alice designed for her and her hair was braided in the same intricate design Rosalie twisted for her, and she had the same blue comb in her hair her parents gave her. It was Bella as my bride, only I just didn't know it." I looked up astounded. Chandra just nodded. I reached across my Mother and gave my wife a kiss again. Then I kissed my Mother's cheek just as the visual started again.
"Mike, I think you should tell her 'yes'." Bella said softly. My face was beyond distraught in that instant. I remembered the battleground my insides had become during that fateful afternoon when my resolve was shattered into a million pieces.
'Alice is right.' My mental voice trembled with the aftershocks of the emotional anguish I had just endured. 'I'm not strong enough to stay away from her. Oh, right now Alice will be watching the future spin and twist, mangled again. Will this please her?'
"Did you already ask someone?" Mike asked dejectedly, his face peered slightly in the direction of my visual self.
'I can't believe, by turning my head so subtly towards Bella, I betrayed my interest in the girl so much even Newton caught it. What? Mike's wondering if it's me Bella prefers to himself. Huh? And now he's thinking of every boy in the class in turn to see if it might be them. Listen to him; he's so…so…jealous. Ha! Wait, he's jealous…and so am I.'
"No," Bella said quickly, trying to smooth things over with Mike, "I'm not going to the dance at all."
Bella's mental dialogue picked up here. 'No sense having the entire student body in stitches on account of my extreme klutziness.'
"That's for dang sure." Emmett chortled. I heard Rose smack him with her hand. "What?" He continued innocently, "I'm just saying that…" I imagined Rosalie had silenced him with one of her world famous glares.
My mental musings took center stage next, "Oh, thank goodness she isn't going with someone else! That's a relief. But who would she go with if she were going? Would it have been Mike? Eric? Tyler? Maybe it's someone who hasn't made a move for her yet? I know there are at least thirteen more boys today alone who have thought about her with a romantic interest besides these three. Who are my rivals here? Which one does she fancy? And what am I going to do about it?'
'That's right Son,' Mother said folding her arms with a quick nod of her head, 'Stake your claim now. Don't let any of these other guys intimidate you.'
"He won't do that." Chandra replied confidently. "He's high on something more potent than a super charged adrenaline rush. Edward is high on infatuation."
"That's all?' My Mother asked anxious.
"For the moment but we'll change that soon enough." Chandra reassured her.
"Why not?" Mike replied in the visual.
'That is so rude, Newton. How dare you talk to her like that…I ought to…? No, I can't growl at him in the middle of this classroom.' My mental thoughts all but snarled at him.
'Come on Mike' Bella's mental voice said with a mixture of humor and embarrassment. 'You've seen me in gym class. You know how deadly I am. Well, I'm not going to spell that out for you. There's no need to get into the safety hazards my dancing would present… (Emmett chocked back a laugh)…so I need something else to do.'
My mother was thinking. Her hand on her chin, she leaned over to Bella and said, 'Seattle?'
"I'm going to Seattle that Saturday." Bella answered quickly. Her mental chatter picked right up, 'Whew! Well, I needed a trip out of town and that Saturday will do nicely!"
Chandra from the visual turned to me, "I'll bet you're just dying to know all about that trip, Hey Edward?" She said, her voice challenging.
Right on cue my mental thoughts picked up, 'Oh, you just wait Miss Swan, I'll figure this out. I have every intention of knowing ALL the when's and the why's of this little revelation!'
"Go Edward!" Jasper said in approval behind me.
"He's the man!" Emmett said in agreement, not to be outdone.
Back in the visual I heard, "Can't you go some other weekend?" As Mike pled for an appeal.
"He doesn't give up, does he?" Jasper whispered to Emmett.
"No, guess that's why Edward dislikes him so much." Emmett answered him back.
Chandra shot them an amused glance with a raised eyebrow.
"Am I bad?" Emmett said abashed.
"Sorry No," Bella said, "So you shouldn't make Jessica wait—it's rude."
"You go girl!" was Rosalie's smug response. That surprised me. Considering how much she hated Bella during the time period all of this played out. Bella looked over warmly at Rose who gave her a wink.
I wished I could ask Chandra to turn off my internal musings but leave Bella's going. Mine were becoming quite embarrassing to say the least. Chandra looked over at me and just grinned, shaking her head. I was startled to remember I wasn't the one doing the mind reading here today.
'Why is she so worried about Jessica Stanley's feelings? Doesn't she have any idea how Jessica feels about her? Did she just say no for her friend's sake? Would she have said yes if she didn't know of Jessica's preference for Mike? This Seattle trip is clearly just an excuse. Yes, she could have said no out of loyalty. Bella is plenty selfless enough for that. What if I'm wrong about all of this? What if she actually wished to say yes…or are both guesses wrong? Does she like someone else?' The tenor of my thought voice gave away my angst.
"Oh, this is sad." Emmett said softly in a tone of mock despair.
"Yeah, you're right," Mike said in a dejected tone. He turned to walk back to his seat. Bella bowed her head. She shut her eyes and pressed her fingers to her temple as if trying to hold back a bad thought.
'That was terrible.' Her mental anguish was plain in the tremble of her thought voice. 'He has always been nice to me and this whole time he has been a true friend. How could I be so mean to him? What's the matter with me?'
All the while my mother had her arm around Bella and patted her reassuringly on the back, "Don't worry about him, dear. Edward is finally going to get his act together and play nice. Everything will be alright now. You'll see."
'Great, much as I'm glad Newton finally left; he just cut off my sight of Bella. Well, I'm not going to stand for that!' my mental thoughts were resolving.
They got some supernatural help and Chandra commanded me, "Look at her, Edward! Look at Bella." In that moment I did exactly what I had promised myself I would not do again, I unknowingly followed Chandra's orders and gazed into the face of MY angel, Bella.
'Her eyes are closed, hands pressed to the sides of her face, shoulder's slightly hunched in a defensive manner and her head is shaking ever so softly back and forth, kind of like she's trying to dispel a bad thought. WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? This creature is fascinating and frustrating at the same time. I don't know what to make of her.'
Mr. Banner chose that moment to start class and Bella opened her eyes in the visual. She immediately looked at me and our eyes locked.
'He's looking at me!' Bella's voice rang with a hope that was as shocked as it was happy. 'He's still looking at me. How does he do that with such intensity? Dang it my hands are starting to shake. Stop that! Why can't I look away? Why would I want to?'
My mother stood to the back of us and said to me with an arm on my shoulder in the classroom visual. "Isn't she beautiful? Like a finely crafted porcelain doll with fine features and she is here for you Edward. Isn't that exciting! You're the man she dreams about. You are her hero. I am so happy for you, Son". She threw her arms around me. I didn't recall from my memory of the event having felt any other presence there let alone arms around me in that moment. But I did recall feeling like I was giddy almost like ridding a jittery high.
Then my thoughts cut into the others, 'Finally, What a relief it is just to look into her eyes. What is she thinking? Can I try again to lift them from her eyes? She don't look away. Her eyes are so deep I can see my own reflection in them--me and my black eyes. Not the safest of days for my will to crumble. Still, she don't seem afraid? Do I scare her? Who is she thinking about?'
"Mr. Cullen?" Mr. Banner's voice cut through my mental probing. 'Why are you disturbing me now, Mr. Banner? If I look for just another minute I bet I can get something from her mind. Oh well, I guess if not from hers, I'll just have to pick yours--whatever the answer your looking for is'. I reluctantly turned my gaze from Bella's liquid eyes to answer Mr. Banner. As soon as I did so Bella looked down to find her place in the text. "The Krebs Cycle."
"I knew it! Edward uses his mind reading to cheat!!!!" Emmett crowed as he jumped up from his seat, startling everyone with his exuberant outburst. "Did you all hear that? Did you see that? Edward cheated right in class!" He looked around at everyone's startled expressions, "Well, we caught him red handed…so to speak.
Bella moved her hair over her shoulder to hide behind. Her mental chatter began immediately. 'He looked at me! I can't believe it.' The thrill in her mental thoughts was unmistakable but the tenor changed and become full of self reproach. 'Honestly what is the matter with me? I can't allow him to have this level of influence over me just for looking at me for the first time in a half dozen week. It's pathetic. No, it's more than pathetic it's…unhealthy.'
My mother was my greatest advocate, "But he is very good looking. And he is really so sweet after you get through all of his pretenses. Plus you haven't heard him sing have you? Well, I know you already love his speaking voice…just think of that singing. It will melt your heart. That's not even the half of it. You should see him play the piano. I'll bet he'll write you something special. You'll see. He is your perfect match Bella. Isn't this exciting?"
'I have to pretend he's not sitting there. It feels like he's looking at me again. No he's not there. Well, I'm pretending he's not sitting there.' She started twisting a lock of her hair with her finger while she blushed a deep rose color.
'Oh, the thirst is killing me from that last breath. Oh great, my monster is back and stronger than before. He likes that blush and his fifty-fifty chance of getting what he craves so viciously.' My voice was full of self loathing. 'How could I let the third shaky future I was trying to create from my willpower alone be crumbled by something as mundane as common jealousy? What have I done? Well, it's too late to try to rebuild that third future…I don't have the strength for it. I might as well look at her again.' My gaze shifted to her and I watched as she continued to twist her hair with her finger-- a sign of stress. 'Her fingers and wrists are so delicate so fine. It would be nothing to snap them. I could probably do it with my breath alone.'
"Edward, I can't believe you just thought that! I don't care if you are a vampire. You stop that this instant!" Mother scolded me in the visual. In reality I felt her pat my shoulder and lean in and kiss the top of my head. It was a little embarrassing, but reassuring to know it had ended well.
'No, no, no, I cannot do this.' I mentally chastened myself, 'She is to breakable, too good, too precious, to deserve this fate. I cannot allow my life to collide with hers…and destroy it. But I can't stay away from her either. Alice was right about that. What is right? What can I do? How can I make this work? Should I even contemplate it?'
The bell in the classroom sounded and everyone started gathering their books. Bella, as had become her custom over the last six weeks of my isolation, turned her back on me to gather her back pack, but unlike my regular custom, I didn't leave post haste.
'Oh she's not looking my way. That won't do.' I mentally moaned.
"Ha!" Chandra scoffed, "Like you don't deserve it after the abominable way you've treated her the last six weeks. What did you expect--her to welcome you into her arms? Good luck with that!"
'That is so disappointing—but not unexpected. After all, I have behaved inexcusably towards her this last six weeks.' I mentally echoed Chandra's rebuff. 'Well, since my willpower is already torn to shreds, I might as well try to salvage this…'
"Bella?"I said in the classroom.
Bella's mental lamenting started. 'He's speaking to me. Why oh, why does his voice have to sound so familiar to me like I've heard it my whole life instead of just a few short weeks? I know what will happen if I look at him. How looking in his eyes will make me feel like my insides are melting. Like I could stop breathing from just a look from his 'too perfect' face. I have to turn and look at him. He's speaking to me. Well, I think he's speaking to me.' Her head turned slowly towards me in the classroom. Her expression was guarded, weary.
My mental commentary was next, 'Why is she looking at me that way--so distrustful? Oh, I guess she has every reason to feel that way. What am I thinking-? She shouldn't trust me! Can I read her thoughts from her facial expressions? She said her Mother called her an 'open book', so open up then. What are you thinking?'
"What?" Bella finally asked her voice full of resentment. "Are you speaking to me again?"
'That is so cute! The edge of petulance in her voice, it's as endearing as her anger is. But wait a minute here…her question. How do I answer her question? Am I speaking to her again--at least in the sense she means it? I wanted to, but no I would not. Not if I could help it. I would try not to help it.' I thought trying to resolve myself.
Chandra threw up her arms in aggravation in the visual.
"No, not really," I told her in the classroom. At that remark my Mother was next to throw up her arms in frustration.
Bella lowered her head and closed her eyes. She took a long slow breath through her nose. Her jaw was locked and she was grinding her teeth.
"This is hysterical," Jacob said to Emmett, who laughed in response. "Can I have some popcorn?" My wife turned him an icy stare.
"Perhaps you'd like to leave for the rest of this Jacob." She said icily. My sweet Bella is truly one scary monster. Any normal man would have had a coronary on the spot. Unfortunately Jacob was not any ordinary man.
"No thanks, I wouldn't miss this front row seat for the world." Jacob crowed.
"Good," Chandra said smoothly, "I'll remind you that you wanted to stay later in the story when your thoughts are audible to all." I can't tell you the satisfaction I got as I watched his eyes get big from digesting that little tidbit. Popcorn—indeed!
'This will not do,' My mental voice continued, 'I can't read anything with her looking down like that. Come on look up! Please?'
With her head still bowed, Bella spoke. "Then what do you want Edward?" 'Huh? It's easier to talk to him this way. I actually am still coherent.'
'Why is she doing that? Normal people don't converse in such a peculiar manner. Still what is the matter with me? I can't believe how my name on her lips has me all twisted up inside. What is that?'
"It's love Edward!" My mother was clapping her hands. "It's love and if your heart still beat it would be going double time right now!"
'How do I answer her question? I guess I'd better go for the truth. I owe her that much. At least as much truth as I'm allowed to share. I'll give her that from now on. Even if it's impossible to earn her trust, I don't want to deserve her mistrust.'
"I'm sorry," I said in the visual, "I'm being very rude. I know. But it's better this way, really."
'Well better for her at least if I can continue being rude. But can I?'
"Yes Edward," My Mother scolded me, "You are being very rude. Not to mention obstinate and high minded. Straighten up and be a gentleman."
Bella looked up into my eyes but her expression was still very guarded. "I don't know what you mean."
'I need to get as much of a warning through to her as I'm allowed. She's a bright girl. She'll understand.' I gave myself a pep talk.
"It's better if we're not friends." I said seriously, "Trust me."
Bella's eye's narrowed in the classroom, 'Oh, that's rich! I've heard that before!' "It's too bad you didn't figure that out earlier, you could have saved yourself all this regret!" She spat out between clenched teeth.
I watched as shock crossed my face. 'What does she know of my regrets? Did I let something slip?'
"Regret? Regret for what?" I demanded of her in the classroom.
My Mother and Chandra from the visual both froze. Then Chandra sighed and said to my Mother, "Well, he wanted to know what she was thinking…he's about to get his wish."
"For not letting that stupid van squish me!" she snapped back. Then it was my turn to freeze.
'How in the world could she be thinking that? Saving her life was the one acceptable thing I've done since I've met her. The one thing I'm not ashamed of. The one and only thing that made me glad I existed at all. Doesn't she understand that I've been fighting to keep her alive since the moment I caught her scent. How could she think THAT of me?' My thoughts became hard and angry. 'How dare she question my one good deed in all of this mess?'
"You think I regret saving your life?" My voice echoed my thoughts.
"I know you do." She retorted.
"You don't know anything." I replied angrily. 'Her estimation of me is irrational and completely unacceptable. Her mind works in such a confusing and incomprehensible way. She must not think like other humans at all. That's got to be the explanation behind her mental silence…she's entirely 'other'.'
Mother and Chandra were both clucking their tongues in disapproval. Bella quickly turned away from me and gathered up her books. Her cheeks were flushed with anger and her teeth were clenched.
Emmett and Jacob were both repressing laughter.
'Don't say anything. Don't tell him he's an insensitive jerk and the meanest person I've ever met. And definitely don't tell him how obsessed I am by him and how I can't stop thinking about him. I'm so mad I could just scream--but I won't. No, I'll just dramatically glide out of the classroom.' Bella thought while she left our desk and stomped towards the door without once returning my stare. Of course, I knew what would happen next and I knew how it would be received by Emmett and Jacob. Bella tripped at the doorway as her boot hit the door jam and everything went sprawling out of her hands as she spent her energy righting herself. She stood erect and didn't even try to gather up her things.
"Graceful exit indeed!" Jacob chortled beating Emmett to the punch line. I was surprised when Nessie leaned forward out of my Mother's lap and fixed Jacob with a disapproving stare. That shut him up.
'Maybe I should just leave them. I learned all this stuff last year in my AP class anyway. Well, except the Math. Maybe I could come back after school when he's not looking. Right.'
'You know she is quite entertaining when she's angry.' I'd fought a laugh as I watched her exhibition.
Mother, standing next to Bella scolded me, "Now do you see what you've done? You've really upset her. Well, get over here and TRY to do the gentlemanly thing maybe you can salvage this after all. I said' now', Edward!"
As if in response to my Mother's prompting I flitted to Bella's side as no one was there and stacked her books before she bent to retrieve them. When she did see me she froze half way. I handed her the books.
"Thank you," She said coldly.
"You're welcome," I retorted back. Bella stomped off while my visual remained in the doorway watching her retreating back.
"That could have gone smoother," Chandra said sourly.
"Well, at least they're talking again," was Mother's gentle reply before she took off after her charge.
"Is falling in love always this hard?" my daughter asked her Grandmother.
"No Sweetie, It's not. For you it will be a piece of cake," Mother said as she smiled down at my daughter, "But sometimes, the more fight you put up, the harder you fall and you'll see just how hard your parents fell for each other."
"I'd just like to pull a few internal thoughts from things that happened the rest of that day," Chandra continued.
Is beginning to see how this was going to play out. Chandra planned to simply to skip to all of my embarrassing faux pas. This was going to be humiliating. I looked at my wife and saw the same look of anxiety mirrored in her face as well. When her eyes met mine, she smiled sheepishly and I grinned back at her. This earned me another sweet kiss.
"Bella was so consumed with thoughts of you in her gym class she had an even harder than usual time trying to play basketball safely. Edward, you were listening to all of your 'rivals' still trying to see who Bella preferred. You knew Eric had gotten out of class and was waiting by Bella's truck to ask her to the dance. So you got yourself a ring-sized seat through Eric's mind. Bella was practically fleeing the school from all her perceived enemies…of which you were one." Chandra said, setting the stage. "So here are Bella's thoughts as she left the school in a mad dash to her truck."
This time, there was only an audible—no visual to go with it.
'That gym class was brutal. I hate basketball. I have a hard enough time keeping my balance but I couldn't concentrate at all. Bad enough I kept falling down, but I had to take half the class down with me. I've got to get out of here before they find me. I saw the angry looks I got from my team mates. I've got to get away from this place…there's just so many people I need to avoid. Of course, they were nothing next to the glares I got from Edward. Well, I wanted him to talk to me for six weeks. Yeah, lucky me! He finally speaks to me just to tell me we can't be friends. What does he mean by that? Oh, I know what he meant. He must realize how absorbed I am by him and he doesn't want to lead me on. So he doesn't even want to be friends…because he isn't even interested in me at all. Duh! Of course he's not interested in me. I'm not interesting, and he is; interesting, and brilliant, and mysterious, and perfect, and beautiful, and possibly able to lift full-sized vans with one hand. Well, that's just fine by me. I can and I will leave him alone. I'll get through my self-imposed sentence here in purgatory and then maybe I'll get a scholarship to a school in the sun—maybe even Hawaii…" "Hi Eric."
"Now that is what Bella was thinking. Kind of puts things together for you a little bit, doesn't it Edward?" Chandra gave me a grin. I had to agree. I had no idea she thought of me at all that early into our relationship. I'd thought it was just me. Of course, I'd always known she put me on a ridiculously high pedestal—that wasn't news. But apparently Emmett, Jacob and Jasper got a kick out of that. Jasper even made a comment I should start the 'Edward Cullen Charm School' for the rest of them to attend and Emmett had retorted back to take it nation-wide and help all the poor saps in the country.
"Well Bella, I would like you to hear what Edward was thinking while you were walking to your car, where he knew Eric was waiting for his opportunity." Chandra continued, looking at my wife. Bella nodded once. Then my mental voice from that eventful day was heard by all as though coming from hidden speakers.
'I can't ignore her anymore. That much is obvious. But is there no other way but to destroy her one way or another? There has to be another available future. There must be some other choice…a delicate balance…wait, what if Eric is who she likes? What if this gangly teen with unhealthy skin problems is the one she favors? And what if it's not Eric but Tyler Crowley who is racing at this moment to his locker to try and head her off before she leaves. He's tediously average and unremarkable, but what do I know of Bella's preferences? Maybe she likes average boys. What am I thinking? I could never be considered an average boy? How foolish of me to set myself up as a rival for her affection. I'm not average. How could she possibly care for someone who, in anyone's estimation, is a monster? Bella is too good for a monster. I should let her escape, but I won't… my inexcusable curiosity won't let me."
My wife leaned across my mother and Nessie to fix her golden eyes on me. "You were never a monster to me Sweetheart. You're the best man I know."
"Thank you," My reply was simple. I smiled sheepishly at her, not so sure I liked her knowing what had been on my mind. "And how could you have thought of yourself as boring, Bella? You are the most fascinating creature I have ever met?"
[A/N: I know some of Bella's thoughts were actually later in the day when Bella was preparing dinner and Edward's were combined from Spanish class clear through to when Tyler was getting in place to ask Bella out…I took a little artistic license to get those thoughts presented in a quicker form…Sorry]
"Well, I'd like to skip ahead to that night. Edward had hunted and gone to see Bella one last time, as he had convinced himself to leave yet again. Bella was asleep in her bed and getting ready to have another wonderful dream. Basically it was the same one she'd had since the crash. Where Edward was leaving her and her anxiety level rose higher each night she'd had the dream." Chandra intoned as if giving a school lecture.
Then she turned to me, "Oh and Edward, did you like the sleep talking? Dagda made sure that was one of Bella's characteristics just for you. He said you would go mad without it." She gave a gentle laugh and then continued her presentation. "I'm going to do this one a little differently, I'm going to let you not only hear Edward's thoughts, and Bella's sleep talking, but I'm going to let you experience what Edward felt that night. It won't affect you the same way it affected him, but it will help you understand the profound change that happened to Edward that night when he came to see 'the girl' one last time."
I didn't need the recap. I knew it was the single most profound feeling I had ever experienced in my life. It was the night my heart had first been touched by love's bright flame and literally turned my world from black and white to color. But Bella had only heard about it, so for her sake, I would be happy to relive this special moment with her.
The first thing I heard were my thoughts as I watched Bella's sleep from outside. 'She is having a restless night. Does she sense danger near her? I have no business being here watching her sleep. How does this make me any better than some sick peeping Tom? No, it doesn't make me better; in fact, I'm much, much worse. She's got that crease between her eyebrows again. What is she dreaming about that has her so distressed and deep in thought even in her dreams? What is she doing…moaning?'
"Okay Mom," Bella's sleeping voice rang clear throughout the chamber.
'I don't believe it! Bella talks in her sleep. Unprotected thoughts; here's my chance to finally understand what she's thinking. The next sounds were those of the window as it creaked opened and the faintest of sound as I lowered myself to the floor. 'I'll have to get some oil for the window next time I come. Next time? What have we got here? Stacks of books by her bed but the spines are facing away from me and I don't want to get to close; an inexpensive portable CD player. Hmmm, I'd love to go see what her preference in music is but again, I better not chance it. Oh, look at her computer.' I felt mild amusement and the curiosity again that always surrounded me with Bella—especially in the beginning. I glanced around at the faces of my family to see what they thought about my actions and was surprised to see the same amused expressions on their faces as well. Chandra really was affecting their emotions to reflect what I felt that night. Even Bella and Renesmee were smiling, eyes bright. 'It looks as though it could be the show piece in a computer dedicated to obsolete technologies. She could definitely use an upgrade there… Well, I better keep a safe distance. I'll sit in her old rocking chair in the far corner. That ought to be far enough away for now.' There was a very faint sound as I took a seat--only even discernable to the ultra sensitive ears in the room.
"Look at her face, Edward," My Mother's voice came through the audible presentation. "She is so beautiful, Isn't she?"
'Wow, how did I miss this before? Did I really once think of her as only average-looking? I remember being disgusted her first day when all of the boys were so taken with her, but now reviewing her through their eyes…how could I have possibly missed this? How is it I didn't see how beautiful she was immediately? Her beauty is the most obvious thing.' My thoughts were full of wonder. I felt it anew, as well. I looked at her beautiful face again and saw my wife ducking her head embarrassed by the compliment.
'Oh well, it's the truth dear, get use to it.' I mused as the audio presentation continued.
'Right now with her hair in a tangle, and wearing these tattered old clothes with her face relaxed in unconsciousness she takes my breath away…or at least she would be if I were breathing.' My family laughed lightly in agreement with my last assessment. 'How can I do this? How can I make the future bearable? Hurting her is not an option. Does that mean I have to leave? Is that my only real option here? I could now. Enough time has passed that no one would question my absence. I don't stand a chance as a rival for any human boy, whether any appeal to her here in Forks or not. I'm a monster. How could she possibly see me as anything else? If she knew the truth about me she'd run away screaming in terror, just like the intended victim of a horror show; just like she trembled in fear that first day in biology class. That was the correct response to me—a monster. How stupid of me to think if I'd been the one to ask her to that silly dance, she'd have cancelled her hastily-made plans and agreed to go with me.'
"Oh my poor Edward," Mother's worried voice spoke from the audible. "He is suffering so much. Can't we do something for him?"
"Let's give it a few more minutes and see how it goes. I can always give him a boost if he gets too side-tracked." Chandra said in her reassuring tone.
'I'm not the one she's destined to say yes to. No, it will be someone warm and human. And I can't even hunt that someone down and kill them when she did say yes, because she will deserve him. Bella deserves to find happiness and love with whomever she chooses. I owe it to her to do the right thing now. I can at least admit it to myself I am no longer in danger of falling in love with this girl—I am in love with her. Anyway, it doesn't really matter if I leave because Bella could never see me the way I wished she would --a person worthy of her love. Never.'
I heard a gasp behind me and I turned to see Esme's heartbroken expression as her eyes sought mine. My thoughts were causing her pain. As much as they had apparently caused my biological mother's that night no so long ago. As I turned back to look at my wife I was surprised every face I met held the same feelings of sadness for my pain. Jacob and Leah were crying. That was how I knew Chandra had worked some crazy powerful magic for the two of them to cry over any pain I may have suffered in the past.
'Is it possible for a dead heart to break? It must because mine is right now.'
"Edward," It was the voice of my then human angel talking from her dreams.
'Did she wake up with her eyes still closed? Did she catch me here in her room? She looks asleep, but her voice was so clear…Oh, she's shifting in her sleep. She is asleep and dreaming.'
"Edward," She said again. Her audible sigh came through the audible. "Stay. Don't go…please don't go."
I felt again the rocketing feeling that coursed through my entire being with her quiet words.
'Can a dead heart start to beat again? I think mine is about to. She's dreaming about me…ME! It isn't even a nightmare and she wants me to stay with her there in her dream! I can't find words strong enough to describe this feeling flooding through me. It's overpowering me. I can't breathe or speak. I feel as though I'm drowning in this feeling.' I feel a fire that seem to glow without burning, surrounding me with indescribable joy, encompassing me in unfathomable happiness so intense it feels as though it will burst through my stone hard body. I am new. I am not the man was before. My life has been an unchanging midnight—everything frozen in place at the time of my transformation—set in stone. So how is it the sun is rising in the middle of my midnight? Love has changed me in an eternal way. I will always love this fragile human girl for the rest of my limitless existence.' Once again I felt this new love for her settle itself in every portion of my stone hard body.
"Did you do that Chandra?" My Mother's voice rang out in the silence from the narrative.
"No, I was getting ready to step in, but Edward did that one all on his own." Chandra replied, her voice full of wonder and satisfaction.
'Well, I love her so I will have to work on being strong enough to leave her. But maybe I can circumvent Alice's visions in another way. I understand them now at least. Loving her will not keep me from killing her accidentally. It would be accidental too, the monster is nowhere inside me. I can't feel him here anymore. Maybe love has silenced him forever? I will have to be extraordinarily careful. Never let my guard down around her. I will not allow myself to make mistakes where her safety is concerned. But now I also understand the second vision of the future. Now that I love Bella I could see myself, out of desperation and longing, ask my father to take away her life so I could keep her. I can never do such a thing--such a vile act of selfishness. Make Bella a prisoner to this half-life, just to keep me happy. Bella deserves more than that. Can I make a third future? Can I have a relationship with her—and leave her alive and human?'
"I think we'll stop this scene here. No sense in allowing everyone to feel the fire that ripped through Edward as he started the painful process of building his resistance to the scent of Bella's blood." Chandra said softly. "Edward, I would love to tell you that was one of our happiest moments, but as you heard, when your moment to fall in love came, you did it by yourself. I never needed to give you that extra little push."
"Edward," My beautiful wife said to me. She had gotten up off the couch and pulled me up into her strong arms and kissed me with a ferocity that sent enough jolts of electricity through my body to light up the Las Vegas Strip. For once it wasn't Emmett's throat clearing that stopped our passionate display. It was eventually me and I didn't know how long it had consumed me before I suddenly became aware of the shouting and clapping that filled the room. I only knew I was once again about to explode from the love I had for this gentle woman who now was mine.