Part Twenty-Five!
The Quibbler-Let's Start Some Rivalries and maybe be as politically uncorrect as we can, issue!
The Reporter: That kid we never heard of or saw before the movie, who delivers packages in a previous life and in this one is a random gold shirt security officer, third or fourth shift, Nigel.
Nigel: Commander Weasley, what is the difference between your planet and Earth?
R.B. Weasley: Well, Nigel, may I call you, Nigel?
Nigel: You may, Commander, you do call me by my name nearly everyday, you are my higher up and in charge of my area.
R.B. Weasley: Redlan has a high population of red hair, red hair you see is the dominant hair color, unlike Earth, where many red heads had a high protention for being inbred... And I think I'll stop there. Next question, Nigel?
Nigel: What is your favorite Earth food?
R.B. Weasley: Pumpkin pie with lots and lots of whipped cream.
(Nigel's aside: Mister Weasley got an incredible grin on his face saying this.)
R.B. Weasley: It's really, really delicious, if you've never tried it!
Nigel: It is really yummy! What's your favorite food from Redlan?
R.B. Weasley: Hm..
(Nigel's note: And Commander Weasley started speaking in a tongue I did not understand, so we do not know his favorite food from his home planet. Perhaps the garble of words he just said were indeed his favorite food.)
Nigel: Commander, do you like living among humans?
R.B. Weasley: I do! You humans are so ridiculous sometimes, I mean look at your history!
Nigel: What about it?
R.B. Weasley: You elect maniacs, murderers and idiots or let them seize and then wonder why it all went to shit!
Nigel: When was this is Earth history? We've had mostly peace the whole time I've been alive, on Earth anyways, the rest of the galaxy, that's another story!
R.B. Weasley: Are you kidding me! I mean the Turks had this one part of there empire split into three parts, because of the different tribes living there, the Ottoman empire falls and breaks up, the British combine those three chunks of territories into one colony, eventually that colony was given independence, then the idiot Americans swoop in and knock out another dictator, whom they probably put there in the first place! And it all goes to shit. I'm surprised it's still not all gone to hell, they've been fighting and killing eachother forever, so lets unify them! Or all the damn dictators! Why the fuck were you all so stupid, yes let's let the psycho fuck take power or worse yet, be elected! You elected Hitler, you morons! He didn't use weapons to take power he did it all democratically, you idiots!
Nigel: Mister Weasley, I'm English, not German, so no one in my family voted for that madman.
R.B. Weasley: But you didn't listen to Churchill when he warned Parliament about Hitler!
Nigel: Well, you certainly have a point there.
R.B. Weasley: You let so many dictators take power, or put them in power! A country is finally getting it's act together, maybe they made the phone companies public or something like that so, what do you do you murder or exile him and have a murdering regime for the next fifty years! Give me a break, you humans were so stupid!
Nigel: Well.. Yeah, I can't argue with those points, your right. When did you take Earth History?
R.B. Weasley: My second or third year at the academy. Nigel, mate, I need to get to my shift.
Nigel: Oh, sorry Commander, thanks for the interview.
R.B. Weasley: No problem, Nigel. Aren't you supposed to be on duty in the weapons storage room, pretty soon?
Nigel: I sure am, Commander!