If Only You Could See What I See

by FrogsRcool

I wanted to follow her. So bad. She was the most interesting person I'd ever seen in my entire life and I didn't even know why. Brittana

25. The Scariest Thing in the Entire World

a/n: hello! here's a long chapter, but that's because a lot happens. You'll have to let me know what you think, opinions, what you think is going to happen, all of that! :) Sorry it took so long to get this chapter up. I had a hard time writing it and have been really busy! But I'm hoping the next chapter won't take nearly as long to post. Enjoy :)

Chapter 25 - The Scariest Thing in the Entire World

The car ride was pretty quiet. We took Santana's car and I sat in back. Nobody said anything. Not even me, even though I wanted to say things. I just wasn't sure what to say. I didn't know what was okay and what wasn't okay to talk about. I knew Quinn wanted answers, but I didn't have answers.

Quinn kept her forehead pressed to the window. Santana kept glancing over at her. I think she wanted to say something, just like I wanted to say something. Actually I knew she wanted to say something to Quinn, but she never did. Instead, she just kept glancing at her and opening her mouth, but then taking a breath and looking forward.

I wondered how much Santana had heard Quinn say in the bathroom. I started to twist and push the toe of my shoe into the floor mat in the back. I didn't want Santana to think that I chose her over anyone. I didn't choose her. I fit with her. It was simple. People didn't choose things that fit. Things like how much someone likes you and how good you make someone feel were natural. I liked Santana more than I had ever liked anyone. I didn't even think it was possible to feel this way about someone before. And I didn't know it was possible for someone to make me really feel like Cinderella without having to give me a glass slipper. Saying I chose Santana was like saying I chose to love my sister.

I gulped at thinking that word. It was loud. When I looked up I caught Santana's eyes in the rearview mirror. I looked away before she somehow heard what I was thinking.

I guess I hadn't fully processed it the last time I thought about that word. The night Santana and me had tried the plan for the first time. I mean, of course I loved her. But love? It sounded so weird in my head. I hadn't even known her that long and I felt this way. Did she like me that much? I'm sure she liked me, but I doubted she had fallen like I had fallen. As quickly and as far.

Or maybe I was confused.

I tried to remember what my mom had said. Please tell me you're not as stupid? Please tell me my daughter has some silly crush and she's confused. I didn't even have to try to remember that hard to know exactly what my mom had said to Santana.

I knew how I felt about Santana.

Maybe I was confused. Not about Santana, of course, but about something else. I wasn't even sure what I would be confused about, but I guess that made sense, because who was ever really sure about things when they're confused. If I knew what I was confused about, then I wouldn't be confused.

I knew things had happened quickly with us. But that was what happened with things like this. Right? It was like a magnet that found something to stick to. Magnets didn't slowly stick to the fridge. Especially a magnet as strong and beautiful as Santana. Or maybe I was the magnet and she was the only fridge I'd stick to. Or maybe we were both magnets.

I scrunched my forehead. What am I even thinking? I rolled my own eyes. I caught Santana's eyes in the rearview mirror for the second time. She had an eyebrow cocked.

I flashed her a tight-lipped smile that hopefully reassured her I wasn't going crazy.

And then I looked over towards Quinn. She still had her forehead smashed against the window. I leaned forward and reached my arms around the seat and wrapped them around her. She looked almost gone. Like she had given up and didn't really care about anything. But I figured if I showed her I cared then she would care too.

It was hard to watch her. Especially when she didn't even react to me hugging her. For a brief second I really did think she was gone. But I knew she wasn't.

"Look at this stuff…" I mumbled into the back of the seat. I wasn't even sure if Quinn could hear me. But it was the only thing I could think to do. Sing. Santana had sung to me when I was sad. And seeing as how Fergilicious didn't seem like an appropriate song right now, I would just sing the other song that I had memorized. "Isn't it neat, wouldn't you think my collections complete?"

I wasn't really singing. The Little Mermaid mostly talked that part, I think. And I wasn't that good of a singer. But I think if Quinn heard someone talking then she wouldn't get so lost and lonely. Even that guy that got stuck on the island made a bloody volleyball friend.

"Wouldn't you think I'm the girl, the girl who has everything." I felt Quinn's body bubble with the tiniest and most silent laugh. When that happened it felt like all that dead weight and fear of her being gone had dropped. "Look at this trove, treasures untold, how many wonders can one cavern hold"

Quinn finally leaned back into the seat and I hugged her even tighter and kept mumbling the song. It made me smile when I heard Santana whisper something in Spanish and then laugh. She glanced back at me and I only caught the end of her smirk and headshake. Maybe the smirk was less of a smirk, and more of a laugh hushed by a smile.

I kept mumbling the song.

"Bright young women, sick of swimmin', ready to stand…" I drew out the last word, and finally Quinn grabbed my hand. I was squeezing around her waist and she reached up with one hand and put it on mine. It made me smile and forget where I was in the song. So I just repeated something I knew I had already sung, and kept going.

When I finished I just kept hugging Quinn, closed my eyes, and pressed my cheek into the back of the seat. She kept her hand on mine, so I knew it was okay that I kept hugging. I wished Santana could hug too.

When we got to the doctor I opened Quinn's door for her and the three of us walked in. Quinn didn't want us going in the back with her. She didn't say why, but I understood why. Nobody wants to have someone watch something being taken from them. Right when I was about to tell Quinn that she could change her mind, Santana said something about making sure to ask all the questions she could think of and if she couldn't think of any she could call her dad and ask hypothetical questions.

"Why would you ask your dad questions?" I asked Santana.

We were sitting next to each other in the waiting room. Santana picked a seat in the corner away from all the moms and pregnant ladies. I think she regretted it, because we were also right by the toy corner and this little girl kept eyeing us and running back to her mom shy and embarrassed when either Santana or me would look at her or look at the toys.

"He's a doctor," Santana answered but kept her eye on the little girl who was now inching, step by step, her way back to the toys.

"A baby doctor?" I pulled one leg underneath me, sat on it, and faced her.

She kept her narrowed eyes on the girl. "No. A surgeon."

Surgeon? I guess I hadn't expected that. I thought surgeons were supposed to be all warm and fuzzy so that they didn't scare people. I guess I had never met a surgeon before and the only ones I had seen were on TV. And I also guess that the ones on TV weren't always warm and fuzzy. I pinched my lips together, trying to figure out why I had thought surgeons were warm and fuzzy.

We watched her watch the little girl. Santana cocked her eyebrow when the little girl picked up a block. But she put the block down and skittered back to her mom.

Santana seemed distracted. I didn't blame her. She looked confused, tired, hurt. I wasn't sure if she was just giving me short answers because we were talking about her dad or because of everything else. What had happened with that Karofksy guy last night. Quinn knowing. The fact that other people probably knew too. My mom knowing.

"This morning was fun," I smiled and said despite the heat that crawled up my neck and slipped behind my ears. I made sure I whispered so nobody overheard, even though nobody knew us in here. I wanted Santana to think of something good and simple. Like kissing.

She nodded.

My face burned even hotter. Too hot. And I shook my head and squeezed my eyes closed. Was I stupid? Of course kissing wasn't simple, especially with someone as deep and profound as Santana. I think profound was the right word. If it meant that she was the opposite of simple, then that was what she was. She had so many interesting things about her. What she had to say, the way she talked, the way she treated people, the way she secretly cared for people so it meant so much more when she showed it, the meanings behind the way she treated people, her family.

When I opened my eyes Santana was looking at me. I knew she could see how red I was, because I could feel my cheeks burning.

Her eyes fell over my body and then came back up to my face. "Are you okay?" She whispered.

I nodded. Why was I even freaking out like this?

Things with me were sometimes too easy and I knew that other people weren't like me. But right now I was way too confused. I had all these little bits of information and I didn't know how to put them together. My mom's reaction to us. Quinn's reaction to us. It was so frustrating that I was so simple. It was frustrating that people like Santana and Quinn thought they had to work so hard to hide parts of themselves.

Santana put her hand on the armrest of my chair. For a second I thought she was going to grab my hand. My hand that was picking at the hem and strings at the bottom of my shorts.

"I'm just really confused." I shrugged and then looked down at my hand. "Which is normal."

"About what?" Santana looked over my shoulder and probably at the little girl who was sneaking back to the toys.

I started to say something. I wasn't even sure what I was going to say. Probably something about not being sure what I was confused about, but Santana said something at the same time. We both stopped.

I told her that she could talk first.

So she took a breath and pulled her hand back to herself. "This whole time you've been thinking about me and how this," she whispered that word, "affects me. But I'm worried about you. I don't want people breaking your windshield, I don't want people telling you that you're stupid and confused. I don't want people treating you like less than you deserve when you treat people better than they deserve. As much as I want to be with you, I want you to be okay first."

My stomach dropped. I shifted in my seat and scooted a little closer toward her. "I am okay." I let out a nervous laugh. I really was fine.

Santana's smile was sad. I knew she saw something. She knew something. So instead of not asking, I asked. "What?" I whispered, completely terrified of the question.

Santana's eyes once again fell over every inch of my face and it felt like she read me like a book.

I spoke before she said something. I spoke quickly and softly. "Don't listen to Quinn. She's hurt and sad. She's such a good person, but she said things and thought things because she isn't sure who to blame. And she's not dumb, so she isn't going to blame herself. She knows she didn't do anything wrong. She's the smartest lost person I have ever met." I knew I was talking fast, so I slowed myself down.

But that gave Santana an opportunity to say something. "I heard what she said Britt. I walked in right after you did."

I wasn't sure what she had thought about the conversation. About Quinn thinking and being upset that I didn't pick her. "I wasn't picking anyone. I didn't choose anyone. I was thinking in the car and about this and I just wanted you to know that there was no way I could have ever chosen someone as perfect as you, because I didn't think you existed. I didn't even know Cinderella had a pumpkin driver, I just thought horses pulled her. I don't want you to think I chose you, because you don't choose things that you love." My face burned impossibly hotter. It felt like my body temperature shot through the roof. I hadn't meant to say that. Well. I had. I just, not yet. I didn't want her to think it was weird. "I, uh. I mean. Well. You know. I meant. If…Uh." Each time I said a word dry gulps interrupted me.

I was too worried and too frantic to even notice how she was looking at me.

I continued to try and explain myself. "I wanted to say that later. Or whenever you needed it. I wanted it to be special for you. Maybe I'm confused like my mom said. But not about you. I know I like you a lot and I know, I know, that I've never liked someone as much as you. And I found out that night you cried because you looked so perfect and open even if you were sad. You looked like the most beautiful person in the world. I felt like I got to see something that nobody in the entire world could see. And that's why people hide their million dollar diamonds in safes, because they don't want people taking them." I pinched my mouth shut before I said something else ridiculous about diamonds or magnets.

Santana reached over and grabbed my hand. She pulled it into her lap. "I liked this morning too. Except the part where we got interrupted."

I giggled and the heat from my cheeks seemed to drain and be replaced with a blush. The panic and worry melted away, and I felt silly for panicking in the first place. I knew Santana wasn't going anywhere, especially not after everything that happened and what she had said last night.

xxxXXXXXxx

I texted Hailey while we were waiting for Quinn. I asked her if she was home, and if she was if she could feed Lord Tubbington. She said that she wasn't home. So I asked Santana if we could drop by. At first she shook her head no so quickly. But I told her that he needed food and that my mom would be asleep. She insisted that Lord Tubbington never needed to eat food again.

The conversation was dropped when Quinn walked out. She looked kind of stiff and tired. I jumped up from my seat and darted straight for her. She was talking to the receptionist, so I just stopped by the counter and waited.

I didn't listen to what they were saying. Something about a follow up appointment. I just waited until Quinn was done talking and then me and Santana walked with her outside.

Again nobody said anything in the car. Santana drove to Quinn's house and when we got there Santana even asked if Quinn wanted us to come in with her. Quinn said no thank you, opened her door, and walked straight to the front door of her house.

I didn't notice I had been staring at the front door of Quinn's house until Santana said something.

"Are you going to sit up front?"

I looked over at her and then back at Quinn's door. Quinn had walked in a few minutes ago. I wasn't sure why I had been starring at her door for so long. Maybe I thought she was going to come back out and ask us to come inside with her. I wanted her to. She needed someone, but she didn't need someone telling her that.

I looked back at Santana and then crawled through the car and into the front seat.

I had forgotten about Lord Tubbington until I realized we were on the street to my house. Santana looked at me. "Are you sure she's asleep? I really do think your cat will be fine. Can't you ask your dad to feed him?"

"He doesn't get off work until super late tonight and Lord Tubbington hasn't eaten in a long time." I started to consider the consequences if I got caught. Would my mom say anything? But then I started to wonder what would happen if I apologized. Not for liking Santana, but for telling her the way that I had. On accident. "My mom is sleeping. I'll be really quick."

Santana parked in front of my house. "Do you want me to go in?" She unbuckled her seatbelt.

"I'll be really quick, I promise," I darted out of her car before she could say anything else. I didn't want her to worry, because there was really nothing to worry about. I also didn't want her stopping me when I tried to apologize to my mom.

My mom deserved an apology. Even if she had said some really mean things to Santana. My mom deserved to know that someone loved her and someone cared enough to apologize, because I really wish I could have told my mom about Santana the proper way. I wish I could have had a real discussion about it. I wish I could have not been flustered or confused or worried. I wanted to take it all back.

I jogged under the tree and jumped up on the step that led to the front door. It was unlocked. Just like it always was. I quietly stepped into the house and didn't shut the door completely behind me. There was no need to make any extra noise than I needed to.

The house was quiet. That was until Lord Tubbington leapt from the couch and thudded against the floor in the living room. He ran to me and meowed.

I squatted and scooped him up in my arms and snuck through my house. I filled his food bowl, changed his water, and while I was doing that, my heart was beating faster and faster.

I was trying to decide if I should just say sorry and that was all, or if I should say something else. Faster, faster, faster. My heart was slamming against my chest. I wanted my mom to be okay. I wanted her to know that I had messed up. Because right now it felt like I had abandoned her.

I was shaking as I pushed Lord Tubbington's water bowl closer to him. But he was too busy inhaling his cat food.

My dad didn't really spend much time with my mom. And my sister wasn't ever home. I was the one that spent the most time with her. She trusted me. Sure I guess Hailey had talked to her more about stuff, but I think that had changed recently. Obviously it had changed if Hailey had written what she had written in her diary.

I stood up, nudged Lord Tubbington with my foot to say goodbye, and then crept through the house and towards my mom's room.

I was just going to say sorry. That was it. Sorry. And then I would leave. I swallowed the pounding in my chest, twisted the door handle, and opened the door.

I didn't poke my head in right away. I didn't want to startle her. I took one last breath and then peeked in. She was curled up in her blankets and facing the opposite wall. I knew she wasn't sleeping. Mostly because she always woke up when I went in her room. She was the lightest sleeper in the world, which is why Hailey and me had to put the TV on mute when we watched it.

"Sorry Mom." I whispered and then pulled the door closed. I knew she had heard me. I knew I had said it loud enough. I wonder if she had been awake and listening to me creep around the house. She had to have known, because Lord Tubbington only meows at me.

I was still shaking when I got back into Santana's car. If she had asked, I would have told her I had apologized. But she didn't. Instead she asked me if I wanted to go back to work.

When I didn't answer she said something else. "Your sister texted me." Santana held up her phone as I buckled my seatbelt.

"What? Why?" I looked up at her and then I dug in my pocket for my phone. It was flashing with message alerts. "Is something wrong?" I stuffed my phone back in my pocket.

"When you weren't answering her, she told me that you shouldn't go to…" Santana paused. She held her phone out to me.

I took it and read the text.

Can you tell my sister that she shouldn't go to the house? I'll feed her cat when I get home tonight.

I handed the phone back to Santana. "What'd you tell her?"

Santana took a breath. "Nothing. Not yet anyway. I got it right before you walked out. Does your mom usually tell your sister about arguments?"

"Maybe. I don't really know. Hailey probably got home last night and saw my mom was upset."

Santana put her car into gear and pulled away from my house. "You should really have a chat with your sister about this text message thing, because I nearly had a heart attack and ran into your house. Her timing is awful."

I laughed. I was glad Santana was lightening the mood. It helped, because those nerves from apologizing to my mom were still screaming through my body.

"So do you want to go to work? Or, how about, we go into work, I'll talk to Will and explain things. And if it's busy we'll stay and if it's not then we'll go get some soup."

My heart fluttered. It felt like she had tugged at it with an invisible string. One soft, thick beat that completely changed my mood.

xxxXXXXXx

I was sitting at the bar. There were a couple of customers, but not many. Weekdays weren't usually busy and I was pretty sure Will would make us take the rest of the day off even before Santana asked. That was where Santana was right now. In Will's office. She had gone back there about ten minutes ago, so I think they were talking about other stuff too.

I didn't mind. Holly made me a drink with cranberry and vodka and told me that if I moved from the stool I was sitting on that she would drag my little booty right back on it. That was another reason I was pretty sure Santana and me probably wouldn't have to end up staying and working.

"Are you sure you don't want me to help?" I took a big sip from my drink. There was definitely plenty of vodka in it.

Holly was mixing a drink for a customer that was sitting on the other side of the bar. She looked up from the drink and at me. "I'm absolutely sure. You look like hell ran over you with a semi." Holly shrugged with a look on her face that said I'm-sorry-but-it's-true.

She brought the finished drink to the guy at the other end and then walked back to me. "I heard about last night. The whole thing about some gorilla busting your windshield because he thought you were some dude hookin' up with his girl." She rested her elbows on the bar. "Innnnnnnnn-sane." Holly nodded.

I nodded along with her.

"I know, right." She stood back up and held up her hands to emphasize just how insane she really thought that was. "I mean," she pulled out a piece of gum and popped it in her mouth, "this guy was wasted right? That's what I heard. He must have been, because there is no way I'd mistake you for some dude. Oh," it was like she remembered something, "and then everything with Quinn. Poor girl. She's such a sweetheart."

The smile on my face was so big. I was so glad that somebody else saw that and recognized it. I guess it would be silly of me not to think that Holly thought that about Quinn, but still. It was shocking to hear, in a nice and comforting way.

"How'd the doctor go?" She lowered her voice and her words were filled with so much empathy.

"I waited in the waiting room with Santana. She didn't want us coming in with her."

Holly hummed and flashed a weak smile.

"Are you doing okay?" She lowered her voice even more.

I didn't answer. I didn't want to say no and search for an explanation that I knew I didn't have. And I didn't want to say yes and lie.

"Quinn's lonely."

I looked up from my drink and at Holly. I even held my breath. If she was going to talk about Quinn then I was all ears. I wanted to help Quinn. I knew she was lonely. I wanted her to not be lonely. I just didn't know how to fix that.

"She's talked about you. A lot. She trusts you and cares for you. And I have never seen that girl open up to anyone the way she opened up to you. I don't blame her." Holly winked. "You give her something that she has never gotten before from anyone."

Listening to her talk was like listening to something in complete silence. It was absolutely the only thing I could focus on, hear, think about.

"I have no problem believing that one girl can fall in love with another girl. I'm not telling you this to gossip. It's important, because she's important."

I nodded in agreement. But my mind was starting to go crazy. I was repeating what she had just said over and over in my head. One girl can fall in love with another girl.

"She needs someone who can love her and can see past the bullshit and not look at her like she's less than what she is. That poor girl is probably humiliated, ashamed and horrified."

"Of what?" I blurted, but I wanted to know.

Holly cocked her head and just smiled at me. "Exactly."

I didn't get it, but I didn't say that. I just waited until she continued.

She reached for my drink and took a sip of it and then slid it back to me. "I'm an awesome bartender."

Holly walked away and helped a couple that had just walked up to the bar. I sipped my drink and waited for her to come back.

I still wasn't sure what she was trying to say about Quinn. Was she saying Quinn loved me? Or was she saying something about me and Santana? Did she know about me and Santana? Did she want me to love Quinn? But I already loved Santana.

I took another sip from my drink.

Maybe I should tell her about Santana. She would find out eventually, especially if Quinn told her all this other stuff. They seemed really close. Holly was nice. She always knew things, and she always knew what to say.

She walked back to me. "What do you mean about Quinn?" I scooted to the edge of my stool. "She loves me? I love her too, but not that way. I mean, I don't know what way I love her. She's different and nice and an amazing friend-"

Holly cut me off, "But you love Santana."

I choked on my drink. It had been halfway down my throat when she said that. When I coughed I made sure my lips were tightly closed and I turned my head away from Holly. A few more coughs and then I looked back at her.

"I know, I know," Holly started before I could say anything, "how did I know? Please." She rolled her eyes. "You're still wearing those earrings. And Santana may not talk to me about personal things, but that girl is far from discrete with her leering. You should have seen her when you wore that cheer outfit. Your legs looked like a Goddess." Holly lifted her eyebrows. "I would have been surprised if something didn't go down that night…"

I didn't move. I knew my eyes were wide and I wasn't breathing, but how did she know? Did I look different afterward? Did people look different after they had sex? Or, girl-sex? Maybe she was guessing. And, I had forgotten about the earrings. I'll give them back to Santana. She probably had forgotten she let me borrow them.

"Hello Brittany." Rachel hopped up on a stool next to me. "Holly." She nodded at Holly. "These are receipts." She slid me a piece of paper that was folded in half. "Will paid for a tow truck to come get your car and for the windshield. It's at this address," She took the paper back, unfolded it, and pointed at an address near the top. "I'm sure Santana can drop you off to get it. Or I can after work."

"I can't afford this." I looked at the total on the bottom. It wasn't that much, but I still didn't have that much money saved up right now.

"I told you that Will already paid for it." Rachel folded up the paper in her hands and handed it back to me. "You're not working are you, you look awful. Those bags under your eyes are huge and your eyes are bloodshot. You should go home and get some sleep."

I looked to Holly who nodded, spun on her heels and then headed back to her customers.

"I don't feel sleepy." I shrugged and rubbed under my eyes. I didn't feel sleepy but I was sure if I lay down I would fall back asleep. I took a deep breath and slowly let it out. I took another sip from the straw of my drink.

"You should get food before you drink that." Rachel reached for the drink and pulled it away from me.

"I'm getting soup with Santana." My eyes shot open, but then I remembered that Santana was the only one who knew what soup meant. And then I remembered that Rachel already knew. "Can I ask you a question?" I glanced back at my drink.

"No, you cannot have you drink back. When is the last time you ate? You look like a sickly bird."

I looked down at my lap. I didn't look like a bird. And I had eaten only a few hours ago. "I ate this morning."

Rachel lifted an eyebrow and I wasn't sure if she believed me. "You can ask your question."

"Oh." I had forgotten. "Uhm. It's about…girls."

Rachel's eyebrow lifted even higher.

"Me and Santana. And Quinn."

Her eyes bugged and her jaw dropped. "All three of you!"

I shook my head violently. "No!" I hissed and looked around. A few customers were looking at us with questioning glances, but then went back to their food.

"Oh my goodness." Rachel held her hand to her chest. "Please be a little clearer when you explain Brittany. You scared me."

Even though I knew she didn't mean anything bad by saying that, it still sunk my heart when she said that I needed to explain better.

"Now," Rachel straightened herself and turned her body to completely face me. "Ask again."

I wasn't sure exactly what I should ask. I wanted to know more about what Holly had said. About girls falling in love. And I would just ask Holly, but she was getting busier with customers. Besides, Rachel had two gay dads. "What do you think about girls falling in love?"

Rachel narrowed her eyes and I watched her think. She nodded her head as ideas must have come to her, but she didn't answer for at least an entire minute. "What kind of love are you talking about?"

When I didn't answer her she explained herself further. "There's different types of love and different levels. And though I think it's tragic and closed-minded, there's a way that Sapphic love gets diminished in the minds of some straight people, that it's just sex or that it's either something small and petty or an obsession." She paused. "And there are some people who find it easy to diminish the love straight girls have for other girls. In some ways it's rather complex, but from another point of view it's all really straight forward."

I smiled. Rachel was smart. She somehow always seemed to explain things and understand me better than I understood me. Probably because we had been friends for so long.

"Most people see relationships incorrectly. No matter the relationship. Families, friends, lovers. What I find wonderful is how two girls can build their friendship into something so intimate and connect on that kind of level, beyond a friendship. I've always thought that people have someone they connect with perfectly, but to go through all those extra hoops and hurdles of being a same-sex couple is complex and brave."

I smiled again.

Santana caught the corner of my eye. She was walking around the bar holding something. She set a plate of French fries in front of me and then took a seat on the stool opposite the side of Rachel.

"I stole these from the kitchen." Santana leaned into me and the plate and grabbed a few fries. She popped them into her mouth.

When Rachel reached for a fry Santana swatted at her. "Hey! No. Get your own."

"Santana they're free." Rachel snapped back.

"Uh, so is attention from boys, yet you still don't have that."

I looked to Santana. Immediately she took it back. "Fine. Finnocense counts I suppose." She rolled her eyes.

Rachel glared at Santana, before she hopped down from her stool and stormed off.

"I'm sorry." Santana muttered. "She just drives me insane. I still don't know why you're friends with her." Santana stuffed a few more fries in her mouth.

"She's nice." All the things she had just said kept running through my mind. Rachel was nice. Sometimes a little overwhelming and talkative, but she was still nice.

"I guess…" Santana said. "And don't eat so quickly, because we're still getting soup."

I had to cover my mouth, because I was afraid that smiling would make all my chewed fries fall out.

We finished the fries and Holly walked back over. "Here ladies," she pulled out a box from underneath the bar and set it on the counter. "Can you bring this to the back before you leave?"

I jumped off of my stool and grabbed the box. It was kind of heavy. I peeked inside of it and saw a few bottles of alcohol. My guess was that it probably went in the storage closet.

Santana followed me through the back, taking the plate of fries with her. She went to the kitchen and I went towards the storage closet. It was cold in there. Will ran the AC so the alcohol kind of stayed chilled. I didn't like coming in here, unless it was summer. During the winter it was way too cold.

I set the box on the floor and pulled out the bottles one by one and started finding spots for them on the shelves. But then I gave up finding spots, because I didn't know how everything was organized in here. Rachel would say something later about how someone was being lazy, but I was much more concerned with eating soup.

"Here," Santana said from behind me and grabbed the bottles from my hands. She found the correct spot for them right away and bent down to grab the last two bottles in the box.

I should have carried the plate to the kitchen and she should have organized the bottles. Now she was putting the bottles I had just set on the shelf in the correct spots. I think she knew that Rachel would yell at us, because she had seen Holly give us the box.

Speaking of Holly…"Hey, I forgot you let me borrow these." I reached up for my ears.

Santana looked over her shoulder at me. Her face scrunched up. "Oh, no." She turned to face me. "No." She pulled my hands back down from my ear.

"I think they're expensive." I pursed my lips. "What if I lose them?"

Santana smiled at me. "You won't lose them. Just don't take them out. And they're yours to keep."

"Really?" I bounced on my heels. But stopped that bounce when I remembered that I couldn't really show my mom.

Santana nodded slowly.

"Awesome." I said and Santana let go of my hand and turned back around to fix the bottles.

"Hey, Santana?" I whispered. So many things and thoughts and feelings were flooding my mind. I couldn't figure out how she was so perfect. How she made me feel perfect. Not only was she patient with me and sweet, but she had given me earrings. I had never gotten earrings from a guy, and I guess Santana wasn't a guy, but still.

"What?" Santana giggled and I realized I had forgotten to say something else and keep talking. Hopefully I hadn't been staring at her too long. I supposed it didn't really matter if I had. She always smiled when she caught me staring at her.

I smiled and laughed a little too, because I wasn't really sure what I had wanted to say earlier, or why I had said her name. What were you supposed to say when someone gives everything you could have ever wanted and more? Thank you didn't seem like enough. "I just wanted to say thanks." I told her anyway.

"For the earrings?" She nodded and scrunched up her nose, which meant she was being cute and shy. It was very close to the way she had blushed when I had busted into her room earlier this morning in my towel. Except then she had just been nervous and shy, but still cute.

My jaw dropped.

"What?" Santana's eyes got big.

"What were you doing in your room this morning?"

"Oh my God." Santana spun around and even though I couldn't see her face I could feel how bright red and hot it was. It kind of made me start to heat up, but for entirely different reasons.

I swear I was the most clueless person sometimes. I rolled my eyes at my own stupidity.

She wasn't even organizing bottles anymore. She was just moving them around. Cute. If I had to pick a word for her, I would have a hard time picking just one word, but cute would definitely be on my list of possibilities.

She didn't need to be embarrassed about that. We had been interrupted more times than I could count and I was pretty sure she wanted me to kiss down there, especially after the way she had been kissing me, and if her body squirmed and twisted half as much as my body had when her head had been between my legs and her tongue had been running over me, then I was positive she would like it more than anything in the entire world.

I peeked over my shoulder at the door. It had a lock.

My heart started to beat faster and faster. It felt like helicopters were flying around my chest and thumping against my ribs. I looked back at Santana. I didn't want her to think that she should be embarrassed. For goodness sake, I touched myself in front of her the first time we ever did anything. I wanted her to be whatever she wanted and people who hid and had walls like Santana got nervous and embarrassed sometimes.

People got embarrassed because they thought they shouldn't have done something. I think sometimes it's because they're not used to showing how beautiful they are. Santana was just not used to showing herself.

I stepped back, pulled the door shut, and locked it.

Santana didn't notice. She was still playing with the bottles.

I would give her anything, because I was pretty sure she had already given me everything.

I reached for her hand and linked my pinky through hers. She looked at me. I could tell her face was burning and her eyes were frantic. But she seemed to relax a bit once she realized I was holding her pinky.

"What are you doing?" She asked. I held her pinky and I turned her by putting my other hand on her waist. She looked at the door and looked back at me with wide eyes.

I knew I was being silly, but my eyes started to get foggy. Happy tears I always thought were meant for movies, but now I knew they were meant for Santana. I felt so cheesy and silly, but I couldn't help it.

"What are you doing?" She hushed and softly laughed. She reached her thumb up and rubbed it across my cheek.

"Being happy." My face started to hurt from smiling so big.

She wiped her thumb across my cheek again.

"Sorry, I know I'm being a dork." I laughed through the bubbles in my throat.

Santana laughed with me. Softly. "If I would have known doing that to myself would have made you this happy then I would have done it a long time ago."

I laughed again. "Really?"

"Maybe…" She smirked, but I could still see a blush in her cheeks.

So I leaned in and I kissed her. She hadn't expected it. I think she was still thinking about being embarrassed and me knowing what she had done in her bed. So I held against her lips until she kissed back and wrapped her arms over my shoulders.

It was slow. Deliberate. Her lips tasted like lip gloss and her tongue tasted like whatever it was that someone was supposed to eat so they got butterflies in their stomach. Because now I had butterflies going crazy in my stomach, hitting things and pushing around. Those butterflies would push especially hard when her tongue would touch mine, because she wouldn't do it for very long before her lips moved and caught mine.

It felt like little lightning bolts were zipping across my lips, because she was so soft and slow. My nerves were begging for her to go faster and harder, but I didn't want that. This was the sweetest kiss ever and it felt like I was spinning and spinning and losing control. How did this happen when I was the one that had kissed her?

She made me sigh and lean and fall into her lips. They were so warm. Maybe she would let me kiss her forever…Again she parted my lips with her tongue, slipped it in for a second, pulled it back out and distracted the hum and shivers in my body by swallowing my lips with hers.

Her lips were so soft and each time her tongue ran over mine I shook because I thought of how it had felt when she had run her tongue between my legs. And then I shook again, because I thought of doing that to her. Her hands always grounded me though. She would rake her nails across the back of my neck or run her hands up and through my hair.

Lips. Tongue. Lips. Shutter. And then she'd keep doing it over and over. My lips felt so swollen and I felt so taken by her. Taken in every possible way that someone could be taken.

It was hard, but I pulled away. I wanted to kiss her, but I wanted to kiss her other lips too. And I was afraid I was going to get lost in kissing if we kept going and forget entirely what I had wanted to do from the beginning.

I watched her tongue as it licked over her bottom lip. And her bottom lip was swollen and puffy, just like mine felt. I think we had been kissing for a really long time. Long enough to make me light-headed now that we had stopped.

I dropped to my knees, lifted up her shirt just a little and dragged my lips over her stomach.

"Fuck." She whispered and tangled her fingers back through my hair.

Her skin was almost as soft as her lips and I could feel her tummy shaking as I kissed it. Soft, little kisses. Everywhere. But my favorite spot to kiss was along the tops of her jeans. Probably because I wanted to go lower.

I wrapped my hands around the back of her thighs and pulled her closer. I sucked the skin just above her jeans. She tightened her grip on my hair.

I pulled back and unbuttoned her jeans. I looked up at her as I did it and she looked a little nervous. Not much though. More eager, less nervous. So I told her that she should lie down and it might be easier that way.

Santana got down on the floor so quickly. I helped pull off her jeans, but kept her underwear on, crawled on top of her, and kissed her again. I kissed her until she was flat against the floor and I knew she was ready. I kissed her hard and slow and until her nails were digging into my back and her breathing was uneven and choppy.

I sat back on my knees in between her legs, hooked my fingers through the waistband of her underwear and I pulled them down. Inch by inch. This was the first time I would get to see. And I think this was the first time she wouldn't be wearing underwear.

I was shaking. My stomach was tightening and my eyes followed her underwear as I pulled them down and off of her ankles. I scooted closer to her. I felt like I had so much energy. I was excited, happy, nervous, turned on. My body didn't know how to handle all this feeling so it kept shaking.

I smiled at Santana. A cheesy, big, smile. And the second I smiled she relaxed, because she looked a little like I felt.

Being in this situation wasn't necessarily what I had expected, but it was way more than I ever thought possible. Seeing her like this was one of the most beautiful things I think I would ever get to see. Seeing someone open up this much and give this much wasn't something that happened that often. I was the luckiest girl in the entire world.

I ran my hands up her thighs and rested my palms on her stomach. "This is awesome." I mumbled. And I scooted even closer to her. It made it so she had to spread her legs further cause my knees were almost touching her.

It was nearly impossible for me not to dive in right away, despite not really knowing what I was doing. I was fighting myself to be patient. Still shaking. I wanted to go slow. To feel everything and touch everything.

I slid one hand down. Down her stomach and the closer I got, the shakier I got. I could even see her body tensing up. And then when I ran my fingers through her, it was exactly like jumping into a swimming pool. Wet, consuming and overwhelming in the best possible way. She was so wet.

Those twists and knots in my stomach made me have to shift and clench everything. I looked back up at her and she was biting her bottom lip and her eyes were locked on my hands.

I looked back to my hands. One was still on her stomach and the other was slipping back and forth through her. Up and down.

I shot my attention at the door. It was locked. I looked back at her, she had looked at the door too.

I picked up my pace a little bit. I doubted someone would come back here, but we really haven't had good luck with that kind of thing.

I worked my fingers through her. I could see how wet they were. I could see her lips down there swallow and hug my finger. And I could see her breathing echo my movements, her thighs twitch, her chest heave shallow breaths. It made everything so much more real and intense being able to see.

"Put your finger in." She whispered.

"What?" I looked back up at her just in time to see her hand reach up, grab my wrist, fumble around to find my middle finger and then guide me. She spread her legs and pushed my finger inside of her.

I mumbled something. Probably a bad word. My tummy tightened so impossibly tight, but not nearly as tight as inside of her. She was hot, and I was pretty sure that this was exactly why guys wanted to have sex with girls. It felt so good inside.

I had to keep still for a second, otherwise that tightening in my stomach would have gotten too tight and I was afraid it wouldn't be able to pop ever again from all the knots. I knew I had been turned on before, but now I knew my underwear was sticky and hot and just as wet as she was.

And then I pushed my finger in as far as I could go. Until my palm cupped over her and my finger was so far into her. I curled and twisted it. I wasn't exactly sure what to do, because she hadn't even done this to me yet. But each time I moved my finger her body twitched and melted further, so I just kept doing that. Moving my finger.

She scooted down closer to me and started to rub and rock into my finger.

I said another bad word. Quietly though.

I pulled out and pushed in. And out and in. Out and in. And now there was a wet noise because she couldn't possibly be any wetter. The grunts coming from her chest and the whimpers from her mouth followed the wet popping I was making between her legs.

I didn't think she could keep quiet. I liked how she moved. How it looked like she had never felt something this good. How her back and slightly arched and how her hand squeezed so tightly around my hand that I still had resting on her stomach. I really liked how she rolled into my finger. But I knew that if I kept doing this then she would get louder and I didn't want someone to hear.

Because I wanted to taste her.

So I slowed my finger. I kept it in her, scooted back, got on my stomach and just did it. I licked around my finger and through her creases and everything was so hot and sweet and wet and it drowned my tongue. Again I thought of a swimming pool.

I looked back up to watch her reaction, but I just saw her back arching and her head titled back.

So I moved my mouth to that sensitive part that I had rubbed the first time I had touched her and I softly sucked and wrapped my lips around it.

She shook and the inside of her thighs pressed into my cheeks. Now I knew what she meant by it being hot down here.

Her body was heaving and her breaths were cracking as I moved my lips through her. But I didn't like lying like this. I liked being this close to her, but I wanted to push my tongue in as far as I had pushed my finger. I wanted to wind her up so high that she didn't even remember how to scream, but I knew I couldn't do that like this.

So I lifted my head and chest and leaned on my elbows. Watched her reaction shuffle between dazed and turned on and unsure of what I was doing. I grabbed the back of her claves, one-by-one, lifted them up to my shoulders so her heels rested on my back. Then I grabbed her hips, dipped down, pulled her into to me at the same time, and pushed my tongue so far inside of her.

I tasted that sweetness again. Like sucking on a coin that had been dipped in sugar.

Inside of her clenched around my tongue and it was hard to push it in further. Her heels dug into my back and she grabbed both of my hands. Her hand squeezed my fingers together so tightly and it was hard to keep a hold of her hips.

Santana whimpered. Her body trembled. Her legs that were over my shoulders went limp and I knew she was coming. I wasn't sure if kissing her would help distract her and keep her quiet, but I darted up through her legs, to her mouth, and covered her lips with mine.

She made little noises into my mouth and I just kissed and held her lips until I knew she had completely fallen.

Her lips started to move against mine. Lazily. A little sloppy. But I kissed back. I let her do what she wanted, because I will and have always wanted what she wanted.

When I lifted up from her and smiled, her smile looked just as lazy and exhausted as the kiss had been. It was still a smile and still made me feel so good. She rubbed the back of her hands against the corners of her eyes and wiped away tiny tears.

Not crying tears. Not happy tears. Just tears.

"We should probably go back out there." Santana spoke. "And are you sure you haven't been with a girl, because what the fuck?" She teased.

I laughed and shook my head no.

I got up, helped her up, helped her back into her underwear and jeans, and I patted down her fly away hairs and ran my fingers through some of the tangles in her hair.

She poked her head out the door first, reached back for my hand, and then pulled me out with her. We walked fast through the back room, and she dragged me to the employee bathroom. She said something about how we probably shouldn't smell like a sex store.

When we left the bathroom, she held my hand until reached the door that led out to the bar. She dropped my hand, opened the door and held it open as I followed her out.

"There you are!" Mercedes called. "You forgot your phone." She waved it at me from the stool I had been sitting on earlier. "I was looking everywhere for you."

I walked around the bar. Santana held a finger up as if to say one second when we reached Mercedes and she walked toward Will who was at the stage.

"And Quinn was looking for you." Mercedes handed me my phone as I took a seat on the stool.

"Quinn's here?" I snapped my attention to Mercedes.

"Yeah. But your sister called you like three times." Mercedes pointed at my phone.

I knew it had something to do with Lord Tubbington. She probably was calling to tell me he wouldn't get down off of the fence post so she wasn't going to feed him. Lord Tubbington didn't like my sister. Hailey said she was nice to him…

My phone started to buzz against the bar. It made me jump. I looked at it to see that Hailey was calling again.

I picked it up, pushed the answer button, and held it to my ear. "Hey." I said and couldn't help the good mood that I was in.

I didn't think I had ever felt this good. It was hard to explain. But I felt so happy, and giddy. And I knew it was easy to please me, but it was definitely not easy to make me this pleased. I didn't even know I could feel this good.

It was because Santana was so happy. I pulled my lips into my mouth, not sure if I was tasting her still, because the only thing I could think about was the lazy smile that she had given me and how she had let me do that to her. I was positive she had never felt that good before.

Making someone as happy as I had just seen Santana was a dream come true. The girl-sex was just a cherry on top.

"Hello?" My sister spoke through the phone.

I had forgotten to listen to her.

Mercedes caught my attention. She had gasped and was covering her mouth with her hand. She reached out and put her hand on my back.

"What?" I asked through the phone. Still unable to stop smiling.

But I stopped smiling when she spoke. I hadn't heard Hailey's words. I wasn't sure why I hadn't heard them, but the way she spoke had given me the sickest feeling in my stomach.

xxxXXXXXXXXXXXX

Thanks Stephanie! - you're amazing!

check out my tumblr. don't add spaces though - www . frogsrcool . tumblr . com