Don appears in front of a camera. "Last time on Total Drama Couples." Flashbacks of the previous episode start playing. "Light and Kathryn finally managed to inform the other contestants about Timmy and Louise using fairies to get what they want. Or rather, Artemis managed to guess it and Light just confirmed it. But just because they had the same goal didn't mean they were going to work together. Whether that would have helped them or not is debatable, but seeing as Louise and Timmy are still in the game, it maybe wouldn't have hurt them. Speaking of which, the challenge was to navigate the darkness of some caves, before coming up an elevator to the finish line. Sabriel and Kenny managed to win the challenge, despite not knowing what the challenge was, and Edward and Nora lost because they didn't show up…Hey, did we ever find them? No? Eh, whatever, they're probably fine." The scene cuts back to Don. "Who will scream their way to victory? Find out right now, on Total Drama Couples."
Intro song plays.
"This is bad this is bad this is bad," said Timmy, pacing back and forth nervously. "They know about you two, so we have to beat them, no matter what."
"Relax Timmy," said Cosmo. "All you have to do is keep winning challenges."
"We haven't won one yet," said Timmy. "How are we supposed to start winning if we can't win a normal challenge."
"Look at it this way," said Wanda. "You're still in the game. Over twenty teams entered, most with superpowers, and you've made it to the top ten."
"Yeah, but with your help," said Timmy. "There's no way we're going to…"
"THAT'S ENOUGH!" yelled Louise, getting up and slapping Timmy. "There's no need for that defeatist attitude here. We can do this, because they don't know what we can do."
"Wow Louise…" started Timmy, but Louise wasn't finished.
"And by 'we', I mean them," said Louise, pointing at the fairies. "All we have to do is keep them on their toes, make the other teams think they're more powerful than they actually are, and then crush their spirits."
"That's…horribly sadistic," said Timmy.
"I love it," said Cosmo.
"I think she's a bad influence," said Wanda.
"Let's do it her way," said Timmy and Cosmo, high fiving each other.
"Of fucking course you will," muttered Wanda under her breath.
"Contestants, Mess Hall, challenge," said Don over the loudspeakers. "You know, like always."
"Come on Peter, we have a challenge," said Annabeth as she was leaving their tent. "Peter? Are you coming?"
"Give me a moment, I have to finish paying my respects to Stan," said Peter, kneeling in front of a picture of an old man.
Annabeth saw who the picture was of, and nodded in understanding. "Take all the time you need, buddy," said Annabeth, leaving him in peace.
Soon, all the other contestants were gathered in the Mess Hall. "Where's Peter?" asked Don.
"He's mourning," said Annabeth. "You know, because…he died."
"Oh, right," said Don. "A moment of silence for the only real life person Kieran has ever snuck into a fanfic."
"You mean Gordon Ramsay's dead too?" asked Zidane.
"The other one," snapped Max.
"Something about this makes me blue," said Katniss.
"I wonder if anyone will get that reference," muttered Alice, as Peter showed up. "Hey, you sure you're up to this?"
"Well, moping isn't gonna bring him back," said Peter. "Might as well win this for him."
"Alrighty then," said Don, rubbing his hands together. "On to today's challenge: how loud can you be?"
"Well, the loudest human scream was recorded at one hundred and twenty nine decibels," said Light. "Louder than a jet engine, but not quite as loud as…"
"Will you shut up, nerd?" snapped Kathryn. "I highly doubt you can make any sound above maybe eighty decibels without help."
"You're meant to be on my team," said Light.
"Doesn't make you less of a nerd," said Kathryn.
"If I may finish," interrupted Don. "Basically, you just have to make the loudest noise you can from anything you can make or find on the island. Whoever can record the loudest sound wins, whoever makes the quietest sound loses. Simple, right?"
"But I'm a thief," objected Zidane. "I don't make sounds. Kinda defeats the purpose of my job if I do."
"Don't care," said Don. "Get Max to figure something out."
"Hey Ash, are there any Pokémon that make really loud noises?" asked Alice.
"Well, I guess Exploud's pretty noisy…" said Ash.
"Great, bring it out," said Alice.
"I never said I own one," said Ash.
"Man, your quest to catch them all is gonna take a while," said Alice.
"I'm doing my best," said Ash.
"Bullshit, Red caught a hundred and fifty Pokémon in four episodes," said Alice.
"Okay, if you're done arguing," said Don. "You have one hour to decide on how you intend to win the contest, and you may use anything you can find on the island, as long as you get back here before you need to perform."
"Just want to clarify something," said Light. "You said anything we can get our hands on, as long as it's somewhere on this island. I take it that has no restrictions on where it comes from?"
Don narrowed his eyes in suspicion. "That is correct," said Don. "Though I take it whatever you're planning is basically going to be as close to breaking the rules as possible without actually breaking them."
"Of course," said Light. "I just wanted to make sure I had your word that what I'm planning was legal."
"I somehow doubt it," said Don. "Alright, time starts now."
The teams immediately set off to try to find something to help them make as much noise as possible. "So, care to tell me what the plan is?" asked Kathryn.
"Of course," said Light, proceeding to explain the plan to Kathryn.
"Oh, that is evil," said Kathryn, smiling wickedly. "I love it."
"As long as I'm not disqualified for that first part, I should be fine," said Light. "Of course, that's what the apple's for, right Ryuk? So Alice won't know?"
"I guess I could do that," said Ryuk, taking the apple. "Of course, that only works if you thought of using me before the rest of the plan."
"Come on Ryuk, what do you take me for?" asked Light, grinning wickedly. "Now, we have an hour to kill before we need to do anything."
Meanwhile…
"I wish for a swarm of crickets to pass through here right as we have our turn to make noise," said Timmy.
"Is that even allowed?" asked Louise.
"Well, technically it doesn't violate the rules," said Wanda. "Since all Timmy said was that the crickets had to pass through here when it was his turn. He said nothing of them directly helping him."
"Good enough for me," said Cosmo, granting the wish.
"Be careful Cosmo," said Wanda. "At the rate you're casting Timmy's more elaborate and…morally questionable wishes, you're going to run out of magic."
"Eh, what's the worst that could happen?" asked Cosmo.
Meanwhile…
"Can't you even just scream really loud?" asked Max. "Literally, any kind of sound?"
"Like I said, sneaking around a lot makes you naturally quiet," said Zidane. "And besides, what can Chell do? Trust me, we're fine."
"I have a bad feeling about this," said Max.
Later…
"Okay, everyone ready?" asked Don.
"About as close as we're gonna be," said Finn.
"Good, because you two are up first," said Don.
"Alright, how's this?" asked Katniss, drawing back her bow and firing. The arrow landed on a pile of dead leaves.
"…Is that it?" asked Don.
"No," said Katniss, as the arrow exploded. "That is."
"Well then," said Don, looking at the machine. "That was about a hundred and fifty decibels. Not bad. Next up, let's have Annabeth and Peter."
"What was our plan again?" asked Peter.
"That," said Annabeth, pointing at a heavily damaged support pillar.
"Oh, right," said Peter, firing a web at the pillar and pulling hard. It came away easily, and the roof it was supporting collapsed, causing everything to come crashing down in a large boom.
"Well, that was certainly something," said Don. "Ninety eight decibels, so you're not safe yet, but still a decent effort. Now, Louise and Timmy…what the heck's that sound?" Just as Don finished speaking, a swarm of crickets flew past them, chirping loudly.
"That counts as our sound, right?" asked Timmy.
"If you're happy with seventy three decibels, yes," said Don.
"We'll take it," said Louise excitedly.
"Louise," whispered Timmy. "I had a Plan B in case this plan didn't work."
"Who gave you permission to touch me?" demanded Louise.
"Alright, three teams down," said Don. "Next up: Alice and Ash."
"You ready Alice?" asked Ash, grabbing out a handful of Pokéballs.
"Hell yeah," said Alice, also holding a bunch of Pokéballs. The two of them drew their arms back, and threw the capsules with the same yell. "GO TAURUS!" The balls opened, and out sprang thirty stampeding bulls. All the contestants and Don immediately took cover as the herd rushed by.
"Okay, I think you've made your point," yelled Don over the cacophony of bulls running. "Can you recall them now?"
"Okay guys, thanks," said Ash, holding out the Pokéballs. The masses of bull Pokémon immediately returned to their balls, and Ash sent most of them back to Professor Oak.
"Okay, after they came in at an Earth shattering one hundred and sixty decibels," said Don. "It's time to see what Zidane and Max came up with."
"But we didn't come up with anything," said Max.
"I have an idea," said Zidane. "Please forgive me."
"Forgive you for wha…WHAT THE FUCK?!" screamed Max, as she felt Zidane pinch her butt. In response, she immediately slapped him as hard as she could. Zidane collapsed to the ground, unconscious.
"Seventeen," said Don.
"What?" snapped Max, remembering where she was.
"You got seventeen decibels from that," said Don.
"But we're not…" started Max.
"How's about we do…Artemis and Chell?" said Don, ignoring what Max was about to say.
Artemis coughed, then indicated to Chell to do something. Chell fired a portal at the ground, and suddenly there was a cacophony of noise as a dozen or so heavy metal objects started falling through the portal, then back out because both portals were on the ground. "It's amazing what you can do if you just take the time to plan," said Artemis.
"I'll say," said Don, covering his ears. "Could you shut that stuff up?"
"Sure thing," said Artemis. "Chell, if you would."
Chell responded by firing a portal on a nearby tree, causing all the things they'd just been portal juggling to spill out of it. One of the things was a pitchfork, that landed squarely on Kenny's head.
"Shit, can I have a minute while I bring him back?" asked Sabriel.
"Sure," said Don. "We still need to have Light and Kathryn do their thing anyway."
"Thanks," said Sabriel, preparing to enter into Death.
"And while she's gone, we'll be taking this," said Light, grabbing the microphone attached to the amplifiers.
"He can't do that, can he?" asked Finn.
"He did ask," said Don. "I foresaw something like this happening. But it's legal if you look at the exact wording of what I said, which was anything they can find on the island."
"Exactly," said Light, holding the microphone. "And now, if you don't mind." Light carefully placed the microphone in front of one of the speakers, causing a horrible loud screeching sound.
"UGH! MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP!" screamed Don.
"One second," said Light, watching the decibel reader. After a moment, he calmly removed the microphone from its resting place. "Two hundred and fifty decibels. I think we win."
"Not yet," said Don, a small amount of blood dripping from his ear. "Let's see what Sabriel and Kenny have planned."
At that moment, Sabriel returned with Kenny from Death. "What did we miss?" asked Sabriel.
"Light stealing your prize from last week," said Finn.
"Finn, please," said Light. "I was borrowing it."
"And I'm destroying it," said Kathryn, drawing her leg back to kick one of the speakers. Before she could do anything though, Kenny jumped up and grabbed her leg, causing her to lose balance. "Let go you little shi…" Before she could finish speaking, she crashed to the ground in a heap.
"All that was seventy five decibels," said Don. "So this challenge is…"
"Hold on," said Sabriel. "We're not done. I was going to use the feedback from the microphone…"
"Please no," interrupted Don. "Light already did that. Just let us keep our eardrums intact."
"So we win?" asked Kathryn, getting off the floor. "Excellent, what's our prize for next time?"
"You'll find out next time," said Don. "As for Max and Zidane…"
"We made it through?" asked Zidane, recovering consciousness.
"No, you idiot, we lost," said Max.
"Ladies, breath easy, your bras are safe until the finale when you'll all be back here," said Don.
"Speaking of which," said Zidane, pulling a bunch of bras out of his pockets as the Lame-o-sine pulled up.
"And so we come to the end of another episode," said Don. "Twenty six teams started, seven are left. Who's going home next? Find out next time, on Total Drama Couples."
Author's note: People die, but legends live forever. Rest in peace Stan Lee, and Excelsior.