The Coin's Other Side

Disclaimer: Do I own iCarly? No, no I do not. Will I attempt to own it? No, no I will not. Will I write a fan-fiction on it? Yes, yes I will.

A/N:

Chapter 25 (Reflection and Forgiveness)

After dinner, everyone went off to different locations in the house. Once again, Victoria and Vixen were glued to the video game, Valerie had gone back upstairs to continue talking to the tutor, and Vanessa was doing the dishes with Marissa and Viola. Vincent was on one of the computers in the den, checking on stocks. Freddie took the opportunity to lounge on the couch and watch the girls play Mario Party.

His thoughts were still on the earlier conversation with the parents and Vanessa. Vixen's and Victoria's laughing and ongoing competition was a distraction from his thoughts. Vixen was bouncing up and down as she attempted to push Victoria's character off a large mushroom. When she managed to succeed, she threw her hands in the air and began a victory dance that consisted of several ballet moves. Freddie raised an eyebrow and chuckled briskly. "It's great to see Vixen so happy, all her sisters have had it rough…hopefully she'll fare better…"

Freddie's eyes drifted towards the second floor railing and his heart sunk as he recalled Chad and his group from before. They were just an example of the shit iCarly was causing, but of all the people their fans could go after, why did it have to be Valerie's family? Why did they have to hurt her. "What if I stood up for her back then, if I never left?" At that point, Sam and Carly might never have said the things they did, thus influencing the fans to harm her. "I have to make things right. Now I made a promise, it's time to show my promise means something…"

He moved his hands behind his head and exhaled slowly, watching the girls and pushing his worries from his he was getting more involved with the family, and he was glad for it, but a little unnerved at the same time. Vincent wanted to him to join him on a hike through one of the nearby park trails. He'd be happy to oblige, always a fan of adventure, but who knew the man would be interested in spending any time with him? Granted, having five daughters and not a single son, it made some sense. The funny thing about all of this, Valerie didn't seem to mind his spending more time with the family. In fact, she seemed to push it.

Upstairs, Valerie hastily chatted with her newfound friend that she was tutoring. Her fingers glossed across the keys like a racecar speeding over a finish line, her typing skills had increased over the years since she became homeschooled. She was a bit curious as to who the person was, they knew her name as the school's list of tutors actually had to use it. If SP were the initials, it was only a fleeting thought that made her wonder if she was actually tutoring Sam.

Her usual topic was English, but SP wanted some advice for math. It was difficult to explain the concept of mathematics, especially considering she wasn't too well versed in the subject. Currently they were discussing how their thanksgiving dinner had gone. "My friend and I hung out with her brother at my place, Mom burnt the turkey so badly that my sister had to go buy an already cooked turkey from a nearby diner."

"That sucks." She felt bad for the girl and was tempted to ask if she'd like some leftovers. She thought better of it, since she wasn't really wanting to see anyone from the store. Glancing up at her closed door, she thinned her lips and typed her response. "I can have my dad or maybe Freddie bring you some of our leftovers if you'd like." Her student took a minute to answer. Valerie pondered whether the girl really wanted their leftover turkey dinner. It was good to suggest, but not when you're actually frightened of trusting people.

"Uh…no thanks, we got our turkey from a pretty good place. Thanks for the offer though!"

"No problem." She glanced at her internet browser and released a shaky exhale. iCarly was open on a tab, she wondered if she was simply torturing herself by going on the site and looking around, but she merely wanted to desensitize herself. Not wanting to be the only one thinking about iCarly right now, she switched back to Skype and began typing. "Haven't been on the iCarly site in some time…there seems like a big upset among the fans."

"Yeah, I've noticed…" She lifted her eyebrows and pushed herself back up against the headboard, pulling her laptop with her. "You're Valerie Williams?" Her heart screeched to a halt as her fingers hovered over the keys, she wasn't surprised this person knew of her, but she wasn't sure if she wanted to talk about that experience. She studied the moving pencil above the chat box and held her breath, waiting for SP to start typing. Her eyes drifted up to the username, the girl told her she wasn't using her real Skype account for this for security reasons, but she still wanted to know in case something happened. "It was wrong what happened, I think."

Valerie swallowed the fear and ignored the stabbing pain in her chest as she allowed her fingers to fall onto the keys. Her back straightened and her shoulders broadened as her eyes narrowed on the words. "What happened was the worst experience of my life. Not only because Sam and Carly told my boyfriend to leave me over what I know was a stupid thing I was doing at the time, but because fans ruined my life for it. I've never stopped paying for my mistake…but at least, I never once asked him to stop being their friend. When he left, he didn't just leave me, he left my entire family behind…"

"I…can't say anyone ever knew that…"

"No. None of the fans would ever know, they only know what's on the surface and what iCarly tells them." Tension increased in her chest, causing her to grasp at it with her hand. She clenched her eyes shut, remembering the cruel beating she suffered from that monster. She took a deep breath, forcing the tension away, and slowly opened her eyes. Her breath shot from her lungs when she saw the question posed.

"What would you say to them now? If you talked them…"

What would she say? There were millions of things she wanted to say. She wanted to explode in a full rage, she wanted to scream, to cry, to cuss, but none would be appropriate. Her eyes moved towards the bible on the end table beside her bed. Reaching over, she grabbed her bible and began thumbing through it to find an appropriate verse. Once she did, she hurried to type it out. "Colossians 3:13, Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." How many times could she memorize and recite verses, but at the same time, feel like her own faith was slipping? A tear fell onto the page of her bible, giving it an extra crinkle to join the numerous others on her water-logged pages. Slowly, she closed the book and set it back onto the end table, wincing as Skype signaled a response.

"You would forgive them for ruining your life?" She stretched her arms out and lowered her fingers to the computer once again, sniffling and twitching her nose in an attempt to pull back her tears. "How could you ever forgive them for judging you? Taking your boyfriend away from you and your family? How could you forgive them for mocking you and telling their fans to attack you? Why? Why would you ever forgive that? They're responsible for screwing up your life, and you would forgive them? If someone did all that to me…I don't know that I could ever be strong enough to forgive…"

Valerie breathed in suddenly and held onto her breath, studying the words with a pounding heart. Her voice caught in her throat after releasing a single whimper. What strength did she have? She forgave simply because it wasn't her place to judge. Sam and Carly never knew exactly what happened, and they certainly didn't know how important Freddie had become to all of them. This conversation was a bit too personal for her, but now it seemed too late to back off. There was something odd about this girl, but at the same time, something that drew her in. As she wiped her eyes with her thumb, she began to think about her response. There was no easy answer to the question.

At Sam's home, she sat on the couch in tears. Her laptop remained on her lap and her back was digging into the leather cushions. Fortunately the couch's back was to the wall, and nobody was around to see her. She glossed over Valerie's words in Skype and wondered if she should come clean to who she was. After all, she stupidly clicked on her name when she popped up on the school's list of tutors. After that, she made a commitment to who her tutor was. She never anticipated the conversation would become so personal.

She knew it was dishonest what she was doing, but she didn't know if it would be right to admit to being Sam. Valerie might freak, and Victoria asked her to leave it alone. It was hard to do that when she thought about how the fans treated Jonah, she just had to know if they really hurt Valerie. It seemed to be the case, and it frightened her. It frightened her to think Valerie, or even Freddie, may resent her.

Her laptop slid down her left leg onto the cushion beside her and her hands moved up to her face. Forgiveness? Did she and Carly really deserve that from anyone they hurt? She began to sob, praying to keep it quiet so nobody would come in and ask questions. "How? How could anyone forgive that?" Her chest felt like a bomb had exploded inside, shattering her ribs and crushing her lungs. She could hardly breathe as the guilt of everything she ever said on the webshow began to beat her down.

This wasn't just Valerie, it wasn't Olivia or Jonah. It was her own mother, Freddie's mother, Carly's brother, Mrs. Briggs, Mr. Howard, and it didn't even stop there. Sam prayed to scream, to tear the room apart and go wild with her anger. Freddie had taken a break from iCarly, but she was the co-host, she couldn't leave Carly hanging like that. The sound of Skype registering startled her, she lifted her head and moved her teary gaze towards the computer, reading Valerie's words slowly, with a wary heart.

"Because Sam and Carly had no idea what would happen. It isn't their fault what happened with me, with Freddie, Jonah…They may have started the ball rolling, but they weren't the ones that did the damage. No matter what anyone says…My youngest sisters watch the show, they see that the girls are upset over it, and I know they're hurting too because of all this. Forgiveness is being able to let go…to say it's okay and to move on…it's having the strength to stand up on shaky ground, to cry but not give up. It was years ago, so yes, I forgive them for what they said. It may be hard to trust them, it would be difficult to talk to them, but that's the way it is. There's nothing more to it than that, it's hard to forgive, but I can't blame them for something that was out of their control…the people that did the things they did, whether to me, Jonah, or whomever, did it out of their own thought process. I can tell not every fan is alike, that tells me that they're capable of controlling themselves where others just can't. It's not my place to judge them, and they don't need to tear themselves apart for it all. At least, I hope they don't tear apart. So yes…I forgive Sam and Carly."

Sam opened her mouth, her body trembled as her eyelids slid down. She felt a bit of peace sweep over her heart as her lips turned up slightly. She whispered under her breath, ignoring the tickling sensation of a tear streaming along her chin. "Thank you…" It meant a lot to her to know Valerie would forgive her for that past. It was a mistake on her part, a poor error of judgment, like always. If she had the chance to do it over again, she'd try to get to know Valerie a little more. Maybe the girl had a point, maybe it was time to move on and not let the past haunt her, but how could she make things right with those whose pain she caused?

If there was one thing she was thankful for during this season, it was the eye opener she had. "How could I…ever make up for all of that?" Though, she did have an idea for the upcoming iCarly. She wasn't sure if Carly would go for it. She bowed her head and chuckled slightly, shrugging her shoulders. "Open season for me…everyone we ever hurt…can take their shots at me. I'll allow it, it's what I deserve."

Well what are your thoughts?