A/N: Based on Agatha Doyle's prompt, "Write about an awkward Christmas dinner between Holmes, Watson, and the Lestrade family".

221B Baker Street, by a tragic series of coincidences, had to be evacuated for Christmas that year. Consequently Watson, Holmes and Mrs Hudson had Christmas dinner with the young Lestrade family. This was against the better judgement of Mr Lestrade, but once Mrs Lestrade had heard of their plight, she was resolute.

"Nice meat," said Lestrade Jr, hoping to win favour with his mother.

"I suppose it's good," Mrs Hudson conceded.

"I dislike bacon," said Holmes.

"I prefer elephant," said Watson, his eyes misting with nostalgia.

"You ate an elephant?" asked Lestrade Jr II.

"I deduce that this tablecloth is cheap," said Holmes, oblivious to his host's finer feelings.

"Look!" cried Mrs Hudson. "Underneath, the table's filthy!"

"It tasted of survival and meat," said Watson.

"The tablecloth was the best we could afford," said Mrs Lestrade, "and so was the meat and we clean things often as we can but—"

"From certain unmistakable clues that I will not deign to explain, I deduce that your second child is adopted, and that Granny Lestrade engaged in adultery." Holmes smiled. "Also, your cheap tablecloth is now torn. Sorry about that."

"What does 'adultery' mean?" asked Lestrade Jr.

"What does 'adopted' mean?" asked Lestrade Jr II.

"I'll just pop home and bring you another tablecloth," said Mrs Hudson, fleeing the table.

Granny Lestrade, Mrs Lestrade, Lestrade Jr and Lestrade Jr II were, by this time, crying in a corner of the room. Mr Lestrade looked at Holmes and Watson with an impotent anger.

"Really!" he cried. "I understand that all the things you said, you said because of your irrepressible respective individual natures. But her leaving the table… that is damned rude. Mrs Lestrade carefully prepared enough food – now there will be too much."

"Oh, I shouldn't worry about that," said Holmes. "A gang of approximately twenty famished orphans should be here in fifteen minutes."

Mrs Lestrade wailed.

"Any elephant meat?" asked Watson hopefully.