A/N: Yet another chapter I'm disappointed in. Too bad.
Chapter 25: Vocal Chord Tennis Racquet
"Pepper, I've made a mistake." Tony said down the phone line.
"Call PR, Tony, it's not my job to clean up your messes anymore." Pepper sighed.
The morning had started great, with Tony cuddling Loki under the embroidered black bedspread, pressed together from neck to knee.
Both of them would have denied it furiously, but it was the truth.
Tony had woken up before Loki, a first, and got to see the guy blissed out and adorable. Loki had woken up with a catlike stretch, given him a warm smile and immediately padded to the shower, gesturing for Tony to follow.
"Uh-uh. Not that kind of problem, Pep." Tony corrected.
"For god's sake, I'm not a doctor. If you have an STD-" She sighed.
"It's a personal thing. This is a social call." Tony said.
After a very long shower, Loki had made Tony breakfast just wearing his boxers, mostly in an excuse to exercise his secret superpower of being able to coordinate an English breakfast into all landing on the table at the same time. While looking edible himself.
Loki cooked well, something that Tony already knew from the rare occasions Loki cooked in the Avengers Tower. It was all so horribly domestic.
"Oh really? What's been happening?" Pepper asked.
"It all started like this. I've been casually sleeping with Loki-"
"What?!" Pepper gasped. "Tony, for gods sakes, the solution here is pretty simple. Stop sleeping with him."
"That's not the problem." Tony said.
"Are you sure? It sounds like a problem to me!"
"Yeah, I'm sure. See, usually it's just 'let's fuck cause we can' and then leave or whatever." Tony began.
"I don't want to know-"
"But last night was different." Tony said.
"Different how?" Pepper asked curiously.
After breakfast, Loki had dressed formally and gestured for Tony to leave. "According to Miss Lewis, I must show Thor around today. You had best leave."
"Okay then, Sparkles. I'll see you later." Tony had said, a little miffed at being tossed out.
"And Stark-" Loki had glared at him warningly. "If you ever utter so much as a word about last night to myself or anyone else I will gut you and make your vocal chords into a tennis racquet."
Tony had taken that as his cue to take the Iron Man and leave.
"Pepper, there's no other way to say it. We made love." Tony said with an affected little shudder.
"What?" Pepper said, sounding confused.
"I mean it wasn't the usual animalistic fucking on the nearest flat surface, it was all eye contact and kissing and gentleness and he said my first name - Anthony, that is, but it's close-"
"I don't need the specifics, Tony."
"Are you sure? You may want to sit down first, though." Tony said, chuckling to himself as he remembered Loki saying the exact same thing to Natasha back in May.
"Very much."
"But Pepper - something's changed and I don't like it." Tony whined.
"Why, was the sex bad?" Pepper replied.
"Haha. No. It was with Loki, and you know what he's like." Tony said.
"...Mmm." Pepper said thoughtfully.
"I find it a bit weird that I'm on the phone with someone and we're both thinking about the same guy naked and it isn't me." Tony frowned.
Pepper laughed at that, before trying to address Tony seriously. "Tony, think of it like this. You could never sleep with him again."
"...No, I wouldn't like that."
"Or you could never see him again." Pepper suggested.
"Definitely no. It's not physically possible anyway."
"So you want things to stay as they are. Good. Do that and accept there might be some gross feelings in there, and maybe you can teach Loki a thing or two." Pepper said.
"That makes sense, but I still don't like it." Tony said. "Thanks, Pep, I owe you a box of strawberries. You like those, right?"
"No cigar, Tony." Pepper snorted. "And if this becomes a PR scandal I'll have you skinned."
"Well, that's nice. How is everyone?"
-O.O-
Loki was in an emotional quandary. Somewhere between afterglow, sheer rage, and self-loathing. Needless to say, it was a volatile combination.
The former two emotions were easily explained to outsiders, the latter not so much; to dumb it down, he was angry at himself for letting Thor get his guard down enough for Tony's words to influence him. There were other things, too, like telling Tony to mark him, which had left him with an impressive hickey under his ear and enough shame to make him flush a little when he thought of it, but that was the main one.
However, his time for self reflection was cut short by Darcy making him show Thor around New York.
Thor had stayed in a guest room in the tower last night but fortunately had not caught Tony's departure, being a late riser and therefore stumbling into Loki's kitchen at around 10.
Loki silently reheated the remains of the breakfast he'd made and served it to him.
"Brother, your cooking has grown even better since last I tasted it." Thor said warmly.
"Yes, well, that was twenty years ago." Loki frowned. "I recall setting a tea towel on fire. There was smoke everywhere."
"Ah, yes." Thor said fondly. "Why are you not eating?"
"I've already dined." Loki said shortly.
"On what? Did you make this for yourself?" Thor said, evidently working hard for a conversational topic.
Loki was tempted to shout 'On dick, you oaf!' but managed to restrain himself. "Yes, I did. Where would you like to go today?"
"I do not mind. Show me the wonders of this city." Thor smiled.
"I've barely seen any of it myself. I do not get out much." Loki said tersely.
"Brother, what happened to your..." Thor gestured to Loki's hickey.
Loki rolled his eyes. "Take a guess, Thor. But I pity Miss Foster if you truly do not know."
Thor looked confused before he suddenly put two and two together with Tony disappearing for the night. "Are you and the Man of Iron," He dropped his voice secretively. "Involved?"
"Yes? No? Is it any of your business? I think not." Loki said sharply.
Thor just looked a little sheepish.
-O.O-
Fact was, Loki knew fuck all about New York. He didn't spend much time exploring.
So he called Darcy and made her come with them so he didn't get lost and get raped or something. Muggings were probably more likely, but you never know. The peasants out there.
Therefore Darcy dragged them from pricey shop to tourist attraction to a cafe, then to Central Park, and wherever else she could think of, enthusiastically encouraging Thor and Loki into conversation wherever possible.
It worked, sort of, except Loki wasn't exactly forthcoming. Eventually while Thor looked at fancy clothes Darcy slipped back to talk to him.
"Could you actually be more difficult?" She said.
"I think we both know the answer to that question is yes." Loki replied dryly.
"Look, Loki, he'll be gone in a few days. It's not going to burn you up inside too much to just smile at him." Darcy reasoned.
"...Perhaps it will." Loki frowned.
"Fine. Whatever. Just do it. Cuddle your Tony security blanket at night if you have to," She said with a pointed glance at his neck. "But Thor's my friend too and you're hurting him."
Loki gestured at the hickey. "This was a mistake, and will not happen again."
"Yeah, it will." Darcy smirked. "Are we clear?"
Loki just rolled his eyes, wandering over to criticise Thor on his fashion choices.
-O.O-
They didn't properly come to blows until Thor unconsciously went to hold Loki's hand when they crossed a busy road.
Loki snatched his hand away angrily and snarled "What are you doing?"
"My apologies, it was instinct." Thor said meekly. As meekly as one did when their voice was permanently set on foghorn.
"Instinct for what." Loki hissed.
"I was trying to assist you-" Thor began, unsure where the sudden rage had come from. He hadn't known his brother properly since the boy/man had moved out at age 15, and certainly these sharp mood swings had never been as violent back then. Loki had changed, and Thor blamed himself at least in part, remembering the events of Loki's 15th birthday.
"I do not need your help to cross a road in the city where I reside!" Loki said, completely giving up on the actual road crossing bit to argue.
"I did not say you did! I was merely trying to protect you-" Wrong thing to say. Now Loki was completely furious.
"Protect me? When in any time in my life have you protected me?!" Loki said.
"Broth-" Thor started, but Loki was starting to monologue.
"You have no right to call me brother! Brothership implies you stood up for me at some point, which is some distance from being true! Instead you left me to constant abuse and mocking by the lowly scum you called friends and turned a blind eye to how much I struggled. I think you have forfeited any chance you had of calling me brother long before I discovered I was adopted!" Loki shouted, and Darcy could see he was almost crying. Never mind that this whole confrontation was taking place on a crowded street and would probably be in the gossip columns tomorrow.
"I am sorry!" Thor shouted back. "I never meant for any of that to happen!"
"Oh, of course. But pleading ignorance is not the strongest defence." Loki said coldly. When Thor tried to protest, Loki cut him off and said "What effort did you make to the contrary, Thor? When did you try to understand anything of how I felt?"
"Loki, I did try! I tried to speak with you, but you shut me out-"
"I meant before the crash, you oaf. You spent more time befriending my girlfriend than with me. And you expect me to believe you had my best interests at heart." Loki growled.
"And I apologise, Loki! I realise now I should have tried to care for you better!" Thor said, slightly exasperated by Loki's reiterations.
"I say all this because you spew apologies without knowing how much you apologise for!" Loki said. He held up his right hand, showing his slightly crooked fingers. "That car took away my ability to work with this hand properly, all because your awful friends found it prudent to bully me on my birthday while you stood idly by! How many times has this hand been an issue for me in my work? You do not understand!"
"Look, boys." Darcy said suddenly. "It's great you're talking, but here is not the place for it." She grabbed them both and led them to a narrow alley. "There. Less paparazzi, Loki."
"Loki." Thor said, trying to be the calm one in this conversation. "What do you want me to do?"
"Understand the price your ignorance exacted." Loki said. "That is what I want from you."
"Then tell me, so I may call you brother." Thor said.
"Do you recall how I lost my virginity?" Loki said candidly.
Thor blushed a little. "No. Why should I?"
"Neither do I, Thor. I believe I had been suffering from some particularly prominent pain in my neck from the crash and drank enough hard liquor to addle my fifteen-year-old brain. I could not even tell you what gender they were. What I do know is that my later teenage years were in fact a kaleidoscope of physical self-abuse and bad decisions, and while it may not be wholly logical, I blame you in part for that, as I do Odin." Loki said. "That is not to say I am not to be held accountable. But do you understand that there is more at the heart of this than a simple apology?"
"I do, Loki, and I still apologise." Thor said, reaching out to shake hands with his estranged adopted brother.
Loki ignored him and made to leave the alley. As he passed Darcy he muttered "Are you happy now?"
-O.O-
Loki was not happy to see a very formally dressed guy standing in the lobby of his tower holding an envelope.
"I am considering taking a leaf from Stark's book and refusing to have things handed to me." Loki said indignantly, opening the envelope and reading it. "A summons. How fantastic."
"A summons?" Darcy said worriedly. "What for?"
"I can assume, my imminent plans to protect the Earth from a raging titan." Loki said distractedly.
"What?" Darcy replied.