Dear Diary,

I left you last time with my strange dream, yes. I believe that is where I left off. But now more news has flooded my mind. James had called me into the living room to go over the plans for the fight. My job, his job, and—Harry's job. Still, I blush and feel a drop of my stomach when I merely write the name, I will not even go into what I feel when I saw it aloud. But I believe it is a necessity that I tell you the new information I have just learned. I will tell it to you the way I had heard it, so as I get nothing wrong.

When James called my name, it was not aloud, it was in my head. I didn't hear his voice, but I heard him tell me to come to him. Sort of like a dog whistle, if you catch my drift. It's just a sort of feeling or movement in my body that alerts me. But he did that, and I put down my pen and walked out the door, oblivious as to what he could want. Now, I knew Harry was there with James, but it still startled me when I saw them sitting across from each other in those big, velvet chairs, leaning over the table. As usual, Celeste was glancing over James' shoulder at the white piece of paper that sat on the little table. The look that they wore was completely different. James', as usual, had that stone, cold statue expression, as if he was sculpted perfectly and dare not move, as if he would break. His eyes were blank, yet held a sort of mystery that I, myself, still had yet to figure out. But Harry's expression was confused. He seemed unsure of what James was saying and the disfigurement of his brow said it all. But when I entered the room, his eyes darted in my direction. He looked up and a smile spread widely across his face.

"Hello Julie." He said, a slight chuckle circulating in my voice. James did not look at me, instead he looked at Harry and let out a frustrating sigh. At first I thought it was jealousy but then I realized it was just his urgency taking over.

"Julie. Come sit down. We have no time to waste." He gestured towards another chair besides him, but still did not look at me. I felt that old sense of desire for his attention and it seemed to wash through my body. Why had it come back?

"Okay." I skipped to the chair, glancing at James as I did so. He shook his head and refused to look at me.

"Now, Julie these are the plans for the fight." He tapped the paper sitting on the table. "I'm not sure you will be at all pleased with them, but that is just too bad." Than he looked at me, sensing the sudden tension in my muscles. At first his glance was hard and cold, but than as he saw the fear wash over my eyes, it turned to a sensitive love. He reached his hand out to take mine.

"It will be alright Julie. No one can hurt you." He let go, and I shuttered as he did so. I wanted his hand back, I wanted that sense of safety in his grasp. I felt my hand twitch a little, but ignored the sensation and the longing to reach out for him.

"I am alright. Tell me what I need to do." My voice was blank, weak but strong. I was like a drone.

"Alright. Do not be afraid, Julie. We will be with you the whole way." He sighed, still looking at me. I shot my eyes over to him and we locked ourselves in a stare. We connected in a way I had never known, but than he looked away and down at the paper in front of him. I followed his gaze and saw the piece of paper with black letters spilled across it. I couldn't bring myself to read it, to know the horrors I must commit. So I just sat there, staring at words, but not reading them.

"We will attack from the inside. They have no sense of who is and who isn't a vampire so it will be perfect. They don't know what you really are until you have killed and have someone else's blood inside you. So, Julie, you are perfect." I looked up and both James and Harry were staring at me, slightly concerned. I nodded, both confirming his statement and answering the unasked question that was if I was alright. He nodded and continued. I looked away again, unable to see both of them with that much sensitivity towards me.

"You will go to their headquarters and ask to join them. You will make up some story about how a vampire killed your whole family and you need revenge to go on with life, something along those lines. They will put you through classes and training and you will become a hunter. You will earn their trust and learn their secrets. Eventually, you will arrange a meeting of them all and you will tell us—and that is when the fun will truly begin." I didn't have to look at him to know that he was smiling. He was happy to be able to kill them all. Slaughter them without mercy. Was that the life I would have to be apart of? If I told them the information does that mean I am killing all those people? People with wife, girlfriends, children and most importantly life?

I couldn't bring myself to refuse though. It was weird for me, going against something that James had said. James my maker, my lover. I always would do anything for him. "What if they refuse to make me a hunter, to let me join?" Yes, a loophole! I smiled suddenly on the inside.

"Remember your teacher—Janice?" He seemed to immediately take back the name. But, he didn't and dread spread through me like a disease. Of course I remembered her. I had killed her. She had been so kind and loving to me and I killed her.

"Yes." I choked. He glanced over at Harry in a worried manner than back at me.

"Well, you beauty won't allow them to reject you. They will flock to you, unable to resist you. You will 'blind their vision'". He took my hand in his again. And as he did I exhaled loudly and looked up at him.

"I know you are frightened, Julie. But there is no reason to be."

Immediately I shot back, unable to hold myself back. "I am not frightened. I just don't want to be apart of that kind of thing. Of killing so many innocent people." I felt the tears well up in my eyes, but I fought against them.

"They are not innocent, Julie. They have killed many of our kind." He was still calm, not a sense of frustration traceable in his voice.

"They are to! They have done nothing to me! And nothing at all, for all I know! And yet, I send them off to get killed for something they have or have not done! I am sorry James, I can't do it! Find yourself another pawn!" I yelled. My whole body was shaking with the force I was keeping back the tears. "I can't do it!" I yelled once more, and with the last word my voice cracked and red droplets began streaming down my face. I stood up fiercely and shook off James' hand. At first he seemed offended but than he looked away from my in disgust. I made a sort of hiccup sound and ran from the room, red tears pouring from my eyes.

I could hear James sigh that same sigh of frustration as I slammed the door to my room. I could never do what he asked. I wouldnever do what he asked! It was murder, and I was not a murderer. Maybe the story would have been different had he not mentioned Janice. The first person I had murdered. The topic was just so touchy that he was bound to know how wrong it was going to go. But would I not give in to him eventually? Would I not surrender to his beauty and his ice, cold touch? I would, and I knew that. So maybe I was a murderer after all. Or maybe I was just an attention whore. Was there really a difference?

I pulled my hand up to my cheek, feeling the tears all over my face. I let my hand drop and I put it out so I could see it. It was stained red with the blood from my eyes. I gasped in horror and snatched my purse that lay on my bed. I rummaged through it hurriedly, searching for a Kleenex of some sorts. I found one, and the tears started again. Savagely I wiped off the blood from my hands, my arms and my face. I grabbed a mirror from my purse and held out in front of me. I stopped suddenly from my cleaning as I saw who stared back at me. It was me. Just me. I had not changed one bit. It was almost two years since I was changed, yet I had remained the same. More blood tears. As I saw the tiny, red droplets begin to stream down my face, I became enraged. I was the same! The same! I had not aged, had not gotten uglier! I had gotten prettier! I was freaking beautiful for crying out loud! I would have given anything to be hideous at that moment. Just as hideous as I felt inside. I wanted to look like the monster I truly was. The monster that was about to kill millions. I wanted to be ugly.