Ch. 24
Olivia stood looking down at the clothes spread across the bed.
The day before she had finally been cleared by the doctor to fly.
Next stop, a non-stop home.
"Whatcha thinkin'?" Alex asked standing in the doorway to the bedroom.
"How do you pack stuff that's not yours?"
Alex made her way over to Olivia, standing behind her, tucking her chin against Olivia's shoulder, and slinking her arms loosely around Olivia's waist.
"I know the feeling." Alex said surveying everything lying there. "When I left Witsec I didn't know how to leave it all behind because it made me feel like I had nothing, but I also didn't want to take it with me back to New York because those clothes weren't me."
"What did you do?" Olivia asked placing her casted hand over Alex's, connecting to her.
"I ended up leaving it all. Told them to give it all away, give it to someone in need."
"Gucci?" Olivia said holding up a pair of 4-inch heels.
"Ok so maybe your wardrobe is a bit different from my Gap sweaters and jeans I wore in Wisconsin."
"A girl can get used to Channel." Olivia teased.
"You deserve Channel and there's room in the closet." Alex said kissing Olivia below the lobe of her ear.
"Yeah I can hear it now, 'Olivia we haven't seen you in a while, we heard you were raped and tortured, but are those shoes Gucci?'
"Liv… I think if you like your wardrobe you deserve it, take it with you."
"Alex, it's a bit absurd don't you think?"
"The only thing absurd is that my feet won't fit in those shoes!" Alex teased making Olivia chuckle. "Seriously though, they're your clothes..."
"They're Samantha's."
"If you want to keep them, wear them as a badge of honor. I mean it, you deserve to wear them."
Olivia looked over her things, "maybe I could be persuaded to keep a few things."
"And if anything maybe I could persuade you to wear those Gucci's for me…" Alex said, gently biting the lobe of Olivia's ear.
Olivia leaned in to Alex, she caught herself sucking in her bottom lip at the feel of Alex's warm mouth on her skin.
"Ok… we're definitely keeping the shoes." Olivia mumbled.
Alex let out a breathy laugh.
No need for much persuasion.
Alex then reached from behind Olivia picking up a pair of black diamond and gold earrings.
"These are beautiful. Whoever was picking out your wardrobe didn't miss a thing." Alex said, as she held them in the palm of her hand.
Olivia opened her mouth to speak, but no words came.
"Liv?"
"Hmm?
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing… um Gareth gave those to me."
Alex looked down at her hand, and the generous diamonds, the black sparking against the gold.
"Oh, well they're, um they're beautiful." Alex said sitting them back down on the bed.
"I'm going to get rid of them."
"No, no not unless you want to. Don't on my account."
Alex thinks she meant that.
"Alex, he was a murderer and sold children on the black market, not exactly an amazing man. And just because he was good to me doesn't change who he really was."
Alex hadn't asked Olivia about being with Gareth and truthfully she knew very little about him except of his crimes, and that he was more than good to Olivia.
But she hadn't asked details.
There hadn't been a right time, nor was she sure she wanted or needed details of Olivia's love affair with him.
She knew Olivia was attracted to him, she knew it was a sexual relationship.
She knew that it was Olivia's decision for it to be a sexual relationship.
"He was a charmer, and manipulative. I fell for it just like the other women did."
"I thought you felt you were different from the others?"
"I wasn't."
"You said he treated you with respect, even worshiped you." Alex said cautiously.
"It was a matter of time, it was probably his game."
"It's ok that you felt something for him."
"No it wasn't ok. It was unprofessional and dangerous… it wasn't ok."
"You haven't dealt with his death," Alex said now feeling a bit bolder.
"I don't need to." Olivia snapped back.
Alex stopped talking, pushing.
She wrapped her arms tighter around Olivia's waist holding her against her, burying her face in to Olivia's neck.
Olivia let her for a moment before speaking.
"Alex, I'm ok."
"Ok, but can I just hold on to you?"
Olivia stood there letting Alex meld in to her.
Her arms strong around her.
Olivia then turned in her arms looking at Alex, looking at her shimmering blue eyes behind her dark rimmed glasses.
"You just going to bear hug me every time?"
Every time.
Every single time.
"Probably."
"Is this part of that not being alone thing?"
Alex smiled shyly, "Yeah it is."
Olivia put her arms around Alex pressing her cheek against hers for a moment before giving Alex a quick kiss.
"Thanks," Olivia said now looking back at Alex.
Alex shook her head thankful Olivia was letting her hold her, console her.
"I need to finish packing ok."
"Yeah… you ready to leave tonight?" Alex said releasing Olivia from her arms, though her hand still rest at Olivia's hip.
"As I'll ever be."
"I think you will be able to relax a little more when you get back to New York, back to familiar surroundings."
And maybe therapy.
"Alex, are you sure you want me to stay with you?"
"Liv we discussed this, yes I want you to stay with me. Please don't put any doubt in to my invitation. Unless… unless you have doubts about us being together…"
"Baby I don't, I don't." Olivia assured her. " I know you were sincere when you asked me, I just care about you so much, I'm so in love with you and I'm just afraid you'll tire of my antics and I just want to be sure."
"How about I have permission to tell you if you're being a pain on the ass?" Alex teased.
"Oh that will solve it!"
"Liv, I want to take you home and if not for purely selfish reason to get you in to my bed." Alex said with a grin.
Olivia gave a slight grin.
"Liv, I know some days will be better than others. We'll get through every one of them."
Olivia leaned in giving Alex a lingering kiss.
AOAOAOAOAO
"Will we all be on the same plane?" Olivia asked as she sat in the back seat of the SUV with Alex by her side.
Olivia held Alex's hand tightly, though Alex dare not complain.
"We will board separately, but John and I will be behind you and Max will be in front of you and Caroline on the plane." Their driver pulled up in front of Heathrow. "John and Max will handle your baggage, here are your boarding passes." Martin said handing them to Olivia. "Get through security, I'll be a few steps behind you." Martin instructed, then studied the looks on Olivia and Alex's faces. "Samantha, Caroline, Lucas is locked away. You're safe. You're just two people going home. Ok?"
Olivia and Alex both nodded ok as Martin opened the door, stepping out of the SUV.
Alex and Olivia made their way in to the airport, unspoken, neither dared let go of the other's hand.
AOAOAOAOAO
They had arrived early evening in New York City. The plane ride was exhausting though Olivia and Alex both managed to get some sleep.
"So this is it? This is where we part ways?" Olivia said to Martin as they stood by the car waiting for to take Alex and Olivia home.
"For now, yes." Martin said, still polite as ever.
"I can't say I won't miss you."
"I might miss your stubbornness a bit." Martin said with a grin.
"I will never be able to thank you enough."
"You know there is no thanks necessary."
"You'll take care of yourself?"
"Isn't that my line to you?"
Olivia smiled as she leaned hugging Martin, giving him a quick kiss to the cheek.
Martin turned to Alex.
"Caroline?"
Alex hugged Martin.
"Thank you for everything."
Martin shook his head.
"We'll see each other again when Lucas goes to trial." He assured them as he helped them both in to the car.
Olivia nodded looking at Martin once again.
"Avoir," she said solemnly before he closed the door.
As Alex told the driver the address to her Upper East Side apartment Olivia settled in to the leather seat beside her.
She was no longer Samantha Gray.
She was now just Olivia Benson.
But not the same Olivia Benson.
Olivia leaned in snuggling against Alex, both taking in the sights of the city as they passed by.
Alex looked at Olivia giving her an assuring smile.
Both of their lives would be different.
Both left the city with feelings for each other.
Now, in a relationship, one that was sure to be tested in the days to come, they would find out how different their lives will be.
Olivia will try and heal, try and move on.
Move on with Alex.
And neither, with the good and bad will ever be the same.
Hello, hello, hello.