Laketown was quite literally that. A town on a lake. Kind of like Venice but much less grand and beautiful also, made entirely out of wood which Venice is not.

So humans still don't have the best place naming capabilities. I thought to myself as I wondered just what exactly was going to be the same in this place, and what would be different about my people. Or more… my original species, should I say.

"HALT! GOOD'S INSPECTION!" Called a rather high male voice, considering all the others I'd heard thus far in Middle-Earth were deep, very much so. "PAPERS PLEASE!"

I shot a look towards Bard and he gave a slight shake of his head, I took that to mean this guy was nothing to worry about.

"Oh it's you Bard." The man had a small lantern and was looking out at Bard smiling.

"Morning Percy." Bard replied, steering the boat slowly up to the side of the dock.

"Anything to declare?" Asked Percy in a light tone as if he knew the answer already.

"Nothing." Bard called back to him, "But that I am cold and tired and ready for home." He jumped down and walked towards the man pulling a piece of paper from his coat and handing it to him, rubbing his chin thoughtfully he added. "And I found a young'un, all by herself. I think she might like a warm bed too." He indicated at me smiling in the way you do with scared children.

Keeping the cloak tightly wrapped around me I looked up at Percy willing my eyes to appear as wide an innocent as possible. "Oh dear." The man said smiling, kindly. "Well don't you worry sweet'art Bard will have you well looked after."

I flashed him a small smile as he looked away from me and continued talking to Bard, taking the paper from his hand. "You and me both."

Bard leaned against the barrels and glanced down at them slightly nervously as he looked back at me and gave me a grim grin. As far as I could figure this was going as well as we could have possibly hoped for.

"There we are." Percy said his long grey hair hanging either side of him, giving a smile from under his beard at me as he went to hand the paper back to Bard. "All in order."

"Not. So. Fast."

Oh fuck it.

A creepy… or more like skeevy looking little man, with a slightly hunched back, greasy black hair, a dark black mono-brow, small thin looking 'pedo-tash' as my dad had called them, and all black clothing plucked the paper from Percy's hand.

His creepy dark eyes settled on me for a second before he looked back to Bard in a self-satisfied and rather irritating kind of way. As if he was gloating. I grit my teeth, this could not be good.

He reminds me of a less threatening Severus Snape.

"Consignment of empty barrels from the woodland realm." He read off the paper in the most annoying and condescending voice I'd ever heard.

Bard looked grimmer by the second.

"Only they're not empty…" His shoes clacked as he walked onto the deck pointing at the barrels with the paper and then letting it fly from his hands. Soldiers following him down slightly but not onto the barge. "…are they Bard?"

Bard, for what it's worth. Totally stared the guy down.

The man slowly walked round to me and I took in a deep breath, he slipped his hand under my chin as I resisted the urge to shiver and pulled my face slightly so I was looking him in the eyes.

"Pretty little thing you picked up 'ere. You'll be looking after 'er I spose." He shot at Bard.

Bard nodded. "Aye. That I will."

The creep smiled back at me in a way that made my skin crawl. "Prap's you could tell us w'as in these barrels?"

I swallowed and then, pushing all the acting ability I had from years of drama at school and working in bars and theatres into one word I said, "…Fish?"

If I could have, I would have fist pumped the air. The slight widening of Bard's eyes, the shocked but slightly delighted and admiring look which flashed quickly on his face told me I had aced the child's voice.

"Indeed." The man dropped his hand from my face and turned to face Bard again, striding back to his previous position. "If I recall correctly, you're licenced as a bargeman. Not," He picked up a fish from the top of one of the barrels and held it in Bards face. "A fisherman!" He stated loudly.

"That's none of your business." Bard stated quietly, shaking his head and looking down at the man harshly.

The man began to sway on his feet in delight at the challenge. "Wrong. It's the Masters business." Oh the man's the Master's little bitch… makes total sense. "Which makes it my business."

"Oh come on Alfred have a heart. People need to eat!" Bard replied, getting louder as he swayed slightly himself, it sounded like he was getting worried.

"These fish are illegal!" Alfred announced storming off the barge and throwing a fish in the water. "Empty the barrels over the side."

"You 'eard him. In the canal." Ordered the soldier obviously in charge. "Come on get a move on."

The others walked on and grasped the barrels. I gave Bard a wide-eyed, 'do something' look. Bard shot me back a look which clearly said 'give me something to work with' so I did the only thing I could think of. I cried. I began bawling loudly and buried my face in my hands, before looking up at Bard, like a frightened child, shaking for good measure.

"Mister." I sniffed, "Why's he throwing away food! I'm so hungry." And I bawled even louder.

Alfred looked completely out of his comfort zone as I got louder and more hysterical and Bard yelled. "Folk in this town are struggling." He threw an uneasy glance at the soldiers. "Times are hard, food is scarce!"

The soldiers were now beginning to grab the barrels and shift them towards the side of the boat.

"That's not my problem." Said Alfred glancing even more fretfully at me as I moved over and grasped Bards arm now crying into his coat, close enough Alfred couldn't ignore me.

"And when the people hear the master is dumping fish back in the lake…" Bard turned his head to face Alfred, giving me a fake soothing rub on the back. "When the rioting starts…" His voice got harder and lower as we heard some fish plopping back into the water. "Will it be your problem then?"

The little man observed Bard for a second before lifting his hand and growling out "Stop."

I toned down my acting from cries to sobs, and sobs to sniffles as Bard continued to rub my back in a faux soothing manner.

"Ever the people's champion eh Bard?" Asked Alfred, lowly and dangerously as the soldiers righted the barrels again. "Protector of the common folk." He looked down at me and then snapped his eyes back to Bard. "You might have their favour now bargeman but it won't last."

Bard and I let out little gusts of air in tandem, as Percy yelled, "Raise the gate."

There was a clacking and creaking. Bard led me back to the rear of the boat and hopped up to steer, I hopped up with him.

"The Master has his eye on you! You'd do well to remember." Shouted Alfred, threateningly as we moved off. "We know where you live."

"It's a small town Alfred!" Bard called in a loud voice before lowering his tone to almost a growl. "Everyone knows where everyone lives."

I scoffed into my cloak.

Bard 1 Alfred 0

We slipped off further into the town, and Bard looked down at me. "That was amazing."

"You weren't too bad yourself." I grinned giving him a low five.

He nodded, "We made a good team."

"Yes sir!" I agreed.

As we moved through the town on the barge I took my chance to look around. "Oh my days!" I exclaimed. "Pugs you have pugs! Awesome! Ugly little bastards…"

Bard grinned at me. "Don't let Mrs Willows here you say that." He warned, "They're her babies."

As soon as we pulled up somewhere safe, Bard began kicking the barrels over and the dwarves, splashed out with the fish. Coughing, spluttering and rather worse for wear. Plus they stunk.

Fili stood and came to hug me but I put my hands in front of me and stepped back. "Nuh uh! No way you guys totally hum! Have a bath first!" He raised his eyebrows at me and I tacked on, "Please?"

He nodded and resigned himself to standing next to me and engulfing my hand with his larger one.

"Get your hands off me!" Announced Dwalin as he pushed his way from the top of the barrel.

Bard looked shocked at his confrontational nature, he glanced at me questioningly.

"Don't worry about him." I told Bard, "Dwalin's just our regular little ray of sunshine."

Dwalin shot me an angry look and I shot him a sarcastic smile in return. Bard tried hard not to smirk, as he continued to help the others.

A man was stood at the end of the barge and I nudged Bard as he passed me, nodding to the man. Striding over Bard placed one silver coin in the man's hand. "You didn't see them. They were never here." He told him, he went to walk away and then looked back. "The fish you can have for nothing."

Bard hurriedly strode through all of us, where we stood, now having alighted from the barge. "Follow me!"

We all did as he said, sneaking round in alleys but I had the odd feeling of curious eyes on me sometimes and it worried me.

"DA!" There came a shout and a boy rounded the corner.

Not even an adult and he still makes me look like a midget. These days were meant to be over!

"Our house." He looked at Bard imploringly. "It's being watched." Then stared at all of us confused as Bard turned thoughtfully away.

The others ignored him completely. I had more manners than that. "Zalia Lucas." I said holding out my hand to the boy, "Honoured to make your acquaintance."

The dwarves looked at me like I had grown three heads but the boy smiled. "Bain Armenta… you are an unusually smooth faced dwarf." He cocked his head. "And a strange bunch indeed." He gestured to the dwarves.

I smiled. "It's a long story."

Bard called the dwarves over, "You need to swim round from here, there will be a small boat at the back of the house, you will know which is mine if you look for a my name painted on the boat, and you must come in through the bottom of the…" He winced, "Toilet."

The dwarves did not look amused, but begrudgingly on Thorin's orders went along with Bards plan. Fili went to pull me off with the dwarves but Bard stopped him. "She must come with me. They've seen her, they'll expect her."

Fili looked as if he was going to argue. "He's right." I cut in, "Fils you know he's right."

Gritting his teeth and giving me a harsh look he stomped away with the others.

"I do not think he likes me." Bard said as Bain raised his eyebrows.

I sighed. "Don't worry about it, he doesn't like anyone but the company anywhere near me."

We quickly explained to Bain what my cover story was and then we were off, walking around to Bards house, Bain holding my hand as If showing me the way, and pointing out bits of the town a small child might find interesting.

"See and this is our home." Bain said kindly, "Yours now too." As we walked up some wooden steps and he pointed to the blue door.

"You mean it?!" I asked in an excited child's voice.

Bain nodded and opened the door, leading me in and gesturing for his sisters to keep quiet, Bard paused in the doorway and looked back whistling. He threw an apple down to two men in a boat. "You can tell the Master I'm done for the day." And then he followed us inside shutting the door.

"Thank Christ for that." I said as soon as we were inside, using my normal voice again.

Bards eldest daughter raised her eyebrows, "You are not a child."

"Nope." I popped the 'p', "I'm a dwarf actually." I moved over to the mirror and began putting my jewellery back in staring with my ears, nose, lip working my way down to my rings. I very nearly slipped the claddagh ring on the wrong way but didn't.

"I'll explain in a minute." Bard said, and this was seemingly enough for his children.

"Da! Where've you been?" Asked the younger one running to embrace him as the older one came over.

"Father there you are, I was worried!" She also hugged her father tightly.

The scene made me ache slightly for my own father and I turned away with a stiff sigh.

"Bain, get them in." Bard addressed his children. "Sigrid, show Zalia your room."

I followed the older girl to her room and she smiled at me kindly. "What's it like being a dwarf?"

I grinned "I don't rightly know myself." I said, unwrapping the bandages from around my chest, allowing my bosom to be in the right place again. "I'm a special case."

Nodding she smirked. "You are really lovely looking."

I started slightly, shocked. "Erm, thanks."

"No problem… I wish, OH! Wait!" She dug around in a wardrobe a little and found a set of clothes and a worn backpack. "Here put these on. They haven't fit me for so long and then when your things are dry you can keep them in here."

I smiled at the girl as I pulled the warm green shirt over my head and grey breeches on, she also gave me some dry underwear and "OH! You have a bra and it's my size!"

She grinned at me "Of course! That was my first try it's way too big for me cup size wise." At my raised eyebrows she hurried to explain herself. "Well, we have to make them ourselves because corsets are so expensive so it's probably not the most comfortable..."

I beamed at her, "It's perfect." And quickly removed my top again to change bras then put it back on finally feeling dry. I also yanked off my sopping wet boots and socks.

"Wow!"

"What?" I glanced up and she pointed at my right foot. "Oh that. It's nothing."

I had a tattoo. But not a tattoo like the tattoo's they had in Middle-Earth, a more refined modern one. A beautiful moon and stars tattoo on my foot, with a few shooting, twinkling stars and a large crescent moon, in black and grey.

"It's amazing." She sighed.

"I got it when my grandma died. She used to sing me a song about the moon and stars and it seemed fitting." I grimaced.

"I think it's lovely."

We strolled back into the main room and began hanging my clothes by the fire just at the same time as the dwarves began coming in.

"Da…" Sigrid asked uncertainly. "Why are there dwarves climbing out of our toilet?" She leaned over the banister to stare.

"Will they bring us luck?!" Asked the smaller girl wide-eyed and excited.

I patted her on the back giggling. "Not too sure about that sweetie."

Once everyone was in Bard had his daughters, the younger of whom I now knew was called Tilda, walking round handing people clothes and refreshments.

"They may not be the best fit. But they'll keep you warm." He announced.

Bilbo seemed to be the only one who thanked Tilda for the clothes. "You're all really rude." I muttered slapping Fili and Kili around the back of the head as I passed and followed Bilbo to the window where Thorin stood.

"A dwarfish windlance." He muttered under his breath as if it was impossible.

I glanced outside, "Just looks like a weird bow to me." I mumbled as Bilbo nudged me in the side. "Ow."

He raised his eyebrows at me and then looked to Thorin in a shifty manner. "You look like you've seen a ghost."

"He has, the last time we saw such a weapon a city was on fire."

Jesus! Am I the only person that's beginning to think Balin always knows when to pop up and explain weird shit Thorin does?

"It was the day the dragon came. The day that Smaug destroyed Dale." As Balin talked I was rather certain I could see it all happening in my head, hear the children screaming. Man the guy had a talent for telling stories. "Girion the lord of the city rallied his bowman to fire upon the beast, but a dragon's hide is tough. Tougher than the strongest armour. Only a black arrow, fired from a windlance, could have pierced the dragon's hide. And few of those arrows were ever made. The store was running low when Girion made his last stand."

Thorin cut in, in a low, controlled voice that almost had me shivering. "Had the aim of men, been true that day… much would have been different." He almost sounded like he was tearing up.

"You speak as if you were there." Bard, looked at Balin and Thorin calculatingly and I tried feebly to excuse myself. It didn't work, Bilbo grasped my arm so I couldn't leave him in the middle of this alone.

"All dwarfs know the tale." Answered Thorin cunningly.

We're still going for deceit then. Lovely.

Bain came around the back of Bard cutting in, "Then you would know that Girion hit the dragon, he loosened a scale under the left wing. One more shot and he would have killed the beast."

Dwalin chuckled rather nastily from behind them as I began to think there was more to this than a meer story for the family.

"That's a fairy story lad, nothing more." Dwalin lost the chuckle from his voice as he told Bain this and I gulped, neither human looked happy.

"You took our money, where are the weapons?" Thorin asked Bard striding forwards.

"Wait here." Bard went to collect the weapons.

I patted Bain on the arm. "Don't worry about him mate, believe what you want to believe. They can be real pessimistic kill-joys sometimes." Bain nodded at me through slightly clouded eyes. I frowned, "Cheer up sonny, it could be worse, every cloud has a silver lining."

He grinned at me weakly. "That's what my Ma used to say."

I smiled back as I sat down next to him on a stool near Fili and Kili, "My Grams told me it all the time. Then there was that stupid catchy song…" I trailed off.

"Always look on the bright side of life?!" Bain asked sounding excitable again.

"Yes!" I exclaimed. "That's the ticket! It's all like… da da da da da da da da…" I badly sounded out the tune and Bain joined in laughing.

"Oh." He muttered gasping for breath as Bard re-entered carrying the weapons. "It does make you smile though."

I nodded, "Oh yeah, totally."

The dwarves just stared at us rather confounded.

Obviously a human thing.

Fili suddenly lifted up my foot, nearly tipping me off the chair, and ran a hand over my tattoo. "What?!" I asked.

"I never knew." He murmured.

"Is it a problem?"

"Not at all."

I grinned at him.

"How did you earn it?" He asked.

I raised my eyebrows, "I didn't I brought it." This prompted a bit of a conversation about the differences in tattoo's where I was from to here and we had to lean close and whisper for fear of any of Bards family overhearing.

Fili seemed quite amused by the thought you could just go and 'commission' a tattoo, as he put it. I pointed out that we might need to have some conversations about culture differences soon, just as the weapons clanged onto the table.

"We have only two moons left until the end of Autumn, when Durin's day will fall. We must reach the mountain in time." I looked up at Fili confused by Thorin's words.

"Two months," He muttered, as Kili asked Thorin quietly, "And if we do not?"

"Then this quest has been for nothing." Fili answered.

And we all turned to look at the weapons with the others.

To say the dwarves were disappointed would be an understatement.

Fili and Kili looked despairingly at the weapons as Thorin held up a rather odd looking thing and growled. "What is this?"

"Pike hook." Informed Bard. "Made from an old harpoon."

Kili twirled a hammer, which looked quite heavy but seemed to weigh nothing to him, in front of Fili. "And this?"

"A crowbill we call it. Fashioned from a smithy's hammer. It's heavy in hand I grant but in defence of your life these will serve you better than none." Bard placed his hands on the table and nodded down at all of us. The men in particular.

"We paid you for weapons." Gloin looked utterly disgusted with the 'weapons' on offer. "Iron, forged swords and axes."

"It's a joke." Bofur exclaimed throwing his weapon down along with the others.

I heard a quiet sniffle and gave a loud whistle. The company fell silent looking at me and I sent them all furious glares. "At your ages I would expect you to know better than to argue in front of children."

I span on my heels and walked over to Tilda, hugging her lightly around the shoulders I said, "Come on, lets go in your room, I bet you've got some really special dollies."

She looked up at me still sniffling quietly. "They like nice stories. Do you know nice stories?"

"Oh." I replied in an over-exaggerated happy voice. "Loads. Buckets of them."

She smiled weakly at me and stood up leading me away as I sent one more furious look to the men in my company as they looked at me confounded apparently at my soft side for children. I don't know why though… I am a girl. Maybe they just thought I'd be useless with them.

After an hour or so I left Tilda happily playing in her room, and stormed back out to see no Bard, and thirteen dwarves and a hobbit sitting with Bain and Sigrid.

"Mimur." I brushed past Fili without even a glance in his direction.

"Zai." Bofur tried, and then Kili. I didn't acknowledge either one.

"Zalia." I ignored Thorin as well as I slammed about in the kitchen making myself some tea and a nice cup of juice for Tilda, managing to find some biscuits to put on a plate to take back to her as well.

"Er… Zalia," Bilbo looked uncertainly at me. "Oh hi Bilbo." I smiled at him. "What can I do for you?"

"Could I possibly have some of that tea?" He asked.

I nodded and poured another cup, "Bain, Sigrid?" I asked turning to Bard's other children. "Would you like any?"

They shook their heads and replied quite politely, although suppressing grins. "No thank you."

"Here you are Bilbo." I handed him the cup and placed the items on a tray, beginning to walk back into Tilda's room.

"You might like to know we will need to enter the armoury for appropriate weapons tonight." Thorin announced as I got to the doorway.

I paused, nodded and then turned to face the company. "And you might like to know you should all be ashamed of yourselves. Until that little girl has an apology you'll be hearing no more out of me."

Surprising me immensely, just as I was tucking Tilda in, (probably way past her bedtime), there came a small cough from the door.

I turned and saw Thorin with the others, minus Bilbo, all piled up behind him in the doorway.

"We just wanted to apologise, we didn't mean to frighten you earlier." He told the small child as she squeaked slightly.

A thoughtful expression came over her face and she nodded at them all. "That's okay. Miss Zalia said I shouldn't be scared, that you're all just like teddy really, warm and cuddly." She held up a rather battered small brown bear, "His name's Zeeke."

I pressed the back of my hand firmly to my lips, shoulders shaking with silent laughter at the looks on their faces.

"Well… yes." Balin, answered kindly. "Exactly like that..." He sounded as unconvinced as Tilda had earlier.

She smiled at them and then turned to me. "Miss Zalia can you tell me a fairy story now."

I grinned down at the little girl and brushed a piece of dark hair from her face, as she snuggled into her blankets with the teddy. "Sure sweetie. Once upon a time there was a young girl and she lived with her wicked step-mother and two ugly step sisters, they called her Cinderella and she had to do all the housework…"

The footsteps let me know the dwarves were leaving as I began my story, after about another thirty minutes the girl was well on her way to the land of nod.

"…And Prince Charming and Cinderella lived happily ever after. The end."

Tilda smiled up at me. "Do you think I'll ever find a Prince Charming?" She asked.

"Sure you will sweetie. I just know it."

Tilda yawned nodding towards the door with her head as she placed a hand over her mouth and snuggled further in. "He's your Prince Charming. I can tell."

I looked round, mortified to see Fili leaning against the door frame, smiling in at us, broad arms crossed over his strong chest. Looking so domesticated it almost made me sigh, bubbling over with love. But Fili would never be domesticated... not really anyway. I'd seen the wild, animalistic side of him before that day in the woods, I knew what dangers lurked there. Plus Kili had told me as much, accident or not.

"Sure is." I muttered, beet red, kissing her softly on the head. "Night night, sleep tight, god bless, see you in the morning. I love you."

A sleepy smile filled her face. "That's what my mummy used to say."

I grinned back brushing a hand lightly across her hair, "Funny, it's what my daddy used to say too." And then I joined Fili at the door, ushering him out as he pushed himself off the door frame with his shoulder and grasped my hand, closing it quietly behind us.

"Is she asleep?" Asked Sigrid as we came out into the main room.

I nodded, "Yeah. She's lovely isn't she?"

She smiled at me, "Absolutely delightful."

We sat down with the rest of the dwarves and Thorin nodded to me, I grinned back. "Thanks," I said. "You all really terrified her."

"And for that we are sorry." Balin announced.

"But now." Cut in Dwalin. "We need to go and raid the armoury."

Oh joy, I see no way this could possibly go wrong.

Hey guys, posting this kinda early I know, but still.

Hope you all enjoyed it? You'll notice I gave them more time to get to the mountain than in the movie. That's because I think the travel will take a bit of time and I'm extending their stay in Laketown a bit.

Happy reading.

And thanks for the follows, favs and reviews! Can't wait to hear what you think of this one!

Rue.