Chapter Twenty Five

Pulling outside of the Cullen's house I was relieved to see Esme's car parked out the back, I parked next to it. I grabbed Jackson out of his car seat once again holding him away from me. I wasn't doing this because I wanted to I was doing this because I couldn't let a baby starve. Esme opened the door smiling.

"Bella dear what-" Esme noticed Jackson in my arms crying and looked up me with a questioning look on her face.

"Esme please I need help, he's hungry but when I gave him a bottle I think I burnt his mouth and I don't know what else to do." I asked desperate for her help. I pushed Jackson into her arms not wanting to hold him any longer

"Did you say you tried feeding him?" She asked smiling at me.

"Yes, please Esme I don't know what to do." She ushered me into the house.

"Do you want to try feeding him again?" She asked heading towards the kitchen to get a bottle.

"I would really rather I didn't. I hurt him the first time who's to say I won't do it again." I said as I followed her.

"Bella your his mother, you can feed him. Look it's easy." She replied trying to hand Jackson to me. I shook my head backing away from her a little.

"Esme I said I didn't want to so don't force me. I only brought him over because I couldn't let a child starve, that is all nothing else."

"See that there Bella shows that you care about your son. You wouldn't let him starve so you brought him to me. " She said smiling at me.

"Look believe what you want but I'm going. Tell Edward he can pick Jackson up from here." I said turning away from her and walking out the front door.

It was so quiet when I got home without Jackson crying that I decided to enjoy some time reading without having to read a page ten times over. I was so lost in my book that I didn't notice what time it was until Edward walked in the house calling my name.

"I'm in the lounge." I responded without looking away from my book. I only looked away when Edward entered the room and pushed my book down, looking at me with the biggest smile.

"Why are you so happy?" I asked noticing he was cradling Jackson in his arms.

"I just went over to Mum's to pick up Jackson and she told me you had brought him there. I can't believe you actually held our son Bella. I'm so proud of you, we can finally get back on track and be a happy family." He sounded so happy that I didn't want to burst his bubble but I didn't want to lie to him at the same time.

"Edward I only held Jackson to take him over to Esme that was all, nothing's changed. The only reason I had to hold him was because I was left here by myself. I burnt his mouth because I had no idea how to heat his bottle." I looked down at Jackson who seemed to be fine now.

"Bella, I'm sorry I arranged for my mother to be here but she wanted you to bond with Jackson so she left you here with him. But didn't it work out for the best? You held him, you can't tell me you didn't feel anything when you had him in your arms." Edward pulled my face up so I could look into his eyes.

"But that's the thing Edward I didn't feel anything. If you were here we could have avoid today completely. I wouldn't have burnt his mouth and I wouldn't have had to hold him." I told him honestly. Edward look taken back by my words.

"Bella I did arrange someone to be here but it's not my fault they didn't turn up. Is it too much to ask that as his mother you take care of him for one day?" He was starting to get frustrated you could hear it in the tone of his voice

"Yes Edward because I can't be his mother right now! I look at him and I don't feel what a new mother should. I don't have the urge to hold him. Just accept that fact!" I screeched at him which startled Jackson. I was over people trying to force my son onto me. It was bringing me closer to him it was pushing me further away.

"How can I accept the fact when all during the pregnancy you were so excited about having him? Just because you had him at home without any major help or medication doesn't mean you can abandon him, I won't allow it." He yelled back.

"You can't make me do anything I don't want to do Edward."

"I won't let him grow up with a single parent Bella. He deserves more than that."

"I don't want to be his parent. I don't want anything to do with him right now. Just leave me alone." I yelled as I walked upstairs to get away from him.

"I will not leave you alone until you realise that you have a responsibility to him." He fumed as he followed me.

"Fine!" I screamed back.

"Fine what?" He asked a bit confused.

"Fine if you won't leave me alone then I'll leave." Edward stood there for a minute while I started throwing clothes into and old duffle bag. I knew I shouldn't just walk out but everyone had pushed me to my limit.

"You can't leave Bella we have a son." He hissed at me.

"No Edward you have a son." I picked my bag up, carrying it down stairs with Edward following.

"Bella please you can't leave me." Edward begged as I opened the door to leave.

"Edward I can't do this now ok? I need time to think about everything, sort through my emotions. I'll come back, I don't know when but I will." I said calmly, I gave Edward a kiss on the cheek before quickly making my way to my car, so he couldn't stop me. The last thing I saw was Edward standing on the side of the road with our son in his arms watching as my car drove away.