Chapter 25
"Remus," Lily called from down the hall as he exited his last class.
He stopped and turned to wait for her to catch up. He had an inkling that she wanted to talk to him about Avedra. Probably to brow beat him for hurting her so much.
She caught up to him and smiled. "Thanks for waiting. I was wondering if we could talk for a minute?"
"Of course," he said, starting to walk toward Gryfindor tower to drop off his books before dinner.
"You heard about Avedra earlier, when I came in late to Charms, didn't you?" Lily asked, already knowing the answer.
He grimaced. "Yes, James and Sirius said her mum said she'll be ok."
"Remus, I'm not so sure. I mean, I'm sure the Healers can fix the physical problems. They'll give her strengthening potions and they'll make sure she rests, but that won't fix the problem." She stopped and chose her words carefully. "I know you're doing what you think is best, but it doesn't look like it's what's best for Avedra."
"Lily," he started, closing his eyes to gather his strength. "I'm not trying to stay away for myself. I hurt her. I know it. You know it. She knows it. Only she's not admitting to it. I cannot, I will not allow that to happen again."
"You're hurting her worse now." Lily said when he opened his eyes. "You haven't heard her crying at night, unable to sleep. You haven't seen her picking at food like swallowing it causes her pain. I've watched it, Remus. And you know the really messed up part of it? She tries to make sure you don't notice how hard she's taking it, like she's protecting you from pain."
Remus didn't want to hear this. He didn't want to think that he'd made the wrong choice in staying away. He didn't want to think, to see in his mind what Lily was telling him. It was supposed to make her safer and yet she was in the hospital. Because of him.
"Summer breaks almost here, Lily. She'll have months to get over me." Remus said, hoping it was true.
"And if she does get over you? Are you really comfortable knowing that next year she might be dating someone else? Are you going to be able to stand by and watch her touching another guy?" Lily asked.
An image of Avedra laughing and kissing a faceless stranger erupted in Remus' mind and his stomach clenched in jealousy. He fought it back. This wasn't about him, he was trying to keep her from being hurt.
"I'll take care of myself, Lily. If she finds someone else, then I'll control myself." He said, as they stepped up to the portrait hole.
"Just think about it, Remus. Think about what you're giving up, before you really do lose it completely." She said before offering the password and walking inside.
Like I could stop thinking about, he thought as he walked in and put his bag on one of the tables. At least he could count on the guys to not bring up Avedra.
"Remus," Sirius said, as Remus sat down beside him at Gyfindor table for dinner. "Where have you been?"
"Just dropping off my books," Remus said, pulling a plate of shepards pie to him.
"We just got here ourselves. We stopped in at the hospital to see if Avedra had been moved yet." James offered from across the table.
"Hmm." He said, taking a bite of food so he could have a reason not to talk.
"Yeah, her mum came to take her to St. Mungo's." Sirius said, as he raised his fork.
Remus nodded noncommittedly. He thought he could count on his fellow Marauders to not talk about Avedra.
"She looked terrible," Peter said, from his spot beside James. "She was so pale and tired looking."
He was starting to lose his appetite. They were all looking at him to see his reactions to the news. He knew she wasn't doing well. Lily had made sure he knew it. Now this.
"Yeah, Lily told me." He said, hoping this would be the end of it.
They nodded and turned to their dinner. Remus breathed a sigh of relief. He tucked into his dinner, trying hard to not think of Avedra looking like she did when she was weighed down by his secret and everything earlier in the year. But even then, she hadn't had to go to the hospital. She hadn't had to leave the school to get rest. He thought about how she'd heal with help from the Healers at St. Mungo's, how she'd come back to school in September more beautiful than before. And that made him think of the faceless strangers, lining up to ask her to Hogsmeade. His fists clenched and he burned with jealousy. The Marauders left him to his thoughts, eating quietly beside him.