When Severus received Dumbledore's patronus telling him to go to the school gates, and help with the casualties, an electric current seemed to pass through him, filling his every fibre with foreboding. He stood bolt upright at once and ran out of the castle, ran faster than he knew he could, an unfamiliar and overpowering fear coursing through him.
This was it then.
He'd contacted Headquarters at once after he'd received Potter's cryptic message and found Black alive and well as he'd expected. Then he'd been furious with the boy for getting himself and his friends into so much trouble with Umbridge. The woman was dangerous. He'd kept a close watch on her office under the safety of a Disillusionment Charm, horrified when he'd watched her force Potter and Miss Granger outside at wandpoint. But the girls eyes had gleamed in a rather menacing manner, a manner he'd never expected to see from her, and he'd trusted that she'd had a plan, watching the Forbidden Forest anxiously from one of the upper windows. Time had gone very slowly as he'd watched, a knot of unease forming and twisting sickeningly as he'd thought of Granger with that monster, wandless in there, but then he'd seen her fellow miscreants running into the trees and a bubble of relief had risen in his chest; at least they wouldn't be alone.
He'd checked the time every few minutes, hardly believing it could pass so slowly, his ears only hearing his pulse, and when it had been over an hour, he'd Summoned his mirror that Dumbledore had given them all to communicate with. There were so many layers of protection it took him several precious minutes to activate it with his fumbling hands. Moody, Lupin, Tonks, Kingsley and Black had all been present at Headquarters and all leapt to go and help Potter. Potter. Not anyone else. It was always about Potter. He'd known Sirius did not possess the self control to stay and wait for Dumbledore, but instructed him to do so all the same, barely even hearing the insults and having to focus on keeping himself sneering and indifferent when there was a flighty, white panic beginning to flow through his veins.
Foolish, stupid girl.
He'd run into the forest to search for her, for them, and as he'd searched tirelessly and frantically, anger had started to boil through him. Stupid, bloody, arrogant Potter and stupid foolish girl. WHY hadn't she come to him instead of running straight into the Dark Lord's trap?
Then he started panicking again. Why had the Dark Lord told him nothing of these plans? Had it been some kind of test? And if so, would the Dark Lord realise it had been him to summon the Order? How many Death Eaters had been present? Verses how many Order members? His chest tightened.
Severus reached gates and saw an unconscious Tonks floating before a broken looking Lupin, a bleeding Moody leaning heavily on his staff, a twitching Kingsley, a Lovegood with a huge lump on her head holding up the Weasley girl who was pale and limping, the Weasley boy was giggling feebly with a bloody mouth and huge welts on his arms, while Longbottom was trying to pull him along, his nose mangled. And then everything seemed to go as cold and silent as if a Dementor had floated into their midst. Granger was on a stretcher next to Tonks, her body partially obscured, her face white and bloodless.
"Who is the most gravely injured?" He asked, his voice sounding to his own ears to come from a long way away. He knew the answer before they all turned to look at Granger, but his stomach flipped painfully all the same.
He wordlessly took over the floating stretcher.
"Madam Pomfrey is in the hospital wing. She's ready for you."
And then he began walking briskly inside, breaking into a run once he was out of sight and not stopping until he reached Poppy.
"Gracious Severus! What's happened to the girl?"
"I don't know yet." He answered shortly, running diagnostic charms as Poppy settled Granger's limp body on the bed.
It was Dolohov's curse, weaker than usual, but still serious.
"It's a Dark curse Poppy, I know the spell to counteract its effects but she'll need potions to help her fight it. Blood-Replenishing Potion, Grand Pepperup, Invigoration Draught, Restoration and Replenishing Potion mixed together, Strength and Vitamix Potion, Calming Draught, Felix Felicis, Girding Potion and a concoction of Wormwood, Fairy wings, Dragon thoraxes and Mandrake roots in equal parts. And Dittany to help with the scarring. Changes will need to be made to the treatment after tonight but this is our immediate course of action. Go."
His voice was harsh but he knew the Matron would understand, speed was often far more necessary that politeness. He stared at Granger's small, lifeless body.
"You idiot girl." He whispered, his voice hoarse as a lump formed in his throat, but then he gave himself a mental shake and began work on the counter-curse, chanting softly until he felt it break its hold on her. She needed to fight it now.
It was a mark of how fast he'd run that Poppy returned with everything he'd asked for, and set up a privacy screen around them before anyone else reached the hospital wing.
They helped Granger to swallow the potions together, and something in his chest throbbed painfully when Poppy held her unconscious body upright.
"She'll be fine Severus." Said Poppy gently. That woman had always seen through him in a way the Dark Lord never could. He nodded, turning to leave but hesitating at the curtain.
"I should stay and monitor her condition." He said stiffly, not looking directly at the Matron.
"Then I'll go and tend to the others."
And he was left alone with her.
He stood motionless, staring at her chest moving gently up and down as she breathed. Poppy had applied the Dittany to the entry wound of the curse, he hadn't felt … able … to touch her bare skin in such an intimate place without her permission. It was stupid really. But it just hadn't felt … right. Stupid, stupid girl. Something hot and painful swelled in his chest. Stupid girl! He'd give her a piece of his mind when she woke up…
He drew up a chair and settled himself by her bed, checking all her vital signs. She was doing better than he'd expected. Time passed at an unclear rate as he stared at her face, it was regaining colour but still very pale. He'd never realised how much he valued the smiles she bestowed upon him so lightly, even though he was so very undeserving. She seemed to look older when she was unconscious, or maybe that was just the effects of tonight's battle.
The battle.
He still didn't know how it had gone.
Well they'd all returned alive, that was surely a good sign. He hadn't seen Black, but it wasn't as though they could really bring an escaped convict into a school infirmary. He'd need to talk to Dumbledore at some point of course, but the headmaster could come to him. He wasn't going anywhere in a hurry.
Morning light had started to filter through the windows and he yawned; another sleepless night.
Poppy stuck her head around the curtain. "Severus I can't seem to get rid of the welts on Mr Weasley's arms. He's asleep now but what-"
"Dr Ubbly's Oblivious Unction should improve the appearance of pretty much anything." He cut across her tiredly.
"Thank you Severus." She sent a strong cup of coffee his way which he took gratefully, cupping his hands around it, hoping it would relieve some of the cold in his extremities.
The next interruption came in the form of Dumbledore, who drew an armchair for himself and settled beside him.
"How is she, Severus?" He asked tiredly.
"She'll live." He answered shortly, turning to look at her headmaster and feeling a fission of fear down his spine when he took in the old man's appearance. He looked exhausted and … old. Really old. "The others?"
"They'll all live too I'm pleased to say. We lost Sirius tonight though." Dumbledore said heavily, a trace of a shake in his voice.
The Potion Master did a double take, staring at Dumbledore, his feelings in complete disarray.
"Black is dead?"
"Yes Severus. I know you won't mourn him but his death is a great loss to the Order, to Harry."
Severus snorted; it wasn't like the dog had been much use so far. And he didn't give a damn about Potter's loss. It was his fault anyway.
Black was dead. How strange. He'd managed to outlive his two biggest tormentors. Now if he could just outlive Wormtail and the Dark Lord he might really be on to something. Wormtail. A shudder ran through him. He hated that little rat. The weakling who betrayed his friends. Who betrayed Lily. At least he wasn't popular with the Dark Lord or any of the Death Eaters, there was some sort of satisfaction in watching him used as a slave…
"We need to deal with Kreacher too, he betrayed the Order. He informed Harry that Sirius was gone when he contacted headquarters. And Voldemort revealed himself today." Dumbledore said wearily. "Lucius, along with several other Death Eaters, is heading straight to Azkaban. Bellatrix will be out of favour too; the Prophecy was destroyed and no one heard it."
He processed this information in silence, releasing his left arm from his grasp as he noticed he was holding it for the first time. His stomach tightened as he realised what this would mean for him.
"If it is offered to me, you wish me to accept the role of Lieutenant?" He asked, knowing the answer instantly at the sad look on Dumbledore's aging face.
"Yes." Dumbledore answered simply.
Severus nodded. It wasn't as if he had a choice anyway. No one could really refuse anything the Dark Lord offered freely and live. His path was getting steadily Darker and he hated it.
"We'll have a full Order meeting in the next few days to discuss all that has happened and make our plans. I should imagine you'll be called to his side soon enough." Said Dumbledore, running a hand through his silver beard.
"I'll give you a full report." He said, hoping Dumbledore would leave him with his confused emotions.
To his relief the headmaster stood, Vanished his chair and laid a hand on Severus' shoulder. He appreciated the gesture, but something about Dumbledore treating him like that made him uneasy, and he sat stiffly until the old man left.
He turned back to look at Granger. His anger at her had abated somewhat as the time had gone on, but when he thought of her foolishly running after Potter like a stupid little side-kick with no brain of her own, it arose in his chest once more like a monster. Bloody idiot girl.
He growled and scrubbed his hands against his face.
That's when she stirred.
For what seemed like an eternity, he stared at her fluttering eyelids, mesmerised as surely as if she'd turned into a Veela. And then she opened her eyes, blinking and peering around the room until those huge, honest eyes settled on him. And she smiled at him. Something erupted behind his sternum leaving him utterly breathless, and all he could do was stare at her.
But then as her mind caught up, the smile faded from her face and a look of terrible fear and apprehension replaced it.
"Harry? Where is he? Ron? What happened?" She asked, her voice scratchy, and she tried to get up. In an instant he stood and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder, a rush of warmth coursing through him when she didn't resist and merely settled herself back down and looked up at him expectantly.
He removed his hand from her slowly, missing her warmth at once and cursing himself for it.
"You're friends will be fine Miss Granger. They're sleeping."
The girl closed her eyes for a second, the look of relief on her face so absolute it made his heart twinge.
"How are you feeling?" He asked her awkwardly, telling himself he had to know because there could be lasting effects of the curse, and he needed to know her condition to determine that.
She frowned slightly, her eyes averted as if she was taking stock.
"My head and chest hurt a bit," she said slowly, "but other than that I feel alright, thank you."
He sighed feeling an unusual swell of calm.
"What happened sir?" Her voice was fearful.
"The Order came to your assistance, Kingsley, Tonks, Moody, Lupin and Black." He answered, his voice soft.
"And are they ok?"
He looked away from her big, hopeful eyes.
"Black is dead." He told her, looking back up at her sharp intake of breath. There were tears in her eyes. Something twisted and he was suddenly angry. "I thought you didn't like him anyway?" He said harshly.
She looked away, pain in her eyes.
"I didn't want him dead." She whispered. "No one should have died. It was our fault, we were so stupid…"
Her voice trailed off and he gave her a moment to gather herself, not wanting to see her shed tears over a man he hated. He sat back down.
"Are you okay sir?" She asked him quietly, and he stared at her in confusion, his brows creased. "You weren't there?" She asked. He shook his head and she let out a huge puff of breath, then flinched slightly, her hand flying to her chest.
"I was so worried you were there sir, behind one of those masks. I thought you might have had to choose between keeping your cover and saving us. A horrid, impossible decision with awful consequences either way. I was so worried you would suffer because of our foolishness, Professor."
She looked up at him, tears shining in her eyes once more and every breath left his lungs. He felt totally defenceless, his anger dissolving in an instant, giving way to fear and hope and some other emotion he couldn't quite identify.
"I was here." He told her, his voice hoarse and scratchy. "I was searching for you."
She closed her eyes as if in pain.
"I wanted to come and find you so much sir, the whole thing just didn't feel right, but Harry was so frantic, well of course he was, it wasn't his fault, but it was all I could do to get him to Floo Grimmauld Place first. And Kreacher said …"
She trailed off with a look of befuddlement, a stray curl falling over her face. He could just reach out … and … NO.
"Kreacher betrayed the Order, Miss Granger. He lied."
"Oh." She batted away the curl, her eyes unfocused.
"The prophecy?!" She asked him urgently and he found his lips twitching slightly.
"Smashed. No one heard it."
"Oh." She bit her lip.
"You should be resting." He told her, slipping back into more formal tones. She looked at him with a disapproving expression, one of the only ones she'd ever given him.
"So should you sir."
He opened his mouth to tell her off for her cheek but she was grinning at him, her face such a curious mixture of humour and apprehension that all he could do was let out an amused huff of air and close his mouth again. It was wonderful to see her smile.
Shit.
He gave himself a mental shake and glared at her, ignoring the twinge of regret when the smile faded from her face and she looked sad again, obviously remembering what he'd told her and the events that had taken place.
"Sleep, Miss Granger." He said, allowing his voice to slip into softer tones, if only for now.
"Yes sir." She offered him a very small smile and shut her eyes, shifting into a more comfortable position and falling asleep almost at once, judging by her deep, even breathing. She'd just fallen asleep in the presence of a Death Eater. A Death Eater who was soon to be at the top of the ranks. He sighed heavily, rubbing his tired eyes.
Severus left the hospital wing before anyone woke, but he must have fallen asleep at some point, however briefly, because when he woke, stiff and sore in the chair next to Granger's bed, there was a soft, heavy blanket draped around him, cocooning him in warmth. And Granger was asleep on her side rather than her back, she was facing him.
*"Details of the events that led to the Ministry turnaround are still hazy, though it is believed that He Who Must Not Be Named and a select band of followers (known as Death Eaters) gained entry to the Ministry of Magic itself on Thursday evening.
"Albus Dumbledore, newly reinstated Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, reinstated member of the International Confederation of Wizards and reinstated Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot, has so far been unavailable for comment. He has insisted over the past year that You-Know-Who is not dead, as was widely hoped and believed, but is recruiting followers once more for afresh attempt to seize power. Meanwhile, the 'Boy Who Lived' -"
"There you are, Harry, I knew they'd drag you into it somehow," said Hermione, looking over the top of the paper at him.*
It was Sunday and she was still in the Hospital, drinking about 10 different potions every day and really rather fed up of it by now.
She hadn't seen Snape since her first night in the infirmary. He'd been there when she woke up, sitting by her bedside. She felt herself flush with pleasure. And he hadn't even seemed angry. And he'd talked to her, properly. And he'd stayed after she'd fallen asleep. She'd woken a few hours later, desperate for the toilet … and there he was. Still. Asleep in his chair by her bed. The sight at warmed every inch of her and for ages all she'd been able to do was stare at his sleeping, peaceful face and ache inside. But then she'd really had to go to the toilet. When she'd returned he'd still been there, sleeping, and seemly undisturbed by nightmares for once. She'd conjured the biggest, softest blanket she could visualise and gently draped it over him, slipping into bed and resolving to watch him sleep until he woke up, relishing in the ache in her chest because it was good to feel something other than guilt. But sleep had claimed her, and the next time she'd woken, he'd gone. But so had the blanket. She smiled a secret smile. Hopefully it was in his chambers somewhere. She tried not to feel pathetic at how happy the thought make her.
She tuned back into the conversation.
*"I s'pose Filch is happy, is he?" asked Ron, propping a Chocolate Frog Card featuring Dumbledore against his water jug.
"Not at all," said Ginny. "He's really, really miserable, actually ..." She lowered her voice to a whisper. "He keeps saying Umbridge was the best thing that ever happened to Hogwarts…"
All six of them looked around. Professor Umbridge was lying in a bed opposite them, gazing up at the ceiling. Dumbledore had strode alone into the Forest to rescue her from the centaurs; how he had done it - how he had emerged from the trees supporting Professor Umbridge without so much as a scratch on him - nobody knew, and Umbridge was certainly not telling. Since she had returned to the castle she had not, as far as any of them knew, uttered a single word. Nobody really knew what was wrong with her, either. Her usually neat mousy hair was very untidy and there were still bits of twigs and leaves in it, but otherwise she seemed to be quite unscathed.
"Madam Pomfrey says she's just in shock," she whispered, trying to keep the malicious joy in her voice to a minimum.
"Sulking, more like," said Ginny.
"Yeah, she shows signs of life if you do this," said Ron, and with his tongue he made soft clip-clopping noises. Umbridge sat bolt upright, looking around wildly.
"Anything wrong, Professor?" called Madam Pomfrey, poking her head around her office door.
"No ... no ..." said Umbridge, sinking back into her pillows. "No, I must have been dreaming..."
Hermione and Ginny muffled their laughter in the bedclothes.*
Maybe Karma did exist.
She was released from Madam Pomfrey's care 3 days before the end of term, completely cured with only minor scarring. She kept trying to talk to Harry about Sirius, his grief was a palpable thing in the air around him, but he didn't seem keen and Ron kept shushing her anyway. He'd talk when he was ready.
Hermione went to the Potion Master's office the next day, feeling her stomach jolt as she neared the door. She knocked.
"Enter."
She opened the door and took in the sight of him, feeling her cheeks heat a little. As she walked towards him she felt a trickle of unease; he looked much more worn and tense since she'd last seen him.
"Miss Granger." He said, looking at her expectantly, his face devoid of the usual dislike she saw etched there.
"Thank you for helping with my recovery sir." She said softly, her hands knotted in front of her.
He nodded, looking endearingly awkward, and turned back to his work.
"Will you be at Grimmauld Place much over the summer sir?" She asked, feeling her cheeks heat once more.
He laid down his quill and gave her an intense look that seemed to momentarily swallow her whole.
"I don't know yet," he said at length, "Dumbledore has yet to determine whether it will still be suitable for use."
"Oh of course." Hermione quickly replied, feeling rather foolish. "It's just … well… I assumed that with so many of the Death Eaters back in Azkaban for the time being … well … I mean it's not as if I know how these things work… But … well … I assumed you will have moved higher up in the ranks, if you have ranks, if they have ranks… And, I just… Be careful. Please." She finished, staring at her feet.
When she glanced up at Snape's face, she found him starring up at her, his expression twisted, fear in his eyes, but as she looked his face cleared into one of deliberate indifference. Her heart gave a painful jolt.
Without thinking she leant forward, putting her hands on his desk.
"Please sir, if there's anything I can do over the summer, anything at all…"
A strange silence settled between them.
"Thank you." Said Snape, his voice a strangled whisper and his eyes averted.
She stared at him in utter shock.
"Now get out Miss Granger, I have work to do." He snapped and she felt her face split into a grin.
"Yes sir." She said quietly, still smiling at him, and she turned and left, shutting the door quietly behind her.
* Professor Umbridge left Hogwarts the day before the end of term. It seemed she had crept out of the hospital wing during dinnertime, evidently hoping to depart undetected, but unfortunately for her, she met Peeves on the way, who seized his last chance to do as Fred had instructed, and chased her gleefully from the premises whacking her alternately with a walking stick and a sock full of chalk. Many students ran out into the Entrance Hall to watch her running away down the path and the Heads of Houses tried only half-heartedly to restrain them. Indeed, Professor McGonagall sank back into her chair at the staff table after a few feeble remonstrance's and was clearly heard to express a regret that she could not run cheering after Umbridge herself, because Peeves had borrowed her walking stick.* In fact Hermione even thought she saw Professor Snape crack a slight smile.
Unity was so precious these days.
Harry didn't come to the leaving feast, not that she'd really expected him to. Dumbledore made a speech about the importance of working togther in the face of Voldemort's return, but she hardly listened. She'd been watching Snape out of the corner of her eye, concentrating on him as much as she dared, knowing that she probably wouldn't see him again until September. It was more than that though, if she was honest with herself, the danger she knew her Professor was in, and the things he would have to do to maintain his cover was weighing on her like a physical weight, and the knowledge that he could actually … die… She shook her head sadly. There was nothing she could do for him.
Their eyes met as she was leaving the Hall and, not daring to smile at him in front of so many people, she nodded her head ever so slightly, drinking in the sight of him one last time…
It was wonderful to see Moody, Tonks, Lupin, Fred, George and Mr and Mrs Weasley at London, as well as her parents of course. She was hugged tightly by each of them, all of the Weasleys, Tonks, and then she went ahead and hugged Moody too. As she pulled away he cast her a rather startled, but pleased look and went to talk to Harry.
Confronting the Dursleys was wonderful. Mr Dursley nearly fell over when he saw Moody's eye and she actually laughed out loud.
*"Bye, then, Potter," said Moody, grasping Harry's shoulder for a moment with a gnarled hand.
"Take care, Harry," said Lupin quietly. "Keep in touch."
"Harry, we'll have you away from there as soon as we can," Mrs Weasley whispered.
"We'll see you soon, mate," said Ron anxiously, shaking Harry's hand.
"Really soon, Harry," she said. "We promise."*
She could see how much it had meant to Harry, it was written plainly on his face. As he turned to leave, her parents came and joined their strange looking group, and even though there was war on, even though people like her were prime targets, even though she knew they were all in danger, she'd never felt luckier.
So we've made it through another book! Hope you like this chapter, I must have fiddled with it about 100 times.
I don't know if I'll manage another chapter for a bit - I'm working this event called Goodwood Revival on Friday, Saturday and Sunday (it's my 5th year, I do love it) and it's pretty much 14 hour days so they'll be no writing this weekend. And then I may need a day to sleep non-stop to feel human again. But I'll try not to be too long I promise - it will probably be about a week.
As always thank you for reading and review are LOVE :)
*Text between asterisks* from Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix - J.K Rowling. If you're not following her on Twitter, get on it, she's on fire!