Author's Note: Thank you, Unnamed Guest and vausesandspanishharlem, for the lovely reviews. I highly appreciate that. I've been in the writing mood lately and spent the entire day writing up this chapter. I'm not sure if it's that good so please feel free to leave reviews with your thoughts. Reviews really do make me happy and motivate me to keep writing. Thanks. Enjoy.

Chapter Twenty-Five

"No," Lorna finally mumbles, holding the positively-reading pregnancy test a few feet back from her face. She shakes her head in disbelief. "No," her voice repeats, this time with a faint whimper coming out as well. She throws it across the room, wanting the vile thing as far away from her as possible. Out of all the things that could happen to her, this is the last thing she wanted. A reminder of a dark time in her life. A time in her life that she's ready to move on from. And now—now she'll be reminded of it for the rest of her life. She will never be able to leave behind her past. A sick, twisted, awareness that immediately has a knot form in the pit of her stomach.

The outburst confirms the seeping suspicion Nicky had. A small sigh comes through as she walks over to grab the thrown stick. The stick, that without doubt, has changed Lorna's life dramatically. Her hands cup around it, shielding the middle from the brightness, and eyes gaze intently at its middle. She nods intuitively, eyes fill with empathy; she sets the stick on the counter and turns her focus on the brunette.

"Ya know sometimes these tests aren't always accurate. I think it'd be best if we go to the hospital and have a blood test. Then we'll know for sure. I know, baby, I know ya hate hospitals—but ya wanna know whether you're really pregnant or not, yeah?"

Swallowing thickly, the younger woman gives a small nod. The words bring both a comfort and ache over her. She hates herself for actually hoping the test is wrong. A baby, she knows, is the purest thing in the world. But having Vinny's—why, that would tear her up inside. "Am I…am I sick for wanting you to be right? I mean I wanna be a mom someday, Nicky…but-but not now. And not to Vi-Vinny's child. I feel ill to even think of that."

Such an inquiry forces a twinge to lurk in her chest. To know that she would even consider a thing like that—it makes Nicky's stomach churn. She shakes her head fiercely and pulls the timid brunette into her strong arms. Lips stroke against brown waves. "No, absolutely not. You are not even remotely sick for wishing that. Don't even think that bullshit, baby. It's a logical thing to not want to be pregnant with a man like Vinny's—rapist abuser—offspring. I hope for your sake that this test is false, too. You don't fucking deserve to be put through that kinda shit. You've already endured so much pain…you really don't need anything more, my baby."

"What if—what if I really am pregnant, Nicky? Ya want me to leave? I'd rather not burden you with that…you've done so much for me, hon, I can't bother ya with an unwanted pregnancy, too. It-it's not fair," the words fumble rapidly out of Lorna's mouth in between harsh sniffles. Her brown eyes pierce strongly up into the other's.

"Do I want you to leave?" Nicky repeats the question, thinking she heard it wrong. Wishing she heard it wrong. Grabbing Lorna's cheeks in her hands, she allows her big orbs to stare sternly into hers. "What the fuck would ever make ya even ponder that? What the fuck, Lorna? Why would I ever want you to leave? Pregnant or not, you will always be loved by me. Always. Nothing will ever take away the deep love I have for you…nothing, sweetheart. Please believe me. Believe my words, Lorna, because lying is something I never do. Not to you. Ever."

Fingers caress lightly along the curve of Lorna's face. Nicky sighs, gazing warmly into her eyes. "If you're pregnant, I'm gonna be right here to take care of you. I don't care. I love you, Lorna. I'd never fucking abandon you over some shit ya had no damn control over. You didn't ask to be raped, baby. You didn't fucking ask to possibly end up pregnant. Get that outta your head right now. No more of that," she firmly assures, pressing her lips warm against a soft cheek.

"And you didn't ask to have such a bothersome patient."

"Stop it, stop it right now," Nicky hoarsely yells, tightening her hold on the petite Italian. Anger begins to bubble underneath the surface. She grits her teeth to keep it from showing. "You are more than a patient. You're the love of my life, Lorna—I will do anything in the fucking world for you. You're right, sweet baby, I didn't ask for any of this…but for fuck's sake, I don't give a rat's ass. Your problems are our problems. How many times I gotta tell you? How many times until ya finally believe me?"

Shaking her head, Lorna slightly pulls away from the taller woman. Her eyes look intently ahead. She can see the sincerity shinning through the eyes of her lover's. Deep down, she knows that everything that comes out of her mouth is nothing short of honesty. It's not that. It's not questioning whether Nicky's sincere or not…it's questioning whether she deserves her or not.

"Nicky, I do believe you. That's not the problem," she finally speaks up, a large breath of air releasing from her lungs. "The problem is that I don't…I don't want you to be bothered with this. It's not right—you don't deserve to be bothered with anymore a my shit, hon. I love you so much and-and there's not enough ways for me to show ya my appreciation. But-but I can't keep doing this to ya. Why would ya even want me? I—I—"

Without any thought, Nicky smashes her lips with the other's to stop her from rambling nonsense. She keeps the kiss going until they're both nearly blue in the face from lack of oxygen. "That's enough. That's just about enough," her voice murmurs over Lorna's lips, breath hotly trickling on them. "I'm not bothered by you. You're my baby, Lorna, you will never be a bother. I know it's so, so hard for you to not think that but I need you to try, yeah? Can you try for me, sweetie? Try not to worry about that shit. Just think about how much I love you and how much I wanna spend the rest of our lives together. And if a baby happens to be in the foreseeable future then we'll deal with that together. You can teach me how to handle a baby, right? I'm sure ya got some good mommy skills. You're so sweet and loving, Lorna. Me—well I never even held a baby, let alone thought of having one. But your baby—that's a different story, kid. Your baby will have you inside and that's pretty damn special. You're pretty damn special."

The heartfelt, affectionate, words quickly elicit a cloud of tears to run down Lorna's porcelain cheeks. She throws her arms snugly around Nicky's neck, pulling her as close as she can have her. Lips touch delicately over lips. Hands frame around faces. "No, honey, you're pretty damn special. And I'm more than lucky to have you. You're my angel, Nicky. I love ya so, so much—I don't know how I'd live without you," she whispers, lips a mere centimeter from brushing against the redhead's.

"It's a tie—we're both pretty damn special," the older woman chuckles and yanks Lorna closer, kissing her hotly on the lips. She rests their forehead tenderly together, letting her eyes get lost in her girlfriend's. "My beautiful Lorna," her breath warm against the mouth underneath; she runs a finger lightly along her chin and cheekbones. "Fuck it," she says, releasing her hold and slowly positioning herself on one knee.

Tears pour even faster from Lorna's eyes to see such an action. She gazes down at Nicky, a very apparent love seeping through her. "Nicky," she softly starts, reaching down to place her hand over the redhead's cheek. "What-what are ya doin', baby? Why are ya on your—" Before she can even finish her thought, the realization hits her and has a fresh batch of sniffles plague her.

"You called me baby, baby," Nicky smiles, her heart all but melting inside of her at the warm gesture. She softly takes one of Lorna's hands in hers, squeezing it tenderly. "So, so sweet you are, my Lorna baby," she hums, carefully bringing the hand she holds up to her lips for a soft peck. Stroking her thumb lovingly around pale knuckles, her big brown eyes pour strongly into Lorna's. "Would ya marry me, beautiful doll?"

Mouth gaping open in both shock and sheer excitement, Lorna nods her head enthusiastically. Her arms wrap tight around the other's neck, pulling her back to stand in front of her. She plants a long, fierce, kiss onto her lips while peering compassionately into her irises. "Yes, Nicky, yes—yes, of course I will. I love you…I love you more than anything and anybody. You're my angel—my precious angel who I know I can't ever live without. You have no clue, hon, no clue how much you've saved me. Thank you," her voice cracks with the rising emotion. A few sobs come galivanting through her windpipe.

"Thank you, baby, for agreeing to be my future wife. Now, we really can spend the rest of our lives together…forever. God, I love you," Nicky breathlessly murmurs, pulling her back in for a tender stroke of the lips. She uses her hands to brush strands of hair from her eyes and smiles lovingly at the woman she loves. The woman who will one day be her wife. "I'm gonna take care of you for as long as we both live, my love. And the maybe baby that may or may not be inside ya. Everything's gonna work out."

When the two young women finally reappear from the bathroom, they're greeted by the warm aroma of sugar cookies that leads to the kitchen. They walk, hand-in-hand, through the living room and into where the delightful smell comes from. A warm smile spreads on Nicky's face to see what they've come in to. Her eyes watch as both Red and Gloria work together at setting cookie batter onto the baking sheet—a comforting sight that makes her thankful for the family she's gained over the past several years.

Hearing footsteps, Red turns away from her work to give a glance at the culprits. She looks them over intently, surprised to see the smiles on their faces. "You two were in the bathroom quite a while—everything okay, my girls?"

Nicky nods slowly, wrapping an arm lovingly around her fiancée's shoulder and squeezing her softly. Lips brush against the top of her head as she gives a warm stare back towards her mother. A smile spreads across her face. "It will be, ma. Mmm, it sure smells like Heaven in here—what are ya guys baking?"

"Some sugar cookies," Gloria decides to chime her way into the conversation. She places the dough-filled tray into the preheated oven before turning to focus her eyes on the two younger women. "Red and I figured that no matter the results of the test, some cookies would be a welcome either way," her voice trails off slightly, looking between the pair of them. She fixes her glance on Lorna, a bout of concern rising for her. "So, what's the verdict?"

"Well, uh, there was a plus sign on it…"

Massaging her hands warmly around Lorna's tense shoulders, Nicky nods intuitively while kissing the side of her face soothingly. "Yes, there was. But there's a chance it's not accurate, yeah Gloria?" Her head tilts slightly, a tactic to silently tell the Hispanic woman to add some sort of assurance to her words.

"Oh, of course there's a chance. It's definitely a good idea to go get a blood test. That will tell ya the real truth, Lorna. Believe me, when I was trying to get pregnant with my boys…both times, the home test gave me a negative and found out weeks later that I was actually pregnant. So, don't get all stressed out right yet, sweetie. It might just be a false positive. And for you, I hope it is. Because I know how much it would hurt being pregnant with your abuser's baby."

Lorna slowly nods in return, exhaling a large breath of air. Oh, how she longs for both of them to be right on that. How she hopes and prays that this result is all just a lie. That the only thing inside are her organs. "I-I don't wanna even think about that anymore," she admits, resting her head subconsciously on Nicky's shoulder. "Hmm," a soft hum, fingers brushing against the flesh of her chin. "Nicky proposed to me…in the bathroom—after I had a mental breakdown," she smiles, a light laugh slowly tearing through her throat at the thought. The thought of how a moment that's supposed to be romantic and full of happiness was merely the opposite. Something she would have never imagined as her teenage self.

Proposed? The word quickly catches Red's full courtesy. She walks over to the young couple and engulfs them in a tight embrace, pressing maternal kisses to each of their heads. "That's some good news we could all use right now…and a good reason for cookies," a smile takes form on her face at the thought of a future wedding. Her Nicky's future wedding—something, even only a year ago, she would have never even pondered such an idea.

The news brings a soft smile to the Hispanic woman's face as well; she graciously makes her way over and joins the embrace. "The love you girls share…it's beautiful," she points out, repeating Red's actions with her own motherly kisses to their heads. Finally, the hug breaks and she fixes a glance on the petite brunette. "That, Lorna," her voice warmly begins, she moves her hand between both she and Nicky, "That's what real love is—what unconditional, true, love is. It's what you and Nicky have. You two are gonna have a very happy life together. I'm real happy for ya girls."

A solemn piece of paper is what it is. Lorna grumbles out her irritation as she takes the folded-up piece of flimsy paper and chucks it across the living room. How it enrages her to have a piece of Vinny growing inside of her—a constant reminder of the person she fears most. The person who's taken nearly an entire decade away from her. It sickens her…maddens her to be carrying such a vile man's baby. And, what maddens her even more is that she loathes herself for wishing the baby didn't exist. The innocent baby who, she knows, didn't choose to be created. She hates herself for even pondering the idea of getting rid of it or giving it up. She wants to love her baby. But she's not sure she has the capability.

"Lorna?" The familiar, raspy, voice calls out and quickly brings Lorna out of her raging fit. She swallows thickly, finally getting a good look around the room and feels a sick guilt rise inside. The room's a mess, she realizes, and it's all her doing. "Lorna—what's happened in here? Looks like a tornado tore through, kid," the voice grows closer and is revealed to be a very concerned Alex who's come to interrupt her destruction.

Panting from the drainage her anger fit has caused her, Lorna sighs and collapses into her best friend's awaiting arms. Tears fill her eyes at the very real possibility of having to birth her abuser's child. It forms an uncomfortable knot in her abdomen. A knot that may never be untangled.

"Hey, hey," the older woman's voice soothes into her ear, arms enveloping comfortingly around her small frame. "What's wrong? Huh? What's the matter, baby?" Her hand runs delicately through her friend's brown waves, hoping to bring her some comfort. It always makes her heart ache to see the young brunette in such a distressed state like this.

Nestling instinctively against the warmth that engulfs her, the petite Italian swallows a lump at the information ringing through her mind. Something she rather not have to share with anyone. Something she yearns to go away. But it won't. She can't make it go away, no matter how hard she wishes and pleads with God. This baby will forever be inside her—or for the nine months it takes to form a full-term baby.

"What, what are ya doing here, Al?" The question spills out of her mouth—an action she hopes will change the subject. Though, she doubts it will. Alex always senses her facades. Always knows when something's going on with her.

"I was in the neighborhood and it looks like it's a good thing I was…please, Lorn, tell me what's wrong. It's a mess in here, kid—ya usually hate messes," Alex wearily points out, light eyes gazing intensely down into dark ones. Concern rises with each passing minute.

Lorna sighs heavily and pulls herself out of the embrace—an embrace that usually always brings her a sense of security but, now, only aides in her terror. "I—there's a baby inside me, Al. The results just came in today and-and I feel sick inside. So sick to wish it wasn't true." Her head shakes shamefully, head bowing down towards the ground. A baby is innocent. She disgusts herself for resenting the poor baby inside of her womb. The poor baby who didn't ask for any of this, she knows.

Quirking a puzzling eyebrow, the black-haired woman takes her friend's face into her hands and gazes gently into her orbs. She brushes the tips of her fingers calmingly around her cheeks. "A baby inside ya? You're pregnant?" If the circumstance wasn't so sad and heartbreaking, she'd have to chuckle at the pure stupidity of her own question. But she doesn't. No, all she does is feel her heart shatter tremendously for her broken best friend. "Shh, shh, it's okay. It's okay. Ya wanna maybe tell me how ya ended up pregnant? It's okay, kid, I'm here. You know ya can talk to me about anything, yeah? We'll always be best friends, baby."

"Vin-Vinny," she chokes out, sobs gradually shaking through her throat. "When…when he brought me to that cottage—I think something, something happened, Al. I don't remember. But the doctor—when I was in the hospital—he-he told me I was raped," saying it aloud makes it all the more painful. To finally admit what's been done is tearing her up inside.

Raped. Her best friend since middle school—who's been cruelly abused for years—has also been raped. The word, alone, sends a cold shiver down Alex's spine. Builds a rage in her chest. A rage to think that any person could ever do something so heinous. To a person as sweet as Lorna. Oh, how it infuriates her immensely to think of that. How she longs to choke the hell out of Vinny for every pain he's caused that loving woman. The woman who wouldn't even hurt a damn fly.

"Lorna…oh, Lorna, I-I'm so sorry. So sorry you've been violated in that way. God, kid, you are the last person on this planet who deserves that kinda evil pain. Oh, fuck…fuck do I wanna just kill Vinny with my bare hands. How dare he—how fucking dare he forcefully take away your virginity like that. What a twisted little bastard he is. Fuck. Lorna, baby, I'm so sorry," her raspy voice softens at the sound of Lorna's heartrending cries. She takes her back into her arms, sitting them on the couch and rocking her tenderly.

"What do I do? What do I do, Alex?" Lorna peers up at the other, her eyes bewildered and disoriented from all the emotions shuffling around her head. All the hormones rising from the very early pregnancy.

Taking her head into her hands, Alex gives a soft kiss to her cheek before gently laying it against her chest. She runs her hand over and over through her medium-length hair, twisting loose strands into small ringlets. "Shh. Ya need to just calm down. You have time, kid, time to figure this out. And please…please don't think you're alone. Ya got Nicky and me and Poussey—we're all here for you, baby. You never have to go through anything alone, okay?"

Chest tightening at the mention of her beloved redhead—the same woman she's now engaged to—the brunette shakes her head as the cries only grow louder and harder. The last thing she wants is to burden her Nicky. Her Nicky who doesn't deserve to be put through this. It makes her whole body hurt to have to tell her about the very real pregnancy. Nicky's done so much for her, she knows, and this is how she thanks her? Oh, she's sick with herself. Sick that she's done this. That she got herself knocked up with a child. A child she's not sure she wants.

"Lorna, say something. Talk to me, kid. What're ya thinking?"

"I'm disgusted."

Her own eyes tearing up, Alex tilts her head and gazes sadly down at her friend. Cradling a hand softly around her cheek, she caresses it with the palm of her hand. "Disgusted? Baby, why? Why are ya disgusted? At what?" It tears her up inside not knowing what the other meant by such a statement.

"Me," is Lorna's mousy answer. She squeezes her eyes shut, tears continuing to stream along her porcelain cheeks.

"You? What—Lorna…why, why the hell are you disgusted at yourself? Please, honey, tell me you don't fucking blame yourself for this…please tell me you don't think you did something wrong," Alex pleads, her voice nearly cracking into her own bout of sobs. Sobs for the unimaginable amount of hurt her best friend is dealing with. Sobs for the self-hatred that never seems to let up with her.

"I-I don't know, Al," a wrack of sniffles interrupt the brunette's statement. She hides her face in the crook of her friend's neck, tears pooling around its flesh. "I'm disgusted for doing this to Nicky. She's done nothing but take care of me and-and love me and all I have to thank her with is some bastard's baby. I don't deserve that angel. I don't deserve any of her love, Alex. She's too good for me and I—I don't wanna fucking burden her with my bullshit life anymore. She deserves so much better than me. I shoulda—I shoulda just jumped off that roof when I had the damn chance. Because maybe then no one would be bothered by me, ya know?"

Such a confession immediately erupts a convulsion of heavy weeping from the older woman. To hear just how broken and shattered Lorna is, it feels like a knife to Alex's chest. She tightens her arms immensely on the brunette's waist, pulling her as close to her body as humanly possible. Her head shakes infuriatingly. "No, no, fuck no. You stop this right now, Lorna. Stop it. You—you did nothing to Nicky. Don't fucking dare say that. You didn't do this—you didn't fucking make Vinny do this to you. He raped you. He fucking raped you, Lorna. Vinny's the asshole who did this to you and Nicky. And, Nicky—god, Nicky would never want you to feel this way. Never. Why do you do this? Why the fuck do you hate yourself so much? Please tell me, honey. Tell me why you don't love yourself enough. You can't keep doing this—saying this kinda shit. It scares me to hear ya wish that you were dead. No one, no one, baby, wants you dead. We all love you so much. Nicky—she would be fucking heartbroken to hear ya talk like this. Fuck it—I'm calling her and telling her to get home. You need her. You need her badly, baby."

"No, no don't bother her, Al. Don't call her. I've burdened her enough for one lifetime," Lorna cries out, trying to free herself from the strong arms that hold her but fails miserably. "Let me go…please let me go. I need to—"

"You need to what? Hurt yourself? Abuse yourself even more than you've already been by Vinny? No, Lorna, I'm not letting you go. You're staying right here where you're safe. And I am gonna call her because she's my friend and she deserves to know her girlfriend's suicidal again. This—this is not healthy. You're pregnant, kid, ya can't be doing this shit anymore. You need to stop. I know it's hard…that's why you need people like Nicky and me. You need love. Whether you believe that or not. You do."

Nicky's heart races in her chest as she runs her way up the staircase to her apartment. She hopes to God that her girlfriend hasn't done anything. That Alex is still with her and keeping her at bay. Anxiety hits full forces as she throws open the door and frisks her way through the kitchen and into the messy living room. It makes her heart pound harder to see the living room in such a state. To see pillows tossed across the floor, papers and books ripped-up on the coffee-table. She swallows thickly.

She finally catches a glimpse of Lorna and feels a strong bout of relief to see that she's safe and sound in her best friend's arms. Her eyes avert to Alex, a softness lurking in them while she stares heavily down at her. "Thank you. Thank you for staying with her—I was scared of what I was gonna come home to…how is she? My baby okay? What happened?"

Running a hand softly through the sleeping woman's hair, Alex lets out a sigh and gives a small head shake. "Honestly…she's not okay. She-she fucking said she thinks we'd be better off if she was dead, Nicky. She thinks she's a burden to you," her voice cracks at the thought—the thought of ever losing her best friend. The only family she has left. It doesn't sit well with her at all.

"I figured, ya know, I'd stop by to see how's she doing and…the place was a mess, I heard her yelling and throwing things. All because she's pregnant…with the fucking monster's baby. She's hurt, so fucking hurt over this. How does she heal? Why can't she just ever catch a damn break, huh? Does the world like torturing her?"

Now it all makes sense. Nicky places her hands on her temples and massages them carefully. The one time she hoped she was right…she's wrong. A guilty pang rises in her chest. Her eyes linger on Lorna—softly gazing her hurting body over, longing to make this all go away for her. To make her whole again and bring a smile to her face. A sigh erupts from her throat at the fact that there's nothing that can be done to change things. Nothing can undo all the harm.

"I know, I know she thinks that. Poor baby. She—she's so sweet and so pure…she doesn't deserve this shit. Vinny's the scum of the earth for doing this to her. For ruining things for her every damn chance he gets. Here, give her to me. You go home to your girl, yeah? At least one of us should be happy," she brokenly throws a smile her way, before scooping the sleeping Lorna into her eagerly awaiting arms. She sighs, holding the woman protectively against her chest. Wishing it would take all the pain and heartache away.

Hours later, Lorna groggily wakes up and takes a look around at her surroundings. She quickly takes notice that she's in her bedroom with Nicky laying right beside her, stroking her face with tender fingers. Scrunching her face somewhat, she looks at the older woman in confusion. "Nicky? When, when did ya get home? And how did I end up in bed?"

"Hey, baby," the husky voice whispers warmly into Lorna's ear; big brown orbs watching her closely. She snakes her arms tight around her waist, pulling her closer. "I carried you to bed a little bit ago, figured you'd be more comfortable in here. How was your nap? Ya feel any better? Alex told me how upset you were…that ya brought up how ya think you're a burden to me. Baby, what did I tell ya about that?"

"Can we not talk about that right now?"

"Lorna. We're a team, sweetheart, we gotta work through this together. That's how relationships work. Talk to me. Why do you still feel undeserving of love?"

Gulping, the brunette shifts uncomfortably and pulls the comforter over her head. She can't do this right now. Dwelling on it will only make her feel worse. She doesn't need that. Doesn't need anything else to feel worse about. "I'm pregnant," she whispers, her voice muffled by the blanket. A fresh batch of tears come to the surface. It's not something she's okay with. Not something she wants right now. But it's the only thing she can really say without having to think too much.

Lifting the blanket softly from her, Nicky's eyes soften with compassion. She turns on her side and throws an arm affectionately around the brunette's waist. "I know. It's okay. I told ya that even if you did end up pregnant that my love isn't going to disappear, and I mean that. I love you so fucking much. You're not dealing with this alone, ya hear? I'm right here, baby, I'm gonna be right here with you. Whatever you wanna do, I'll be right here to support you. Everything is gonna be just fine, my baby. We have each other and that's all we'll ever need to get through anything and everything, sweetheart."