May 2, 1975
"She's gone."
Alex looked up from where the Blackbird simulator's controls. Scott was next to him, trying to figure out how to take off. Annie stood a few steps away from them, her face caught between confusion and concern.
He stared at her for a moment.
"Who?" he asked.
"Magnetrix," Annie said.
Alex could feel Scott's eyes on him as he stepped down from the simulator. Sean shouldn't have worried about Alex not having anyone watch him while he was gone. Scott was doing a fine job, as bitter as the thought was. It wasn't as though there were any other stupid things that he could do after what he had done a few days ago.
Unless perhaps it was losing his temper at Annie. Lorna was still there. She wouldn't just leave.
"She can't be gone," Alex said, "She probably just went for a walk with her crutches to strengthen her legs. Doctor's orders, right?"
"Her backpack's gone too," Annie said.
Alex continued to stare at her. He was starting to feel fear now, but he pushed it down. She had promised.
"She's not strong enough to leave," he said.
"She's strong enough to try," Annie said.
Her voice was strong, burning with concern for her patient. It was a sincere concern, one that she gave to all of her patients. Alex realized then that Annie was telling the truth, that Lorna was gone.
"You were supposed to be watching her," Alex said.
His voice came out harsher than he'd intended. He heard Scott get up behind him and Alex swallowed, watching as Annie reached up a hand and wiped away a tear. She was already upset.
"I can't watch her every moment," she said, "She's going to hurt herself even worse and then the Brotherhood-"
Alex held up a hand. He sighed.
"It wasn't your fault. She's been trained well," he said, "But nothing's going to happen to her."
He stepped down from the simulator.
"If Magnetrix wants to go home, then the least she can do is let us get her a ride," he said, "She couldn't have gotten far, or her father would have given us an earful."
He knew his tone was cold, but inside despair and betrayal were burning through his veins. Every word he said felt bitter, like someone were trying to poison him piece by piece and bit by bit. He was surprised how steady he stood, because the world was spinning. His heart was breaking, and he couldn't focus on anything.
Scott had said something, but he couldn't hear it. All he could hear was the breathless, gentle way Lorna had said his name after he'd kissed her. He'd felt sure that she'd loved him then. Love might not be enough, not in their situation, but it had meant something.
Alex hadn't wanted her to go, but he hadn't wanted her to stay just for him either. It would be a lie, and it wouldn't last long. Selling one's soul for the sake of the heart didn't go far. He'd wanted her to be the person that he knew she was though, not the person her father had wanted her to be.
Then, out of nowhere, he saw a lifeline. She had promised to tell him goodbye, and she had broken that promise. He transformed the despair into rage, momentarily forgetting his heart break. He deserved that much after everything he had given her, after everything they had shared.
She couldn't have loved him if she wouldn't say goodbye.
"Alex?"
Alex turned and looked at Scott. His brother was worried.
"What are you going to do?" he asked.
"Isn't it obvious?" Alex said, surprised at how even his voice was, "I'm going to go find her."
Scott looked uncomfortable.
"Alex, that's not a good idea," he said, "She's going home."
Alex risked a glance at Annie, who still stood there, looking worried.
"Don't worry," he said, "We'll figure something out."
He nodded at his brother.
"Follow me," he said.
Alex left the simulation hall, Scott hot on his heels. Once they were out of Annie's earshot Scott drew level with his brother.
"You have to let her go," Scott said, "I know it hurts but-"
"No, you don't know it hurts because you don't know just how damn bad it does," Alex said, "But I'll forgive you for the liberty. And don't worry Scott, I'm letting her go."
Relief broke out on his brother's face.
"You are?" Scott asked.
"Yes," Alex said.
He looked at the end of the hall, towards where it ended and stairs led up to the grounds.
"Right after I get my goodbye," Alex said.
The relief melted off of Scott's face.
"I'm coming with you," he said.
"No, you're not," Alex said.
"You're not in any condition to go out after her," Scott said.
Alex laughed. He had to, or the despair would come back and swallow him whole.
"Scott, I'm not going to do anything stupid, not this time," he said, "But she promised me a goodbye, and I'm going to get that. And after I get that, I'm going to make sure she gets a cab back to her father. Or better yet, have her father pick her up. And then it will be over."
"And then?" Scott asked.
Alex stopped at the door and looked over his shoulder at his brother. He was worried. Alex could see the childlike anxiety on his face, the helpless hope that his brother would soon stop his foolish quest. Alex wished he could be like that again, but it was too late.
It had been too late since he was thirteen.
"I've dealt with numerous injuries," Alex said, "Broken bones, torn ligaments, all sorts of things."
He shrugged.
"It was inevitable that I'd find a way to break my heart one day too," he said, "You can tell Charles where I've gone, but don't follow me Scott. I'll be back pretty soon."
Without another word he pushed open the door and ran up the stairs that led to the grounds. He opened the shed that masked the entrance and looked around. Where would Lorna go? Towards the highway, towards the back roads? He didn't know.
Alex made a quick run around the Institute. The spring rains had made the grounds soft. He could see impressions in the dirt from where students had come out and taken their morning breaks, or just gone for some fresh air. He had almost made a complete circuit when he saw the imprints of feet and crutches. She had been clumsy at covering up her tracks. It looked like she hadn't even done anything. It wasn't like her, but she had probably been in a hurry to get out of the Institute. It was a bitter thought, and Alex tried to hold onto it. He had to hold onto something.
Everything was hurting now. The anger over her lie was starting to disappear in face of his heart ache. He shouldn't have told Scott that he was alright. He might never be alright again. He'd known that the scars she'd leave really would never heal, had known that, acknowledged it to Sean, and it hadn't made any difference at all. He was still in pain.
All he wanted to do was scream at the sky. He could picture it now, could picture his veins throbbing as his voice became louder. He wanted to let his power flow from his hands, his new conduit, because it was warm and he felt cold. He wanted to burn down the whole damn forest.
He didn't though. He just followed the tracks and imprints into the woods outside the Institute. The fence loomed up in front of him. He figured that she had manipulated the metal to let her out. Alex just climbed it and jumped onto the other side. The tracks and the crutch imprints continued on.
Alex followed them as they went up a small hilltop. He pushed through branches, feeling them tear at his skin. Why had she gone over a hill instead of around it? Had she been lost? Alex decided he didn't care. There was no point in trying to get into her mind. He supposed he didn't know it like he'd thought he did.
He pushed away the final set of branches. He saw a fire smoldering out, a tendril of smoke climbing towards the sky. Next to it he saw Lorna, laying down on her side, her injured leg propped up slightly. She was asleep, her green hair falling loosely around her and sinking back into the ground like roots.
Alex swallowed, the sudden sight of her almost too much.
"You really didn't get very far," he said.
His voice came out cruel and cold. He wanted it that way. Alex watched as Lorna opened her eyes and pushed herself up, looking blearily up at him.
"Alex?" she asked, "What are you doing here?"
The innocent confusion in her voice sent more cold through him. He wanted to let the red light consume him, if for nothing else than to feel something warm.
"You left," he said.
Lorna looked around her. Her shoulders sagged as she looked at the sky.
"It's morning," she said.
"You're damn right it's morning," Alex said.
Lorna blinked, looking taken aback. His hands clenched into fists. Alex stared at her as her lips parted in surprise, lips that he had kissed, surrounded by a face he had caressed. The memory made his voice choke when he spoke.
"You lied," he said.
"Alex-" Lorna started.
"You lied!" he said.
She drew back and Alex could feel his breath coming out. It was warm, but the look of surprise on her face burned him. The despair began catching up, and it was all he could do to keep standing.
"I understand if you want to go back to your family," he said, "I do. I thought that...I thought that what you believed would win in the end. But...I understand."
Lorna opened her mouth, but he couldn't let her stop him. He might never be able to start again if she did.
"For so long I thought that keeping certain things to myself would keep me from hurting quite so much. But what I'm feeling right now, it can't get any worse," Alex said, "It really can't. Or maybe, maybe I thought that not saying it would keep me from pretending it could happen. That didn't work either."
Her eyes had widened, her lips still open as though she would stop him. Perhaps she believed the lie that he did and was trying to protect herself. It wouldn't help though, so he couldn't afford to let her speak. It was time to set them both free.
"There has been times when you when I've felt so miserable, like there was no reason in getting up, in doing anything," he said, "But there have also been times that I've felt happier than I ever had in my life. And just being around you, just listening to you laugh...it's...I've never felt that before."
He took a deep breath.
"I love you," he said, "I love you so much. And if you don't say it back, don't even acknowledge it before you walk out of my life, then that's okay. I know you too well to think this will make you change your mind. But..."
Alex looked at her, the tears in his eyes burning him, letting more warmth flood him. Tears were rolling down her cheeks. In a strange way he was glad. He didn't want the only one to be affected, to be hurt by the loss of what they could have had.
"...please just say goodbye," he said.
Silence stretched out between them. Lorna got slowly up to her feet and walked towards them. Her hands touched each side of his head. He wanted to pull her to him, but it felt as though all strength had left him.
"Alex, I didn't come here because I was leaving," she said.
He stared at her, uncertain.
"What?" he asked.
His voice came out weak, and he hated it. Lorna shook her head, a small smile on her lips.
"When you break with the past," she said, "Sometimes it's best to make that a clean break. Burning bridges so to speak."
Her eyes slid to the smoldering fire. Alex narrowed his eyes in concentration, trying to comprehend what she was telling him. As he did he saw fragments of purple cloth in the fire. He turned back to her, his breath ragged.
"You burned your coat," he said.
She nodded.
"I'm not Magnetrix anymore, and I needed to do something to remember that," she said, "It was my family or my soul. And...and I chose my soul. I suppose it makes me selfish."
"It makes you brave," Alex said.
His words felt clumsy. Lorna laughed and wrapped her arms around his neck. He reached out tentatively and wrapped his own arms around her waist. He shifted his balance, trying to allow her to take weight off her injured foot.
"What makes me selfish is that I'm happy, even though I know what this must have done to you," he said.
"I cried plenty last night," Lorna said, her voice soft, "And I know I'll cry more later. But for right now..."
She gave him a small shrug.
"And Alex, don't worry. I would never leave without saying goodbye," Lorna said.
She smiled, the expression tinged with sadness.
"Because I love you," she said.
Before Alex said anything she kissed him. He nearly collapsed. She had never started any of their kisses before. It wasn't like any of the urgent kisses they had shared in the past. It was soft, slow, as though they had all the time in the world. The thought made him smile: they did now.
He returned it, tasting the tears that had rolled from their eyes, feeling them mingle, feeling her warmth banish the last of the cold from him. He pulled her closer to him, tightening his grip. He finally had her, and he was never going to let her go.