Chapter Twenty Five: Don't Do That To Me

Christmas crept up on them quicker than they expected it to. In between work, Christmas shopping and trying to juggle family visits in between this, six weeks passed faster than they'd imagined it would. Tony had his usual Christmas card in the post from his father, wishing him a Merry Christmas. Tony had also continued his ritual by reading it at his desk, ripping it up and throwing it ceremoniously in the trash can. However, now that it was one week before Christmas with the office party the following night, Jenny had insisted that Gibbs' team take the afternoon off; mainly because they had all been putting off buying something to wear. They were all ready to leave, just waiting for Abby to join them.

Tony sat with his feet up on his desk, watching Ziva curiously. "So...Zee-vah...you going with anyone to the dance tomorrow?"

"Not exactly," she told him. "Although I am considering James from accounting," she revealed.

Horrified, Tony's jaw dropped. "What? No way!"

Ziva, on the other hand, was pleasantly surprised at his reaction. "Is there something wrong with that?" she asked him casually.

"Yeah, plenty!" he protested.

"James is a nice man, Tony."

"No, he's not."

"There is no reason why I should turn his offer down."

"I'll give you two reasons right now," Tony told her. "He still lives with his mother and he drives a van with no windows."

She shrugged. "He likes his privacy, is that so wrong?"

"Yes, because he's a serial killer!" Tony argued.

McGee looked between them, confused. "If he were a serial killer he wouldn't have been able to get a job at a federal agency."

"Shut up, Probie," Tony told him, before turning back to Ziva. "The point is, you can't go with James," he told her.

"Why?" she protested. "No one else has asked."

"You didn't ask her?" McGee asked. A ball of paper hit him in the side of the face. "Ow! Tony!"

"Didn't I just tell you to shut up?" he reminded him.

"I just thought..." the paper hit him again. "Tony!"

"Not a word!" he told him.

--

The mall was busy, especially as it was a week before Christmas. The tuxedo's had been an easy buy and also a quick one, which left a lot to say for the women. Tony and McGee ended up following Abby and Ziva around helplessly through the women's clothing store. Abby came stomping over to them, angry that she'd found the perfect dress but it had been snatched up by another woman.

"There will be other dresses, Abby," Ziva assured her.

"Many, many others..." Tony groaned, sounding bored.

"But it's not that one!" Abby pointed out. "That one was perfect. It wouldn't make me look fat!"

"You're not fat!" they all assured her quickly. Abby had stared to clearly show she was pregnant now, with only four months of her pregnancy left.

Abby turned to Tony. "Tony, you can fix this!"

"I can?" he asked suspiciously.

She nodded. "I've seen you talk hundreds of women out of their dresses before. For once, use your powers for good!"

Ziva laughed. "Abby, Tony's flirting is not a magical ability."

Tony rolled his eyes. "Ziva, I don't flirt with women, I just talk to them. Is it my fault that it comes out like music?"

"Yes," they all said in unison.

Tony turned to McGee. "Who's side are you on?" he challenged him.

"The side I'm least likely to get hurt on," he answered.

"Which would be mine," Abby pointed out. "Good thinking, Timmy."

"Come on, Abby," Ziva said, leading her to another section of the store. "Let us find out dresses so that these two do not end up boring themselves to death."

Tony looked at the endless racks of dresses. "It's a tempting thought right now, actually..."

The two women continued shopping, holding up endless dresses and admiring them in the mirrors. Ziva looked rather closes at a slinky black dress, with a very low neckline and back.

"No!" Tony insisted quickly. "You can't wear that."

"Why?" Ziva asked, looking for any imperfections in the dress. "What is wrong with it?"

"What's wrong with it?" he repeated incredulously. "Ziva, half of it's missing!"

"I like it," she justified.

"It's winter, Ziva. December. You'll freeze to death. Besides..." he added. "Guys might look at...everything that's not covered...which will be a lot..."

She scoffed. "This coming from the man who has seen me naked," she pointed out.

"Under cover," he reminded her.

"My body does not chance when we are not under cover," she said to him.

This thought took hold of his mind for a moment...reminding him so much that he'd now been almost half a year without a date...five months without sex. Five months without a woman. Five months. Five months. Before that, the longest he'd been had been five days. There was a massive difference. And now Ziva was basically forcing him into remembering the look and feel of her naked body touching his. Okay, he was right, they were under cover, but he knew there would be no change in her body. It would still be perfect, still be as he remembered it...how he remembered it every night he fell asleep alone again...

He shook his head. "Ziva, I hadn't had a date or sex in five months, don't do that to me," he told her, clenching his jaw tightly.

"Perhaps you should find another way to itch the scratch, yes?"

"Scratch the itch," he corrected quickly, trying not think about how he'd like to scratch his itch. "And that's not the point. My itch doesn't need scratching. I don't even have an itch."

"Yeah, Ziva, that's really cruel," Abby agreed, but she still grinned at the reaction it had on Tony.

"It is also a viable interrogation technique," Ziva added.

"I'm not under interrogation, especially not by you guys," Tony said.

"It's a scientific fact that if you say the word 'naked' to a man three times when you're standing close to him he has to cross his legs," Abby added.

"That's not true," Tony laughed nervously.

"We could test that theory," Ziva suggested.

"Or," Tony interrupted. "We could buy these dresses and get the Hell out of here before we really do die of boredom." Ziva and Abby selected a few dresses and headed towards the changing rooms. McGee smirked at Tony. "What are you so happy about?" he asked.

"You like Ziva, don't you?" he realised.

"I don't know what you're talking about," he denied.

"You like her, like her."

Tony laughed it off. "What are we, thirteen?"

"You don't want anyone else to go to the party with her, you don't want other guys looking at her..."

"This isn't one of your novels, McGemcity," Tony reminded him. "I'm just worried about her after what she went through with Adam."

"That was months ago," he pointed out.

"So?"

"And there's the fact that you're thinking about her naked."

"She made me!" Tony argued in defence.

"You enjoyed it."

There was a small silence, and then Tony did the only thing he knew to do. He slapped McGee on the back of the head. "Shut up, Probie."

--

In the changing rooms, Ziva and Abby managed to get cubicles beside each other, and were talking to each other. "So...who are you really going to the party with?" Abby asked.

"No one," Ziva told her.

"What? Ziva, you can't go alone!" she argued.

"Why not?"

"Because if that creepy guy from the mail room realises that you're alone at this party he'll be all over you like my Uncle Larry on a buffet," Abby pointed out. "Besides, I thought Tony was going to ask you?"

"He did not," she said simply.

"You could ask him," Abby suggested.

"Abby, this is not a teen dance," Ziva argued. "I can go alone."

"But it'd be so much better if you went with Tony."

Ziva groaned. "Why are you so interested in Tony and I?" she asked.

"So there is a you and Tony?" Abby asked. Ziva could hear the smile in her voice.

"Abby..."

"I'm just saying," Abby justified. "The guy hasn't had a date in five months...he won't hold out like that for just anyone."

"He is busy being a father," Ziva pointed out.

"Ziva, unless they're having marital problems, father's don't go that long without sex," Abby told her.

"I am not sleeping with Tony 'just because'," Ziva said, almost horrified at the thought.

"So, you're looking for something more long-term?"

"Abby, really!"

"It'd be perfect, Ziva!" Abby told her brightly. "Penny loves you, Tony is clearly in love with you, and you practically live at their place already."

"It is not like that, Abby," Ziva said quietly.

"It could be," Abby pointed out.

"But it is not," she insisted, before she allowed herself to think of the 'ifs'. However, she was saved by her reflection. "Abby, I have found the dress."

"THE dress?" Abby asked.

"Yes."

"Which one? The little black one?"

"No," she grinned. "The other one."