A/N: was rewatching anime last week and was like boi y u know how 2 ride?
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November 24th:
Friendship
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It'd been almost a week since she left! A WHOLE GOD DAMN WEEK!!!! It started off the same as it always did. He said something insensitive, she got mad, he got mad that she got mad and it all went to hell from there. Still...six days?!
Huffing in frustration, Inuyasha glared at the offending well and narrowed his eyes. He could go get her but...but she probably wanted him to and he'd be damned before he was the one to give in. She'd like that wouldn't she?! If that's how she wanted to play it, then she'd have to come to him and apologize first. Yeah, that'd show her.
As he huffed and folded his arms across his chest, a small glint of silver caught his eye. The one thing above all things that she brought with her that was completely unnecessary - her bike. How many times had he been forced to circle back just to get it? How many times had it just gotten in the way?! Marching over to the blasted thing Inuyasha growled in frustration, "Stupid piece of shit. Why does Kagome even bring you, huh? She doesn't need to ride you! She can ride me!"
"When did that begin," a snarky, amused sounding voice suddenly chuckled from behind him, "Do tell."
"Wha-what?" Inuyasha spluttered incrediously - since when could the monk sneak up on him like that?! Turning to face him, he quickly took note of the lecherous grin on the monk's face as he ran over the last thing he said and his face flushed a deep crimson as he realized exactly what the monk was trying to insinuate as that bastard continued grinning at him.
"Not like that! Just...just like when I carry her on my back, ya perv," Inuyasha spluttered as he smacked the monk lightly across the head, "I just meant it's a useless piece of shit is all."
"I disagree," Miroku commented, the lecherous smirk never leaving his face, "It has many benefits for humans."
"Is that so? Well can you even ride it?" Inuyasha sneered, "Its no use to you if you can't."
"Do you remember the first time we met?" Miroku commented casually, snickering slightly when Inuyasha's face fell, "It is quite easy to learn. I could explain it to you if you wish."
"What are you two doing over here?" Sango's voice suddenly echoed across the clearing before looking at the shiny object between the two men and adding excitedly, "Hey, Kagome isn't here! Do you guys want to ride it? Do either of you know how?"
"What excellent timing you have! We were just discussing that very thing," Miroku answered happily, "Come and I will explain it to you."
Quickly covering the distance between them, Sango grinned ear to ear while Inuyasha's eye twitched in annoyance. To his companion's amazement, Miroku hiked up his robes, swung his leg over the metal bars and kicked off effortlessly - much to the ire of the hanyou and amusement of the slayer. His feet moved in small circles as he rode in circles around them and grinned stupidly.
"Get off that thing before you hurt yourself!" Inuyasha scoffed as he held his hand out expectantly only to snort lightly when the monk ignored him,"What you're too scared to stop?"
"No, this is merely very enjoyable," Miroku chuckled lightly before he slowed down and came to a stop quite easily. Sango stared in awe as she whispered, "Where'd you learn to do that?"
"Well...uh...well the mechanics are...uh..." Miroku spluttered before he cleared his threat and answered simply, "In all honesty, riding this contraption is much like riding a woman."
-THAWK!-
"I'm sure I'm going to regret this but how - exactly - is that even remotely the same?" Inuyasha's asked in a sarcastic tone of voice, "Pretty sure women don't have wheels down there."
Sango snorted despite herself before adding with a amused sounding sigh, "Its true. No wheels."
Frowning and rubbing the goose egg growing stop his head, Miroku sighed, "As I was saying, before...uh...okay so have either of you ever been with a sexual partner before?"
When the two before him merely turned beet red and spluttered incoherently, Miroku rolled his eyes and chuckled, "I'll take that as a no. Well -and dearest Sango I am assuming that you are well aware of the basic mechanics of intercourse but if not forgive me - but imagine that this contraption is your partner. You would want to hold them securely yet gently as though in an embrace."
Nodding slowly, the two students exchanged uneasy glances before turning their attention back to the monk who smiled and continued his lesson, "Now there is obviously a place on this contraption where...uh, things fit. Balance yourself there and continue to embrace your partner, yes?"
Inuyasha suddenly found himself squirming uncomfortably as visions of a certain miko bloomed in his mind. Sango - surprisingly - was looking more intrigued than ever.
"Now that you've done that, a man would gently rock forward and gain momentum," Miroku said casually causing Sango to emit a short, high pitched squeal of embarassment while Inuyasha barely stifled a groan as his imagination took flight - that fantasy growing increasingly more erotic in his minds eye with each passing second.
As the monk continued, both his companions were red faced yet completely enthralled, "To continue that momentum, you then must increase your...uh, thrusts I guess - maintaining a steady rhythm by using your feet as leverage - for the man but this is equally useful for you Sango. In this case that additional leverage - pushing on these pedals - allows you to keep you moving forward while continuing your embrace."
"Couldn't you just have said sit here, hold this, and push that?" Inuyasha asked in an annoyed tone. Damn the monk to hell. God, he was gunna need to take a moment after all of this bullshit to take care of his, uh, growing problem. Miroku merely shrugged before kicking off again and riding around in circles before adding in a lecherous tone, "But where's the fun in that?"
As Sango gently beat her fist repeatedly against her head and cursed the monk for dirtying her mind, Inuyasha huffed before marching over to push the monk off the bike and grabbing the handlebars before the contraption hit the ground.
"This doesn't look that hard," Inuyasha scoffed as he - unwillingly - thought back the the monk's lessons and the...uh, rather explicit visions those words had caused. Biting his lip as another unwanted moan threatened to break free, Inuyasha followed his instructions and soon had managed to make the bike move. Smirking at the monk, Inuyasha chuckled as he tentatively tried to turn the bike to make little circles, "This ain't that hard."
Those famous last words had just left his mouth when the tire caught on a fallen limb and Inuyasha found himself comically thrown over the handlebars and onto his back. Gasping for the air that had just been knocked out of him, Inuyasha glanced over at the bike and blanched. The small wheel had somehow bent down the middle and as he nervously looked down at his hands, he realized he'd managed to take the handlebars with him.
"Oooohhhh shhhitttt,"Inuyasha cursed under his breath as he released the metal in his hands like it burned him and tried to scurry away just as Kagome's scent hit his nose and a small blue light flowed from the well.
"Hey guys! What...WHAT HAPPENED TO MY BIKE?!" Kagome screamed before she rounded on the guilty looking hanyou, "WHAT DID YOU DO?!"
"Miroku broke it, Kagome!" Sango interjected quickly - ignoring the monk's offended gasp, "He was telling us that he could ride it."
"You can ride it, can't you?" Kagome hissed slowly as she turned to face the monk. Miroku glanced at Sango and then Inuyasha who merely gave him a look that said quite clearly, 'Payback is a bitch, ain't it?'
"Oh, come on," Miroku protested weakly as he backed away from the advancing priestess, "I'm sure it can be fixed, right? Whomever broke it..."
"Whomever broke it!?" Kagome hissed angrily, "Don't ever touch it again! Now you're gunna drag this all the way over to the well and drop it in and YOU..." Kagome bellowed as she turned to point an accusatory finger at a stricken looking Inuyasha, "Are coming with me and explaining exactly why Sango is lying for you!"
"Oh no," Sango cursed quietly before giving Kagome an apologetic smile and murmuring weakly, "Sorry but...but I can explain..."
Rolling her eyes, Kagome gestured for them to pick up the pace and all went as planned. The moment they reached the other side Inuyasha explained how Miroku had taught them how to use a bike by simulteanously giving them a strange, seemingly implausible sex talk. He then followed that up with a vehement confession that it was an accident that he broke the bike...as well as questioning her sanity for riding the damn thing when she could just ride him (again phrasing). Once Kagome stopped laughing, the miko happily forgave him as she rolled her eyes. Miroku may act like he knows a thing or two but unfortunately for him, thanks to the 20th century sex ed courses and television so did she. If he wasn't a virgin too, she'd eat her hat and if he wasn't, god help the women he'd been with. Who the hell thought or would even believe having sex was like riding a bicycle?! Only this merry band of misfits. That's for damn sure.
God, did she love them.