Phew! Having told some of you, somehow, that I wouldn't be able to update for several days due to a computer problem, I went and sweet-talked the guys at a computer store to let me borrow their adaptor so I could transfer some files onto a memory stick (ie - this chapter!) and therefore - here it is!!
I put a note on the last chapter after I'd initially posted it, that I had set up a poll, about, err ... smut preferences! Actually, it's something that I've been curious about for a while. I want to include things that people like and want, as well as taking my writing where I feel it should go. This poll will hopefully address those queries. I actually added a couple of choices a day or so later, which rather negates the results, but I can still tell how significant they are, and the more people vote, the less skewed the results will be. It is all anonymous, and can be found on my profile. Please pop over and vote if you haven't already. I would greatly appreciate it.
Lots of talking here and lots to think about. I really enjoyed writing this one. (Well, I enjoy writing them all, but ... you know what I mean!) These characters get into my head, and essentially take me where they want. So, any complaints - see Hermione and Severus!
They slept more peacefully than either could recall. Hermione and Severus had turned to each other in the night and made love sweetly and tenderly, but although it brought them deep satisfaction and pleasure, it barely disturbed the rest that they both found in each other's arms. It was simply a part of their living and breathing, entirely natural.
She woke the next day with her head on his chest, his aroma rousing her. She breathed in deeply, and slowly moved her head up to look at him. His eyes were wide open and he was gazing at her with a slight wondrous smile on his face. She smiled back.
"Yes," she eventually said up to him.
He frowned in confusion.
"I still love you."
She moved up to kiss him. It was the sweetest, most healing kiss there had been.
She lay back down again. "What are you doing today?" he said, stroking her arm slowly.
She sighed. "Arithmancy, Transfiguration and then some other lesson in the afternoon ... what is it again ... oh yeah, Potions or something."
He tapped her admonishingly on the arm. She giggled against him then settled. "What about you?"
"I'll be back in the afternoon, but I need to make a foray into a Muggle city to get some supplies for McGonagall. Believe it or not, she considers me to be the member of staff best equipped to understand Muggles, their cities and environs." He rolled his eyes.
"Environs?" she sniggered.
"Yes," he said tersely at her teasing. "What is wrong with that?"
"Nothing - it's very you. It's just a bit archaic."
"Are you calling me archaic?" He was the one teasing now, but she detected the lingering insecurity.
She smiled up at him. "Do you really need constant reassurance?"
His smile faded and he looked at her seriously. "Yes."
"Well then, I'd better give it to you." She reached up and kissed him deeply again.
When they broke apart she asked, "Where do you need to go?"
"Edinburgh. It is easily within transporting distance and it is a tolerably pleasant city."
She snorted. "Tolerably pleasant?! It's a great city! Don't be such a snob!"
He was grinning.
"By transporting, I presume you mean that apparition thing you do?"
"It is far superior to apparition."
"Naturally." He couldn't see her smirk. "When are you leaving?"
"Soon – under an hour."
She suddenly leapt out of bed. "We'd better get to breakfast then."
He raised his eyebrows quizzically at her sudden haste. She looked across at him as if it was obvious. "I'm coming with you."
"Surely you must attend your lessons?"
She shot him a withering look. He smirked but drawled across to her. "Miss Granger, truancy is strictly against the school rules. I shall have to put you in a very long and demanding detention."
She stopped, moved across slowly to the bed and crawled up it until she was straddling him on all fours. Leaning down until she was a mere breath away, she whispered in her most sensual voice, "Promise?"
His eyes burned and quickly his head darted up and captured her mouth desperately. She responded equally and soon their tongues were dancing and darting together, almost as if trying to fuse. Moving over him, she came up against his member, vibrant and rigid, crying out for her.
Still not moving her mouth from him, she moved over the tip and slowly lowered herself onto it. He pulled away, clearly so carried away in the kiss that he had not expected it. After a groan of rapture rose from her she let out a delighted laugh and grinned down at him. He hissed out, gripping her hips and guiding her steadily up and down, not taking his eyes from the sight of her revealing then sheathing his cock time and time again.
After a while, as they steadied into a rhythm of building pleasure, he looked up at her, her breasts swaying above him, her face flushed with concentration and satisfaction.
"What have I done to deserve you?"
She looked down and smiled warmly. Then not slowing her strokes, her face changed to an expression of thought, as if she was summing something up.
"Well ... you have helped and protected my friends and me time and time again, you've got great legs, you've taught me brilliantly for years, you smell really good, you were incredibly loyal to the man who most depended on your loyalty, you have the sexiest voice in the history of mankind, you saved my life and the lives of my friends several times, you have extraordinary eyes, you are highly intelligent and articulate, you go down on me a lot, you have really nice handwriting, you placed yourself in grave danger to a point where you were as good as dead, and did this for entirely selfless and noble reasons, you make me come incredibly hard and often, you are supremely knowledgeable in all aspects of magical history and practice, you have an enormous cock ... and I like all the nice buttons on your frock coat."
She smiled down in mock innocence as if to say, "Will that do?"
He tried to smile, but all the while she had been moving languidly up and down his iron shaft, raising herself so the tip was nearly fully out before sinking slowly but deliciously down again. He could only manage a guttural groan.
Severus held her gaze with such wondrous awe that it heightened her pleasure yet further. Her muscles were poised, but just at the crucial moment, he brought his fingers to her clit and rubbed it. The swollen nub of flesh delighted in the sudden attention it was so expertly receiving.
She gasped in, her body rigid in anticipation. She shot her eyes to his.
"Come for me ... come for me, Hermione ..." He breathed his truth out.
Hr pushed hard up into her and she dissolved. Pleasure heaved its way through her body accompanied by her ceaseless moans of rapture.
With that he was undone. His cock swelled and burst, sending hot shoots high up into her. He gripped her hips hard and focused on the sensations tearing their way through his body as this woman came apart around him.
When she had recovered, she leaned down for a final kiss, then spun elegantly off him. He groaned with agony as her warm depths were pulled off him and the cool air surrounded his softening member.
"Come on, then. We really should get to breakfast soon."
Due to her haste, she cleaned herself entirely with magic, something she normally refused to do, and started to dress. She was putting on her uniform to go to breakfast, but set out some Muggle clothes for later.
He looked at her. "On a serious note, I don't want you missing lessons if you need to attend them."
Again she looked at him in disbelief. "For heaven's sake! I've surpassed Vector in Arithmancy, and as for Transfiguration ..." She merely rolled her eyes.
He smirked, delighting in her academic confidence. He got out of bed himself and also cleansed with magic. "Very well." His eyes were lowered, but he was smiling.
"What do you need to get?"
"I need to verify an order of some ... alcoholic refreshments for this ... ball."
She tried quickly to focus on the alcohol aspect of his response, rather than the reason for its need. "You're going to a wine merchants?" He nodded. "I would have thought Hogwarts had a vast cellar already."
"Hmm ... clearly not vast enough."
"How are you intending to transport it?"
"I'll leave that to the Muggles. They can deliver it to a point beyond the castle and it can be collected from there."
She was ready. "I'll go to breakfast. Where shall I meet you?"
"You'll need to change your clothes. I'll come back here. Half an hour?"
She could not resist rushing back and kissing him deeply. Then she turned and spun out, leaving him breathless with happiness.
Hermione chatted freely and happily at breakfast. When an opportunity arose, Ginny leaned in and whispered to her, "What's happened? The last I heard he had over-reacted and you were desperate."
Hermione smiled at her. "He apologised and ... we ... made up."
Ginny exhaled deeply. "God, Mione. I'm very glad he came to his senses, but ... how do you have the stamina?" She smirked at her friend.
Hermione merely laughed back, eating her breakfast quickly. Snape came in shortly afterwards and sat and ate equally rapidly. He was smiling a lot, such an unusual sight for him on high-table, and chatting openly to the staff sitting beside him. They looked as if they were in shock at his verbosity and good humour. Hermione smiled to herself.
On her way out, she whispered to Ginny. "I won't be in lessons this morning. I'm ... uh ... going out for a bit."
Ginny looked up surprised. "Going – out?"
"Yup!" Hermione grinned, stealing a piece of toast from her plate and practically flying out of the hall.
She went back to her room and dressed in jeans and a red top, wrapping a light scarf around her neck and putting on a tight casual jacket. She pulled her hair up into a high, but loose ponytail, leaving many curls floating out down her face. Pulling on some leather boots with significant heels, she looked at herself in the mirror. It was nice to wear a bit of a heel – it was strictly forbidden in school, although she could probably have got away with it.
She finished by applying a little make-up. She certainly did not look nor feel like a schoolgirl now.
There was a knock at her door. With a final deep breath and look in the mirror, she turned and opened it. She moved in, still unable to look at him in his transformed state, but could feel his eyes on her already. She waited until she was sure he had changed then raised her head. He was staring at her as if for the first time, clearly enthralled by what he saw.
She flushed under his intense scrutiny. "Do I look alright?"
At first he could only nod, but then spoke in hushed awe. "You look ... exquisite."
She smiled, blushing even more. "Shall we go then?" She almost wanted to escape from the intensity of his gaze.
With a deep breath, he at last seemed to awaken from his reverie and stepped into her, nodding. "Ready?"
She nodded and he held his arms out to her. As she stepped into them, he quickly enclosed them around her. Then he withdrew his wand and muttered some words. Hermione felt the room pulled from around her, but only a moment later discovered herself standing on firm paving stones in a quiet side street, tall granite buildings surrounding her. Unlike apparition, she felt little if any dizziness. Severus was looking down at her warmly. "Alright?" he questioned.
She nodded. "Remarkably so. You're right. It is much better than apparition."
He merely smirked and turned to head out into the wider street ahead of them. She followed him. He had strode ahead and she had to hurry to catch up with him. When she did, she slipped her fingers through his and held his hand tenderly. He stopped abruptly and turned his head to look at their entwined fingers in clear astonishment. Eventually, his eyes raised to hers and she thought she could detect a faint misting in them. She reached up and kissed him, then moving back slowly, turned and this time led him, hands still clasped, up the street.
It was a relatively calm November day in Edinburgh. They walked up Prince's Street, drawing frequent but discreet glances. Severus was still dressed in his black frock coat and trousers, but that was not what was attracting the attention. Hermione smiled to herself, unable to suppress a giggle. He turned to her and raised an eyebrow. "What?" he muttered.
"Nothing. It's just – to Muggles, we must look like quite an ... interesting couple."
He sneered a little. She continued.
"I mean. They must be thinking, 'Hasn't that guy grown out of the goth thing yet? And what the hell is he doing with a girl who seems to be about half his age?'"
"Goth?" He clearly had no idea.
She smiled. "Never mind. Let's just say, your appearance is ... distinctive. But you know, this is Edinburgh. They can tolerate it."
"Yes," he sneered cynically. "I'm used to being tolerated."
She squeezed his fingers. "Hey. I forbid sarcastic self-deprecation today."
He glanced at her, then allowed himself a small smile. They continued up the street, looking in the shop windows. At one point they came to a large department store.
"God, I haven't been shopping for ages. I'd love to pop in and just have a look around."
"Come on then."
She looked up at him in delight. "Really?"
"We have time."
Grinning broadly, she pulled him in after her. They wondered around, looking in various departments. Snape was dismissive of the electrical equipment, despite the latest Muggle technology on display. "Their ineptitude and lack of vision never cease to amaze me."
She huffed a little. "TV and the like can be quite fun, you know, and educational. I'm sure I could find some programmes even you'd like."
He raised a cynical eyebrow but could not completely conceal his faint smile.
Eventually they found themselves in the jewellery section. Hermione looked at some of the pieces silently then moved on. She stopped in front of a necklace. It was not terribly expensive as necklaces go, but not insignificantly cheap either. It was hung with a myriad of different coloured glass beads on many strings, and fell in a seemingly endless cascade of shimmering light. It had been designed by a renowned designer, which had pushed up the price tag.
"Do you like it?"
She jumped. She had not realised he was still beside her.
"It's beautiful. I know this designer's work. I've admired it for years." With a final smile, she turned to go. He did not follow. She looked back. He was reaching into his pocket and producing Muggle money. She could not speak, but before she realised fully what was happening, he had called over the assistant and was motioning to the necklace.
"What are you doing?"
He turned to her, quite matter-of-factly. "You said you liked it."
"Yes, but ... I didn't mean ... It's over £200, Severus."
He ignored her and continued the transaction.
"Severus ... you don't have to ..."
He did not speak until he had handed over the money. Then he fixed her with his eyes. "No ... but I want to."
She could only look on in humble silence.
The shop assistant wrapped it beautifully and handed it over. Hermione noticed the woman's eyes sweeping over Severus' long, elegant torso. She smiled broadly at him. It amused Hermione. So it wasn't just her, then? Severus hadn't noticed a thing. He took the package with a polite nod and turned to Hermione. "Come. I want you to wear it."
They moved to a quiet part of the store. Severus reached into the packaging and drew out the necklace. Hermione turned and slowly, meticulously, he brought it around her neck. She felt him exhale a long breath of pleasure as he placed it on her. It fell sensuously down from her collarbone. She could hardly breathe. Ron had never given her anything like this.
Severus attached the clasp then moved around to look at her. He stared quietly for the longest while. Hermione felt her eyes pricking, but stopped the tears from falling.
She could hardly speak but managed to breathe out, "Thank you."
He smiled and looked at her. "I have not bought anything for anybody for ..." He did not finish his sentence.
She moved in and kissed him. "I love it ... I love you."
He withdrew his gaze, but his expression deepened immeasurably.
This time he took her hand and they left the store.
As they walked, they chatted warmly, their hands never separating. They were completely relaxed and at ease with each other in an environment as far from Hogwarts as possible. Hermione suddenly had a flashing vision of what could be. And it worked. It felt good. It felt right. She looked up at him. His face was more relaxed than she had ever seen it. He appeared younger. She squeezed his hand and he looked down at her smiled.
They realised they would soon have to wend their way to the wine merchants. They found it in a quiet side street off the Royal Mile. It was such a dark, singular place that Hermione instinctively felt it was a magical shop, and had to remind herself that they were in Muggle Edinburgh.
Severus walked in and strode up to the counter, speaking with remarkable poise and confidence. He could certainly command things when he needed to. "Good morning. I have come to confirm an order for Professor M McGonagall. If necessary, should the order be deemed inadequate, I am to supplement it with additional cases."
"Certainly, sir."
The man led them down to a large cellar, where he indicated a large section which had been set aside for the Hogwarts ball. It consisted mainly of champagne. Hermione could not suppress a gasp of astonishment. It must have cost a small fortune.
Severus walked along the cases, inspecting them. "This looks sufficient." He spun around. "The order will not need to be increased. I believe you have the delivery instructions."
The wine merchant's eyes narrowed. He sensed there was something unusual. The man standing before him was unusual enough.
"Yes. We have received all the information. My assistant has ascertained that the delivery address is a small shack in a remote location in the Highlands. The only other building near there is a ruined castle."
"Yes?" Snape's voice was hissingly abrupt. He stared intently at the man serving him.
The merchant fell silent and lowered his head. "Nothing. It shall be delivered early next week."
"Good. I trust payment is in order?"
"Yes. It has all gone through successfully."
"In that case, we shall expect to receive the goods on Monday of next week. There will be someone at the designated location at that time."
The merchant was clearly unnerved by the dark man with the smooth voice before him. He glanced at Hermione, partially out of curiosity as to what she was doing with him, partially for reassurance.
Hermione smiled at him gently, never enjoying someone's discomfort, but as Severus crossed near her and she inhaled his aroma, her belly twisted with longing. His ability to intimidate this man somehow fired her desire, and in a move which surprised even her, she caught his hand, pulling him towards her and reaching up to kiss him hard. She felt him tense in question momentarily, but then he softened and returned the kiss with ardour. She was vaguely aware of the merchant standing awkwardly apart from them.
At length, she broke away, and smiled up at him. She turned to the merchant, who was standing with a clear look of unease on his face. Flashing her sweetest smile, she beamed, "Thank you,", then taking Severus' hand, she led him out and up to the street above.
She pulled him along, starting almost to run once they were out. Laughing aloud, she spun back to him, reaching again for a kiss.
"You are a cruel woman," he said against her lips with a silky drawl. "You should not torment men so."
"Can't I torment you?"
"Only when I give you permission." He kissed her so deep, she thought she may come right there.
Then it was his turn to pull her along. He took her hand and led her a few doors down, stopping outside a little cafe. They went inside.
They sat and ordered coffee and cake. It reminded Hermione of their trip to Grasmere. She smiled at him. He could not take his eyes from her. She looked down and put her hand round her neck. "Thank you for my necklace."
"You have already said that."
"I like to repeat myself."
He smiled.
"You said you had not bought anything for anyone for a long time."
"No."
She did not think he would continue, and feared she had gone too far, but then he spoke again. "I bought several things for her while we were children. Never expensive – I had no money. I gave up after a while."
"I'm sure she appreciated them."
"Perhaps. She would write me these little thank you notes." His eyes glazed. "I still have them."
Hermione felt odd. It was touching to hear of his kindness and depth of feeling, but it unnerved her a little when she thought of the intensity of his emotion for Lily. It was not something that had really entered into their relationship before. It had been mentioned in their conversation on the ramparts, but he was so aggrieved, so closed and bitter about her then, that she had not seemed a threat. Now, Hermione almost felt jealous. She lowered her head.
He sensed her unease and reached over for her hand. "She did not love me."
"But you loved her."
"You know that."
There was silence.
"But it was not reciprocated. It is not enough. It is not complete. I was never complete."
Hermione could not look at him, but continued to speak. "You don't have to belittle your feelings, Severus. You still loved her. People are all too quick to dismiss unreciprocated love as infatuation, obsession, a silly crush, but why should the emotion be any less significant, just because it is not returned? People laugh about adolescent crushes, but they are some of the most powerful and raw emotions we will ever experience. Parents dismiss them because they are afraid to face up to their child growing up, the pain of their feelings. But those crushes are so real, so vivid, so consuming. It is an insult to a person to say, "Oh, it's only a crush" – that is the starkest emotion there is – all the more intensified if it is unreciprocated, as there is no outlet for it. That does not mean it is no less real. I've had them. Although none of mine were as deep as some people's, and in no way as intense as your feelings for Lily."
His head darted up to her on hearing the name on her lips. Hermione feared she had said too much. There was a momentary pause, but his face suddenly relaxed.
"Who were your crushes then, Miss Granger?"
She giggled a little. "Having said all that, mine really were nothing. I was always far too sensible."
"Humour me."
She smiled. "Well, way back ... we all had a crush on Lockhart to start with."
Snape snorted derisively. Hermione blushed scarlet. "Well, clearly, that one was very short-lived. And ... I guess Cedric Diggory was quite nice. I remember spending a lot of time looking at his poster during the Tri-wizard Tournament preparations." Her voice stopped. "Poor boy."
"But I thought your attentions were focused on Mr Krum at that point?"
She darted her head up to him. "Did you know about that?"
He smirked. "Oh yes."
She laughed and lowered her head in embarrassment. "To be honest, he was not my type at all. He pursued me. It was all a bit weird really, and then Ron started to see me differently, which made things even more confusing. God, that was a tough time."
"Anyone else?"
There was someone else, but then she realised with sudden alarm that she really did not want to tell Severus about that particular person.
"No ... no ... that's all."
"I don't believe you."
"Well, you should."
He persisted. "Who?"
Hermione sighed, but could not entirely conceal the truth. "It was a long time ago. I was very young. I only knew him for two or three years."
Snape's eyes narrowed and hardened. Hermione had already given too much away. She started to breathe heavily. She dared not say it, even though this person had been the toughest to forget, the one who had imprinted himself the most on her.
"Who?"
"No really, it was nothing ... anyway, it's irrelevant now ..."
"Why?" He was coldly insistent.
Hermione heard herself answering instinctively. "Because he's dead." There was silence between them. "I was very young," she mumbled under her breath again.
"Was he interested in you?"
She laughed aloud. "God, no! I was only fourteen- sixteen when he died. And he was a lot older than me ..." She glanced up, suddenly realising she had given too much information. It was obvious who she was talking about.
"Black." His appraisal was correct. He spoke coldly, but not without predictability, she noticed.
She smiled a little to try to hide the significance of the revelation. "I was very young and it really was a silly crush. I never felt it too deeply." She could tell it had stung him. "Severus ... it was just silly ..."
"You said these feelings were the most raw and powerful." Despite his clear discomfort, he managed to remain remarkably calm.
"Yes, but not in all cases. I also said I had a crush on Gilderoy Lockhart! That's hardly going to stay with me, is it? I hardly ever saw Sirius; it really didn't amount to much. But, it was predictable for a young teenager to feel something for him. He was exciting, heroic ... dangerous ..."
There was silence for a long time, but then his voice came, a low drawl, still cool. "And you are attracted to danger?"
She raised her head to his. He was almost appraising her. She laughed under her breath and lowered her gaze again. "I don't know. I suppose it adds a spark to an attraction. Our relationship is hardly without danger, is it?"
"And if there was no danger?"
"What do you mean?"
He paused before answering, then spoke with controlled effort. "Would the attraction remain?"
Again, he had revealed his insecurities. She held his gaze and reached across to take his hand. "There's no danger now … here … is there?"
"No."
She paused, ensuring he was looking fully at her. "And this is the happiest I have ever been with you."
He simply looked at her, his eyes dancing. "Say it again."
She couldn't help her smile broadening. "I love you."
They continued eating and drinking in silence, any tension which had arisen was now dispersed. Hermione found herself feeling the time was right to raise the question of the future.
"Severus?"
"Hmm?"
"I'm leaving Hogwarts in a few weeks."
He did not respond. She said it out loud. "What will happen to us then?"
Silence. He lowered his fork and stared hard at his plate. Then with a deep sigh he wiped his mouth with his napkin and spoke.
"It is not something that I have been able to think too much about."
"Why not?"
Another pause.
"Because it hurts."
His words warmed her heart, but did nothing to provide any answers. "I want to stay with you." Again, she spoke boldly. She had no reason not to speak the truth.
Once again, he did not reply. She pressed him. "What do you want, Severus?"
He looked sharply up at her. "You know what I want."
"Do I?"
"Yes."
"Say it." It was her time to demand words.
He paused then spoke. "I want you."
They stared at each other for a while.
"I have been offered positions at the Ministry. They are waiting for a response. I suppose I should give them one very soon. I would start after Christmas. There's one in the department of Magical Law Enforcement which sounds just right for me. I think I'm going to accept it."
"London is a long way from the school."
"Yes. But I have to earn a living."
"You could teach."
"I don't want to teach."
More silence. He picked up his fork again and started to pick at his food. Then suddenly he let it drop to the plate with a clatter.
"I cannot imagine Hogwarts without you."
She looked across at him. His face was fraught with tension. She could think of nothing to say at that moment.
In all honesty, it was hard for her to imagine him ever leaving Hogwarts. He may not enjoy his job, but it had been his life for so long, it provided him with a strange comfort and security. She knew he would find a change to the outside world deeply difficult. But then his voice spoke again. "I only came back because of you."
Her eyes widened with shock. "What?" she whispered disbelievingly.
"After the war, I did not want to return. But when I heard you were coming back for your NEWTs, I accepted the offer of the reinstatement of my position. I did not admit to myself at the time that that was the reason … but I can do so now."
She was amazed. She stared at him for an age, before her mind suddenly cleared.
"But ... then surely ... if you considered leaving before ... you can do so again."
He sighed. "That is true." She could not stop a smile appearing. He looked up at her. "But unlike you ... I do not have another job to walk into."
She almost laughed aloud. "That doesn't matter at the moment! This job I've been promised is well-paid. We don't need much anyway. I'll support you until you find something. Severus, you're a brilliant wizard. People will be falling over backwards to employ you!"
He sneered. "I do not share your optimism. Remember, I do have a certain ... reputation. And anyhow ..."
"What?"
"I will not be beholden to you."
"Needs do as needs must, Severus."
His eyes darted to her. "I will not be supported by a nineteen year old girl!" There was clear anger in his voice.
His words wounded her and she dropped her head. "So, what then? Are we back to square one?"
He sighed again. "There are other complications. I have not given my notice. I need to give half a term's notice."
"Severus. These are all trivialities. I can survive without you for a while, you can stay at Hogwarts until you need to, look for another job in the meantime and then move down when the time is right."
He continued picking at his food.
"And ... while we're waiting for the time to be right ..."
"What?"
"You may meet someone else ... someone young, handsome ..."
"Oh, for goodness sake! Don't be stupid. Severus, I am getting sick of having to justify myself to you. How can you doubt my feelings for you after the last few days? Come on! I'm supposed to be the nineteen year old, not you."
His eyes shot to her. Her brows were furrowed and her arms crossed. He lowered his gaze in clear shame.
"I suppose ... it would be possible to ... transport to you quite often."
"Yes, it bloody would. Every night if you wanted. I would want. God! At last you're thinking positively." She spoke flatly.
There was further silence.
He looked awkward and uncomfortable. "I have been there for a long time."
She guessed how he was feeling.
"What are you scared of, Severus?"
"I have only ever known you at Hogwarts. I have only ever worked at Hogwarts. I cannot imagine …" His voice dropped.
She reached across and took his hand, touched by his vulnerability.
"Severus. There's nothing to be afraid of. Today has been good, hasn't it? Wonderful. This is outside Hogwarts. It has shown me what can be. And I like it. I like it so much, I don't want it to end."
"It has to. You have a class with me this afternoon, Miss Granger." He smirked in his usual way, but for once it annoyed her more than teased her. It was all too easy for him to retreat into academic familiarity.
"It's Friday. Wouldn't it be wonderful to stay here and go to a hotel? I have some money from interviews and articles I wrote after the war. We could go to a really nice place and spend the weekend there."
He looked confused, almost scared.
"I have to get back to teach."
She sighed and lowered her head. "Very well," she said tersely.
They finished their coffee and left the café in silence, walking along up the street. Hermione was confused. She desperately didn't want to spoil the wonderful time they had had in Edinburgh, but equally couldn't help but be disappointed by his inability to let go of his familiar past. At least they had voiced it; the possibility of a future together beyond Hogwarts. And, she reminded herself, he had initially taken it quite well.
But his insecurity worried her. It was almost a burden; as if she was shouldering the emotional weight, not only of herself, but also of a man twenty years her senior. She glanced up at him. Was he really worried he would leave her? She guessed that was one of his biggest fears about being outside school. He knew where he stood with her at Hogwarts. Knew that within the school community, in her eyes, he was exciting, intelligent, charismatic … dangerous. But outside? Did he have so little confidence to think that he would seem so different? It seemed he did.
Despite their inability to have come to any sensible decision about their future, she adored him so much that she wanted only to reassure him. His fragility was so moving, touching; it brought out a feeling in her she could not quite identify. She slipped her hand in his, reaching up with the other one to feel the necklace which hung around her, and smiled up at him.
He stopped and looked down at her, his face still uncertain.
They stopped in the middle of the street. Hermione reached up and held his face. It was understandable that he needed time. She would grant it to him.
"Don't worry about a thing, Severus. You've got me. You've got me."
She brought his head down and kissed him long and tenderly while the people of Edinburgh passed by around them.
More soon, I can nearly promise. x
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x