SUBJECT 204
Notes: This chapter... finished a lot faster than I initially anticipated so yay? It surprises me because it was a longer chapter?
iDragonSpyro: Go ahead! I wouldn't mind seeing what you come up with :D And yesss recommend this to your gals and pals and galpals lol. But yeah hit me up on tumblr if you have one I'm wolfdogonthemoon or thestefidelly and I like to chat with people there
CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE
As much as she would rather not admit it, Belle was getting tired. She wished she could wake up back in her bedroom, shuffle into the bathroom and have a nice hot shower. Just be in there so long that her fingers could get wrinkled. Make the water so hot that being in there eventually made it hard to breathe.
Just escape for a bit.
But as the lights came on without warning and the door opened, Belle knew this was a reality she was going to have to live with for a while. Through bleary eyes, she pulled herself out of bed and felt the handcuffs click behind her back.
After Aurora left, sleep had been fitful. It was mostly tossing and turning and entertaining thought after anxious thought before her body finally just pulled her into unconsciousness.
And now, here she was again, cuffed to a chair in a room that she now considered the Interrogation Room. Waiting for her fate, Belle wasn't sure if she was supposed to expect Dr. Gold to come in again with another deal; Merida again to break down Belle's notions of Ruby; Ruby herself maybe so she could be triggered into proving to Belle that 204 was just an animal; maybe even Mulan, to be paraded as a threat of what could happen to Belle next.
When the door opened, Belle kept her expression neutral as Dr. Gold entered and sat across her. He wasn't bringing papers with him this time, but Belle suspected he was still here to try to negotiate.
"Did you have a good talk with Merida yesterday?" Dr. Gold asked, "She's Subject 206, in case you didn't know that."
Belle didn't answer.
"I hope you're not taking a page out of 204's book and giving me the silent treatment now, dearie." Dr. Gold put his elbows on the table and rubbed his hands together before clasping them. "We wouldn't want that."
"What do you want then?" Belle asked even if she knew he was probably going to ask her again how Aurora used her abilities or who tampered with their system.
Dr. Gold shrugged and smiled like they were having this conversation over coffee and it was appropriate to be coy. "Your cooperation perhaps? Please?"
Belle set her jaw and lifted her chin.
The smile fell from Dr. Gold's face, replaced by a genuinely annoyed expression. "Come now, Belle, dearie. We don't have to make this so complicated. How about I give you a new proposition."
Standing up from his chair, Dr. Gold walked around the table until he was behind Belle. She stiffened as his hands touched her shoulders, kneading them with his bony fingers. Belle swallowed and hoped his hands wouldn't go any lower.
"You could nicely tell me what Aurora did and who else tampered with our system and our staff. Maybe also tell us where we might be able to find them." Dr. Gold's hands continued to massage Belle's shoulders, making her skin prickle and her chest tighten. "In return, you get to leave in one piece. You can be with your father again."
Belle tried to shake him off but his fingers only tightened their grip on her. "I'm not leaving without Ruby and Mulan. And the Dunbroch family too."
Dr. Gold's fingers started digging into her shoulders, some of them painfully pressing into hollow spots between bones and joints. Belle's breath caught in her throat and she couldn't help but wince.
"Are you really in such a position to negotiate, dearie?"
Trying not to whimper or cry out, Belle breathed through her nose and lifted her head. "Then I guess we don't have a deal."
When Dr. Gold moved his hands off, Belle just barely had time to exhale before he'd taken hold of her jaw, palm against her chin, fingers against her cheeks. "Why does 204 mean so much to you? Has what she did to Merida not changed your mind at all?"
Belle tried to move her head away but he just tightened his grip, his fingers pressing her cheeks inwards.
"204 killed people." Dr. Gold moved his other hand to brush Belle's hair out of her face. It was hard to keep the fear out of her face when her heart was hammering so fast and her knees were starting to tremble. "Granted, Merida may have exaggerated a tad. And she's a little misguided sometimes. But the fact remains that 204 killed a mutual friend of theirs and attacked Merida herself. That's not even including the teacher and the other students that were killed that day."
Though her body was giving away her fear with its tremors, Belle kept her glare hard and focused on Dr. Gold.
The relaxed, toying expression on his face faded away. "Belle, you're rooting for a criminal at best, an inhuman creature at worst. Is that really worth all the panic and loss your father is now going through?"
At the mention of her father, Belle felt herself falter for a moment. He was all alone and probably terrified that something terrible had happened or was happening to his daughter. If there was only a way to get out of this and tell him what happened, explain why Belle was making the stand that she was.
But she couldn't make any deals that would leave Ruby and Mulan to terrible fates.
Finally, Dr. Gold let go and started to walk away. "Let's try again another time then."
The headaches were making it hard to concentrate on Dr. Whale's words. Pain was pounding through her head as she squirmed against the restraints keeping her strapped to the chair. She breathed through the pain, digging her nails into her palms and almost wishing she had the stuffed lion she left in her room.
When the bout of pain finally passed, she was breathing heavily through the muzzle and looking up at Dr. Whale.
On screen was more footage of Mulan. This time showing her holding the subject's hand and calming her down.
That had been a moment that the subject had greatly appreciated. Mulan helped keep the subject from losing control. It was also while Tamara and Dr. Gold were cutting into the subject that she found strength in making eye contact with Mulan.
As if to put a stop to those positive thoughts, agony burned through her body. The jolts of electricity made her spasm and thrash in her bonds, bruising and cutting into her wrists and ankles, neck and waist.
When the pain stopped, she was limp in her chair, struggling to regain her breath.
Why were they doing this to her? She could feel the wolf growing agitated, itching to come out and lash out. With the full moon coming up, it was already getting hard to stay in control, but with these new tests, it was even harder.
"You're not angry with us, 204." Dr. Whale was saying, "You're angry with Mulan Li."
Was she?
Well Mulan did break so many rules and got far too attached to the subject, showing way too much kindness and gentleness. It was dangerous and wrong. Mulan was wrong.
It did make the wolf angry. It made the subject angry.
But she also felt angry with Dr. Whale and Tamara and Dr. Gold and everyone who cut her and shocked her and hurt her.
"The tests we're doing now are because Mulan is a criminal." Dr. Whale said. "She broke our rules and stole our subjects."
She wasn't ready for the burst of burning, jolting pain. It travelled up and down her body, her muscles contracted and shook. A wail echoed in her muzzle as she thrashed and wished it would just stop.
When it finally did, she was just about tempted to take a bite out of Dr. Whale.
And the thought of that scared her.
She didn't want to lash out and bite or claw at anyone. She didn't want to do that anymore.
"She was wrong to break protocol, wasn't she?" Dr. Whale came close with the prod and the subject actually found herself growling at him. That only made him smile. "That's it, 204. Get angry, but not at us. We're only doing our best to contain you. Ms. Li however, has only been doing her best to release a danger out into the world."
The anger of the wolf was making it hard to think and process things clearly. She just wanted to snap and claw and tear. Her eyes were warming up and her hands were bleeding all over the armrests of the chair.
Belle was just trying to help. Mulan… was also just trying to help, wasn't she?
But Mulan knew better. She was trained to know better. And still, she broke the rules.
"She released three subjects out into the world and was about to release five more dangerous beasts." Dr. Whale then flashed a picture of the classroom. The bodies all over the floor, the blood all over the walls, the broken chairs and tables and broken people. "She wanted this to happen again. You don't want that, do you?"
Another growl rumbled in her throat.
They had a point.
When she shared space in Emma's head, Belle thought she understood what it was like for Emma to be restless and angry. She thought she understood the frustration and pent up energy.
But now, just about exactly in Emma's place, Belle felt like she truly understood what it felt like to pace the small space, wringing her hands and trying not to pull at her hair. She could understand why Ruby dug her nails into her hands. She could understand why Emma punched the door until her knuckles bled. She could understand why Merida vividly imagined her vengeance.
In such a small room, with no mental, physical, social or even emotional stimulation other than being brought outside for whatever Dr. Gold had planned, it was easy to develop self-destructive habits just to stay sane, just to feel some semblance of control in a situation where there was absolutely no control.
Belle didn't know if she wanted to throw herself at the door or pull all her hair out or peel the skin at her fingertips and around her nails.
She needed something to do other than think and think and think about how stuck they were and how dangerous it was for Aurora and the rest to come back here and how Mulan was being broken down and how Ruby was probably being broken down too.
And how Belle herself was getting torn up.
Gold knew what buttons to press. He found a weak spot when he brought up Papa and he was going to keep digging his fingers into that hollow spot like he did with her shoulders.
Belle wasn't sure how long she was going to be able to keep pushing back.
It was wrong to leave Mulan and Ruby and make a deal with the devil.
But it also didn't feel right to leave Papa alone and distressed. Not when she was all he had left.
As her tray was taken away and the lights were turned out, Belle released a groan, tempted once again to throw a tantrum and attack the walls or the door.
She knew that would help nobody and hurting herself wasn't going to change her situation.
Belle sighed and flopped back into bed, wishing she could at least be allowed to bathe. Her hair felt thick and greasy and she felt grimy. The hospital gown the other subjects wore was almost tempting over clothes she'd been stuck in for two? Three days? Maybe four? It was getting hard to keep track when everything just felt so dragging and monotonous.
As Belle tried to force herself to relax into her bed, she felt Aurora's presence start to take shape. Belle. I'm here.
It was a relief to have someone to talk to who didn't have something they were trying to manipulate out of her.
Gold is a piece of shit. That was Emma with her hard-edged energy and it was honestly a delight to have her in Belle's head again. There was a hint of amusement in Emma as she processed Belle's emotions. Hah. I knew you'd miss me. I'm awesome.
Emma, please. Aurora's worry was cutting through them and Belle had to admit she really missed the feeling of being so deeply connected with people. Let's get working.
Pushing aside her urge to throw in more cocky quips, Emma focused her energy on spreading the mental link until they were able to connect with Mulan.
It was painful. They all felt how drained she was and how much her body throbbed with pain. She could barely see through her swollen eyes and could barely breathe through her nose. Propped up against the wall by her bed, Mulan had to keep her head upright to keep the blood from her nose from dripping back into her lungs. Dr. Hopper had given her an icepack but it was warm and useless now. They tended to send him over after a session to make sure she didn't die overnight when they still didn't have the answers they were looking for.
Hi. Mulan felt sheepish as they read through and felt her experiences. I'm hanging on. Don't worry about me.
But they were all worried about her.
I'm not dead yet. Mulan tried to present a strong front but it fell flat when they could feel the pain and fear she was dealing with.
Should we include Ruby? Emma was just as worried about Mulan as everyone else but wanted to move attention away from her since it was clearly making her uncomfortable. That kind of attention wasn't something Mulan was used to and wasn't something she reveled in either. Maybe Ruby will be more willing to talk now?
We could try. Belle did want to talk to Ruby after what happened. They hadn't seen each other since Belle was shocked and then dragged away. Hopefully they hadn't been giving Ruby too hard of a time.
There was something of a glimmer or a shift in the air as Emma branched out the connection to try to reach Ruby several floors below. It was surreal, feeling Emma and Aurora go through the floors and into Ruby's room.
Upon sensing their presence, Ruby tensed up and clutched at the stuffed lion. She started pushing them away.
Ruby, please. Belle tried to reach out through the hazy connection. Are you okay? Have they hurt you again?
There was a heaviness to Ruby that was different than before. She seemed to be fighting against it as she shifted at the feel of Belle. There was concern and confusion, wanting to know if Belle was alright, wanting to know if they were hurting Belle.
Then there was the distress at sensing Emma, Aurora and Mulan. She pushed them away and blocked them out.
Emma was the one to sever the connection before Belle could send Ruby some reassurance. I think there's too many of us right now and she's overwhelmed. I have to figure out filtering us out so Ruby only senses one person at a time.
Could we try that later? After that glimpse at how worried Ruby was, as well as that heaviness to her, Belle didn't want to leave Ruby hanging.
Okay. Emma wasn't confident yet, but she wanted to help. We can give it a shot later.
For now I guess we could update you. Aurora was starting to feel the strain that she and Emma were going through to maintain the multiple links. Belle realized they were probably still recovering from the escape. Neal was able to upload some footage of Mulan's… Aurora faltered and they all felt how much it twisted at her heart to think about it. …interrogation sessions with Dr. Gold.
I'm fine. Mulan tried to assure Aurora but still failed to mask the pain from the injuries.
It's sparked an investigation and a shitstorm. Emma picked up where Aurora left off. They're doing their best to cover it up and downplay it though. A lot of news networks are making it seem like an accident, some are calling the reports a hoax. It's a mess.
The fact that some reports were trying to make it sound like an accident or a hoax made Belle sick to her stomach.
They've even been digging up receipts on Mulan. Emma's anger rippled through the link. They would talk about how she has a few fights on record in her high school. Some assholes are digging up Halloween pictures when she had a sword and shit and making it out like she's some crazy warfreak.
For a moment, anger boiled through Mulan at the injustice of the situation. Then it transitioned into concern for her brother. They're not dragging Shang into this, are they? Would you know how he is?
Aurora's been trying to find him but it's hard without knowing what his energy feels like. But we've been seeing some articles about him pushing for the investigation to dig deeper into the facility.
They all felt Mulan's guilt at getting her brother involved. She never wanted any trouble to come to him as a result of the risk she'd taken. Though she knew that helping the subjects was the right thing to do and that standing her ground and not giving anything away to Dr. Gold was the right thing to do, it still tore at her to know that her brother wasn't exempt from the whirlpool of chaos.
And Belle could relate to that.
How is Regina? Mulan was the one who wanted to change the subject and didn't want everyone feeling the distress she felt over her brother. Aurora said she's been taking things hard.
It was Emma's turn to project her feelings of concern and distress over Regina.
Regina is… scared. She won't quite admit it, but she's scared her mother is going to find her. Doesn't help that Neal saw footage of Mrs. Mills going into the facility and talking to Gold about where Regina might be hiding. They all felt Emma's connection to Regina and how they gave each other comfort and support. Emma sitting with Regina and keeping her calm and giving her reassurance and promising to stay by her side and not abandon her or isolate her. Sometimes she just wants to hide, other times she wants to go out and confront her mother. We're trying to keep her fear from getting the best of her. She's tough, I don't doubt that. But the past few days have been really tough too.
As much as Emma was worried about Regina, there was still a great deal of respect for her. Belle liked that.
What's the plan? The throbbing pain she felt made Mulan question how well she would be able to participate in another escape attempt. Our mission isn't over if Ruby and the Dunbrochs are still stuck here. Nevermind me. We want the rest to get out.
We are not neverminding you! Indignation ruffled through Aurora. I can't truly relax until you're safe and out of that place.
Neal is still working on worming his way into the system, but he's almost sure he can override the cell doors. Emma was vaguely amused by Aurora and Mulan's exchange but wanted to stay focused on getting the plan out to Belle and Mulan. Ideally, he'd like to be able to deactivate their prods as well, but that takes a lot more energy and fine-tuning since the prods aren't connected to each other like the radios or the system is.
Maybe don't prioritize the prods then. Belle would rather Neal keep his energies focused instead of spending too much time on every little detail. If they had enough time and room, they could get at the guards before they could draw their prods. They just needed a good plan and the element of surprise.
What happens once the doors are opened? Mulan asked. Someone is going to have to go in for Ruby and Merida to get rid of their chains because they otherwise can't get out on their own.
I want to try again with Ruby. Belle knew she had almost gotten through last time. If she just had another chance to talk to Ruby again, convince her again then maybe it could work. They almost had it. Belle just needed to make it work.
Were you really that close last time? Emma asked.
I think so. Belle had seen the flicker in Ruby's eyes and had seen her thinking about it and wrestling with the decision of whether or not to go with Belle. I was really close last time. If I can get another shot, I think I can convince her.
I can get Merida and the Dunbrochs. There was a noticeable weight of guilt to Mulan as she volunteered to try again with the Dunbrochs. She hadn't forgiven herself for failing them, for not being able to safely get them out when they had been so close to the lobby entrance already. She hadn't forgiven herself for not being able to fight hard enough when the guards went at them. The failure hung heavily over her.
You should be resting, Mulan. Aurora fretted over Mulan's injuries. At the rate they're going, we're not even sure if you'll be capable of walking yourself out of the facility. As the thought crossed her mind Aurora felt pangs of an ache to be with Mulan and take her pain away.
I'll go in. Emma was capable of maintaining the link while moving. It would be tricky maintaining it while unlocking Merida's chains and talking to the Dunbrochs and also leading them out of the facility but she couldn't settle for leaving them trapped. There was a distinct feeling of anxiety at the thought of walking back into the facility and risking everything. I want to help.
I'll go with you. Regina's presence joined them out of nowhere but Belle was glad to hear that voice again. It's both of us or none of us.
You sure, babe? Emma had interlaced her fingers with Regina's.
Wait, were Regina and Emma a couple? Belle had known they were close and shared a strong connection but hadn't quite been sure if their connection had wandered over into romantic depths. Not that it was too much of a surprise since it did make sense. But it was still just a little surprising.
Belle, seriously? Emma was annoyed, but playfully so. And for a moment, it felt refreshing to be like this. Gossiping and joking about who was dating who. It felt like such a stupidly mundane conversation and Belle appreciated it. Don't tell me you didn't know about Aurora and Mulan either.
Aurora and Mulan? Since when? Belle noticed they had a connection too and seemed to talk among themselves a lot but Belle thought they just deeply shared the solidarity that came with their planning and preparation.
We're not.. Exactly… Aurora was physically blushing while her emotions were fluttering all over the place.
We were working our way up to it. Despite her pain, Mulan managed to feel giddiness and embarrassment that mirrored Aurora's.
Belle was still shocked.
But you're both so into each other. Emma seemed just as shocked, but for different reasons. How have you not officially become a thing yet? Wait seriously you haven't even kissed yet? I mean come on, if Regina and I were in different circumstances I'd have aggressively made out with her ages ago.
Emma, don't go into detail about that. Regina was embarrassed now too.
Can we just get back on track? Aurora's discomfort was radiating from her in waves. So Neal will short circuit the doors to all open. Belle should be able to make her way out on her own. Emma and Regina will go and get the Dunbroch family. I want to go in to help Mulan out.
No, I'll be fine. As much as Mulan appreciated the offer, she didn't want Aurora risking herself when Dr. Gold was already furious with her and itching to get his hands on her. It wasn't worth the possible danger Aurora could end up in if they failed again. I don't want to end up being the reason you turn out to be his new favorite toy.
I'll go to you then. Regina volunteered. If you need help getting to the lobby, I want to be there for you. There was clearly a great deal of fear Regina held at going back to the facility and even being on a different floor than Emma, but she wanted to do it despite that. She wanted to help Mulan after the small kindnesses Mulan had offered during Regina's sessions of testing.
You don't have to. Mulan was uncomfortable with all the attention and concern for her and didn't know how to respond to it. There was a part of her that didn't want to be a burden but also didn't want to be rude by outright declining the offer.
And there was a part of her that knew she might indeed need help getting out, especially if the beatings got bad enough to keep Mulan from walking properly. And she feared that wasn't far off.
We're not leaving anyone behind this time. Emma's energy was firm and decisive. You two risked a lot to get us out and we owe you as much to do the same.
The invasion has been bothersome and the subject hadn't liked the multiple presences in her head.
But it also really bothered her to feel Mulan's presence.
It was difficult to figure out what she felt about Mulan. There had almost been an urge to lash out at her and blame her for how the subject was being treated now and the tests they were putting her through now.
That urge was all wrong. The subject didn't want to lash out at Mulan. Didn't need to lash out at Mulan.
She just didn't want to have anything to do with them, even if she did desperately wish to connect with Belle and find out how she was doing and if she was safe. Nobody was willing to give her an answer and she was starting to wonder if they understood the word she tried to speak.
Belle was really her name, right?
Ruby. The soft, soothing blue of energy lay over the subject. There was still the vague feeling of there being others as well but they were muted and dull and Belle seemed to be the focus. It's me. Belle. Can we talk?
They couldn't talk. They shouldn't talk. The subject couldn't let them get too close to her.
But she desperately needed to know if Belle was okay. If she was safe. If she was back home where she was supposed to be.
I'm being kept in one of the rooms of the B2 level. Belle expressed her empathy with how the subject dug her nails into her hands, shared the frustration and lack of control she felt now. They haven't exactly started hurting me yet… but I'm scared that they might start when Gold begins to really lose his patience with me.
They wouldn't hurt Belle! They shouldn't. It wasn't right. The only monster who truly deserved pain and punishment was the subject. She killed people and injured people and traumatized people. There was little more dangerous than the subject and it was best for her to stay here.
Ruby, no. Belle's patience felt like a blanket on the subject's shoulders. You have more control over yourself than you ever did before. You have all these cards stacked against you and still you try so hard to keep yourself from losing the fight. You know the danger you have the potential to be and you take all these precautions that I don't think anyone would ever bother to take.
This wasn't something the subject wanted to think about. She belonged here, in this facility. There was no place for her outside.
I want to take you away from here. Belle continued to share strong feelings of comfort and care. You deserve to heal from what happened and what you're going through now.
The subject felt like she didn't deserve to heal and didn't deserve to have anyone care about her. Nobody should care about her and nobody should be trying to get her out of this place and release her into a world where so many innocent lives could be taken away all over again.
You and I won't let that happen again. You're capable of not letting that happen again. Me and Emma and Aurora and Regina and Mulan, we'll all help you.
This was too much. The subject pressed the lion plush against her face and closed her eyes, trying to push back Belle's voice and get away from it. She didn't know what to think. Everyone was telling her different things.
The scientists were telling her she was dangerous and Mulan had taken dangerous risks. They were right about that. Belle and the others were saying she could control it and she wouldn't be the danger outside that she was sure she would be.
Everything was too confusing and too overwhelming and she wanted to get away from it all.
There was a feeling of regret in the air as Belle and her friends severed the connection.
The Storybrooke Park was nice at night. It was quiet and deserted, which was nice after a long day of cranky teachers, noisy classmates and loud customers. Mother said she would be out tonight and that meant that being outside of the house without getting caught was just a little bit easier. The trick was to get back home before Mother did.
It wasn't going to be a long time out. There were just some days that felt overwhelming and she needed to get some air.
The sound of a bicycle reached her ears and she hoped whoever was out biking at this time wasn't going to take their route to the park. It would ruin the peace and quiet.
Not that she should be policing the park to start with.
She just liked when it was quiet. It wasn't overwhelming her senses like some days did.
The cyclist dismounted and drew nearer. A distinct silhouette with thick curly hair came into view. As she got closer, it was easy to see Merida's red hair and dark green hoodie.
"Mind if I join you?"
After they're little talk in the school hallway, she had been more conscious of how she behaved, treating Merida better and fighting back the stupid little feelings of jealousy and resentment. Merida made Dorothy happy and if anything, that was the thought to hang on to.
"Go ahead." She wanted to be alone tonight, but maybe they could be alone together.
"Came 'ere to think for a bit." Merida took her place on the other swing, scuffing her sneakers in the dirt. "Looks like you did too."
"Yeah…" She sighed, grasping at the chains of the swing and leaning back. "It's tiring sometimes. Just dealing with everything that happens."
"Aye, that sounds about right." With her feet planted in the sand, Merida lazily moved the sing back and forth. "I wonder sometimes what it'd be like to be in control of my own fate."
"Same." After letting a moment of quiet pass between them, she spoke. "Wanna trade? What's on my mind for what's on your mind?"
Continuing to swing herself with her feet still on the ground, Merida didn't answer right away, seeming to be thinking over the offer. "Okay."
They were quiet again, not quite sure who should go first.
It was Merida who broke the silence this time. "Remember how I said Mum is checked in at a facility? For her condition?"
She nodded.
"My brothers and I carry the gene too." Merida stopped swinging and leaned her head against the chain. "They said it's dormant, but it's there."
"Does Dorothy know?"
Merida sighed a breath that hung in the cool night air. "I haven't figured out yet how to tell her."
In the year or so that she got to know Merida, her mother's condition had never really been explained. "Is it like... fatal?"
Furrowing her brow, Merida looked down at her shoes. "It's... not exactly fatal... but if that switch gets flipped on... it'll change my life and my brothers' lives in major ways."
Maybe this wasn't quite the appropriate time to ask for more clarification when Merida was always so secretive and evasive about her family problem. But it was worth a try anyway. "What do you mean?"
Something of a smile tugged at one of the corners of Merida's lips. "Our bodies will be affected, our moods would probably also be affected… Everything, really." The bitter smile left Merida's face, replaced by a clenched jaw as she looked out into the emptiness of the park. "I really hope that part in us doesn't ever get activated."
"Yeah…" She didn't understand what exactly the condition was, but she could understand feeling out of control, at the mercy of whatever was going on with her family and with her body. "Hopefully it doesn't get worse."
"And you?" Merida turned to meet her eyes. "What's troubling your head?"
It was hard, feeling like keeping the problems deeply buried and also feeling like just spilling it all out. Keeping it in might be easier, but at this point it was hard to say how much longer she could do that. Some days she felt like she just wanted to explode. Especially on Headache Weeks.
Sharing everything though… would be hard. A lot of times, she herself wasn't sure what that everything was.
"It's been getting pretty rough at home." She settled for sharing just enough to lighten the load on her chest. "Sometimes I wish I could just… run away. Be away from her." Pushing against the sand with her foot, she swayed herself in slow circles. "I like thinking sometimes about leaving with Peter."
Merida raised an eyebrow. "Running away is easier said than done, isn't it?"
"Yeah." She sighed, "It's just… sometimes I feel like I just need to be somewhere else. Y'know?"
Huffing, Merida turned to give her a look. "You're asking me that? 'Course I think a lot about going home."
"Would you? If you could?"
There was no immediate answer to that question. Merida let go of the swing's chain and put her forearms across her knees, leaning on them and letting her head hang down. "I don't know." She sighed then looked forward. "I'd rather not leave Dorothy."
"Kansas would hunt you down if you tried to run out on her." Unable to keep herself from smirking at the thought, she added, "I'd probably join her."
Merida laughed and they let the moment between them feel light and playful. It felt good to just relax and let the amusement take its hold. The feeling wasn't an intense joy, but just light enough to break the monotony of the heaviness.
As the silence stretched back into stillness, Merida spoke, "What's goin' on at home? I mean, if it's okay to ask."
"I dunno… it's just… tense. And cold." She didn't really know what was going on. It always just felt wrong. And Mother always just found something to criticize. When Granny left, it was like she brought the warmth with her. "It wasn't always like this. It was different when Granny was still staying with us."
"Ah…"
"You heard the rumors, haven't you?"
Merida nodded. "They still go around sometimes. And Dorothy told me you don't remember much about when she was arrested."
"Yeah." She felt herself getting tense and warm as her eyes started to burn up. "It was different. The house was different." She sniffed, wiped at her nose. "The basement was different. Doing the doctor thing was different."
"The doctor thing?"
Shit.
Had she said that out loud?
Shit.
"Nothing." She shook her head, stumbling out of the swing and wringing her hands. "Just some… just." She fidgeted with her hair. "Just stupid stuff." Put her hands in her pockets and hunched her shoulders. "Mother does stuff to help with the headaches. It's nothing."
The look on Merida's face was strange as she stood up and came closer. It was a furrowed brow and pained eyes, like she was concerned and suspicious at the same time. Or something. "What does she do to you in the basement?"
"It's nothing." She didn't like where this was going. "Nothing like… weird. Just… It's nothing. I don't want to talk about this."
"Ruby, wait-"
"Just forget I said anything." Not even Dorothy knew much about the basement stuff. As far as she and Peter were concerned, it was just calming music and herbal stuff in the basement that helped with the headaches. "I have to get home."
It was about time she left anyway. Mother might be home any minute now and she would not be pleased to find out her daughter had snuck out.
The headaches were becoming more intense. She'd put aside the lion plush in favor if clenching her fists and pressing them against her forehead. The short hair covering her head had started growing long enough for her to clutch at the strands but after they gave her a fresh cut, it was hard to grab at anything again.
Through the haze of pain, she could barely cooperate when Gaston and the guards escorted her out of her room. Her stumbling and thrashing and whining agitated them and earned her at least one shock from the prod. When the headache bout finally passed, she was dazed to find herself in a room, even more dazed when the guards removed her chains and left her without any restraints.
If this was wolfstime, and she was pretty sure it was, leaving her without restraints was a bad idea. She looked around, hoping this wasn't going to be a session with Belle. This was the worst time for a no-chains session with Belle.
When the door opened, the subject pressed herself against the far wall.
But when they practically threw someone in, the subject was surprised and confused. Until the scent registered as Mulan and the subject could almost imagine shocks of electricity going through her.
Mulan made her angry.
Right?
A part of the subject was angry at Mulan for the painful set of sessions the subject had been going through lately. Angry at Mulan for breaking the rules and putting the facility in danger and treating the subject with too much softness.
But how could the subject be angry at Mulan when she was in that condition? Her face was marred with bruises and cuts, her normally neatly tied hair was hanging limply, several strands sticking out messily. There looked to be a few splints on her fingers and she was favoring her left leg.
Still, she managed to straighten up and stand tall. Even without the uniform, standing only in the undershirt and pants, barefoot and battered, Mulan stood with her shoulders squared and her chin up. She looked directly at the camera at the corner of the room.
"You're going to get what's coming to you some day, Gold. You can destroy our bodies and screw with our minds all you want." Mulan spat out blood and grit her teeth, continuing to glare at the camera. "It's going to come out in the open eventually. Then you'll be the one who's in deep shit."
Electric shocks jolted through the subject, coming from her collar and cuffs. The subject collapsed to the ground, muscles jerking and spasming. It was painful and overwhelming.
And when it stopped, she was agitated and Mulan was crouching over her.
The subject growled, hating how Mulan was once again showing concern the subject didn't need. Why couldn't she just be left alone? Why did they keep having to push her old life back at her? Why did they keep insisting on showing her kindness and concern?
She was a monster.
Mulan was ignoring the warning growls, moving even closer. "Ruby, are you alright?"
Scrambling to her feet and moving past Mulan, the subject paced the other side of the room, fists clenched, shoulders tensed. The anger was there. It was burning and it wanted to lash out and attack the nearest thing and that was conveniently the one person they'd been constantly telling her to hate.
But it was hard to hate Mulan when she was the nice guard.
But that was the point wasn't it? She wasn't supposed to be a nice guard. She was supposed to be firm and fierce like the other guards. She was supposed to follow the rules.
Another growl rumbled in the subject's throat as she turned her eyes on Mulan.
"Ruby…" Mulan seemed to sense that something was wrong. She moved slowly as she stood up and brought her hands in front of her. "Ruby, please. You can control this. You're stronger than they think you are."
With her eyes warming up and her jaw growing tense and her gums starting to be split by more teeth, the subject knew that she wasn't strong enough to fight the change. She was angry and Mulan was right there. Belle was wrong. The subject wasn't good at controlling the wolf. The wolf was good at controlling the subject.
Maybe the scientists would stop shocking the subject if she attacked Mulan like they clearly wanted her to. Maybe it would feel good to tear into something again just like before.
"Ruby, please." Mulan was starting to look genuinely afraid as the subject's steps brought her closer and closer. "Ruby, I'm not the enemy here. They've been hurting you for years. I remember you from school. You were one of those loud kids always laughing with her friends at your cafeteria table, remember?"
The memory was vague, but the subject recalled sitting in the cafeteria with Dorothy and having a blast with her and checking out girls with her.
"Ruby Lucas isn't dead." Mulan said, "She's still in there somewhere. She's been fighting to control the wolf for years. You're more than just Subject 204."
No. Subject 204 was all she was and all she was ever going to be.
They were wrong.
The subject pounced only to slam into the wall as Mulan dived away.
"Ruby, please." On the floor, Mulan looked so much smaller as she pulled herself backwards. "Ruby, please don't do this. It's not who you are."
At the sight of Mulan looking so small and broken, the subject felt disgusted with herself. What was she doing? Why was she attacking someone who didn't stand a chance? Why was she being like this?
The subject felt like her head was tearing itself apart. Agony brought her to her knees as she felt her bones starting to bend and break into place. Sharp teeth were breaking through her gums and her shoulders were popping in and out of place.
This was bad.
She couldn't leave the wolf alone with Mulan.
With what little control she still had over her shifting body, the subject through herself at the door with a resounding bang that dented the heavy material. Burning pain was working its way through her bones as she felt her nose breaking itself forward. Her limbs were barely in her control but she threw herself at the door another time, further denting it and even starting to crack it.
Then that sound came.
That sound that made her ears hurt and made her head hurt and she wailed as the pain overwhelmed her before she felt a needle pierce her skin and guards' hands were all over her and dragging her away.
"What were you trying to prove just then?" Belle demanded, almost wishing she had her hands free so she could shove them or knock their heads together. She felt angry and she hated it. She hated them. "What just happened back there? Don't you see that proves just how hard Ruby fights to keep herself from being a monster?"
"Dearie, watch yourself." Dr. Gold's tone was a warning but Belle didn't want to have anything to do with it.
She took a step towards him, hating every part of him from his stupid (lack of a) haircut to his neat dark tie to his pointed shoes to his twisted view of the world and to his rabid obsession with control to his severe lack of empty to his unforgivable disregard for humane treatment.
"Ruby's fighting so hard not to be a monster and all you people do is provoke her into being one! I saw you push a button to shock her when she didn't lash out at Mulan." Belle brought her face up close to Dr. Gold's stiff one. "You've been working so damn hard to destroy her and turn her into something you can use but guess what? You failed! She won't let herself hurt anyone! She'll destroy herself before destroying anyone again and you're blind for not being able to-"
It happened so fast Belle had barely been able to process it. Dr. Gold's hand had come up and hit her in the face. The strike had been a slap but it had been hard enough to send Belle staggering to the side, just barely managing to catch herself.
"That's enough, Belle." Dr. Gold spoke with the stern tone of someone frustrated with a child and it felt demeaning and infuriating. "Have her taken back to her room."
"Mulan's right, you know." Belle called after Dr. Gold as the guards started to pull her away. "This is going to get out eventually and you'll be in deep shit."
Ignoring her, Dr. Gold spoke to Tamara and Dr. Whale. "Looks like you were right, Whale. Maybe we should try Plan B."
Note 2: I'm pretty sure y'all already have some idea of what Plan B might look like. Also I'm not sure yet when I can update because this'll be a bit of a busy weekend again and I'm also still trying to figure out my outline for the next chapter so we'll see how things go.
In the meantime I got my gurl Laticia working on a little something something which I hope to link to next chapter.