A/N: I want to say thanks to the lovely graciebutterfliedgsr for the beta! And I want to say a huge thank you to everyone for all the reviews/comments/encouragement for this story. It means a lot and at times when I just want to yell and give up on the chapter...they're what keep me going.
Disclaimer: I claim no ownership of CSI or the Yeats poetry that is contained in this chapter.
Tuesday evening at the lab…
Everyone was already in the break room, sitting and talking, when Grissom walked in to hand out the evening's assignments.
"What do you have for us tonight, boss?" Greg questioned when he noticed Grissom entering.
Instead of sitting down, he decided to remain standing.
"Catherine, I want you and Warrick to handle a hit and run outside of the Tropicana Resort and Casino. Greg and Nick, you two are with me tonight. We have a triple homicide."
"What, uh, would you like me to do tonight exactly?" Sara inquired.
Last night at work, he had stayed behind at the lab and had her help him with a cold case file because he had felt that the others could easily handle the two DB's. However, tonight he knew he couldn't afford to stay at the lab, and he wasn't too keen on having her out in the field just yet. He wanted to make sure that she took things slow. She was still looking at him expectantly when he finally spoke. "I would like you to stay here. At the lab. There's going to be a lot of evidence that will need to be processed from the scenes you can help out with."
He saw the quick flash of surprise on her face before it disappeared. "Okay. Sure. If that's what you want," she spoke quietly.
He felt like he should say something more; offer more of an explanation. He didn't want to upset her; he just wanted to protect her. "You're still trying to get used to being back…I just don't want you to over do it."
It looked like she wanted to say something more but she kept quiet. He also noticed the brief exchange of glances between the others. Raised eyebrows and lips. He wasn't sure what they were thinking, but he knew that his main goal –his main priority- was to keep Sara well.
"Don't worry, Sara. We'll soon be bringing you more evidence to go through than you know how to handle… you won't even have a chance to think that you're bored," Greg said in an attempt to lighten the mood as he rose from his chair to stand.
Sara gave him a smile. "Thanks, Greg. I'll look forward to that."
"No problem," he said before following the others out of the break room and leaving Grissom alone with Sara.
"Are you okay with staying here? I would stay if I could but…" he trailed off.
"Yeah. It's fine. Like Greg said, I'm sure I'll stay busy."
He wasn't quite certain if he believed her or not, but now was not the time to get into a more in-depth discussion. "I'll see you later," he said, coming closer and placing a small kiss on her cheek.
"Okay."
As he walked out of the break room, he tried not to feel too guilty. He was just trying to look out for her.
xxx
Wednesday afternoon…
"Gil?"
"Yeah, honey?" he returned. They had already spent the first few hours of the day doing laundry, and they were putting everything away now.
"Are you planning on keeping me in the lab tonight at work?" she asked while hanging up a couple of his shirts in the closet.
"Um?" He wasn't sure how to answer that since he hadn't made up his mind yet.
"You need to let me back out in the field and allow me to do my job, Gil." She hesitated a moment before continuing, "Unless…"
"Unless what, Sara?" he questioned concerned, unsure what she was thinking.
"Unless you don't think I can do my job properly anymore?"
"No," he said it quickly and more sharply than he had intended. "No, that's not it," he spoke softer. "I promise."
"Okay… then what is it exactly?"
Grissom sighed audibly. He knew that he couldn't keep her in a protective glass bubble, even if he wanted to. It wasn't fair to her, first of all –she was good at her job. And, most importantly, he knew that Sara wouldn't let him. She would be the first to tell him that she wasn't fragile.
She was also still waiting for him to respond.
"It's me," he admitted, taking her hand and sitting down with her on the bed in their bedroom. "I want to take care of you, honey. I didn't want you to over exert yourself, and I just thought that it would be better for you to start out slowly…and…" He took a breath before resuming. "I was scared. Scared because of what happened to you."
She was facing him now, and she reached over and cupped his face gently with one of her hands. "Gil," she spoke his name softly and waited until his blue eyes met hers before she spoke again. "I'm nervous, too. But you know what?" This time she didn't wait for a response or for him to nod his head. "I know I have you there. My big, strong protector," she said. She was smiling when she gave him a soft kiss. Drawing back, she explained quietly, "I need to get back out there, Gil. Because I am nervous. And scared. I need to prove to myself that I can do it."
Leaning forward, he rested his forehead on hers for a moment. "That whole 'fall off the horse and get back on it' kind of thing, huh?" he questioned.
She let out a small chuckle at his choice of analogies. "Well, I haven't ridden a horse before…but yeah that whole horse and saddle thing," she agreed.
"Okay. Tonight I'll put you back out in the field. Just promise me you'll let me know if you need to take a break or something?"
"Geez." She rolled her eyes, playfully. "Here I thought I would just suffer through the night and not say anything at all…"
"Sara? Please?" he requested.
"Okay, okay. I will. Promise." She sighed dramatically as she rose back from the bed. "Now, are you going to help me finish putting up the laundry or am I am going to have to do it all by myself?"
xxx
At the Crime Lab…
"Tonight's going to be a busy night. Warrick, you and Greg have a burglary break-in gone badly in Boulder City. Catherine and Nick, you two have a double murder case in Henderson. Sara, you'll be with me –a homicide in the suburbs," Grissom said, handing out the necessary information to everyone.
xxx
A Few Hours Later…
He had already finished processing the master bedroom and bath where most of the crime had taken place when he rose to go find Sara.
Several times during the course of his work he had to make himself mentally refocus on his task at hand. In the corner of his mind, he was thinking of her. Was she okay? Was she safe? He made himself stay until he finished because he had wanted to check on her. And he would have but then she had completely surprised him earlier by asking him if he thought she couldn't do her job.
He reminded himself that she didn't need him looking over her shoulder. She needed to feel like she could do her job. Plus, there were also three other cops on the premise, one of which he had told specifically to keep a discreet eye on her at all times.
Stretching and working the kinks out of his shoulders, he gathered all of his collected evidence to carry out to his vehicle. When he returned inside the house, he headed in search for Sara. He found her in the kitchen, photographing blood spatters.
She looked up when she heard his footsteps approaching. "Hey."
"How's everything going?" he asked, squatting down next to her.
"Good. I'm almost finished actually. Just need to do a few more things," she replied. "What about you?"
"Done. Would you care for some help?"
She smiled. "That sounds nice. Thanks."
xxx
Thursday. Early Morning…
"Bye! See you guys tomorrow," Greg yelled out as he saw Grissom and Sara leaving. They turned and acknowledged his goodbye with a slight wave before they continued out the exit door.
Walking to the passenger side of his Denali, Grissom opened the door for Sara and waited until she got into the car and buckled her seat belt to shut the door.
Seconds later, he was in the vehicle and pulling out of the lab's parking lot. Turning his head, he asked, "So, how was it being back in the field?"
She shifted in her seat, her body facing him, as she answered, "It felt good to be back completely. I had been so nervous about everything and worried that I might have some trouble remembering certain things. But it was there. All the knowledge and know-how was there. I knew exactly what to do, things just fell into place."
"See, you shouldn't have been worried. I knew you would do well," he commented.
A few minutes passed in relative silence before she spoke again. "I think that it's a good thing… I mean that I didn't have problems remembering how to do things. Maybe now… some memories might start to come back? You know, now that I'm getting back into a more normal routine and everything…" her voice trailed off as she looked out the window of the passenger seat.
"Yeah, that's possible…"
xxx
Early Afternoon…
The sunlight was pouring in and was bright enough to rouse him from his sleep. Beside him, Sara was still resting peacefully.
She had fallen asleep during the car ride home. The adrenaline she had been feeling had worn off, and exhaustion had taken its place. He had carried her to bed, removing both her shoes and jacket, before drawing the covers around her.
He stared at her, watching her chest rise and fall as she breathed in and out steadily. Her hair was splayed against the pillow, her lips curved in a cute half smile. A ray of light hit the ring on her left hand, and it sparkled brightly.
Sara was right. Maybe being back in the lab would help facilitate her memories in returning. He knew he needed to tell her the truth. Before her memory returned on its own. It was only a matter of time before she began remembering; he refused to believe otherwise.
As Grissom was contemplating coming clean to Sara, she slowly awakened to find him gazing at her intently.
"Hey," she murmured sleepily.
He smiled at her. "Hey, honey."
"What were you thinking about just now?" she questioned with a yawn.
In his mind, one part of him screamed, "Tell her now!" while the other part demanded, "No, not yet!" In the end, the latter won out. Softly, he recited Yeats, "Had I the Heavens' embroidered cloths, enwrought with golden and silver light, the blue and the dim and the dark cloths of night and light and the half-light, I would spread the cloths under your feet…"
xxx
Night…
They had chosen to eat out before heading into work for the night, so they ended up arriving at the Crime Lab somewhat early.
After greeting Judy, they both headed to his office.
"Thanks for a lovely dinner," Sara said, half sitting/half leaning against his desk while Grissom sat in his chair.
"Anytime," he replied.
Ten minutes later, Sara was in his lap when they heard a knock at his door. She quickly jumped up and smoothed down her clothes while he straightened in his chair. He called out, "Come in?"
It was Greg. "Hey, Judy said that you two were already here…"
Another ten minutes later, everyone was in the break room for the evening. Grissom began handing out the assignments for the evening. "Sara, you're with me…"
xxx
Friday afternoon…
After she finished taking a shower and getting dressed for the day, Sara went in search for Gil and found him in his office. His attention was solely focused on the paperwork in front of him, so she snuck up behind him and placed both of her hands on his shoulders, massaging gently and causing him to moan in pleasure.
He crooked his neck to look up at her as he said, "That feels nice," with a smile. "Thanks."
She leaned down and kissed his cheek. "You're welcome." She grinned quickly before she continued, "I was actually hoping for a back rub later on…"
He shifted his chair until he faced her fully and gently pulled her down to sit in his lap. She looped an arm loosely around his neck. "Ah. So quid pro quo then?" he teasingly asked.
"Of course. What else is there?" she returned with a grin and kissed him again.
"Mmm…you taste good," he murmured. "Like chocolate?"
She flushed slightly. "Hey, I had a craving…"
"Uh huh." He laughed. "Why am I not surprised?"
"Yeah, yeah anyway. I was wondering if you thought you might possibly be able to manage to pull yourself away from whatever paperwork you were working on? I know it's such a hardship for you to do so since I know how much you love it," she joked.
"Very funny. It's nothing too important actually. What do you want to do?"
"I was thinking… you, me, the living room sofa. Eating popcorn and watching an old movie while Bruno lies on the floor beside us. What do you say?"
"I say it sounds like paradise to me. Lead the way."
Nearly two hours later, the movie had come to an end and the credits were rolling. Sara had switched positions so that she was lying on her back now.
Grissom gazed down at her face, searching her eyes. Maybe I should tell her now? Get it over with? I don't want to…but I need to. Okay. Okay. I will…deep breath in… "Sara," he opened his mouth to begin speaking.
"Hey," she interrupted. "Why such a serious face?" she asked before she leaned up to kiss him. In between kisses, she said, "Did you not like the movie?"
His brain was cloudy. His taste full of her. "No. That's not it… but yeah nevermind..." Later. I'll tell her later.
Moments passed, and they were lying side-by-side. Grissom's arm was slung around Sara's waist, and she held his hand in hers. "I wished we could stay like this forever. You and me. Just like this… no one to bother us. We would be in our own little world," Sara spoke softly.
"It would be nice," he agreed. "Except for those pesky little details about having to pay such things as bills and taxes, and we do have to eat occasionally."
Sara laughed aloud. "You're so literal," she teased.
"Uh-huh. Speaking of eating, what do you want for dinner tonight? We have to be heading into work soon."
"What about making a pizza with some veggies and cheese on it?" she suggested.
"Sounds good to me," he said as they both rose from the couch.
Walking toward the kitchen, Sara turned her head back grinning and said, "If you ask me real nicely, then I might even help you chop some of the veggies…"
xxx
Evening…
He was in his office again, much like the previous night minus the notable exception that this time he was alone. When he and Sara had come in together earlier, Catherine had caught up, and she and Sara had begun talking. "Girl talk," Catherine had teased before dragging Sara away. He then excused himself to the quiet solitude of his office.
Sitting in his desk chair, he looked over the night's cases. Two double homicides and a possible suicide case. Three separate teams were needed.
The past couple of days working with Sara had been wonderful. It was good to have her back, though he still worried about her. It was an interesting feeling to be this concerned about another person. He had always cared about all of his team members. This, however, went way beyond that.
Being with Sara twenty-four/seven was truly the sweetest form of torture. It was Hell. It was Heaven. Being so close to her; being able to touch her at work. It was sweet torture.
He realized that he needed a break. A break from pretending –although if he was honest with himself then he would admit that at times he had completely forgotten he was supposed to be pretending. It felt so real; it felt so right. Still, he needed a small reprieve. He needed to try to get his head refocused and to remember that this was just short-term, until he explained things to her.
Tonight he would pair her with someone else, and he hoped she would understand.
Leaning back in his chair, he contemplated whom he would pair her with. When he figured it out, he smiled. He knew Nick hadn't entirely forgiven himself for what had happened to Sara, so in this small way he could reassure Nick that he didn't blame him despite his earliest remarks. And he knew that Nick would look out for Sara at the crime scene, even more so than usual now. Satisfied with his decision, he rose and headed to the break room to hand out the cases.
Before Sara headed out to the crime scene, he pulled her aside. "Is this okay?" he asked, referring to his pairing her with Nick.
"Yeah, it's okay. I think I kind of know why you did it anyway," Sara said. "I'll be fine. Nick will look after me, so don't worry."
He was relieved. "Okay, good."
Nick came up and joined them in the hallway. "Hey, Sara. Can I have a few minutes alone with the boss?" he asked. He waited until she had left to grab Grissom's hand and clasp it firmly. He knew what it meant for Grissom to pair Sara with him, and he felt that a heavy weight had been lifted from his heart and maybe –just maybe –he could start to forgive himself. "Thank you, Grissom. Thank you."
Grissom acknowledged the unspoken words coming from Nick with a slight nod of his head. "Take care of her, okay?"
"Yeah, I will. I will," Nick promised then hurried to catch up with Sara.
He stayed rooted to his spot until he saw the two of them disappear down the corner then he left to go find Catherine.
xxx
Saturday. Early Morning…
He and Catherine had finished all the paperwork for their case, and Catherine had already headed home for the morning. Grissom sat in his office, waiting for Sara and trying a bit unsuccessfully to catch up on some work.
Deciding to see if Sara was nearly finished, he pushed back his chair and headed out of his office to find her.
When Sara spotted him, his back was to her. She smiled and walked toward him. Drawing closer to him, she greeted him hello.
He turned immediately and met her smiling face with his matching one. "Hey," he said softly. "I missed you." It was true, he thought. He had missed her. "Are you about ready to leave?"
"Yes. We're all done. I was about to come find you. Let's go home," she said, taking his hand in hers.
xxx
Sunday mid-morning…
Grissom had woken before Sara so he decided to serve her breakfast in bed. Twenty minutes later, he finished placing two plates of cheese omelets and hash browns on a tray along with two glasses of orange juice and utensils and headed toward the bedroom.
The smell of food must have woken Sara because when he walked in she was sitting up in bed and stretching. "Good morning."
"Good morning," he greeted her. "I wanted to surprise you with breakfast."
She scooted over slightly so he could sit beside her with the tray. "Thank you." Taking a bite from her omelet, she swallowed before saying, "This is really good."
"You're welcome."
After finishing their breakfast, they headed to the kitchen to put up their dishes. "Is there anything you need or want to do today?" Grissom asked.
Sara thought for a moment before answering. "What do you think about just having a nice, lazy day? Wearing our pajamas, playing some games…"
He quirked one eyebrow. "Games?"
"Yes, games. Card games, scrabble?" she suggested. "What do you think?"
"I think," he paused and kissed her, "that you should prepare," another kiss…
"Prepare for what exactly?" she asked, her eyes sparkling and her arms wrapped around his neck.
"To lose," he stated with a grin.
"Lose?" she scoffed. "You honestly think you can beat me? Me?" she repeated incredulous. "Oh, you are so on! I am the queen of cards."
"Famous last words, Sara," he said.
"Uh-huh. We'll just see who's crying uncle in the end," she declared happily as she danced away laughing.
"I'll make an area in the living room for us," he called out after her. He figured it would probably not be wise to play games with Sara in bed –because playing innocent games could lead to playing some not so innocent ones…
Nearly ten minutes later, Grissom had a comforter (his original one that Catherine had put up in the hallway closet) and throw pillows spread out on the floor. Sara turned the c.d. player on low and a man began singing about a dog in the garden row being covered in mud.
Sara had already found and placed the cards and the scrabble board game on the carpet beside the comforter. She plopped down and began shuffling the cards. Bruno was lying beside her with his bone, happily chewing away. "You ready to play?" she asked. "Poker, speed, war, Egyptian ratscrew…what's your pleasure?"
Egyptian ratscrew? I'm not even going to ask. "Poker," he replied, popping his knuckles and rolling his neck, getting comfortable and getting ready to win.
Half an hour later, Sara said, "Okay. Show me what you got."
He felt smug. He knew he had a good hand. Turning them over, he said, "Read them and weep."
"Oh, oh. Very nice," Sara conceded of his straight flush.
"Thanks," he said, prepared to win the hand.
"But…"
"But?"
"But not good enough," she cried out, turning over her cards to reveal a royal flush. She got up on her feet and did a little victory dance.
Grissom sat torn between amusement and amazement while watching her. Out of all the hands they had played so far, she had beaten him four out of fives times. So much for winning…
An hour and a half later after losing to Sara in both war, speed, and rummy, he wasn't quite sure what to think of this competitive side of Sara that was coming out. He found it fascinating, all the facets of her personality he was learning. Maybe I should tell her the truth now… "Sara," he began.
She interrupted, sitting back down on the comforter (after yet again another victory dance). "Are you ready to admit defeat and to say that I am the card champion of world?" Then amended a second later, "Well, of Las Vegas, at least?" she asked, laughing and completely unaware of what had been going through his mind seconds earlier.
"Admit defeat?" he questioned. "Never," he declared dramatically. "I'm just planning my comeback."
"Uh-huh. I'll believe it when I see it." She grinned.
He growled. "Get out the scrabble board, and we'll see who is crying defeat later…"
xxx
Monday evening…
"Nick, I want you and Sara to take a case on the North Strip. Warrick and Catherine, you two are headed out to Henderson, and Greg you're with me for the night," Grissom stated as he handed out the assignments for the evening.
xxx
Five hours into his shift, Grissom realized that it was going to be a long night and he would be lucky to be home by noon. He finished his current task before telling Greg that he was going to step outside for a brief moment.
Finding a bit of privacy, he quickly dialed Sara's cell.
"Hey," she answered her phone in greeting.
"Hey, honey. How's everything going?" he questioned.
"Good. Nick and I are at the lab, working on finishing up the case."
"It looks like it's going to be a long night for Greg and I, so I wanted to call you and say that I think you should have Nick take you home after you two finish, okay? I don't want you to have to wait for me because like I said it will more than likely be a long shift, and I rather you get some sleep…"
xxx
At the Crime Lab…
He and Greg had finished wrapping up their case and all he had left to do was a bit of paperwork. Sitting down in his desk chair, he yawned and picked up a pen to start filling out the necessary forms.
That was how Brass found him ten minutes later. Briefly, he knocked on the opened door and waited until Grissom looked up and motioned him in to step forward and into the room. "You're still here," Brass said, stating the obvious.
"Yes, but not for much longer. I was just about to file these papers," Grissom responded.
"I saw Sara leaving earlier with Nick."
Grissom nodded his head. "I didn't want her to have to stay and wait on me since I wasn't sure how long I would be."
"I know you're tired and just want to head home but think you can spare a few minutes to talk?" Brass asked.
"Yeah, uh, sure. What's on your mind?"
He took a seat. "I wanted to talk about Sara."
Grissom sat back in his chair, unsure of where his friend wanted to go with the conversation. "Yes?"
"She's something special," Brass began.
"Yes. Yes she is," he agreed.
"She's also the best thing that has ever happened to you. I don't think I have ever seen you happier. Sara's good for you."
"The question is am I good for her?" Grissom thought to himself.
Brass continued as if he knew what his friend was thinking, "You are good for her as well. I want things to work out between the two of you."
Grissom acknowledged his words.
"But I must warn you, don't screw this up. If you hurt her…"
xxx
On the drive home, Grissom's thoughts rested on Sara. He realized that he needed to tell her the truth and soon. He had been trying to but then she would interrupt him or the timing didn't feel right. His mind played devil's advocate, asking would the time ever truly feel right to tell her the truth?
Walking into the house, he greeted Bruno before heading toward the master bedroom. He found Sara already fast asleep. She was curled into his side of the bed, her face pressed into his pillow.
Quietly, he changed clothes and slid in next to her. Curling up behind her, he hugged her tightly to his chest. Softly, she murmured something indecipherable and snuggled back against him contently.
Though his eyes were closed, his mind refused to quiet. Over and over, in his head, he kept thinking about what Sara's reaction would be when she realized the truth. He knew he should tell her the truth now before things became even more complicated.
Will she understand? He would make her understand because he couldn't lose her.
Still was it so bad to want a little bit more time with her? He liked just being with her and having meals together. He liked not being alone anymore. It was a new experience for him to share his life with someone, and he didn't want it to end. He was worried –really worried about what would happen when the truth came out.
He would tell her the truth, but first he just wanted a little more time with her like this. Like they were married. Was it really so wrong?
A/N2: So there you have Ch. 25 (insert: Holy Hell! I have a Ch. 25??)! I hope you enjoyed it. Comments are so appreciated.
A/N3: Just a quick sidebar to say that I have a busy few days ahead of me (My friends and I decided to start a book club and our first meeting is Tuesday. I haven't read the book b/c I was concentrating on Memories and the meeting's at my house and I said I would provide refreshments so I need to figure out a menu as well…eek), so sneak peeks may take a few days to be sent...