BRIAN

Brian awoke from an old recurring dream, the one about being stuck in an apartment where the lights were all off and he couldn't read the switches on the fuse box to figure out what happened to the electricity.

A sudden noise awoke him.

He checked all around the barracks before realizing he'd hit a stray soda can with his tail while he slept.

He set the can on a nearby bed, returning to the mattress.

When he drifted off again, the sleep was sweeter than he'd ever remembered having for a long time, and all without his usual nightly dose of alcohol. It was a feat amazing in and of itself.

He dreamed about his ex, happy, back in his arms, and she didn't even care he was a blue thing with a snout.

He drove back to work, but got lost and arrived at the end of his shift, so he had to make up the time.

Then he talked with Sal in the med lab, holding hands, kissing.

Suddenly, she turned blue, her face elongating into a snout, her hair reforming itself into a glowing afro.

Her mouth opened robotically, and it felt like someone had just switched on a giant microphone in his brain.

"I bet you think you were slick, didn't you, motherfucker?" It was the masculine voice of the so-called `goddess Eywa' speaking into his mind. "Pretty fucking slick, throwing all that fungal shit down into my lair and trying to kill me. Let me tell you, you stupid son of a bitch, you ain't slick, and you're about to find out exactly what the fuck `Vengeance is mine' truly means."

Brian paled, his breathing becoming shallow with terror.

"You'd better get your ass ready for a showdown, because you just messed with the wrong motherfucker!"

Brian sat bolt upright on the dusty old mattress he'd been sleeping on, gasping and sweating as he stared into the dark barracks, trying to calm himself down.

"Shit!" he snorted. "The Matrix has me!"

It was just a dream, he thought. Just a dream.

"Your ass don't know what The Matrix is!"

He glanced all around, but saw nothing. It seemed the voice was now broadcasting through his subconscious mind.

"You ain't seen The Matrix yet!"

"Shut up! Shut up!"

The voice cackled maniacally, fading away until the only interior dialog Brian heard was his own.

Unable to sleep anymore, he got up and wandered the gray concrete building, randomly tidying up things he saw amiss when he felt like it, leaving others alone when he didn't. Straightening shelves and chairs, yes. Dusting and scrubbing grease stains, no.

As he passed the giant metal cooler with the broken door, he suddenly remembered why he remembered that oinker he toasted with engine fuel.

When he recalled images of Ibira, the green one that had put the beast there, and told him not to shoot Na'vi, he resolved to apologize to her the best he could.

That slaughter in the hallway didn't seem so macho or cool now that he had blue skin.

[0000]

ME

After my meeting with Osmifa, I went to bed.

I dreamed of a different tipi this time, one that didn't look as nice or lived in as the other ones, as if it had just been thrown together a few hours ago.

Dad was with me, again, accompanied by the shaman, his female, and Nawkedla. They'd just been sitting around a fire, waiting for me to wake up.

"It's almost time," dad said. "You may not have wanted this, Jason, but it needs to be done, or you will never be whole."

"I don't want to be whole," I protested. "At least not the way you want!"

"I'm sorry, son. Qaddafwu and I have been talking for a long time, longer than I've been talking to you. He needs this, and you do too. You just don't know it yet."

"What are you talking about?"

"Th same thing we've been talking about this whole time. Joining your minds together to become one person."

"And he's the instigator. So, what, my own body just gets to die? Is that it?"

Dad put his hand on my shoulder. "Son, you aren't the first one to do this. I mean, look at me. I had to die to get this way. Life doesn't end with your human body. You can trust me on that."

"Yeah? So where does my soul go? Because it sounds like Qaddafwu is going to have the controlling percentage!"

"Jason, you can still be you. I took on this body, and I'm still me!"

"No, dad. I'm not sure you are."

I stood up, rushing to the tent flap.

"Where are you going?"

"I don't want to do this!" I cried.

The shaman and Nawkedla grabbed me, dragging me back to the skins.

"I'm afraid you don't have a choice."

The shaman waved burning sage in my face. When my vision cleared, I stood in a strange field peppered with glowing trees, seemingly in the middle of nowhere.

Ahead of me, impossibly enough, I saw myself, pasty, narrow and white, clad only in a pair of tighty whities.

It was like staring at a full length mirror. But if I was staring at me, who was I?

I brushed a long black braid of my hair out of my face with a blue hand.

Wait. What?

I stopped, staring down at my body.

Naked, save for a loincloth. Navy blue, spotted skin.

I looked back up, marching closer to myself.

My other self responded in kind, slowly ambling closer.

And then we stood nearly touching, only a few feet apart.

My human self grabbed my braids, raising them to his nose, probably to connect them with his brain.

"Jason! What are you doing!" I heard a voice saying behind me.

"What?"

I blinked, and suddenly I was me, staring at a blue freak in a loincloth. I frowned at the angular cat's face that was simultaneously mine and not mine with confusion and puzzlement.

A green figure stepped out from behind a tree, firing a shiny Glock pistol with her third hand. The blue body collapsed on the dirt.

Feeling a wave of excruciating pain, I fell to my knees, clutching my chest as my pulse fluctuated wildly.

A pair of left hands pulled me to my feet. "C'mon. Let's go."

I staggered after her, feeling both relieved and betrayed at the same time.

I had many questions, but felt too sick to ask them, trying to catch breaths to slow my pulse.

"Like Gary said, you don't want those braids in any part of your body."

"But he called to me," I wheezed. "He was in my mind! He's always been in my mind!"

She gave me a stern look. "Did you want him there?"

I swallowed. "I...don't know."

Ibira sighed. "It's too late now. At least you're free. Another second and you would have been dead." She pointed to the dying Tamtiwa. "Look!"

Like a vampire, its flesh was rapidly disintegrating, turning black and melting off its bones.

As its skeleton became more and more exposed, I began to see glowing tentacles dangling out of its eye sockets, its mouth, its rib cage, and a dying jellyfish thing covered its head, its fronds doing a death wiggle as it pointed something like a satellite dish at me.

I could see flashes of myself dying, felt them, until Ibira shot the thing again.

More blue creatures emerged from the foliage, Nawkedla, Neytiri and my dad. Ibira shot all three, and we found more jellyfish possessed alien skeletons.

She dragged me forward, but I was struggling, so she threw my arm over her upper shoulder, carrying me along until I saw the small shape of the building come into view.

Now that I had made sufficient distance from the glowing skeletons, my pulse resumed its normal rhythm.

I stopped, grabbing one of Ibira's hands. We stared at each other.

"They were going to kill me, weren't they? What the hell were those things? Zombies?"

"Basically. I've heard rumors about a small tribe a few miles away from here. According to the stories, they somehow developed techniques to resurrect dead village elders by capturing agents and trading bodies with them, transferring live people's souls into their dead bodies so they can take over. The fact they bothered with you indicates they considered your body prime real estate."

I swallowed. "So they're still out there."

"Up until this point, I thought it was just a rumor. According to intelligence reports, they're all supposed to be dead."

The thought made me shudder.

"How could those...things possibly reach a guy clear on the other side of the galaxy? And mess up my brain like that?"

"There are spiritual forces out there, energies that transcend matter. Not all of it is good. And I think it may have something to do with your father."

"You think he's still out there somewhere?"

"Judging by these skeletons, I seriously doubt it. C'mon. Let's go back inside."

As my mind recovered from its reeling, a thought came to me. "You said that they exchange consciousness. Just a few minutes ago, I was not in my body. I was looking at myself. How did you know that you could shoot him without killing me?"

She smiled. "Your friend knew full well what was going on, but you didn't. You had a dumb, confused look on your face. That was, well, unmistakably you."

"Dumb...look?" I stammered.

She slipped her tusks around my face, touching my forehead to mine. "Yes. Just like the one you're giving me right now." And she kissed me.

[0000]

BRIAN

As the buttons clicked down beneath his big blue fingers, Brian felt more human than he had in many days.

He'd found the computer in the vehicle bay. Once he'd figured out how to get the power on, he seated himself on a pair of empty ammunition crates, then closed the inventory program, exploring the other software.

Although unable to find any games on it besides minesweeper and solitaire, his search did uncover something far more useful: A video recording program.

During his search of the computer's folders and subfolders, the thought of opening a word processing program and typing his memoirs had always been in the back of his mind, but now he didn't have to.

As fun as it was to type on a real keyboard (he always hated virtual ones) his big blue fingers had reduced his ordinarily phenomenal typing speed of 25 wpm to about ten or fifteen. By the time he would have typed anything of import, he doubtless would have a a group of guys pointing guns at his pokey ass, telling him to vamoose.

This video, then, would be his diary. His method of taking notes. His last message to everyone he cared about. Provided they understood him.

He took a deep breath and clicked the record button.

"My name is Brian Ross," he snorted into the camera. "I was a manager at DOGOS until I got sprayed in the face with a brain destroying fungal agent."

Overwhelmed with emotion, he broke down in sobs. It took him a minute to gather enough motivation to continue.

"I had some kind of near death experience and God sent me back to the planet in this body. I don't know if anyone will believe this , but it's true."

He held up his tie.

"This is actually my tie. I didn't steal it from anything. It's from my own personal sock drawer. I was always wearing crazy ties. I hope someone will see me wearing this and know who I am, but I don't know."

He sniffed, eyes blurring with tears. "I miss you guys. I really do. But you don't seem to know who I am."

He sighed, staring sadly at the monitor. "Sal, I love you. I miss you so bad. I remember you at my bedside when I was dying. You really love me, don't you?"

He sniffed, wiped his eyes. "Sal, if I had a chance to go back and make everything up to you, I would. You were right about me being afraid of commitment. Look. I don't care if workplace relationships don't work for other people." He shook his head. "I don't care about getting into your pants anymore. I want your heart. I want your companionship. I wish you could see that."

Brian was weeping again. "I just want to hold you again. Is that so wrong?"

He fell silent for several moments, wiping his eyes as the tears kept coming.

Shaking his head, he looked away from the screen, stopped the recording.

When he had calmed down again, he clicked the record button once more. "Victor, you were like a little brother to me. I'm sorry about all the short jokes. I really do think you're the greatest manager who ever lived. Okay, so maybe I just love midgets and dwarves..."

After saying farewell to half the people in the building, he explained the situation with the cave and the guy with the afro and his vague threat that he could do nothing about, closing the file a good two hours later.

He didn't know what good it would do, but it felt good to get it off his chest.

[0000]

ME

I slept like I'd never slept before in my entire life, undisturbed by weird dreams of blue people or sleepwalking. I actually felt rested when I woke up. I don't think I dreamed anything at all, but hey, no big loss.

As usual, my morning began with me spraying Ikran urine off my clothes and body.

This time I at least had enough sense to wear swim trunks to bed.

After I cleaned up, I donned my diaper, my dress, and marched off to breakfast.

We had grits, oatmeal, and slices of something blue that kind of sort of looked like bacon, but clearly wasn't.

I heard people murmuring about finding skeletons outside the base, but I pretended not to hear it.

"So," Ibira said as I set my tray down at her table. "How was your service last night?"

I stared at her. "How did you know I went to a different one?"

She gave me this look like I were a silly child. "I saw Osmifa leading you down the hall."

"Um...yeah. It was nice. Much more rooted in the bible, at any rate."

"You didn't miss much. Ours had nice music, but the sermon was too long, and it lacked coherence."

I laughed. "They're trying to placate people of every religion. How could it be otherwise?"

"I think yours would have been better. I also didn't agree to the message about reincarnation. I do not believe you get multiple attempts at perfection. I somehow don't think Brian did either."

I furrowed my brow. "Then how does that nature goddess worship work? How do you accept the idea of being absorbed into nature at the end of your life?"

This seemed to annoy her. I flinched.

"We are not absorbed in spirit. The good continue on the plains of Dalmudo, and the Ovbidli, the chosen righteous tribespeople, hunt, ride and farm it for all eternity."

"That's strange."

An awkward silence fell between us.

"Osmifa was telling me I should bring you to a service some time," I ventured.

The idea didn't phase her. "I went there once."

"Really?"

She shrugged. "I suppose I wouldn't mind going again."

I ate more of my breakfast.

"Do you like her?" she asked.

"Who, Osmifa?"

She nodded. "Or Grobe."

I swallowed. "I...as a friend..."

"So you would not date her?"

"No."

"It seems you are more compatible physically, and you share the same beliefs..."

"True..." I sighed. "You trying to get rid of me?"

She laughed. "Now why would I do that?"

"I don't know."

She stared at me with a half amused, half baffled expression. "The sleepwalking has stopped, I'm assuming."

I nodded. "Thanks for saving me."

"So...since we have eliminated one of the `defects' you described to me earlier, has your opinion about your genetics changed?"

"Um...a little. I'm still horribly shy..."

"I'd hardly call that a defect." She slurped up a glob of grits like a frog gulping down an unsuspecting fly on a lily pad.

I crossed my legs as my body reacted to the sight. I briefly entertained the idea of running my hands around her frog-like skin.

Ibira smirked. "Osmifa tells me you wish to have children with me..."

I blushed. "Gee. It seems everybody around here knows my business!"

"Technically, it's my business too." She crossed her arms. "Well?"

"I didn't exactly say it in those words..."

"Are you saying you do not wish to have a child with me?"

"I..." My face flushed hot. "I didn't mean now. I mean, maybe someday? Maybe?"

"If maybe happened to be next week, would you be unhappy?"

My blush deepened. "Not...too unhappy...just...frantic? You know, it's a lot of responsibility..."

Ibira chuckled, one hand self consciously half covering her mouth. "I have another question. Hypothetically, if you were to encounter another female, a human, who is both sexy and bold as I am, and she wanted you to father her children, would you change your mind and take her instead?"

I rolled my eyes. "I think I'd sooner win the lottery or get hit by a falling asteroid."

'That's why it's a hypothetical question. Say, for example, that she's beautiful, Christian, and wears a tipoc just like mine..."

"Wow. Sounds like some hypothetical woman!...Still, you just freed me from something that's been plaguing me for most of my adult life! If I loved anyone else, romantically, I'd be a jerk."

"True, but now you are a free. And with that new self confidence, you might...become normal."

"That I seriously doubt!" I sighed. "Of course, I am a human being with weaknesses. Of course I'd be tempted. But if we're married, maybe even had kids, I can only hope I'd be able to resist."

She frowned a little, rubbing her chin. "Although your response does not please me, I appreciate your honesty. If we become betrothed, and this hypothetical situation comes to pass, I may need to fight my rival to the death."

I chortled a little. "I think...just roughing her up would probably work just as well."

"I was imagining a female who behaved just like me."

"The female I was imagining would probably back off the moment you broke her arm."

She giggled. "That tough, huh?"

"The human ideal female is soft and dainty."

She fingered her tusk. "Would you find me more desirable if I too became soft and dainty?"

Afraid of being overheard, I leaned closer to her, muttering, "You're already desirable."

It wasn't loud enough, apparently, for she asked me to repeat myself. Or maybe she just liked to hear me say it.

"So. What would happen if I got...a makeover?"

"I...I'd probably faint."

This made her giggle more. "Don't worry. I'd catch you...So you have no interest in Osmifa?"

"None. I mean, that thing inside her..." I shuddered. "She scares me."

"You've got a thing inside you too, you know."

I admitted it. Yes, I could feel the symbiote kind of throbbing in my lungs, but... "At least mine doesn't rearrange my brain tissue."

"And you haven't tried looking...for someone...more like you? Possibly the same species?"

"No."

"No dating sites?"

"Not recently."

"Movies? Pornography?"

"That kind of looking is against my religion."

"But looking at me that way is fine."

I swallowed. "I...don't really know. You don't mind, do you?"

"Not at all. I'm flattered." She snorted. "At least you're consistent."

"What can I say? I have a thing for green women."

She giggled. "You said that in a plural." She mockingly turned her head from side to side. "You see any others around?"

"No," I said, lowering my voice. "But if you find any, tell them they'll have to compete with the pretty one sitting in front of me."

She laughed, but her skin seemed to change color a bit.

Sigma took a seat at the table with us. "Whatcha talking about?"

I turned beet red. "Nothing."

"He was just professing his love to me," Ibira said.

I sunk lower in my chair. "Yeah..."

Sigma giggled. "Awww!"

"He says he will faint if I pretty myself up."

"I'm not surprised. He is wearing a skirt. The question is, would he enjoy the faint?"

I gave them a sheepish smile.

"I think that's a yes."

"That's odd," said Ibira. "Before, I was under the impression that he sought a more aggressive female."

"He definitely looks like the kind who wants the female to wear the pants!" She paused. "On an unrelated note, did you hear about the old skeletons they found outside?"

"Yes," said Ibira. "I put them there."

"Really? Why?""

"Call it therapy." The green one pointed to me. "I just solved his sleepwalking problem."

"Okay, as long as it's not dangerous."

Ibira cleared her throat. "Jason, we...have another mission today."

"Okay?"

"We're going to try reclaiming the U.S. Bank facility."

I paled. "Are you sure that's a good idea?"

She nodded. "Dino has been kind enough to do surveillance on the area while you were sleeping."

Judging by the pee, I could only assume they'd placed him back on my bed when they had finished.

I stared at her in surprise. "Was he cooperative?"

She smiled. "Very. It seems he has become just as attached to me as it had been to you. I guess it thinks I'm the mother...and you're the father."

I blushed.

Chuckling, she added, "Or possibly male and female pack leaders."

I figured it was probably the latter, but I wasn't sure.

"Wait," said Sigma. "I thought I was Dino's mother!"

I stared at my girlfriend. "That is interesting. Everybody did say that. What did you do to change his mind?"

"I'm good with animals. Plus he probably smelled you on me." She gave Sigma a suspicious glance.

"Hey, I just babysat his Ikran. We haven't touched since spin the bottle."

I nodded. "Anyways, I'm glad this drone thing is working out. I'd really like to go home sometime."

Ibira had been crossing her arms, but now they relaxed. "As would I."

With a smile, I picked up my dishes, taking them to Osmifa to be cleaned.

"You two seem very close," she said as she dropped the silverware into the dish pan.

"Yeah. I really like her."

"How close are you?"

I scrunched up my face. What right of hers was it to ask?

Okay, so she took me to that church the other night. We kind of had that Christian thing going, so I kind of had to trust her a little with things like this. I think you call it `accountability.' "We're friends. We kissed. That's about it. Why?"

"So you have not had sexual intercourse."

This was going too far. Nobody at any earth church would ever ask a person that question unless they sought someone for help in a related matter.

But then I had to wonder if God were trying to say something through her.

Red in the face, I blurted "No."

"Do you intend to?"

I shrugged. "The thought had crossed my mind once or twice."

"Please tell me you will wait for marriage."

I swallowed and nodded. "Like I told you before, we read from the same book. I know fornication is a sin."

I returned to the table.

"What was that about?" Ibira asked.

"Nothing," I stammered. "Just..." I wasn't even sure I wanted to say it.

Often I imagined other people's morality being worse than my own, when it ended up being worse the other way around. In other words, in my imagination, me spending alone time with a cute girl in a house by ourselves means getting naked, but in real life it probably means busting out the vacuum cleaner and later joining her boyfriend in scrubbing out the spare room so her grandma can move in.

I sighed. "So when are we leaving on this trip?"

She shrugged both sets of shoulders. "Not sure. It's best if you resume your normal work until then."

"Nothing in this place is normal." I glanced back and forth conspiratorially, dropping my voice to a whisper. "Is it really true that the client requires us to wear crotch vibrators?"

She seemed unsurprised. "Technically, yes. But they had it mistranslated. Zitadeebi means `excited, energetic, frustrated, and pleased. Senior management interpreted this to mean sexually aroused but not satisfied whenever the customer calls in. The client modified the terms a few years ago, explaining that they really just wanted agents alert and eagerly paying attention to the customer, but that was after more than two years of the eggs."

I swallowed. "Eggs?"

"Yes, eggs. They were black, oval, slightly smaller than the grade A eggs you humans buy in grocery stores, and on the exterior they had a sort of fin that stuck securely in the reproductive organs of human females. I tried it once, but it wouldn't work like they wanted, so they got me a collar."

"That's crazy."

"Indeed. There were females who intentionally hung up in order to get multiple calls, others who quit due to either the embarrassment or random customers prank calling us with devices that caused the eggs to go off any time they felt like it. Others got fired for their lewd conduct, or running off with the customer."

I grimaced, rubbing my eyes as if trying to wipe the visuals away. But, to be honest, I found the male counterpart more revolting. "That's...sick."

She read the time from a watch attached to her harness. "When does your shift start?"

"Shit!" In a panic, I hurried off to the call center.

[0000]

BRIAN

I'm a genius, Brian thought. A fucking genius.

While playing around with the control panel and changing the desktop pattern, he had stumbled over one of the Internet Options panel, and found an icon telling him the Ethernet cable was disconnected.

Lo and behold, he had seen such a cable on the ground outside, and knew what it was used for.

Following this, even more fortuitously, he had uncovered a small satellite transmitter buried inside a box filled with a spaghetti tangle of wires, plugs and cables, and to his surprise, it actually worked. After experimenting with it for about a half hour, he found himself staring at his obituary on the company file sharing system.

He could barely recognize the person being described there.

Flattering, sanitized, mostly a resume.

His "loving" ex wife had been briefly mentioned, as well as his golf achievements.

Friends were mentioned, but not listed.

He didn't care for the so-called `pastor' ruining the service, either. Such a butt kisser, he thought. No backbone whatsoever.

He wept for a moment when he thought about what he lost.

After regaining his composure, and wiping his dripping snot on a nearby uniform, he typed in his login ID, and, to his surprise, it actually worked.