AUTHOR'S NOTE: I hope you enjoy what I have prepared for you. We take a break from the chaos and seemingly unending action that took over in the last four chapters. We will now take a journey through two minds who are now one. This is by far the longest chapter I have ever written, 18 pages long in Microsoft Word. It literally took me almost two weeks to write. I hope it does not disappoint, as it is a mostly introspective chapter. I had planned to scrap it and continue with the events of the story, but at the vehement refusal of my biggest critic (Celia, I'm looking at you), I decided to let it stay. Please let me know what you think of it and bear with me. It's VERY LONG.
Of Madness and Mayhem
Chapter 24
The layer of darkness that seemed to cover the palace was reminiscent of the very mortuary shroud placed upon the body of the once king. None were allowed to enter the royal residence; the healing rooms were being emptied out as the wounded were taken to Idunn's temple. None were allowed to set eyes upon the body of he who had sat upon the Asgardian throne three times. Whispers began to be spoken, questions were beginning to be asked: Why was Loki not given the proper funerary services? Why was his body not placed upon a royal barge, set ablaze on the waters of the river Urd and sent to Valhalla? Perhaps the fact that he had brought civil war upon the realm was deemed heinous enough to deny him the honorary death he deserved. Perhaps healers and priests were using their magical powers to try to bring him back from the dead. Or perhaps, he had died in Nornheim and no body was recovered.
The quiet streets of Asgard were full of these questions as the small procession made its way through the halls of the palace. Legionnaires carried the golden litter where the shrouded body lay, covered in a long sheet of emerald green silk. Behind them, a man and two women followed. Thor led his mother and Barbara towards the large, private chamber where his brother's body would rest. He looked behind him at Barbara, who was dressed in a long, emerald green gown. Her gaze was downcast as her eyes danced upon the intricate carvings on the floor as if searching for something. But in reality, she was fighting an inner battle, struggling desperately against the force that was slowly consuming her.
They reached the chamber. Near the far wall a vast array of torches were burning bright around a golden platform that resembled a golden altar. With great reverence, the body was placed upon it. Legionnaires and royal guards crossed their arms over their heart in salute to what they believed was the fallen king, and retreated from the chamber. Only three individuals remained. Then Frigga walked over and without warning, lifted the silk that covered Loki's body and tossed it on the floor.
Frigga gasped and grew limp, her still healing body succumbing to the grief of seeing her son in his true form for the first time. Thor rushed to her side and held her while she cried desperately. With great effort she stood and turned once again towards the altar. Her hands trembled as she smoothed his raven black hair and contemplated the runes that marked his cobalt skin. Her eyes travelled down the length of his body. His hands were folded over his middle, and she carefully arranged his customary leather garb, smoothing the pleats, folds and straps. Her fingers dexterously fixed the metal plates that covered his garments. It was the perfect sight of a mother ensuring her son looked his best.
"Loki" she whispered 'my son"
Barbara said nothing, her eyes still fixed on the floor. Deep within her, she felt something stir, a foreign spot in her heart that she now shared with another melt with the words she heard Frigga say.
"Mother" Thor spoke "you must rest"
"How can I slip into slumber when one of my children is no more?" she replied not taking her eyes off Loki "my son lays dead!"
Thor wrapped his arms around her and looked at Barbara. Frigga did not know. How was he to share the news that her son was not truly dead? He let out a big sigh and felt his own eyes moisten with tears. There was a feeling he could not name or describe that had engulfed him since the moment he saw Loki rise within Barbara's body.
"Nevertheless mother, you are not yet well" he said with determination in his voice. Scooping his weakened mother in his arms, he turned towards the doors. As he passed by Barbara, he stopped and looked at her.
"She cannot afford to lose a son again" he whispered. Barbara raised her head at the words and looked back at Thor. But the look exchanged was that of two brothers who gazed at one another in understanding.
Thor exited. The second the doors closed, Barbara finally allowed herself to crumble. She finally allowed the dam to break. The side of her that remained her own caused her to collapse. Falling to her knees at the foot of the altar where Loki's body lay, she wept. Even through the numbness that engulfed her, there was a deep hopelessness that caved its way into her heart. She felt nothing, she thought nothing. Her mind was blank though it threatened to explode.
Barbara, she finally heard Loki's voice break through the void, let it be my love. Let it be.
Let it be. With those words, she finally lost consciousness and let Loki consume her.
Madness.
It was utter madness. It was not supposed to be like this.
He was supposed to die. Instead, by giving Barbara his life he had also returned to the realm of the living. Not in his body, but in the one he pried back from the clutches of death. His most selfless act had now turned him into a prisoner, his own consciousness now locked inside her own. He lived through her, just as she now lived through him. Two souls shared one vessel, two hearts beat in one, two minds were now fused in one consciousness.
They had truly become one.
Barbara collapsed on the floor, and he felt her succumb to the darkness that engulfed her. His own darkness.
"Let it be, my love. Let it be", he whispered helplessly.
He wished for nothing more than to be able to reach out, to take her in his arms and save her from himself. Yet even as these thoughts formed, he too felt himself slip into unconsciousness.
Then with a gasp, he awoke. Looking down, he saw himself as he was, in his own likeness. Then the sound of small, faint laughter gathered his attention. Looking around him, he realized he stood in a foreign world. Thin, tall trees opened up to glorious shrubbery leaves atop their trunks like a crowning glory, even while around them the area was mostly desolate. A desert. He looked up at the bright sun that shined down upon the dry, caked earth.
He heard it again. The small, gentle laughter. Following it, he came to stand at the fence that surrounded a small area of green. In the middle stood a contraption that was obviously designed for child's play. Two chains hung from the top, and on a strange-looking seat at the bottom sat a small child. A girl. He noticed her olive skin and deep brown eyes. Her pouty pink lips and raven black hair that bounced in perfect ringlets.
Barbara.
Loki's eyes widened, realizing that the memories that lay suppressed in her subconscious were being displayed before him. He had walked into the past she had forgotten. He was taking a journey through her beginnings, scenes of the life she had lived now displayed for him to see. He was flipping through the pages of her history.
A man stood behind her, pushing her as she swooshed back and forth in the air. He could hear her laughter as the man spoke to Barbara in a human language Loki could not understand. Then the man walked around the contraption and stood in front of it. Barbara leaped from her seat as the swing swooped upwards, and she flew into the man's waiting arms. Together, they twirled around, and once their laughter had ceased, little Barbara laid her head on his shoulders and whispered softly:
"I love you, uncle"
Loki was taken aback, realizing he was looking at the man who had raised her. He remembered the words she had said a long time ago, when she offered a small summary of her life in response to his mockery of the pain she claimed to carry:
"I'm an orphan. I never knew my parents. They died when I was only a toddler. I was taken in by my uncle Rafael..."
He had never truly cared to learn her beginnings, had never become interested in finding out who she had been. But now, as her earliest childhood memory played out before him, he wished to know more.
The scenery changed. He now stood inside a human home that was small and humble. It lacked any and all forms of luxury. On a couch, the man sat with Barbara next to him. She seemed to be older now, her features more defined and her eyes shining with more maturity and understanding. On her lap was an open book, and Loki observed with great interest as the man pointed at different images while she wiped the tears that escaped her eyes.
"What happened to them?" she asked.
"Car crash, my dearest. Your mother was out buying groceries when it started to rain. Your father had gone to pick her up. They were driving back home to you when...I'm so sorry. Am I wrong in telling you? I figured it was time you knew..."
She simply shook her head, her fingertips tracing over the likeness of her parents. Loki felt her pain. It was a hollow, sinking feeling that caved into his chest. Yet still, a part of him envied her. Despite the tragedy of her infancy, she had enjoyed the happiest of childhoods. Though she had not grown in the opulence of a royal palace as he had, she had enjoyed the luxury of sincerity, the fortune of honesty. She had always known who she was. She grew up without falsehoods, no secrets were kept from her, and the man who had become the only father she ever knew loved her as if he had been the one to beget her.
Loki turned from the scene but was met with another. He still stood in the same home, but now Barbara had blossomed into a beautiful, young woman. The glow of adolescence was evident in the sparkle of her eyes and the openness of her smile. She wore a magnificent gown of sapphire blue that accentuated her blooming figure. She quickly and nervously ran to the door and opened it. Much to Loki's surprise, a young man stood behind it, a rose and a small package in his hands. Instinctively, Loki advanced upon him, but the boy walked through him, and reached Barbara. He said something to her, and presented her with the rose. The blush in her cheeks and her wide smile betrayed her. She liked the boy. Without realizing, Loki gritted his teeth at the sight. He groaned with anger when he noticed he was wrapping a corsage around her wrist, then intertwined his fingers with hers.
Barbara's uncle suddenly came into the picture. He stood next to Loki with his hands in his pockets and a frown upon his face.
"So, you're off to Prom" he said to her, and Loki could almost hear his voice breaking "enjoy it, kiddo. This is a night you will remember for the rest of your life"
"I'll be back by midnight, I promise!" she placed a kiss on her uncle's cheek and walked through the door, hand in hand with the boy. Loki followed her, then stopped in his tracks when he saw her in an elegant hall, smiling in the young man's arms, twirling and dancing around the room. So young. So carefree. So pure.
The scenery changed again, and he now stood in a darkened room. In front of him, Barbara lay alone on a bed, holding a device to her ear. She wept openly, a ceaseless flood of tears escaping her eyes while she listened to a man's voice that came through it.
"We're too far apart. Things are so much different now. We don't live two streets away anymore. You're stuck at MIT, I'm here in UCLA. It's just not going to work..."
Her first love and her first heartbreak: One of the milestones of human life. Part of the process of maturing into an adult, yet something that was alien to Loki. Having spent his youth enjoying the unending attention of women, he had not formed any sentimental attachments. Asgardian maidens, palace chambermaids, wives and virgins, common and noble, they all threw themselves at his feet. He had even bedded a foreign queen in his younger days. But this, this was different. This was no casual encounters, no trivial gratification from desperate partners who sought only to please a prince. What he was witnessing was the grief that came from the loss of love. A feeling he had finally experienced with the very woman he now watched succumb to it.
Barbara disappeared, and he was now inside a large a room. A sea of people filled the massive chamber, and shouts of joy filled the air. His eyes scanned the scene but could find no trace of Barbara. Then he heard her name being spoken loudly from large devices mounted around the auditorium.
"Barbara Elizabeth Contreras, Bachelor of Science in Earth, Atmospheric & Planetary Sciences, summa cum laude"
The chamber erupted in cheer, and he could now see her standing on a platform. She wore a black robe with a unique headdress. A wide ribbon was placed around her neck, and she was presented with a thin tome that was obviously of great importance. She was now a full grown woman, and she stood tall and confident as she reached another milestone.
What a different world she lived in. Everything about it was foreign and strange to him. He closed his eyes and the shouts of the multitude faded. For a few moments, all was silent, until a familiar sound, one he had heard many times before, reached his ears. She was sobbing.
He opened his eyes and he was standing at the end of a long aisle. The atmosphere was thick, and heavy. The distinct sounds of mourning hung in the air like a sickness. He could see Barbara standing in front of an ornate wooden box surrounded by a vast array of flowers. Her shoulders shook violently as he slowly made his way over to her. When he reached her, he was taken aback by the sight of her uncle lying in the coffin.
On a whim, he reached for her, but instead he grasped at nothing. Everything faded and one last scene played out in front of him, one final memory that was prominent. One last recollection that sent Loki reeling.
"Barbara Contreras, pleased to meet you Mr. Von Doom" she spoke with a smile in her voice "your advances in genetic engineering and quantum mechanics are unparalleled"
Loki's blood froze when he saw Barbara standing in front of the very man he was now using as a pawn.
"Well then, that saves me an introduction" Doom replied "thank you. But I am afraid my scientific interests have branched out onto greener fields of late"
"Oh yes, I read about it. Thermonuclear astrophysics. When does your project launch?"
He saw the way Doom looked at her. He eyed her with a fiendish interest that was mixed with confusion and reservation. She on the other hand, looked at him with blatant admiration. Loki tuned out their conversation as he watched them. He remembered the sudden interest Doom had shown upon realizing she was to aid in their joined quest to bring Thanos down. He remembered the way he had accommodated Barbara in his lair, the words Doom had said to him the last time they had spoken.
"Why did she come here?"
"I wouldn't know. You are her husband, you should know these things... she truly is a thing of beauty to behold...a warrior in her own right... Like a cat, I like to play with my prey before I ravish it. I admire it before I taste it" he purred as he turned and faced Loki.
Loki now clenched his hands into fists as he turned his attention once again to the scene playing out before him.
"Knowledge often comes at a great price. Fortune favors the bold. One day you will be known as 'the child of the universe', the one who made space accessible to humankind. It has been a true honor, Mr. Von Doom... have a most pleasant evening"
Doom watched her go, as well as Loki. The two men observed the curves of her voluptuous hips that swayed rhythmically with the melodious and sensual musical piece that came from the orchestra. Her long, shiny black spirals bounced behind her, and the crystal flowers on her hair pins glistened under the chandeliers.
Loki followed her, but stopped when she was suddenly kneeling in front of him. His breath caught in his throat when she placed her hand into his waiting palm.
"Um... yes I'm fine, thank you" she said, seeming uneasy. He saw the fascination in her eyes that she desperately tried to mask. The blush that sat on her cheeks betrayed her. To Loki's surprise and delight, he was reliving the moment they had met, the day in which he laid eyes on her for the first time.
Suddenly, he was no longer holding her hand, but watching himself as he stood above her. She lay slumped at his feet, a broken heap that shook with fear.
"My, my. Look at you, the defiant mortal, reduced to a whimpering pile at my feet. Still thinking you can challenge a god?"
He grabbed her wrists and yanked her up to her feet. He shook her, forcing her to look at him.
"Look me in the eye, wench!" he roared as he pushed her back onto the doors "Not so bold now, are you? Your brazen tongue shall cause your downfall. You will regret every transgression made against me, even those you planned without executing. You thought yourself clever but you didn't know you were trying to best a god!"
"Finish it" she whispered "or do you enjoy taunting before delivering the killer blow?"
"Oh, I do. Immensely. I am going to torture you, and I am going to break you. I will make you hurt, and I will make you beg. Do you not think it generous to know your fate before it is bestowed upon you, Barbara?"
Suddenly, his palm was pressed against a thick layer of glass that prevented him from feeling her touch. They stood palm to palm, their eyes burning into each other's, two vast oceans of blue-green against two deep abysses of earth brown.
"You're a lost, wounded soul Loki" she whispered. "I pray for your sake that you find the peace you now seek in all the wrong places"
"My words held truth" his voice was barely above a breath "you will not be free of me"
How true his words had been. Little had he known then that by saying them, he had perpetually bound himself to her. She had been an ordinary mortal, just another in a sea of billions that he had regarded as nothing more than ants under his boot. They came from two totally different worlds.
He wanted it to stop. He wanted the images to disappear, her memories to fade away back into that part of her subconscious she could no longer reach. He was glad she could no longer remember what her life as a human had been. Such recollections did not belong in the memory of she who was now a goddess in her own right. She now stood high above the humanity she had left behind.
Then images of her time in Asgard flashed before him. The night they had been reunited on the balcony of his chambers, her days spent in leisure and nights in his embrace. Her escape from the palace, the subsequent events that ended in the life-shattering realization that she had finally surrendered all control of herself into his hands. Her focus, attention and devotion were now placed solely on him. He had taken everything from her, and even her very life was in his grasp to do with as he wished. She was no longer Barbara Contreras: The confident, assured, proud and brave woman she had been. She was Loki's pet.
He now stood with her on the gazebo, on that fateful night when he realized the prospect of no longer having her made his existence seem bleak. The night he decided that he was not going to let her mortality steal her away from his embrace.
"No wonder you look upon me and the rest of my race as if we are nothing" she said "we humans are weak, insignificant creatures that are here today and gone tomorrow. When I'm old and withered, you will have hardly aged a day. I will die, and you will still be as you are now…" her voice broke, leaving her message unsaid.
It did not, however, go missed. He took her chin and brought her eyes to his.
"I will not have it so" he replied, his tone final and stern.
Then it was over. No more images, no more scenes played out before him. As her last human memory faded away, Loki was once again surrounded by darkness, and he slipped back into nothingness.
Mayhem.
That was the word that truly described his existence. Mayhem and chaos, disorder and turmoil. Loki's mind was a jumbled commotion, a jungle of anarchy, an ataxia of utter rebellion. Barbara was unable to breathe as every single emotion that ever coursed through him now rushed into her brain like an unrestrained current, washing away everything that was hers and replacing it with the trepid and raging waves of his twisted psyche. She drowned into its depths, succumbing to the darkness that reigned supreme in his heart. But as she went under the surface and the raging waters of his malevolence washed over her, she was left in the deep recesses of his soul, the dark and cavernous corners of his consciousness. There was no raging current here, only an obscure stillness that enveloped her like a stifling cocoon. Pain. There was only pain. She had sunk into a vast and deep ocean of grief, torment and misery. There was no bottom, no surface, no light, no life, no hope. She struggled to reach the surface, to see light, to breathe, but it was futile. She was shackled by the very chains Loki had wrapped around himself, and just as he was, she too was unable to break free.
Let it be, my love. Let it be.
She heard his voice speak to her, and she ceased her struggle. Deep in the back of her mind, she felt her body collapse and weep, felt the knot in her throat that kept her from breathing.
"What have you done to me, Loki?" her mind screamed before she finally allowed herself to let go, to give in. And when she did, she felt peace. Freedom truly was life's great lie.
In the stillness, she suddenly began to register the faintest trace of consciousness, the smallest hint of awareness. But it was not her own. Muddled voices whispered in her ear, undecipherable and faraway. The pain ceased, the crushing weight of agony slipped away, and she was suddenly no longer sinking, but her feet were coming to touch terra firma. Air rushed into her lungs, and her eyes shot open. To her amazement, she was standing in a large alcove. Looking around her, she registered the countless ancient books that sat on high shelves lining the golden walls. The lapping shadows of flames that burned in torches told her she was standing within a library, but in a time far in the past. Then two figures sitting at a table gathered her attention. Two very young boys. One had golden blond hair while the other's was shiny and raven black. They were both lost in the pages of a book and occasionally wrote on a parchment of paper. An elderly man that looked almost ancient walked around the table, watching the siblings work.
"Ugh. Useless, pointless blabber" the blond, older brother huffed under his breath "father must delight in torturing us daily"
The younger, dark-haired brother looked up from his work at the sibling that sat next to him. "A king must be wise and enlightened, brother. It's not torture when one thirsts for knowledge. But then again, brightness has never been your forte"
"You and your intellectual brain, do you really think of nothing more than books and magic and playing others for fools? Seeing you rush every morning to lessons one might even think you enjoy the company of the ogre" Thor whispered, stealing a look at the tutor. Loki shook his head in annoyance at his brother.
"Why should I need to know this to be king?" Thor continued "a king rules. A king commands. It is simple. Subjects obey or else they..."
"You really are sure father will pick you?"
"Tis natural" Thor interjected, casually flipping a page in the book "never has a second born son risen to the throne" he smiled.
"And I suppose the future kings have finished their examination?" the tutor broke the hushed conversation. He came to stand in front of the table and reached out, and the two princes placed their parchments in his hands. He looked at them with a cutting glance before scanning the pages he had been given. He looked at Loki, and even though his gaze was stern, there was an underlying glint of satisfaction at seeing his paper full of inscriptions. Then he looked at Thor, and the glint was not there.
"A pity" the tutor spoke "had the younger been born before the older..."
"Fogive him, Master Bjorn. It was I who distracted my brother" Loki tried to defend his sibling, and Thor gave the tutor his most innocent grin.
The tutor gave Loki a knowing look before he dismissed them. Royal guards instantly came and stood at the ready, waiting to escort the princes. Thor immediately jumped from his seat and made for the doors, en route to the training grounds. Loki began to follow, but the voice of the tutor calling his name halted him in his steps.
"Prince Loki" he beckoned him. Once Loki had returned to the table, the tutor placed the page he had written in front of him and pointed to a specific line of writing. "An excellent insight, but next time remember that the root of selfishness is not just avarice, it is the desire to stand above all. You may go"
The tutor gave the young prince a small, satisfied smile, and watched him go after his brother.
Brilliance, magic and mischief: The three things Barbara knew were at the core of Loki's persona. His intelligence and gift were his greatest assets. She smiled with the realization that she was seeing his earliest memories, peeking into the past of the man behind the legend, the child behind the god.
Next, she saw him on the training grounds, battling Thor while Odin and legionnaires stood watching. Around them, other children sparred in training. With surprise, Barbara noticed that both siblings were now older, at that stage where they were about to enter their teen years.
"Watch this, father!" Thor called out, and with a quick maneuver, brought Loki down, then placed the edge of the wooden sword against his throat.
Roaring with laughter, Odin approached and proudly placed a hand on Thor's shoulder. He looked down at Loki and offered him his hand. Other young children were also laughing at how quickly Thor had brought his brother down.
"Great with a book but now with a sword, eh Loki?" a young Sif jested, patting Loki on the back as she walked past. He gave her a cutting look before he dusted his breeches off to hide the wounded look that crossed his features.
"Asgard is a realm of warriors!" Thor gloated, making a fighting gesture with his arms.
"Now, now Thor" Odin said, placing an arm around his younger son "not everyone is cut out to be a warrior. Others excel in other... interests"
"Years of training and all he can do is magically turn fruits into frogs at the banquet table" Thor laughed. Odin looked at him sternly, and the older son instantly stopped.
"Now, try again Loki, and this time, do not for one moment take your eyes off his sword" Odin said, giving Loki his wooden spear "watch him and learn from him." Once their father had walked back to his position at the edge of the arena, Thor gave Loki a devious smile.
"Maybe you can turn my sword into a snake, that's the only way you can defeat me brother" he said "second born, second best". Then he lunged and their fighting resumed.
It was an outcome that replayed over and over before Barbara's eyes. Thor always excelled in his father's eyes while Loki was seen as the kid who could "only do magic". Time and time again she saw Loki's face fall before returning with greater vehemence to prove himself. Thor struggled in academics but his lack of interest in his studies was overlooked due to his amazing strength and battle skills. He was the promising golden child, and was allowed to join the legions at a young age. Loki remained behind, spending years under the tutelage of Asgard's greatest masters of magic and priests, perfecting the gifts that were innate to him. Tutors marveled at the younger prince's intelligence, his keen sense of understanding and brilliance that went well beyond his years. He possessed a cautious, reserved nature; spending quiet afternoons in the hallowed haven of Asgard's grand library, lost in the pages of ancient books on all matters of subjects: From sorcery, to history, to warfare, to faraway realms, to matters of state, to ethics, to philosophy. On the days he accompanied his father to ceremonies and festivities, he watched him most carefully, marveling at the Allfather's greatness and hoping to one day come close to being the great ruler his father was. It was with these thoughts that he set out to accomplish what others thought unthinkable: He set out to become one of the greatest warriors in Asgard, worthy of standing next to Thor, Sif and the Warriors Three, who were now the greatest soldiers in the realm. While his brother and friends were away on their new adventures, he remained at the training grounds, spending night and day under the rigorous training of one of Asgard's mightiest legionnaires. The seasoned warrior had taken notice of Loki's agility and flexible build, and before many moons Loki had become a quick, accurate, lithe, agile, lethal killer. After Skurge's initial insurrection, Loki established himself as one of Asgard's greatest warriors, equal to his brother in skill. Still, the recognition and glory belonged to Thor, as well as his father's pride and praise.
Barbara's heart sank deeper and deeper as these scenes played out before her, and she could see Loki slowly withdrawing into himself. He was still the same charming, mischievous, proud prince, but she could see the sparkle in his eyes gradually turn into a glint of malevolence. Resentment and jealousy were softly crawling their way into his heart, turning his usual harmless pranks into more sinister antics.
The quick scenes that flashed before her came to a standstill and Barbara noticed she was standing on the balcony of Frigga's private chambers. The queen mother was sitting on a plush divan, cradling the head of her younger son in her lap. Loki was now a young adult, and he was lost in the pages of a book.
"Mother" he suddenly spoke and put the book to the side "watch this"
He took a tortoise shell flower comb from her hair and closed his hand around it. Without warning, he disappeared from her lap, then a pair of arms encircled her from behind and a hand presented her with a bouquet of white lilies that shimmered in the same way the comb did. Frigga turned and gave Loki a big smile full of love.
Suddenly, he multiplied. Holographic doubles of himself began to form and surrounded his mother. She looked around her in astonishment, then reached out and took the hand of one. She did not grasp at nothing, she actually touched flesh.
"You perfected it!" she exclaimed "are they?..."
"Like me? Yes" the double spoke with Loki's voice "If I desire, I can speak through them, feel through them and act through them though I may stand a great distance away"
The doubles dissipated and only he remained. She ushered him down onto the divan with her and placed a hand upon his cheek.
"Loki, I am so proud of you. No sorcerer in Asgard is able to achieve all you have accomplished. You really are magical. My magical son..." she whispered, her eyes shining.
"Mother" he spoke hopeful "Father will announce his decision to abdicate in less than a year. Do you think..." he hesitated.
Barbara felt her eyes moisten with tears. She knew the question Loki was trying to ask. She watched as Frigga took his hands in hers and Barbara's heart went out to her. How does a mother answer such inquiries? How was Frigga to put Loki's heart at ease while helping him to understand that the throne was fixed upon Thor from the moment he had been born? Odin's mistake had been in allowing both of his sons to dream of the prospect of one day taking his place upon the throne. He fostered Loki's desire to prove himself worthy of his crown, to strive to greatness even when he had no intention of placing him on the throne. He pushed him to the limits of his endurance, while Thor stood on a pedestal and could do no wrong. A son was spoiled while the other was forced to work tirelessly for the crumbs of his father's affection.
Barbara turned from the sad sight before her, and watched as Loki made his way through the halls of the palace. She followed him. The realm was in the throes of celebration as the army returned from their great victory. Skurge, one of Asgard's own and one of its greatest enemies had finally been defeated, thanks to Loki's cunning and plotting. Loki had weakened Skurge's forces from within, turning him and his allied lover against one another. The traitorous Amora had led their forces against Asgard's in a fit of rage, and she and her legions had fallen. Skurge was reduced to nothing, and escaped into the further regions of the universe in shame and defeat. For a fleeting moment, Loki had tasted glory as the legions shouted his name on the field of battle. Even Thor proudly raised his brother's arm and led the soldiers in showering praise upon his sibling and fellow warrior. Perhaps finally, his father would see him for the worthy son that he was.
Now, Loki finally reached his mother's private quarters to escort her to the banquet hall as was his custom. Quietly, he opened the doors and found her not in the antechamber, nor could he see the bustle of servants as they fawned over their queen. Instead, he heard the deep and concerned voice of his father coming from deep within her chambers. With soundless footsteps, Loki slunk to the open doorway of her dressing room and placed his back against the wall, listening in on the conversation as Barbara watched most intently.
"I worry for him, beloved. He is no longer a boy, and he insists upon this path"
"A path you chose for him the moment you laid eyes on him..."
"He's a prince. A prince of Asgard. He has finally proven himself a mighty warrior, but magic? Magic?! The pastime of noble women with nothing better to do"
"You must not speak of Loki in such a way. He is your son! Magic is in him, passed on to him by you. You can't expect him to be less than he is. You can't expect him to be anything else than what you made of him. You should be proud of the man he has become. Thor embodies the strength and greatness found in our people, while Loki has proved himself to be one of the most gifted minds to be found in the Nine Realms. His intelligence has astonished all of his tutors, and his knowledge has surpassed that of the greatest scholars in our realm. Is that not something a father should be proud of? Together, Thor and Loki are symbols of all that is great in your kingdom. In my eyes, neither is greater than the other"
"Possessing unmatched gifts of the mind is great for a man, but it is not enough for a prince. A prince groomed to one day rebuild what has been destroyed. Thor will sit upon my throne, and he will need Loki at his right hand. But how will that be when he is off concocting spells and casting enchantments? He is not fit for what has been planned for him"
"Have you even thought of ever telling him the truth? Both your sons dream of your throne. Thor knows himself worthy by right of birth, while Loki strives to prove himself deserving of it. I fear for what may happen when you voice your decision tonight..."
"He will learn to accept it. Deep down, Loki must know he will never taste kingship..."
He had heard enough. With his heart in his throat, Loki turned away and disappeared through the halls of the palace, a flash of green and black leather that became lost in the night.
Instinctively, Barbara tried to run after him, but realized she would only chase a ghost of the past. She lowered her head at the terrible truth that all his life, Loki had strived and fought to reach something he had never been destined to achieve: His father's approval.
Then, the scenery changed again. She now stood behind the two princes who were facing their father. A furious Odin stood pacing before them, pointing his finger at Loki in a clear sign of anger.
"Do you realize what you've done?!" he roared "you crossed the borders into Nornheim which is a forbidden realm and not only do you break into the palace, but you rut with the queen in a bid to steal some magical stones? Do you not know that her greatest wish is to see Asgard fall? I am set to announce Thor's succession in less than a moon and you placed him in mortal danger!"
Thor looked up and his lips curled into a smile of delight. Loki simply gave Thor a side glance. Barbara heard the words that went through Loki's mind: Tell me something that may surprise me, father.
Loki had turned cynical. He had gone to Nornheim and placed Thor against a horde of Karnilla's demons in a sadistic wish to see him injured. In a most subtle way, he was slowly releasing his rage upon his favored brother.
"If you had any doubt of my decision to pass my throne to Thor, now you should have none" Odin continued "your stupid penchant for mischief is your downfall. You scheme and you think not of the consequences of your actions! You're selfish and conceited, and you lack willpower. You are not fit to be king at all. You have disappointed me greatly, Loki"
With that, Odin turned his back. Loki's eyes shot up and he looked at his father. Behind their jade depths, there were a thousand words that he could not bring himself to say. His eyes moistened, but he quickly fought the tears that threatened to pool within.
"I am sorry, father" he spoke softly.
"And you always are. You lack the strength to change your ways just as you lack the strength to take control, to take charge. Why can't you be more like your brother?"
Loki recoiled at the words, then stormed out of the room. Thor watched him go, then ran after him. He caught up with him on the hall, and grabbed Loki by the shoulder. He in turn, snatched his hand away.
"Leave me be!" Loki growled as he continued to make his way through the halls.
"Loki, you can't let father's words affect you like this"
"I've grown tired of them! I have listened to him belittle me for centuries and I've had enough! I will never be like you, nor have the slightest desire to be!"
Thor sighed and rolled his eyes, then set off after him once again.
"Brother, we're not the same. Father knows it, he just... he just wishes you'd be more... substantial"
Loki stopped in his tracks and turned to face him. His face was an open book of rage and disgust. "Substantial? You mean he wants not one, but two brutes for sons! I am not the bold, robust, simple-minded oaf he wishes me to be! If he desires to see such upon the throne, then so be it!"
"What is that supposed to mean?!" Thor retorted with disdain "Loki, it was your idea to go to Nornheim. I proposed we only go and sneak into their festivities. You decided to try to steal the stones"
Loki walked up to Thor, stopping only inches from his face. "You put me up to it and let me take the fall for it! Why didn't you say something?"
"Oh come Loki. Wasn't it your idea to try to get us past Heimdall so we could go into Alfheim to meet with the princesses? Who took the fall for that one?"
Loki smiled at the memory. The light elves had been celebrating their Festival of Lights, and while their king Hrinmeer was occupied with the festivities, his daughters were busy "entertaining" the two handsome Asgardian princes.
"Be merry, brother!" Thor bellowed and patted Loki forcefully on the back "a few of father's cutting words mean nothing. Now, what do you say we visit the pleasure district? We need to celebrate my day of triumph that finally approaches!"
"If watching you drink barrels of mead and rut with half of Asgard's female population is your idea of celebrating, then I beg you to spare me"
"So says the man that comes fresh from bedding the Norn queen" Thor laughed, long and loud "I have to hand it to you brother. Making love to a queen is an accomplishment I have yet to boast of. So, tell me, is she as beautiful as they say?" He placed an arm around his now deflated brother, and together, they disappeared into the palace.
So it was true. Loki had known Karnilla and had crawled into her bed. Then, the sound of many voices caused her to look up. She was no longer standing in a palace hall, but on the main aisle of the throne room.
On the dais, Loki stood next to Frigga. Though a small smile played on his lips, she knew the look in his eyes was not of satisfaction, but one of mischief. The overshadowed son was no longer accepting of his fate. He was making a bid for the light that had never shined upon him. He had placed the pawns and pieces of his game plan, and soon, he would call checkmate.
His smile grew wider the second Thor entered the throne room. Barbara turned and watched as the royal prince of Asgard made his way triumphantly down the aisle. He walked right through her, and she continued to contemplate the scene in awe. To her astonishment, she shared Loki's anticipation. Something was about to happen that would change the course of history, and like Loki, she could not wait to see it unfold.
Frost giants. The fearsome creatures of Jotunheim had come calling on a desperate and rash bid to retrieve the source of power that had been taken from them. In return, their home had been invaded by a brash, unthinking, ruthless boy who thirsted for blood. She watched as Loki walked up and stood next to Thor and delivered his olive branch, realizing that maybe his schemes may have gone too far. It was time to put an end to it.
"Come on, brother" he said, beckoning Thor to follow him. Back to the bifrost site. Back home. With great relief, he saw Thor move to obey.
"Run back home, little princess"
"Damn"
That was it. The line had been crossed. There was no going back.
Barbara watched astonished as the battle took place. Thor laughed as he took the life of many. Like a middleman, Loki covered all angles, even saving the life of his friends more than once. So much for being better with a book then with a sword, she thought as she watched Loki get rid of a frost giant that was about to kill a fallen Sif. Dagger after dagger flew out of his hand, never missing its mark.
Then... history was changed.
With dismay, she watched as a Jotun grabbed Loki's arm. The garments and armor that covered him broke away, revealing ivory skin that suddenly began to turn blue. Loki's eyes widened, watching the transformation instead of witnessing his skin become frostbitten. With a grunt, he drove a dagger into the frost giant's chest and observed as his arm returned back to its normal tone. He looked up stupefied, wondering what just had occurred.
No! Barbara thought. Not like this. He should not have found out like this. Suddenly, the scene changed, and she stood behind Loki as he faced an object that stood on a pillar at the end of the weapons vault.
"What am I?" she heard Loki say.
"You're my son" Odin's voice sounded behind her.
"What more than that?"
Barbara's breath caught in her throat when Loki turned, his skin once again blue and receding back to ivory. Her eyes pooled with tears with the realization that she was observing the most life-altering moment in Loki's existence. She wanted to reach out, to touch him, to comfort him, to let him know that his nature did not define him. He walked right through her and made way his way to the bottom of the steps.
"The casket wasn't the only you took from Jotunheim that day was it?"
"No"
Barbara wept while she listened to Odin tell the story of that fateful night when he had picked up the crying infant in the temple. The discarded offspring of a king that was deemed unfit to be considered the son of a great king, underserving of life.
"Laufeyson?"
"Yes"
"Why?! You were knee-deep in Jotun blood. Why would you take me?"
"You were an innocent child"
"No, you took me for a purpose. What was it?"
She noticed the Allfather hesitate.
"TELL ME!" Loki screamed in desperation.
"I thought we could unite our kingdoms one day. Bring about an alliance; bring about a permanent peace... through you"
"What...?" she heard Loki whisper in amazement.
"But those plans no longer matter" the Allfather sighed with resignation. It had gone wrong. It had all gone terribly wrong.
"So I am no more than a stolen relic. Locked up here until you might have use of me"
"Why do you twist my words?" Odin begged.
"You could have told me what I was from the beginning! Why didn't you?"
"You're my son. I wanted only to protect you from the truth"
"Why? Because I am the monster parents tell their children about at night?"
Barbara fell to her knees. The scene was too painful for her to bear. She heard the anguish in Loki's voice, centuries of rejection finally given voice and his heart shatter into a million pieces as he ascended the steps and advanced upon a crumbling Odin.
"Why, it all makes sense now! Why you favored Thor all these years, because no matter how much you claimed to love me, you could have never have a frost giant sitting on the throne of Asgard!"
Odin tried to reach out to him, but instead he slipped into unconsciousness. Barbara could only watch as Loki stretched out his arm and gently clutched the Allfather's limp hand. Even then, with the harsh reality of his truth crashing upon him, he still looked upon the man before him as his father. He still yearned for his love.
The Allfather was now lost to Odinsleep, unable to explain, unable to answer the millions of questions that were now overwhelming his shattered son. The veil of innocence had finally been lifted in the most cruel manner. He had finally come face to face with the harsh reality of his existence; an image he had grown learning to detest was now his reflection. He was a monster. He finally understood why century after century he never came close to the greatness Thor had enjoyed. He truly was undeserving of it. Or was he?
"I asked him to be honest with you from the beginning. There should be no secrets in the family"
"So why did he lie?"
"He kept the truth from you so that you would never feel different. You are our son Loki, and we your family. You must know that"
Barbara watched the conversation between Frigga and Loki as they sat around the Allfather's body. Suddenly, he stood and walked towards the doors, wishing for nothing more than the sanctuary of his rooms. He wanted to escape from reality, anything but the horrible truth he now had to bear. It was then that the wounded son was lost and was replaced by a broken man. The universe gave birth to the God of Mischief, the most cunning, ruthless, focused, determined and resourceful agent of chaos.
Barbara stood rooted to her spot in astonishment as the High Chancellor knelt in front of Loki and presented him with the Odinspear. Loki frowned in confusion and looked at his mother, then Frigga's voice broke through the silence.
"Thor is banished. The line of succession falls to you. Until Odin awakens, Asgard is yours"
With great reverence, he took the Odinspear into his hands.
"Make your father proud... My king"
At those last words, he turned, and Barbara could see the glint in his eyes and the small smile that formed upon his lips. A chill ran down Barbara's spine as she took in his expression. She had seen it many times before.
She remained in the same room, but the players had changed. Odin remained unconscious upon his large bed, but Frigga was now lying on the floor, a colossal frost giant also lying steps from her. Barbara looked up and noticed Loki standing on the doorway, pointing the Odinspear at the Jotun intruder.
"And your death came by the son of Odin"
He sent out a large burst of power from the spear, and the Jotun dissipated into nothing. Frigga rose and met him halfway, throwing her arms around him.
"Loki, you saved him!" she exclaimed in relief.
"I swear to you mother, that they will pay for what they've done today" he said with vehemence.
"Loki" an angry, booming voice disrupted the conversation.
Frigga and Loki turned to find Thor standing on the doorway. His eyes were fixed upon his brother, and Loki slowly began to retreat.
"Thor! I knew you'd return to us" an ecstatic Frigga said as she wrapped her arms around her eldest.
Thor returned the embrace but remained looking at his brother. "Why don't you tell her how you sent the Destroyer to kill our friends. To kill me!" he growled, entering the chamber.
"What?!" Both Frigga and an observant Barbara turned towards Loki.
"Well, it must have been enforcing father's last command" he replied innocently.
"You're a talented liar, brother. Always have been"
"It's good to have you back" Loki replied in a mocking tone, validating Thor's last statement "now if you'll excuse me, I have to destroy Jotunheim"
As Loki sent a blast from the spear straight at Thor, Barbara ran towards him absentmindedly, forgetting she was only witnessing memories. "No, Loki! This is not the way!"
She grasped at nothing, falling to her knees as she helplessly watched Loki run out of the room with the fury of a thousand suns. Suddenly, she was no longer kneeling in the middle of Odin's chamber, but on the edge of a broken Rainbow Bridge, next to the Allfather as his sons dangled over the vast abyss of space.
"LOKI!" she screamed, seeing him hang on to the Odinspear. The bifrost was gone, disappearing into a large portal that was quickly closing.
"I could have done it, father! I could have done it! For you! For all of us" Loki cried desperately.
Grief and sorrow unlike any she had ever felt suddenly engulfed her. It was Loki's last plea, his last appeal for some sort of validation, even the smallest dose of his father's blessing.
"No, Loki"
The final blow had been delivered. There was nothing left for Loki to fight for, nothing to strive for, nothing to live for. There was only one way for him to take, and it was quickly closing beneath his feet.
"Loki, no..." Thor pleaded, noticing the emptiness that suddenly sank into Loki's eyes.
"NOOOOOOOOO!" both he and Barbara screamed. Loki let go, falling quickly into a portal that led to the very world of his birth. The realm he had set out to destroy.
Dumbfounded, she watched him disappear. Odin. She could only remember Odin and the last words he had said to his son.
"No, Loki"
She now knew that it was then that the madness had set in. Madness had led to mayhem. Once again, images flashed before her eyes. She saw Loki on a barren place. He was mangled, bruised, battered and broken. He collapsed and wheezed, the raging desire to die coursing through his veins and yet, he still walked on. Distant and barbaric worlds laughed at his misfortune, mocking and beating the terrible sight of he who had once been king of the greatest realm in the universe. He hungered, he thirsted, he endured ridicule and violence. He was a vagabond, he had no place in which he belonged. It was in some forsaken corner of a faraway galaxy, in a world inhabited by monsters and vermin, that one with a hooded dark cloak approached him.
"Not the right place to find a prince of Asgard" he spoke "particularly one brave enough to destroy an entire world"
"If your desire is to mock me, then have at it and be on your way"
"My desire is to offer you an opportunity. A purpose, the chance to regain the greatness that you lost"
Loki said nothing, but did not move either. The hooded figure noticed he had subtly turned his head to side, a sign that his interest had been piqued. Perfect.
"My master wishes to meet you. You have knowledge of the human world that will be of great need to him. In return, he offers you that world as your own, to rule it as you will"
At his words, Loki finally turned. The hooded figure had a grotesque appearance.
"And who might your master be"
"The ruler of Titan"
Barbara gasped. Thanos. It was Thanos who had searched for Loki after news of his disgraceful fall trickled through the Nine Realms and beyond. Then, her breath caught in her throat when she saw Loki again. He was on bended knee on a metal platform, his head lowered and smoke dissipating from his form. In his hand he clutched the very scepter with which he had threatened her long ago. Behind him were two large banners that bore the symbol of an organization she knew so well.
NASA. Loki had arrived on Earth.
The images of what had transpired on Earth flashed before her eyes, as well as the memories she still maintained. She relived the day in which they had crossed paths, her subsequent kidnapping and the realization that he had taken her for the knowledge she possessed. He had needed her in order to execute his grand plan, his magnum opus. She watched dismayed as the moment in which her life was altered forever played out before her, with her hands pressed against two cold elevator doors, leaving her no choice but to submit to the might of a madman. Loki had descended upon Earth and unleashed his hatred upon it, and upon her. She and her people bore the weight of his rage, the torture of his fury, the power of his ire. She had been the weak and helpless instrument through which he released his bitterness and malice. And she had become willing to submit herself to his power.
She should feel ashamed of what he had made her become, but she was not. As she watched and relived the scenes of her time with him in Earth and beyond, she did not regret a single moment she had lived with him. To be the subject of his desire was to agonize, to break, to submit, to yield, to suffer, to soar, to breathe.
The images suddenly stopped after his memory of the day in which he found her again on Earth was shown to her. It had been the day he had met his son, the day he had come face to face with the secret that had caused her to flee Asgard. In the darkness, she sat and contemplated the tragic yet magnificent life of the man she loved. And yet, Loki was not done surprising her. There was one last revelation, one last confession, one last truth that she needed to see.
She was suddenly inside a large throne room, foreign and distant. In the large seat high upon a dais sat a beautiful woman. Karnilla. At the bottom of the steps stood Loki, looking up at the woman he had once fooled in his earlier years.
"Unite myself with you? Why should I?" her soft voice caressed his ears "I owe Asgard nothing"
"Then let not Asgard be the reason for your alliance" he replied, his eyes glinting as he looked up at one of the most beautiful women in the universe. Her gaze alone had brought other gods to their knees, the mere sight of her beauty enough to bring the strongest man's resistance to naught.
"But I do desire something that belongs to Asgard" she said, her hips swaying as she descended the steps "and what I desire is you. Even as a foolish young prince, you captured my heart when you fled from my bed and deceived me, Asgardian. Swear your eternal allegiance here and now, and nothing will save our greatest enemies from bleakest defeat"
He looked into her eyes, her eyelids heavy as her lashes lowered in obvious seduction. Taking her hand in his, he brushed his lips against her knuckles, sending shivers up her spine.
"You have" he whispered against her skin, "my eternal allegiance"
Barbara watched the scene with revulsion, but even still, something was not right. An uneasy feeling washed over her, then something caused her to turn and her eyes widened.
Standing veiled high atop one of the tower windows, Loki watched as his double kissed the hand of she who would bring his plans to fruition. He smiled. That same smile she loved, that grin of fiendish satisfaction that graced his features when those he bested fell for his schemes.
The scene faded to black, and Barbara was once again in the void, sinking into the bottomless ocean that was Loki's well of pain and sorrow. This time, she did not struggle. It did not stifle her. She let herself be wrapped by the darkness. She let it be. With a smile on her face, she once again slipped into unconsciousness while the heartwarming realization washed over her:
Loki had never betrayed her.
End of Chapter 24
Responses to guest reviews:
Your Biggest Fan: Wow... just wow. I am truly at a loss for words. Thank you! That is really amazing. I am glad you enjoy my writing! Though what brings me the most joy after reading your review is learning that you really enjoy Barbara's character. She is my magnum opus, what I am most proud of in my stories. Glad you like my Tumblr blog too! It is made up of everything I love and enjoy, with a healthy dose of my craziness and quirkiness lol. And it's ok, you can tell me your Tumblr username, I won't think you're anything negative. If anything, I will be able to give you the proper shoutout! ;-)
LisaF: I hope this chapter helps clear out some of your confusion. It is very difficult for me to grasp the idea that Loki is living in Barbara now, and I'm the one writing it. So your confusion is definitely understandable. In the next chapter everything will be explained and the last events of the story will come after it, so I hope you continue to enjoy! :-) Thank you Lisa!
RisDOLL: Ah, and I'm so late in replying! I can't believe this chapter took me nearly two weeks to write! Oh yes darling, there is more ;-) The story is finally giving out its biggest revelations, and the upcoming chapters will bring about the closing events. And ending cliffhanger? Hmm... great idea! Wow, you returned to work quickly! You didn't take your whole 12 weeks of maternity leave? You are so lucky to have Loki gracing your work space. I assume you work in a movie theatre? I am dying to go see a movie just so I could see one of the Thor 2 standees. I have plans to take a picture of me kneeling in front of him when I finally see one Lol. By the way, are you planning on keeping the standee after the movie comes out? If not, how much do you want for it? I WANT ONE! Lol Till next time, sweetie! Give Martin a hug and a kiss from me!
Guest: What a perfect song for Loki and Barbara! Thank you for suggesting it! The lyrics fit their journey perfectly. I too have one, sort of like the theme song that has guided me as I wrote their amazing journey, but I won't be able to disclose it until the end of the story. Of Madness and Mayhem will most likely be the end for Loki and Barbara, and I don't plan to write another sequel, which is why I'm saving the song for the epilogue. I am so thrilled that you enjoyed and approve what was the biggest plot twist in the story. Yes, Barbara is now a pseudo version of Lady Loki. In the comics, Loki completely took possession of another's body. However in my story, both he and Barbara are living in her body. What that will cause, well, I guess you'll have to see! ;-) Thank you so much for your review! X
Mandie: Girl yes, that's what I fucking call LOVE! Hehehehe Glad you finally came out of anonymity and voiced your comments on the story! Thank you so much hun! Nope, YOU rock. :-)
Vermillion: Bueno, si no eres la gran detective! Jajajaja... Solo te puedo decir que casi le das en el clavo con dos de tus opciones. Ya en el proximo capitulo veras cual es. Y si, pobrecito Boden, nadie le pela! Jajajaja.. Quizas este muerto, quizas no ;-) Ya pronto veras! Cuidate mucho querida y hasta la proxima!
Karen: Oh wow, I love you! Thank you so, so, SO much hun! YOU're the best! :-)