Stillness followed. Eerie calm. There was no epic battle for life, not on Ianto's part. There was no gasp of victory having defeated death, much like Jacks frequent resurgences into life. No dramatic clutching of anyone's hand, no defiant shouting, no eyes darting for familiarity, protesting life. He lay limp, pale and blue-tainted on the autopsy table, covered to the chest with blankets. Deeply unconscious, the only fight going on based around perpetual breathing. Basic, simple and taking all his effort. Shuddering staggered breaths. He was doing well enough to not have a tube shoved down his throat, which was a violation he could do without given recent events.

The drama had been in the SUV. Owen shouting profanities, unable to find a vein in his hands or arm thanks to Ianto's new found invisibility. Blood soaking into Jacks shirt, him yelling at Gwen to drive faster. Gwen turning around and shouting back at him that she can't drive any faster in a fucking hailstorm. Then Tosh screaming at Gwen to keep her eyes on the road.

Everything was business the minute he was deposited on the autopsy table. Clothes get sliced off. Owen finds a vein in his arm this time, feeds in a cannula and hangs the blood. Pressure dressings get changed, blood still drips, from every abrasion and cut. Anti-coagulants make everything worse. Blood and dust shade Ianto's face. Jack traces a flesh coloured path leading from Ianto's tear duct down to his cheek. Then Owen, fed up with not getting a response from Jack shoved him out the way.

That was nine hours ago. Finally his blood had clotted and stopped dripping onto the sheets. Pressure dressings came off and bandages went on. The splinter came out of his legs and stitches went in. He was still cold and Jack threw another blanket over him. The scratches on his face started to scab over and at that point Owen decided to collapse on the sofa. Minutes later his soft snoring overshadowed the barely stated rise and fall of Ianto's chest.

There was nothing more Jack could do. He'd long since wiped away the blood and dust as well as he could, warm water just exposing how ill Ianto was. He didn't hold his hand, since Owen had gone he didn't touch Ianto. He seemed almost afraid to. Earlier it was all he could do. He clutched him as the wait between breaths got long enough to be terrifying. Silently praying for continuation. Now he couldn't, his hand hovered and hesitated. Like contact would make things much worse.

Gwen's voice floated in from the main hub, Tosh could catch snippets of conversation. She must be on the phone to someone, probably a relation of Ianto's. She wouldn't talk to Jack, Gwen hadn't said a word to him since the SUV. She'd let him stand there on his own, offering no comfort as Owen worked. Why had Gwen gone so cold? What had Jack done to deserve that- what could anyone do to deserve that? A great friend she was to him.

"Toshiko?"

It had been an age since he spoke. She hadn't been sure he'd even noticed her presence. He used her full name. Only her parents called her that.

"Yes Jack?" She replied, feeling like an acolyte to a martyr.

She stood and stepped towards him. He didn't turn, didn't raise or lower his voice. There was no emotion, he sounded cold to everything. "Go wake Owen up , I've got things to do."

Before she could lay a cautious hand on his arm, he turned and left, without laying a finger on Ianto. She waited a moment as he thudded up the stairs before Tosh stepped forward and placed her hand on Ianto's arm. Small beads of sweat lay on his forehead. She thought nothing of it and squeezed his arm.

Gwen's eyes followed Jack up the stairs as she hung the phone up. Tosh entered, walked passed her desk and the massive bunch of flowers now resting on it and crossed over to Owen. She nudged him awake. He moaned and mumbled before opening his eyes. "Wha? Oh hi Tosh."

Sitting up he yawned and flexed his neck. His hair had lost all cohesion and hair gel and he struggled to smooth it back down. Tosh wondered if that was how he looked in the morning. "What is it babe?" He asked very casually, "any change"?

She shook her head and smiled. "Jack needs a break."

"Right," he considered. "Fair enough." Tosh walked away towards the coffee machine as he looked over to Gwen, "You talk to the family?"

Gwen nodded, "Told them he went to Scotland for a work thing and got Meningitis. They were worried but I told them he's OK and they shouldn't come running."

"Well, it's about as close to the truth as we can get. Shame you had to tell them he'd be OK."

She started to protest before Owen stopped her. "Not a criticism Gwen, couldn't tell them how bad he is without getting a reaction. Just would have been nice to be honest."

Owen hauled himself to his feet with a yawn and stretched upward, before making his way back to the lab. Gwen looked up to Jacks office for a moment and considered before following Owen. Tosh poured the second coffee and picked it up, trying to remember if Jack took sugar.

The desk up-righted as Tosh entered the office, Jack looked at her for a split second, as if to ask her to leave before she spoke.

"I made you coffee," She announced like it was a true achievement. She held the cup out to him and Jack couldn't help but smile. Her near social ineptitude was sometimes quite endearing.

"Thank you," He smiled, not quite wide enough to demonstrate his fantastic dentistry. He sipped it, it looked more like politeness than enjoyment.

"That's what I came to say to you." She began, causing Jack to look puzzled. How expected. "For the flowers," She explained, having already guessed Jack was the money rather than the act.

He grinned slightly sheepishly, having completely forgotten about Toshiko's achievements again. "Oh yeah, I heard Owen sneezing. It's really Ianto you should thank, he did all the organising."

She considered, then spoke. "I will... when he's better."

Another smile came from Jack, it was odd one. False agreement. He looked away from her and at the state of his office. "I need to get this cleaned up, he'll murder me if he sees this." Bending over, he extracted a pile of paper, the top one was a note from Ianto asking what was so difficult about filing in some semblance of order.

Tosh declined to leave, she leaned against the desk, letting Jack get on as she spoke. "Ianto's... very dear to you, isn't he?"

It was a very roundabout way of putting it and Jack replied thus. "You're all very dear to me. " He stood and replaced his paperweight, before up-righting the bin.

She tried again to state her meaning. "Not like Ianto is." She panicked as to if she should be pushing the subject. "Sorry, I'm... I'm intruding."

Jack paused, then leaned against the desk next to her. "No, you're OK."

"I'm not very good at this." She waited a moment, then tentatively continued. "So you've been- I mean you're-"

Mercifully Jack smiled. "Let's go back to your original question."

"O.K."

He considered for a moment, shuffling his feet. "Yes."

For a moment Toshiko thought that one word would be all he had to say on the subject. She worried that Jack would only talk to Gwen before he eventually spoke again "Because it's not just losing one of you. Having someone grounds me, makes me feel like a person, not just-."

Was immortality that bad? She never thought of Jack as having lost touch with his own humanity. Maybe that was why. Despite his undying status he was still desperate to have as normal a life as possible.

"Having someone keeps me fighting, gives me something to get out of bed for in the morning- or in some cases keep me there."

He grinned a moment, his memory flitting back to something she could only imagine. Then his face melted back into serious.

"This happening is a reminder that none of this is forever, but I am. One day, I'm going to outlive everyone I've ever loved. And that terrifies me. No matter what I do, I'm going to end up alone."

She tried to comfort him, to think of something useful to say. "We got him back."

"But we didn't save him. Not for me. We just put off the inevitable."

Toshiko wanted to tell him it was worthwhile, that what Jack did was worthwhile on behalf of everyone else, but she felt poorly qualified to make such a statement. So stayed decidedly silent. She reached out and touched his hand, he grabbed it as if in doing so he could stop it from ever slipping away from him.

"Sometimes I think, maybe I should just- not." There was a dry laugh. It was sincere. He looked at her and she felt obliged to smile. "Can you see me celibate? Because it's ridiculous. Find Monogamy hard enough"

Her worry fell away, he was laughing at his predicament. That must be good. Surely?

"Immortality is mostly a curse, but on the off chance it is a blessing, I have an obligation."

Grinning, she chuckled at the concept. Maybe Jack had discovered the meaning of life- or at the very least his own life.

"What's the point in my being alive if I can't feel it? If I can't have my heart thudding in my chest once in a while, what's the point in having it?"

Finally, he stood straight, as if to declare the conversation over. In all honesty, Toshiko was astounded that she'd done that well in getting Jack to open up.

"I should clean this up- he'll kill me if he sees this."

Toshiko smiled, then nodded, and went to leave, but was grabbed from behind in a spontaneous bear hug. He kissed her on the cheek. "Congratulations on your paper."

She'd been about to reply, feeling her cheeks turn red. When something crashed in the autopsy room. Jack turned to her before racing down the stairs.