I clung desperately to the edge, using every ounce of my strength. With a swift movement, I peered over my shoulder- ignoring what Andy had told me- and stared down into the vast expanse of rocky ledge beneath me. My heart hammered in terror as I tightened my grip onto the loose root. My feet kicked at the cliff edge, trying to find a foothold, but only knocked against cold, hard stone. I was on disaster's doorstep, and I began to hyperventilate when sweat began to bead on my palms. The bark of the root dug into my hands and every shift in the wind blew bits of dirt and grit into my face. I swallowed against the bile that had risen in my throat and stole another look over my shoulder.

Where was Andy? I wondered and suddenly regretted letting him to leave. Why had I thought that getting Tommy or Charlie or someone would be a good idea? It may have been if I wasn't clinging to the edge of a cliff. What were they going to do that Andy couldn't have done alone? Shut up, I told myself. Just shut up.

Again, I swept the cliff edge where I hung from, trying in vain to see something that could get me back onto a horizontal surface. There was a small divot about four feet over that I could put my foot in and perhaps clamber over the edge with. Thinking quickly, I gave the root a small shimmy- seeing how much wiggle room I had. If I could build up enough of a swing I could launch myself over. However, when I moved the root, it gave a sickening crack and I fell a half of an inch. Letting loose a blood curdling scream, I froze, clambering up higher on the root.

Oh god, I thought in my head. Please don't let me die here.

The thought of death sent a tremble ricocheting through my body. What if I died here? What if I fell to my death? I squeezed my eyes shut, driving the thought out of my mind. I would not die. I would make it back and I would go on to live a healthy, happy life. I would.

"I will," I whispered aloud, nodding my head fervently. "I will!" I repeated louder, looking up at the sky. The clouds were an ominous black and would let loose any minute. The trees were already starting to sway in a fierce wind that had picked up and the air had suddenly turned off cool.

I closed my eyes, and tried to ignore the pain in my arms. They would lock up soon and then give out and I suddenly regretted skipping all the arm workouts I could've done. I couldn't even do a pull up and yet, here I was, clinging to the edge of a cliff. It must've been the adrenaline, but who knew how long that would last. In my mind, I tried to count the number of minutes it'd been since Andy had left. He would ride as hard and as fast as he could back, but even then, the trail was tricky to maneuver. It would take him at least a good half hour to get there and back, not including the time it took him to find whoever he could. I had no idea if the rest of the gang had made it back from Duke's, or if they were in any shape to help.

All I could do was hope and I seemed to suddenly be running low on hope of any sort.

Amidst my panic, there was a strange calm settling around me. My body was in survival mode, but my mind was beginning to accept that these next few moments may be my last. I could see clearly how I would meet my end and somewhere deep down; I knew that I could only accept it. There was no fighting if the root broke or if my hands slipped; there was nothing I could do other than hold on for dear life. It was a scary and very intense thought- thinking of death.

It seemed like such a silly thing to think about on a daily basis, because I was young and strong and had no fear of my life's end. But now, in this predicament, it was a very prominent thought. I took a deep breath and peered over my shoulder again. My body reacted in fear, and the sickening feeling crept up my spine. But my mind remained calm and I could see details that I'd never noticed all around me.

There was a strange, eerie beauty about this cliff. There was a bird's nest about 10 feet below me with a pair of hatchlings inside. They were squawking delicately- their tiny beaks wide open. I smiled a bit at seeing such young life. Far below, a tiny stream wound its way through the cliff's bottom. It was like a thin snake, dark and black, but it reminded me of Grandmama's.

The thought of Grandmama caused me to choke up. I may never see her again. I may never see her weathered face, how her smile stretched across and made her look twenty years younger. I may never feel her arms wrap, gently, around me. There was so much I wanted to know about her, so much that she still had to teach me. She'd lived a life full of love and happiness, and I may never know her entire story. Grandmama was such a remarkable woman and had given birth to the brightest, and most exuberant woman I knew- my mother.

My momma. I let out a sob when her face appeared in my mind. How could I never see her again? Would I ever be able to stand in ovation at one of her shows? She'd made me the woman I was out of the girl I'd been. There was so much I'd learned from her and Grandmama both, and without them as guiding lights, I would've been lost. I was so thankful, suddenly, for everything they'd given me. And I vowed that if I made it out of here, I would tell them every day how much they meant to me. Where would I be- who would I be- if not for the two most incredible women in my life?

There were so many other people, I realized then, who had touched my life and left fingerprints. Millie and Arlene and Sandra- my three very best friends. They'd grown up with me, listened to me sob over pointless drama, been my advisors on boys and clothes and life in general. We'd made plans for the future, of how we would each be bridesmaids at each other's weddings and be godmothers to our children. We would all live on the same street and have Friday dinners with our families, all gathered around. Now, I could see that it may never happen- not including me, at least. I hoped that if something did happen to me, they would still go on with our plans. And I hoped that they would live happy lives, but always keeping their Peyton Maye in the back of their minds. There were also the boys, Tommy and Charlie... my two goofs whom I loved so much. They were my big brothers, and I'd always been able to count on them. I wanted the world for them both, because they deserved nothing less.

So many other people kept springing up into my mind- Hanna and Tom, Ace, my dad. Would my dad get the news, where ever he may be- that his daughter had died? Did he have a new family? Would he leave them, if just for a day, to rejoin my mother to mourn the loss of their child? Part of me hoped that he wouldn't- so that my momma wouldn't have to see him. Maybe if he shed a tear, just a single tear for me, and reopened the corner of his heart where I'd once been- I would rest peacefully. I'd always had plans to find him one day, and demand why he'd left me. I wanted to see if my hazy memory of him was correct- I wanted to know if he was happy, lonely, married, bitter, rich, famous. I just wanted to know if he was even alive, or if not, how he'd died and if he'd died with my momma and me in his mind.

And then... the face of a familiar stranger arose in my mind. Brandon. Where was he now? Would he get the news of my death? Would he be upset?

After all we'd gone through together, after all the exchange of love we'd had, would he look back on me with a smile? Deep down, in my heart, love swelled for the boy who'd broken my heart. I was flooded with memories of Brandon and wished that things had not ended so badly. There was another part of me that still wished I was with my perfect Brandon. This part was only awakened by the fear of death, as every other emotion in my heart was. My deepest feelings were emerging, suddenly. Rather than repress them back, I allowed them free run throughout my soul. I could feel love for Brandon- for my Brandon, the one that I'd created in my mind- flow through me. His beautiful image appeared- and I could feel my fingers run through his honey-streaked brown hair. His emerald eyes shined down at me and that perfect mouth spread open into a smile.

I could see the future we would've had stretch out in front of me. And though it changed nothing, I let myself wander down its path. Brandon and I would've been the high school couple. Everyone would've envied us for how in love we were. We would've gone on to college together, been at the top of our class and gotten married shortly there after. Our life would've been a fairy tale- and I would've been unspeakably happy. And then, as quickly as the path appeared, it faded out again. And I sealed Brandon off in my heart, where I could visit him whenever I needed to relive my past. He would always be a part of me, just as everyone else had been. And I would cherish everything I'd taken from him, and all that he'd given me. Brandon taught me so much about love and myself. He'd showed me things about life that no one else could've, and for that, I would always be grateful of the 16 months I'd shared with him.

Tears rolled out of my eyes as I pictured him and the time we'd had together. It had been so perfect, like a dream. He'd been a dream, my perfect boy. And I told myself that one day, if possible, I would finally find a closure with him. I was at peace with my end with Brandon, because that had led me to the greatest realization of my life: my true love for Andy.

As soon as Andy's name dawned on the horizon of my mind, I was gone. Sobs echoed down into the rocky ridge below as I thought of my beautiful Andy. So many memories swept through my mind in a millisecond that I was knocked breathless with their force. I remembered my and Andy's first kiss, how nervous we'd been. I remembered him as a child- how we'd run free on the open hills. I remembered our adventures, each of which had brought us closer and closer together, until we tumbled off the edge into love so deep that it'd been untouchable.

I thought of leaving him, and saw how stupid I'd been. I realized that leaving Andy, however, had taught me how to appreciate him for who he truly was. And I could see clearly now, how I was in love with two different sides of Andy. A great part of me loved the old Andy, the boy who I'd left two years ago. That boy was wild, outspoken, fearless and as passionate as any great hero. He rode free, wearing every emotion he had on his sleeve. Together, we'd seen many great things, all of which I would never forget.

And then there was the Andy who I'd returned to this summer. That Andy was more genuine, more reserved, but harbored the same savage passion. I loved this Andy as much, if not more, than the old Andy. My heart nearly exploded with the love that filled it. I conjured Andy's face in my mind- going over what I'd already memorized. His blond hair was so soft, like the wing of a dove, and it framed his strong face, with the square jaw. His tan skin was stretched tight over his features, but smoother than silk. His eyes were as blue as the sky, and a thousand times deeper than any ocean. They let me into his soul and were full of emotion. In fact, every emotion he'd ever had was clear in his eyes. They'd seen happiness and joy, but also sadness and pain. They rested above his straight nose and then down to his full mouth. His lips pulled back in a smile to reveal perfect teeth. I wanted to kiss it, and closing my eyes, I replayed every kiss we'd ever shared. The one I ran, over and over, was the one we'd had at Backwood.

Backwood, I understood, had been the peak of our relationship. Together, alone in that little place, we'd let every emotion loose. In those few moments, we were free. And I didn't care if Andy'd ended it, or if it'd only lasted a few seconds. That kiss had explained it all, even if I'd failed to see it then. Because in that moment, I fell so deep in love with Andy that I'd forgotten the outside world. I'd let go of everything else, and had only remained tethered to this earth by my love for Andy.

This love was so much more complex than anything I'd ever felt. I loved every part of Andy, every inch of his heart, mind and soul. All of his flaws, all of his graces- everything, to me, made Andy so remarkable. He was full of wisdom, even at the age of 18. His thoughts were deep and complex and he never missed anything. I loved this about him. I loved how giving he was, as well. And how kind and graceful. I loved that he was strong and compassionate. But more than anything, I loved his passion. The fire in his heart, with the intensity of a hundred suns, burned so bright that nothing would ever put it out. He was passionate about everything he did, which made everything he did so much more important. He cared so much for so many things, and it amazed me to see the intensity settle deep within his eyes. I admired this passion he had, and hoped that it would fade.

I prayed that Andy would have a happy future, with or without me. I prayed that he found peace with Naomi, just as I had with him. And I was glad that I'd told him how I truly felt before he left. Because if anything happened to me, I wanted him to know that he'd been loved. I wanted him to know that I hadn't let him go, and that I never would. Even if that didn't change anything- how he felt for Naomi or for me- I wanted him to know. If Andy ended up happy, I would be at peace- even if it wasn't with me.

However, deep down, in the depths of my soul, I prayed that Andy would end up with me. I prayed that Andy would choose me instead of Naomi, so that I could make him happy and that we could be together for the rest of our days. I didn't care if we were young, and I didn't care what troubles would face us, I wanted- more than anything else on this world- to be with Andy. The thought of losing him or of losing the future I might have had with him ripped through me like a knife.

I couldn't stand it anymore, being without him, and I gnashed my teeth together as I sobbed. The pain was like an electric shock and I shook with every fresh wave of it. I saw how ignorant I'd been to let him go; I saw how much I needed him and how I could not live without him. And as much as I wanted to say that I would get him back, I didn't know if I could. He was with Naomi now, and he was happy. He was so happy and no amount of begging or fighting on my part could touch that. I didn't want to touch that, either, because it would mean hurting Andy. This time, I had to repress the feelings I had deep down, even if my end was near. I had to let him be happy; it was the only way I could be happy. So with broken sobs, I shoved the fighting spirit back and instead, turned my thoughts down a different alley.

Other questions popped into my mind, deep life questions that I'd never really contemplated. Was I truly happy? What would happen to me after Death's icy grip took me captive? Was there a Heaven and Hell? Had I lived a full life?

I couldn't come up with any of the answers, but settled into a deeper thought- I didn't care. I had made the choices I'd made and I could do nothing but accept them, just as I had to accept what would happen to me. I had done all that I could and could not end my life regretting the choices I'd made. I had to be at peace with the hand fate had dealt me, rather than spend my time wishing that things had turned out different. If I survive, I thought. I will live with that attitude every day, never again regretting things. Life is far too short.

In that moment, everything came full circle. I was at peace. Taking a deep breath, I opened my eyes- which were still full of tears. And I peered up at the sky with a small smile on my lips. A rain drop fell suddenly on my uplifted face and I shook it off, feeling five more fall behind it. The storm was beginning- and I was pulled out of my calm like a bird shot out of the sky.

Again, I examined the root, noticing how strained it was. It was apparent that it would not hold out much longer, which sent terror screaming through me. The calm, tranquility I'd been holding on to just as tight as the root evaded me for a moment and I suddenly so frightened that I screamed, letting loose a cry of sheer terror. Then, closing my eyes, I prayed. I prayed that I would make it out of here safely, and I prayed that I could have the strength to hold on for just a few more minutes- even if a few wasn't enough.

Before I said my amens, I prayed that I would get to see Andy's face again- if just for a few seconds as I was falling. Something strange happened then, and I regained the composure I'd had before. A new feeling was creeping through me, the scariest of them yet. What if I just... let go? The thought was nowhere near suicidal- it was just a stray thought. I could end all this panic; I was at peace. It could all be over, the wait, the pain in my shaking arms- I could let go. I would fall, and see everything flash before me, until I hit the rock below. Briefly, I wondered if it would hurt but then, I realized that I would only feel the pain for a moment until Death closed in on me.

Should I do it? I thought, though a wave of hysteria. The adrenaline must've started to wear off because the pain in my arms increased sharply. I was so tired, and so weary... and all I had to do was let go. It was as if the fight suddenly faded out of me, from where I'd shoved it away, and I could not locate it again. I was sleepy, almost dozing off, and I felt my grip loosen just a tad.

Goodbye, I whispered. "Goodbye," saying it aloud made things that much more real. It was ending, here and now. I could feel it, as if I was at the top of a rollercoaster. The drop was ahead, and I could sense it coming- it was so close. My grip loosened another fraction of an inch and I closed my eyes, hearing lighting crack above me.

"Peyton Maye!" I heard Andy scream. And I looked up to see Andy above me, his face having appeared over the cliff edge. My prayers had been answered and I was so happy suddenly. I could go easy now. I lifted my face to the rain, feeling it pelt down against me. Then, pushing my feet against the rock, I leaned back.

"NO!" Andy's voice screamed again, "Peyton Maye, hold on!" Through the haze in my mind, I wondered why this Andy- who was obviously just an image my mind had conjured- was so insistent that I hang on. The thought floated around for a minute before reality hit me like a brick. This wasn't a fake Andy, this was the real one. He was back! Andy had come back for me! I was saved!

"Andy!" I screamed in reply, throwing myself against the cliff edge and clawing back up the root. "Andy, help me!"

"I'm here baby, hold on- we're gonna' get ya' outta' here safe," Andy vowed. "Trust me." I looked up, my fighting spirit suddenly returned, into the Andy's face. Through the rain and fear, I could see Andy's eyes boring down into mine.

"I trust you."