For those of you that are still with me, here's a new chapter. This one is winding down (2 more chapters left) but it's getting hard to write for these two. I have some ideas but I want to step away for a while to make sure I'm doing the characters justice.
Thanks to anyone who has been reading, reviewing or alerting. You're the only reason I still write this story.
They drove to Sam's apartment in silence, each lost in their own world.
For Mercedes the quiet was deafening, the roaring in her ears louder than the pounding in her chest. The only sound was her opening the water bottle and chugging as much as she could. And those damn pregnancy tests were burning holes in her thighs as they sat in the plastic bag on her lap.
A baby? She didn't think it was a possibility. Now she felt like a fool for never considering it. She'd been queasy for not considering it earlier. All the symptoms were there. The nausea, the dizziness, weird cravings. Fear was blocking her from jumping to the obvious conclusion. But how in the world could she take care of a baby? She'd been taking care of herself with spit, fear and whole lot of prayer for years. That wasn't going to cut it if she had a baby on board.
How could she be so reckless with her future? She had been New-York bound since she could crawl. She'd wear her mother's Columbia sweatshirt and hat, swinging the tassel and jumping on her bed before her mother yelled at her to stop. And now one slip up could change the whole course of her life. Mercedes had never felt so irresponsible in all her life.
What was she going to do?
Worrying her bottom lip, she looked over at Sam. He looked almost serene, with an upturned smile stretched across his face. How was he not freaking out now?
Was Sam mad at her? He said nothing to her since he picked up the tests. Sam just grabbed her hand in one of his and held the tests (albeit awkwardly) in the other. His face was annoyingly stoic as he dropped the various white boxes on the counter and pulled out his card to pay for them. She couldn't gauge him. He didn't let go of her hand. Even as he opened the door for her.
And now Sam was sitting in the car and tapping his thumb against the steering wheel. When he stopped the car in front of his apartment Mercedes jumped out. She was filled with too much nervous energy. And a full bladder wasn't helping matters. Was Mercedes walking to her death or the beginning of her life?
Sam frowned when he watched Mercedes rush out of the car. He forced himself to remain calm during the ride back to his place but his heart was betraying him. It took everything not to fist pump and swing Mercedes in his arms. But he wanted to make sure this was what Mercedes wanted. Her deer-in-headlights stare only let him know she was shocked. Was she scared? How could she be when this was the . EVER.
He didn't want to freak her out but this was all he ever wanted. Him, Mercedes, building a life together, cheering each other on through the good times and holding each other up during the bad. No longer worried about age or distance. Mercedes could be truly his with no hindrances. Now a baby? A baby was just the icing on the cake. A baby was everything he always dreamed of.
Sam watched as Mercedes shrugged her gown off and headed to his bathroom. He could envision the positive pregnancy tests. Listening to his son's (he was sure they were having a boy first) heartbeat, assembling the crib, paining his room. Just a few more minutes and he was sure he was going to be a father.
Sam didn't want to hover but he was anxious and he had to do something. Anything to keep his mind occupied with something other than the baby. He called out to Mercedes through the door. "Do you need anything?"
Mercedes sat on the toilet with her tongue out as she concentrated on aiming towards the reader. She could hear Sam breathing on the other side of the door. "No. I'm okay. Thanks."
Sam pressed his head on the door. He was feeling equal parts frustrated and useless. He took a deep breath but straightened up when the door opened.
"What did it say?" He looked at Mercedes. She seemed terrified.
"We have to wait 2-3 minutes."
He nodded. "Okay we can do that." He grabbed her hand and led her to the couch. She wouldn't look at him. Just kept her head down and rubbed her hands on the thighs. Sam set the timer on his phone and moved his hands over hers.
"Baby…"
"Are you mad?" Mercedes didn't mean to blurt it out but she needed to know. Had to
Sam felt a twinge of pain when he heard the despair in her voice. Her voice was as small and unsure as a child. He was going to give her some reassurance. "Honestly?" He broke out in a smile when she finally looked into his eyes. "I'm thrilled."
Sam's response eased Mercedes' fears. A little. She blew out a breath for good measure. "Really?"
"Yeah! Can you imagine it? Our kid would be awesome."
"You think so?"Her brow furrowed and Sam couldn't resist kissing her forehead. He moved to her side and she molded to him while laying her head on his shoulder. More than anything she needed to borrow Sam's strength.
"I know so. He'll be all smart and funny and kind like his mama."
"Yeah?" She smiled imagining a little ball of energy boy that she would spend hours running after. After being so focused on what she could lose, it was nice to think about all she could gain. Mercedes curled in closer.
"Yeah and he'll have all this energy and he'll be into everything and love pickles." Mercedes laughed thinking back to their perfect date and her story.
Sam smiled and kissed her nose.
This could be his life and he wouldn't want anything else. "I know this isn't the way we planned things but we're here. You can still have all of your dreams. New York is still going to be there and I'll be right there with you. I promise you don't have to go through life alone. Not anymore. You don't have to take care of everyone while no one takes care of you."
Sam wiped her tears.
"l love you Mercedes, so much. There's nothing greater I could wish for than us having a kid."
Mercedes rubbed her stomach thinking about the possibility of having a life growing inside of her in that moment. Of having two devoted parents that would love and protect for him. Maybe this wouldn't be disaster. With Sam by her side, maybe her dreams would be delayed and not dead. Maybe her dreams didn't make much sense anymore. Her voice trembled and she kept staring at his chest. They both tensed when Sam's timer beeped. "Okay. I guess it's time."
"Wait baby. Before you go in there, I need to ask you something." Grabbing her hand Sam stopped Mercedes before she could walk inside.
Her nerves were already shot. Mercedes didn't think she could handle a question right now. But she wasn't alone. She and Sam were in this together. "Yes?"
Sam's heart raced. His fears ebbed once he looked into her eyes. One look and he knew this was the right thing to do. He offered her a warm smile. Most people hated putting themselves out there, some had a fear of rejection. Not Sam, he was always unflinchingly honest with his wants. He figured he'd rather tell the truth and face rejection than be a coward and lie to himself. For the right person, he'd risk looking a fool. For Mercedes, he'd risk anything.
"Marry me?"
Mercedes' brows shot up and her mouth dropped while Sam stammered to justify his question. Fumbling he reached into his pocket and pulled out a black box. He took a deep breath and opened it slowly showing her the simple asscher cut diamond solitaire gold ring.
"No matter what the outcome of that test in there, I want us to be a family." He fidgeted with the box but held a steady gaze. "I'm not sure of a lot of things but I am sure of this—I was meant to be a husband and father." He shook his head hoping it would make his words come out better. "No not just a husband and father, a husband and father that would give anything for his kids, that would be devoted to and support his wife. Who would love fiercely and give freely. Be the kind of man my wife and children deserve.
And from almost the first day we met, I knew I wanted that woman to be you. Picture it. You coming home from a long day of work, the kids running out back while we wait for the dinner I ordered to be delivered."
She chuckled at that and he forged ahead. He placed a light kiss on her neck and whispered in her ear.
"I'm massaging your shoulders and you tell me about work. The kids, they'd be a little of me and a whole hell of a lot of you. They know you're home so they stop playing basketball and rush over to you. They kiss you and tell you about their day. And our dog would be sitting at your feet waiting his turn.
We would have a house filled with love, happiness and laugher. I'll cherish you and protect you always. I promise I can be everything you want, we can have the life you've always dreamed of. You and me—we can build it together. Starting now. Say you'll marry me. Say you'll be mine forever."
Part of her knew Sam was doing this so no matter what the outcome they would stay together. He felt her drifting away, preparing for life without Mercedes. Only she knew that was impossible. There had been so many changes to her life, so many scary and painful changes that she couldn't imagine He was her new constant. And she loved him for it more than she realized. The word slipped from her mouth before she could think about its consequence. "Yes."
Sam wrapped his arms around his fiancée.
Mercedes closed her eyes and let his warmth drift her away to a place where her smile, her happiness (she could feel his strumming through his clothes), her love, matched Sam's.
Then she waited.
Mercedes waited for the excitement. The heart-beating-out of-your-chest, singing-along- with- birds, deliriously in love feeling all of her favorite characters had when they were proposed to.
It never came.
Instead she was filled with two emotions that had been brewing ever since she found out she might be pregnant—resentment and regret.
She smiled brightly and wiped a stray tear from her eye, knowing that no matter what the tests said her life was irrevocably changed.
The weight of her 'yes' was unbearable, causing Sam's ring to feel like a boulder on her finger.
Upset by her reaction, Mercedes took a deep breath and stared at the tests, pulling Sam to her side. The five exams were perched on the sink just waiting to be read.
Mercedes could see Sam's frown without even looking at him. But she couldn't ignore her own relief.
Negative. Every last one.