A/N: Sorry about the wait everyone. And thanks for all the support and loyalty you have shown to this story. I feel like I've got the rest of the story mapped out pretty well but we'll see how it goes. This is a pretty important part of Nathan's journey because it shows you a good portion of his past. Till next time. -A

Goodbye too Soon

Haley found her eyes sliding open to the same familiar water stains on the ceiling and the same cracks in the wall that she had awoken to before. Rolling over, she pulled his sweater that she was wearing to her nose, inhaling his familiar scent before slipping it off to just her camisole top. She was brought back to that first morning so many months ago, and moments with him she never thought possible. This was different and unfamiliar though. Lying next to him, his breathing steady and his heartbeat singing it's natural lullaby it was no wonder that if she ever felt right anywhere it was right there beside him.

"You think entirely too loud." Nathan groggily turned over slinging his arm around her torso. For two people who were seemingly all wrong for each other, they always managed to fit just right.

"Do I?"

"Mhm hmm." he mumbled burying his head in the crook of her arm. "More sleep. Now."

Haley smiled into the top of his head. It was rare when she questioned her judgment on anything because she typically had good instincts. No matter what happened between them, she always felt like being with him was exactly where she was supposed to be. She didn't believe in soul mates or fate she just knew that her whole life she had grown up in a house with so many people coming and going. And with Nathan in his tiny somewhat shambled apartment, engulfed in his arms, it was the only time she felt home.

"I didn't miss your song."

This surprised her but she didn't say anything.

"I heard it, from the roof. Every word." he was still burrowed in the crook of her arm and she could feel his lips brushing her skin. "I wanted to be there and see your face."

"Why weren't you?"

Nathan was happy for this time with Haley. The further they got along into the year and the closer he watched her get to Damien the more he knew she was slipping away. The stronger he felt about her and the closer he got to her the more he wanted to hold onto her. People had a habit of always leaving him and he knew Haley would be no different but try as he might he couldn't stop himself from getting attached and wanting to hold onto her; being with her was the only time he didn't have to struggle.

When Brooke had knighted him guardian of a drunken Haley the previous night, he was thankful for once that he got to take care of her instead of the other way around. For so long he had been used to no one, save Cooper to look after him. It was the smallest possible way, but it seem that this one fluke night and subsequent morning was the only way he could give it back to her all she had given him.

He kissed in between two of her ribs, sighing. "I didn't want Peyton to ruin your moment."

"Peyton." Haley repeated, trying to keep the malice out of her voice. "When Peyton and I were seven she pricked our fingers with a safety pin and made us blood sisters. At the time, I thought it was ridiculous considering we were already cousins but I went along with it. I idolized Peyton."

"Why's that?"

"Her curls." Haley managed to even laugh a little. "I was so jealous of her curls. All the dolls I got growing up had there perfect little ringlets and Peyton was like a living doll, with Converse. Mostly though, she just seemed so brave, so larger than life."

"So what happened?" Nathan lifted his head towards her. If Peyton was so much like him, he wanted to know what fractured her to that point. "Because you don't idolize her now right?"

"No." Haley agreed, her fingers idly stocking Nathans hair. "I don't really know what happened to Peyton. She came one summer and she had cut off all her curls and was drawing all these crazy pictures on her arms and legs. She always had on headphones with blaring music and all of a sudden I couldn't reach Peyton anymore. I mean, I was fifteen and I guess some part of me knew that something had happened but she wasn't speaking to anyone and anytime my parents talked about it, it was all hushed whispers."

"Last night, I thought she would make a scene to spite you. You didn't deserve that."

"You are not the same as her." Haley told Nathan seriously. "I'm not going to pretend like I'm exactly thrilled at the two of you being together but if you're with her because you think she's like some kindred spirit who has gone what you've gone through, she's not. You're better than that."

Nathan didn't understand it, but he got defensive. "How exactly do you know what I've been through."

"I..." Haley fumbled on her words as Nathan pulled away from her, sitting up in the bed. It was a simple statement, not even a question. "I don't know Nathan. Maybe that's the point."

She waited for him to let her in.

"I'm going to get in the shower."

Instead he closed the door once more.

X-x-X

He wasn't sure how he kept himself from not punching yet another hole in the tile in his shower but somehow he managed to keep his anger at a simmering level. The he had turned the water as hot as he could manage wondering if he could feel anything other than the radiating fury rolling off his body. He wasn't upset with Haley; she had every right to be let in and she had been patient enough. He had only given her pieces, and not enough to fit the whole enigma that was him together.

Shutting off the shower finally, he toweled himself dry and got dressed. He expected to find his apartment empty once he came out of the bathroom and was surprised to find Haley leaning on the railing of the balcony. In his oversized sweater with her short statue, it was hitting her thighs right below her waist and as always she looked incredible. He was grateful she stayed because something had occurred to him in the shower that he wanted her to be a part of.

"I want to take you somewhere." he told her from the doorway. Thankfully, the cold air from winter was fading into the warmness of spring. She turned around to face him. "I want to share something with you."

Something always made her stay.

"What's that?"

"It requires a field trip." he stepped onto the balcony, taking her hand into his. Her fingers encased around his without permission. "You're right, you know. I don't let you know a whole lot about me. I'm not afraid that you won't like what you see, I just don't think you really know what you're getting yourself into."

"Maybe I should have thought of that all those months ago on the river court?" she mused ruefully stepping further into his embrace. Somehow she could never bring herself to feel guilty when she was with Nathan and not Damien. "So where are you taking me?"

"Get dressed, and you'll find out."

X-x-X

Nathan didn't say much on the quiet ride through town. The early Sunday morning was grey and foggy and to Haley it almost seemed like they were the only two souls out there. Every part of this town was in grained in her being but she had no idea where Nathan was taking her. Looking out the window, watching the buildings and trees pass her by, it was almost like she was experiencing the town for the very first time.

"Do you remember Caleb?" he asked, breaking the reverie of the silent car. Haley tore her gaze from the window and looked at Nathan, nodding her head slowly. "Did you ever wondered what happened to him?"

"I wondered lots of things about Caleb."

"He was Nikki's child." Nathan started, his fist clenching the steering wheel just a bit tighter. "You know, the girl from the party the first night we hung out?"

"I remember."

"He's my nephew. My brother, Cooper was his father." Nathan explained and Haley didn't feel the need to respond, only to listen. "Nikki, well she's this awesomely terrible person. She didn't deserve Cooper and she didn't deserve Caleb."

Haley hadn't noticed the car had stopped until Nathan had killed the engine and removed the keys. She glanced out the window and took notice of where they were. Again, she said nothing, sensing that Nathan was in his own element and needed to do this on his own time. She had waited long enough for answers, for insight, that a little more patience with him would probably go a long way. Nathans head was bent towards his lap, his fingers playing numbly with the keys in his hand.

He got of of the car and walked around to her side, opening the door for her and taking her hand in his. He held her hand tightly, leading her way across the grass tightening his grip every so often, almost as if acknowledging that she was actually still there. After a few moments, he led her to his side and stopped in a small clearing that was tucked far away from the rest of the grounds.

"The first time I met Nikki was at one of Cooper's races." Nathan spoke softly. He was terrified that if he spoke any louder he would lose it. "He raced cars, Cooper I mean. He was so much older than me; sometimes I think I was an accident for my parents. Anyway, he loved the speed and adrenaline that racing gave him. He started out really small and then before I knew it, it was like he won the golden ticket. He was on his way to being NASCAR. He met Nikki at some party and they fell in love." he practically spat the last sentence.

"So then one day Cooper takes me fishing, which isn't something I'm fond of, but he enjoyed it a lot. He tells me that Nikki's pregnant, I'm going to be an uncle, and he's quitting the circuit. He didn't want to be the kind of parent that our parents were to us." Nathan had to stop momentarily to gather his thoughts. "All the parties he went too and all the racing he did, sitting there on that boat with him was the happiest I'd ever scene him. He was so unafraid of it all like for the first time he was coming home.

"The night he told Nikki he was quitting the circuit was the last time I saw him. You could tell Nikki really was relishing in the life that Cooper provided her. She's an overgrown spoiled brat. She told Cooper in the middle of a first class restaurant that if he left racing and opened up the garage he wanted to, not only would she not marry him but she would abort the baby."

"Nathan."

He didn't respond and he didn't continue right away. Haley found herself reaching across the short distance between them and bridging the gap; capturing his hand in hers. All the intimacy and moments they had shared together and this was by the far the closest she had ever been. The silence gave her time to mull over Nathan, and the many circumstances that had brought him here with her and who he was. She wondered about what kind of parents he must have had to be so broken to the point where strength is all you had and how much losing the the only support in your life would make you feel so much less than who you were.

"We went fishing again, me and Cooper." Nathan spoke softly, finally, long after they had been shrouded in silence. "It wasn't the same. All that peace and calm was gone. I knew it then, but I was just a kid, I didn't know what to do with it. My whole life Cooper had been the one to fix things and say all the right words to make it better."

"How's Nikki?"

"Fine."

Nathan tried again. "What did the sponsors say when you told them you were leaving?"

"I'm not leaving."

"But with the baby coming..."

"And you heard Nikki." Cooper snapped guzzling back the beer in his hand. "Racing will provide a better life for the kid anyway."

"Or provide it without a father."

"So what Nathan? I just quit and Nikki gets rid of it and then I don't get to be a father anyway?" Coopers explosion was contained and precise. He hadn't even raised his voice but Nathan felt the timbre in it. "Is that what you would do?'

"I don't know what I would do."

"Mom left you in a car once when you were a baby"

Nathan turned to look at Cooper in surprise. Cooper remained unfazed, looking at the still water.

"I heard her come in and drop the car keys in the bowl and then cling, cling, cling." Cooper continued making a motion of dropping invisible ice cubs in an invisible glass. His stoic exterior didn't change, nor did he look at Nathan. "Did you know that when you were a baby you cried incessantly?"

Nathan cleared his throat. "Dad has reminded me once or twice."

"Dad." Cooper scoffed shaking his head and showing just a hint of emotion for the first time all day. "I didn't hear you crying. The only thing I heard was the TV in the living room and ice melting and settling in a glass. I thought it was the strangest cacophony of noise I had ever heard."

"How long before she realized I wasn't in the house?"

"She didn't." Cooper recalled, reeling in his line and recasting it. "I had to pull a chair from the dining room to get the keys out of the bowl. I forgot to put a jacket on when I went outside. It was freezing that day. I didn't have a clue as to what key opened the car door and you cried the entire time I fumbled through the keys. I had a hard time getting you out of your car seat because of the buckles and my small hands. Then I picked you up and carried you inside. I couldn't reach your crib so I put you in my bed with me and covered you up and we went to sleep."

She never noticed? She just left me? What did she say when you told her? All those questions burned Nathans tongue but he couldn't bring himself to ask any of them. He knew the answers. He knew just how insignificant he was in his parent's lives.

"It was the first time I held you." Cooper finally looked at Nathan. "I think instinctively you knew I would always look after you because whenever I was around, you never cried."

"Why are you telling me this Coop?"

"Nathan, I can account for every bad that has influence all the broken in me. Hell, we both can. Whatever Dad I end up being to this kid, any good that I do for it comes from having you as my baby brother."

"That was the last time I saw Cooper alive." Nathan exhaled deeply physically feeling the weight of that being lifted off his chest. "The storms he had going on inside him, I could see. I couldn't figure it out. Sometimes when you look at me Haley, you look at me the same way."

Haley had a hard time finding her voice. "What happened next?"

"The next week, I stood beside Nikki in the stands and watched Cooper crash into a wall and die." Nathan responded automatically. He was sure he never once uttered those words out loud.

Cooper died.

They had been thrown in his face, and whispered behind his back and even he had told himself that Cooper was just simply gone. Like one day he had just packed his back and sped out of town. Nathan wasn't sure why, even now after all that had happened post Cooper he had remained in Tree Hill rooted to the place that had caused him nothing but pain and aching.

Haley squeezed his hand in a quiet answer to his unspoken plea.

"Everyone tried to convince Nikki to go through with the abortion, especially after Cooper's will was read."

"What was in the will?"

"Everything was left to me." Nathan sat down on the grassy knoll, exhausted, and pulled Haley with him. She sunk in between his legs and rested her back on his torso. "But on some twisted level, Nikki loved Cooper and she wanted some part of him I guess. Which is why she kept Caleb and why she wrapped herself up in me."

"I doubt that's the only reason." Haley replied and Nathan shook his head. "Why do you think that you're so insignificant? Just because you had lousy parents? Cooper saw the significance in you."

"Cooper didn't stick around did he?"

"He did it on purpose?"

"No." Nathan whispered. "He didn't do it on purpose but I still get angry at him for leaving me all the same."

Haley pivoted in his arms to face him. Smiling sadly, she placed his face in her hands. "Cooper told you that if there was any good that was going to come from him, it was going to come from having you in his life. Don't you think that any good that you have comes from having him in yours?"

She looked behind them to the headstone and back to the boy in front of her.

"That means he stays with you. And I'm not going anywhere either."

Oh and I lost my way
It's the same mistakes I always make
And now I know there is little I can do
I know that i've said goodbye too soon