Disclaimer: You'd think that after 24 chapters, you people would pretty much take it for granted that I don't own it…. But, just in case, I don't own it.

Author's Note: Guess what? This one's another sad one! So grab the tissues and get ready to sob uncontrollably… Well, it's not that sad. In fact, it's nowhere near as sad as the last one. Still, if you're as overemotional as me, you'll still cry. This is pretty sad, since I cried during High School Musical 2. I know my last chapter was a song fic also, but I can't help it that I find these songs that just totally fit in my mind. This takes place after Edward leaves in New Moon, but before she starts to hear his voice. It just fits better like that.

Gone Forever by Three Days Grace

I try so hard not to think of him. I spend all my energy on locking him away in the back of my mind. The thing is that, usually, I can just take all the bad memories and repress them so much it's almost like they never happened to me. It's like it happened to someone I barely knew, something I heard in passing about a total stranger. So, uncharacteristically, I couldn't lock even the tiniest bit of him away permanently. It was like my own personal hell, even though it was my only form of happiness. Happiness I paid dearly for.

"Don't know what's going on

Don't know what went wrongFeels like a hundred years

I Still can't believe you're gone

So I'll stay up all night

With these bloodshot eyes

While these walls surround me with the story of our life"

I tell myself over and over that I'm so much better off without him, I tell myself that so much it's become my official motto. It's easier to try to hate him, I can function so much better than when I'm not trying to remember every detail of everything about him. It just throws into sharper relief all that I lost. All that I'll never get back.

"I feel so much better

Now that you're gone forever

I tell myself that I don't miss you at allI

'm not lying, denying that I feel so much better now

That you're gone forever"

I made a mental list of all the things I didn't have to worry about anymore.

1. My life being in danger every time he was within 100 feet of me.

2. The possibility of losing my soul just to be with him forever.

That's as far as I ever got. And on the days when I wasn't in the mood to try to convince myself the only two things that I could even justify putting on the list were true, I realized that these things never once bothered me the whole time he had been by my side. I have never worried about him losing control; I had even frequently ignored his careful precautions and boundaries. As for the soul thing, I no more believed that then I believed Santa Claus was real. It was just careful half-truths that I propped up with faulty evidence to try to dull the pain.

"Now things are coming clear

And I don't need you here

And in this world around me

I'm glad you disappeared

So I'll stay out all night

Get drunk and bleep and fight

Until the morning comes

I'llForget about our life"

So when anyone ever dares to ask about him, or if they let it slip, I just shrug and say these exact words, "I'm sort of glad he's gone." All the while my insides are tearing up, and I'm fighting just to stay upright. I can tell they don't buy it.

"I feel so much better

Now that you're gone forever

I tell myself that I don't miss you at all

I'm not lying, denying that I feel so much better now

That you're gone forever

First time you screamed at me

I should have made you leave

I should have known it could be so much better

I hope you're missing me

I hope I've made you see

That I'm gone forever"

I don't buy it either. I know that behind my constant façade, there is just a broken heart and mangled mind. The next step in my craziness/denial would be actually hearing his voice. I welcome the day I'll finally snap. Anything is better than this.

"And now it's coming clear

That I don't need you here

And in this world around me

I'm glad you disappeared

I feel so much better

Now that you're gone forever

I tell myself that I don't miss you at all

I'm not lying, denying that I feel so much better now

That you're gone forever

And now you're gone forever

And now you're gone forever"

I'll just keep telling myself that, and every time I do, I'll remember how bad of a liar I am.

Author's Note: Okay, this doesn't really fit how Bella felt. But this was how I like to think I would have handled it. But I probably would have spent the rest of my life in the fetal position with a constant supply of Oreos and watch the movies Titanic and The Notebook over and over. By the way, did anyone get my one halfway funny line in here??? Probably not, but if you guess it, you can tell me to write aoneshot about anything you want.