Chapter twenty-four:

I sighed. I knew I would talk to my Dad sooner than I originally thought, but it still killed me inside to hear that dial tone.

I picked my violin up and ran my hands over the inscription.

Flash back:

In five days I would turn Fourteen. I wasn't really focusing on that though. I didn't even remember until five days later my dad came into Ari's room and said happy birthday

But back to November 1st.

I stroked Ari's sweaty brow, and placed a fresh washcloth with cool water on it. I knew it wouldn't matter; the washcloth would become warm again in minutes.

I remembered how just a few weeks ago Ari was flouncing around in his rubber boots, holding Dad's hand going on about my birthday surprise.

Oh how the times had changed.

He had a large coughing fit. I rubbed his back, knowing there was nothing I could do but wait for it to stop.

I looked over at my Dad's tortured expression. He was a scientist who was probably smarter than the most specialized of surgeons. But there was nothing he could do but watch his only son slowly deteriorate.

I wiped to blood from Ari's mouth, and helped him sit up. I held a glass of water to his lips, being careful of the IV next to him.

Through the whole ordeal his eyes remained shut. They hardly ever opened anymore. He drank for a bit, then laid back down, and fell back asleep.

"He doesn't have long, does he?" I asked Dad.

Dad shook his head mutely, his eyes never leaving Ari's face.

"M-max?" Ari croaked. His eyes slowly opened, watery and blood-shot; a sad memory of what they used to be.

I stroked his brow. "I'm here Air-bear."

He turned his head "Daddy?"

My Dad's grip on Ari's hand tightened. "Right here, bud."

"Can I have..." He took a deep breath.

"What? You can have anything Ari." I said.

"A hug?" I choked out a strangled laugh and look at my Dad, who had tears streaming down his cheeks.

We wrapped our arms around him and each other. We were a family; we always would be, the three of us, no matter if we were separated.

We hung on for about ten minutes, just existing with each other for as long as we could. We set Ari back down, but he kept his eyes open.

With that came the worst realization of all. He knew. He knew he didn't have much time. No ten year old should ever have to go through that.

"Love you."

My Dad and I reciprocated the sentiment.

"Max?" His voice couldn't go higher than a whisper.

"Yeah?"

"Could you sing? The smile song?"

I nodded. "Do you want me to get my guitar?"

He shook his head."Just sing." I nodded.

I reached across him and held my Dad's hand in my left, Ari's in my right. I took a shaky breath.

Smile though
your heart is aching,
Smile
Even though it's breaking,

Ari's breathing became harder and harder, but a smile came to his face none the less.

When there are clouds in the sky- You'll get by,
If you
Smile through your fear and sorrow,

Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun come shining through- For you.

His grip on my hand loosened slightly as he became weaker. My Dad's became tighter.

Light up your face with gladness,
Hide every trace of sadness,
Although a tear may be ever so near,

His eyes closed and his face relaxed.

That's the time you must keep on trying,
Smile- What's the use of crying,
You'll find that life is still worthwhile,

"If you just smile". I whispered in his ear.

The breath left Ari's body, and he died.

I hung my head in my hands, my violin next to me.

Why did you have to die, Ari? You only brought good into the world, why were you taken from it?

With an aggravated shriek I threw some books across my room. They slammed into the white wall with a SMACK and left a dent.

I pushed my hair out of my face with a sigh. Throwing books wasn't going to do anyone any good.

I felt like screaming.

I was torn. The phone call with my Dad made me realize something. I loved and missed my Dad every bit as much- of not more than when I got here. But if I was given the chance to hop on a plane and go be with him again, I would hesitate. I wouldn't know what to do. Be here? Or go back?

From ages two to seven there was only one person I cared about. After that, there were two.

Losing one of them was one of the most painful things I've had to go through.

Ari was bright, smart, and strong. He knew about the world we lived in. He knew about the suffering and the- the cruelty that went on inside it. He knew how to fight. I trained him every day we were free. He was genetically enhanced. None of this saved him from dying.

None.

If my Dad died- it would be painful, so, so painful. I would never be the same. But eventually I could get through it. Because that's what he would want. Because we were both survivors.

But now, there are more than just two people I care about. Iggy, Nudge, even Gazzy and Angel, they're my friends. I never had friends before. Mom and Ella are my family now! And Fang. Oh for the love of God and then there's Fang.

They are all plain. Human. Weak. They live in this small town isolated from the real world. But... I love them. All of them.

What if I lost them? It wouldn't even have to have anything to do with Itex. They could fall and break their necks, or get in a car crash or... get sick.

Or what if it was Itex? What if they died because of who I am? Because of what I am?

Could I handle that? Could anyone? Could I ever get past losing them?

As much as my Dad taught me he never taught me about this. He never taught me that when you love different people at once—when you let more in, your heart doesn't get spread thinner over everyone. It grows.

And when it grows, it becomes easier and easier to break.

*-*-8_8_

I needed to fly. I needed to. My head was dangerously close to exploding.

Right then all I was feeling was hate. Hate at the scientists for doing this to me. Hate at the stupid bureaucrats and politicians who didn't properly disband the scientific research that the government was originally funding. I even hated my Dad a little for sending me here.

I was miserable, because I thought- no I knew that my family and friends here could never be safe with me here. And losing them would destroy me.

Pulling back from them now wasn't just to soften the blow if I ever had to leave, no it was self preservation.

Ah, the Hell with it. I thought.

I walked out onto my balcony and put my headphones in and scrolled down to Tchaikovsky: Symphony No. 6 'Pathétique'.

I slowed my breaths. I focused on the in and out movements of the air in my lungs.

And air sacs.

I listened to the soothing notes and closed my eyes, revelling in the breeze that just moved past me.

I stood up on the railing, debating.

No one would see you. I thought. I wouldn't even fly off my balcony. I would just jump down, and avoid everyone downstairs.

I was about to step off when all of a sudden I was ripped off the rail.

Fangs arms stayed wrapped around my waist as he practically tore the head phones out of my ears.

My face was only an inch away from his and for the first time... I was scared of Fang. He was completely livid.

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING MAX?" I ripped my shoulders out of his tight grip and took a step back.

"What does it look like? I'm committing suicide." I said snarkily with my arms crossed.

His jaw dropped in disbelief. "Why?" He whispered.

"Oh for God's sake. I'm not trying to kill myself, idiot! The worst that drop could do is snap my ankle bone and that's only if I try to land perfectly straight on one foot."

His anger immediately reappeared. The little flecks of gold in his eyes were gone, and they were pitch-black. "Then what in God's name are you doing?"

I rolled my eyes. "Wouldn't you like to know?" I muttered and pushed past him, back into my room. There would be no flying right now.

I sank down on my couch.

From outside I saw Fang take several deep breaths and pinch the bridge of his nose. "I swear on day she's going to give me an aneurism." He muttered, thinking I couldn't hear. When he came inside his expression had calmed quite a bit. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have gone off on you like that. But what was I supposed to think?" He sighed. "I'm guessing the call didn't go as well as planned?

I shook my head. "The call was fine. I miss him. A lot."

Fang paused and deliberated on what he was going to say.

But of all the things he could have said, I didn't expect this.

"It was your dad?"

My eyes snapped towards his face. "What?"

"Your Dad- it was him wasn't it?" I couldn't deny it. I could hold the truth from Fang but he could tell when I was outright lying.

"How did you know?"

He nodded his head towards the violin next to me.

Love Dad and Ari.

"I see."

"So he had you the past fourteen years and he just kept you? He didn't even think of bringing you back home?" Fang asked, with a hint of disgust.

I raised my chin and glared at him. How dare he? My Dad had done nothing but think and protect my mother myself and Ari for the past fourteen years and he had the nerve to judge him? "Don't think you know my Dad. Don't think you understand why he does what he does, because you don't."

I sighed. I didn't want to be mad at Fang when I did what I was about to do. I didn't want him to think it was his fault.

"I can see why you would think he's horrible for not bringing me back." I said. "I get it, I really do. But my Dad is one of the most compassionate and loving people in the world. You just have to understand that you don't know all of the circumstances the made us have to stay away."

Fang sat down next to me and looked me right in the eyes and said "Then tell me. It can't be that awful. I'll understand."

Right then I wanted nothing more than to tell Fang everything. Everything. I wanted to scream and cry into his shoulder about all the pain that I had gone through. But most of all, I wanted to just open my wings. They were such a big part of me, not just physically either. I wanted him to know.

But that couldn't happen. Not telling him was as much to protect him as it was to protect me.

So I wrapped my arms around his neck and buried my face into his shoulder, one last time. But who knows, maybe someday we could be like this again.

He wrapped one arm around me waist and put his other hand in my hair. "Let me in Max." He whispered.

I took a deep breath and unwillingly pulled back. I let all emotion slip off my face. "I'm sorry Fang." I shifted away from him. His eyes were questioning. "I don't think this is going to work."

I couldn't look at him. His face was confused and hurt as he said "What?"

I closed my eyes. "I don't think we're going to work." When I opened m eyes again his expression was what it usually was- unexpected.

He was calm. Completely calm and unruffled. Did I really not mean as much to him as he meant to me? Did this not hurt him too?

"Fang?" I prompted, not being able to stand the silence.

He didn't say anything. Typical. Fang was a man of action, not words. He simply leaned down and kissed me, hard. After just a few seconds he pulled back. He took my hand and placed it over his heart. It was beating rapidly. "You feel that?" I nodded, reluctantly. "It's for you." He placed his own hand over my heart. I had a naturally high heart beat but, like his, it was going faster than usual. "And that's for me?" His dark gaze didn't let up its hold on mine. I sighed and nodded again. "So you're just going to end it?"

"I"- I paused. I could back out of this, I could stay with Fang and be happy, but possibly crushed if I lost him. I could be lost and crush him. Or, I could end it right here and be unhappy, but definitely survive. You can't lose what you don't have after all. I made up my mind. "I'm sorry Fang."

He snorted. "Figures."

My eyebrows furrowed. "What?"

He stood up and started walking towards the door. "The great Maximum Ride can't be tied down to anything. No one can have a hold on her." I opened my my mouth to protest, but he continued on, with one hand on the door knob. "Well you might as well come downstairs, its your birthday party after all."

My eyes widened in horror.

"Many happy returns." He said.