23.
I do not want to touch you for one time only
Two days past and Lillian and Connor spoke no word to each other. It seemed like this one conversation had changed everything. Connor had never seen Lillian so reserved before. She really had decided to avoid him, because every time he was nearby, she turned to her tasks almost doggedly and when he approached her, she even fled. She stayed away from him, like he had always wanted it. But now he was more disappointed about it than he had ever thought it was possible, but he let Lillian have her obvious will. It was somehow easy until Noel gave Lillian and Connor the task to harvest reed from a nearby salt lake, which was used as fuel on this island like wood and coal somewhere else. Lillian was visibly not contended and tried to make Caleb go in her place, but she wasn't successful. Connor said no word about her obvious rejection for him, as they fastened three baskets on Cherry's back and set off to the salt lake. The journey took about an hour and they didn't said anything but only walked next to each other in silence, concentrated on themselves. The wind had become noticeably stronger during the day and Connor needed only one look into the sky to know that a storm was approaching. He only hoped they would be back before it started and so he wanted to get over and done with the harvest as soon as possible. Also to escape this unpleasant silence between Lillian and himself.
As they reached the salt lake, they let Cherry graze and got to work. While Lillian used a sickle to cut the reed, Connor used his tomahawk. They worked concentrated not only they had to be careful not to slip on the muddy ground around the lake. But when they had filled only one basket with the reed, the sky finally darkened and the wind dashed over the flat countryside in strong gusts. It tore at their clothes and threatened to throw them off their feet. While Connor had to fight it, Lillian had problems with it. He heard her swearing from time to time and saw her stumbling with every gust of wind. It made no sense to continue their work and to risk that someone got hurt. Furthermore the sky became darker and darker and so Connor stepped to the Shetland Pony, where Lillian was just cramming reed into a basket. He pointed westwards where he had seen a building that could be their rescue now.
"There is an old house ahead. Maybe we should seek shelter there", he proposed, shouting against the wind. But Lillian's nod told him that she had understood and so he rook Cherry's lead string so that she could concentrate on keeping her balance. It seemed like the wind was coming from everywhere now, as if it wanted to force them to the ground. Lillian stumbled over and over again and had to support herself on Cherry from time to time, but the mare was struggling with the wind, too. But Connor also had to concentrate on not losing his balance in the storm. So they were relieved as they finally reached the cabin and fled inside. It was uninhabited and also not in a good condition anymore but had a door and closable window shutters they could lock the wind out with. After they had secured the cabin, Lillian stepped to Cherry, who was trembling from exhaustion and she took the baskets off the mare's back, while Connor looked around in the cabin again and finally sat down on the ground in a corner, leaning his back against the wall after he had taken off his weapons. The wind's raging outside became stronger and tore at the shutters which clattered loudly but luckily resisted. It had got noticeably darker and Lillian, who had attended to Cherry until now, had stepped to one of the windows and looked outside, as a lightning brightened everything and shortly afterwards sounded a deafening thunder.
"Seems like we just escaped the real storm", Connor said and leaned his head against the wall behind him. He had just spoken as it started to rain heavily and beside the blustering of the wind, the air was now filled with the pattering of rain. They would have to stay for a while, Connor was sure of it. It would to careless to go home in this storm. He didn't like this thought either, but he felt far more relaxed that Lillian obviously was. She had uttered a quiet curse, had crossed her arms in front of her chest and had started to pace up and down. She appeared to be beside herself, hunted and Connor looked her over attentively, until he finally asked: "Are you afraid?"
Lillian stopped, looked at him and shook her head. But it thundered again and she winced. She was afraid, she couldn't deny it.
"Come and sit." Connor patted the ground beside himself. It certainly wouldn't calm her down if she kept pacing around and it made him nervous, too. Maybe it even helped her to sit, but at first it didn't look like Lillian was going to follow his invitation.
Hesitantly she stopped in the middle of the room, but sighed, came to him and sat down. She pulled her knees up, curled up like this like she always did in sleep, bedded her chin on her knees and wrapped her arms around her legs. She stared straight at the opposite window where the shutters banged against each other loudly. She didn't appear calmer but Connor wanted her to stop thinking about the storm and relax, but he didn't know how. Should he talk to her? But he couldn't think of an innocuous topic except of the one that had brought them apart. But maybe this was the chance to bring it up again. Although the circumstances could be better.
"I wanted to apologize, by the way", Connor finally said after he had taken a deep breath and had ordered his thoughts. It seemed to be right to say what was on his mind. At least parts of it. His eyes were turned to the wooden floor and he had started to follow the lines of its texture with his finger. But still he felt Lillian's gaze on him which made him going on. "Sometimes I was a bit harsh and disrespectful to you. Somehow I hoped you would have enough after some time and stay away. I should have known that I hurt you with it. But this was not my intention. But you..." He smirked. "are much more stubborn than I expected you to be."
Lillian didn't say anything for a while and he already felt his confidence vanish as he believed that she didn't want to listen to him. Although he had never been so honest to her like he was now and it almost hurt him that she didn't react. He already regret having opened up to her, but then he heard Lillian murmuring something: "It is alright. I am not so easy after all."
Connor raised his head and looked at her thoughtfully, how she was sitting there curled up and tugging at the side seam of her trousers. Yes, parts of her character hadn't been easy to bear, especially because he didn't know how to deal with them. Her mood could change as quickly as the weather, but he had to admit that he appreciated this challenge. But still there was so much about her that he couldn't understand and maybe this was the chance to learn how.
"You asked me why I do not let anybody come closer to me. May I ask you something, too?"
He saw Lillian pressing her lips together, but she nodded and so Connor didn't hesitate to continue. "Why do you not let anybody help you?"
He question seemed to be such a surprise, that Lillian's head whirled around to him and she stared at him which made him smile in return. It looked like she had expected something bad or unpleasant. Probably she just didn't understand what he wanted to say.
"I mean, you are always annoyed when somebody offers you help. You reject my wish to protect you and you also were not please when I wanted to take some of your tasks. You accepted it but, as you already said about me, you always looked like you have bitten into a sour apple", he explained and patiently waited for an answer, hoping that Lillian didn't feel offended. But he had answered her questions, too after all and had opened up more than he usually did. He wished Lillian showed the same trust to him.
She needed some time to think about his question and be watched her, entirely calm, until she started speaking.
"Well, I always feel patronised by you and eventually was so sensitive that I rejected everything."
"But I never wanted to patronise you. I just wanted..."
"...what's best for me?"
Connor was confused as she interrupted him, but this was exactly what he had wanted to say and he nodded slowly. He had always wanted her to be fine and he didn't know how to interpret the smile that formed on Lillian's lips now.
"Do you know how often I have heard this sentence already? My whole education followed this sentence. It was the best thing for me to do what I was told. The best thing to sit still for hours while my parents had invited business friends for dinner. It was the best thing not to play with the staff's children because they could have a bad influence on me. I never doubt it and was always sure that every rule was right. I accepted everything and never saw an alternative."
Connor had listened attentively and interested. He had already thought that Lillian had lived with far more restrictions than himself or the children of the settlers. But the way she described it made it sound as it her childhood had been a prison, but at the same time he couldn't imagine that it had been entirely bad for her. The living conditions in the noble districts of London appeared so comfortable to him. So easy. Not to compare with those in Davenport or even Boston and New York.
"But I am sure you had alternatives, did you not? You are having a privileged background after all."
Chuckling Lillian shook her head and leaned it against the wall behind her.
"That's why I had little alternatives. You know, the only aim of the rich people is to keep or even increase their wealth. In my case it always meant that I had to marry a merchant, no matter if I loved him or not, bear him children and watch the boys becoming merchants and the girls becoming wives. I would be such a wife now, if Richard hadn't kept me away from any men because he didn't want to lose my parent's heritage."
A bitter smile flitted across her face and Connor realized that he had only thought with a man's point of view. He had already learnt that the women of Lillian's people had no influence like the women of his tribe, but he had never really experienced it. He knew women like Deborah Carter or Myriam after all, who resisted all the social norms and followed their own path. The women in Davenport had more freedom, too. It was unimaginable to him, how it could be different, but it seemed like Lillian really didn't know it differently and he felt almost pitiful for her. It must be discouraging to have only one prescribed path ahead of yourself.
"But in the last months I didn't want to accept all of this anymore", Lillian continued after a short silence and Connor turned his attention back to her. "I am angry about myself because I always accepted everything. Because if I had done what I was taught, I wouldn't have helped you. I would have sent you away when you came to me injured. I would have shut my eyes from everything around me and I would never have been able to forgive myself." Slowly she turned her head to him and looked at him. "I didn't want it and that was why I couldn't accept that you wanted to keep me out of everything. Because I finally had an alternative. Do you understand?"
Thoughtfully Connor looked at her. Yes, he did understand her. He understood her very well in fact. She had only wanted to do what she thought was right. Like him, but for her it had been far more complicated and he had been one of the persons who had wanted to hold her back. It had been a mistake, he realized it now. He had always misjudged her and her intentions.
"I have never seen it this way. I always thought you were just...stubborn."
Lillian chuckled again and grinned at him. "I think in this case we are equally annoying. No wonder that we keep quarrelling."
Connor couldn't hold back a smirk about this statement, too. "That is true."
They became silent, but this time Connor found it far more pleasant than the days before. He was glad to have spoken to Lillian and was angry about his behaviour at the same time. He had only found her naive and stubborn while he had wanted to help, although she had basically been in chains. He couldn't imagine how it had to be, living your life after the will of others. Not being the master of your own decisions. He was bound to the brotherhood and its creed, too, but he accepted it with his free will. He understood why it had been so important to Lillian to do what she found was right. Probably he wouldn't have acted differently.
"How long do you think will the storm take?" Lillian's voice brought his thoughts back to her and he shrugged his shoulders, looking to the window. Through the gap between the shutters, he couldn't see anything else but darkness and the air was still filled with the raging of the storm, the drumming of the rain and the occasional, loud thunder.
"No matter how long it takes, I think we should wait until tomorrow before we go back. We should not leave in the darkness."
"Another night on the floor then? This has to become a sleepless one." Lillian screwed up her face and wrapped her arms tighter around her legs. She couldn't deny that she really was afraid of the storm. Once again something that was totally unfamiliar to him. He had never seen somebody being afraid of certain weather at all. At least not onshore. Storms on the sea were totally different. Lillian didn't look like she was able to relax, but her tiredness was visibl, especially as she had to suppress a yawn.
"You can sleep if you want. I will not go away."
Smirking Lillian looked at him and cocked her head. "And that would be a pity. But I am fine."
He accepted her answer and became silent again, until Lillian finally couldn't back a yawn anymore. From the corners of his eyes he saw her stretching her arms and legs and rolling her head, as if she could banish the tiredness from her body like this. He heard her sighing and finally she interrupted the silence. "Connor?"
He turned his head to her and gave her a questioning look.
"May I...lean against you?"
Connor blinked in surprise before hesitating. He thought of the evening when she had embraced him and he had rejected her so abruptly. He knew that it had hurt her and he certainly hadn't intended to. But although they had opened up to each other by now, Connor was still unsure if he should allow this closeness. But could it be wrong to let her simply lean against him to sleep, to relax and to forget her fear?
Connor decided to push his doubts aside and nodded, before he could change his mind. "Of course."
Now Lillian appeared surprised, as if she hadn't expected his approval. Maybe she also remembered this one evening and maybe this was why she was so careful, as she moved closer to him and finally leaned her head against his shoulder. As always, when somebody came so close to him, Connor felt every muscle in his body tense, but he pushed this feeling aside and let it disappear. Nothing about Lillian's closeness felt unpleasant, at least nothing he had made himself believe to support himself in his imagination he could protect her like this. It became more and more aware to him how stupid he had been and how much he enjoyed Lillian's closeness right now, no matter if it was right or not. He didn't want to push her away again. Not as long as she didn't want it either and she showed no rejection of her own as he followed the impulse to wrap his arms around her and pull her closer, so that her whole upper body leaned against his and she didn't have to support herself anymore. He could feel that she still felt uncertain about this situation like he did, but she eventually relaxed and Connor followed her example. Not so long ago, it would have been unimaginable for him to hold her in his arms like this. He even began to enjoy it. To have her with him, listening to her even breathing and feeling the warmth of her body. When Lillian's head slipped off his shoulder a bit, he noticed that she must feel the same way. Lillian had been overwhelmed by her tiredness and had fallen asleep.
Carefully Connor sat up and pushed his free arm under Lillian's knees, while the other still rested on her shoulder. Slowly and gently he laid her down and sank next to her, so that her head could still rest on his arm. He smirked as he looked into her relaxed face while the storm was still raging outside. As if her fear had never existed. He felt himself becoming tired, too and with a last look at Cherry, who was sleeping, too, he brought himself into a comfortable position on his back, closed his eyes and it was remarkably easy to fall asleep.
The faint morning light and the pattering of the rain were the first things Connor was aware of as he opened his eyes blinking. At first he was wondering where he was, but as the sleep let more and more go from his mind, he remembered the events of yesterday. The storm, the shelter in the cabin and the conversation with Lillian which had made him learn more about him than in all the months they knew each other by now. Thinking of it, he also became more and more aware of Lillian's closeness. Slowly he turned his head to look at her and his chin brushed her forehead in the process. She had cuddled up to him in sleep. Was lying on her side, her head half bedded on his chest and her arm laid over him. She was so close to him and although he felt his heartbeat quickening up, he didn't find it unpleasant. In the contrary. He felt an unfamiliar joy about finding her next to him and feeling her warmth. He couldn't resist raising a hand and putting it over Lillian's, which was resting on his chest. Gently he brushed his fingers over the back of her hand. He didn't think about it, he just wanted to do it, but then it became aware to him that the sleeping Lillian didn't know how close she had come to him. Maybe she hadn't wanted to. She only had wanted to lean against him. Nothing more.
Connor pulled his hand back and took a deep breath. "What are you doing?", he murmured quietly. Why was Lillian causing such reactions from him? Why was she the first person whose closeness he wanted? Enjoyed. How had his feelings changed so rapidly and fundamentally? Never he would have allowed such a situation to happen and still...
When Connor looked into Lillian's face again, the urge to touch her returned. Like in the evening before they had had their conversation about his rejecting behaviour. But this time he gave in to the urge and let his fingers slide through her hair, down to her cheek. That was when he noticed it. Lillian's body tensed a bit as she held her breath and caught, Connor pulled his hand back. He should have pulled himself together. He shouldn't have...
"Don't stop."
Connor faltered as he heard Lillian murmuring these words. Her eyes were closed, but she noticeably awake. She had noticed his touch and didn't seem to be angry about it. Connor didn't react for a while, uncertain about the meaning of Lillian's reaction. If she was really enjoying his closeness as much as he enjoyed hers. Maybe he had to test it. Carefully he turned onto his side so that Lillian had to lift her head shortly, before he wrapped his arms around her and she could bed her head onto his upper arm again. She buried her face in his chest and Connor was finally sure that he had never enjoyed being so close to someone like he did now with Lillian. It felt good, just to hold her, although it was still an unfamiliar feeling. When had been the last time he had hugged someone willingly? It was too long ago.
"Do you want to take two steps back again?", Lillian asked and he knew that she referred to their conversation three days ago. When she had accused him of this behaviour. That he was taking two steps back for every step she made towards him and she had been right about it. He had done it, but now he regretted it.
"Yesterday I learned that it obviously does not work. No matter how far I step back, you will always be able to approach me", he answered quietly and let his hand slide through her hair again, played with her braid. "So why should I not meet you? Unless..." Now he tensed after all and abruptly stopped caressing her hair. "...you want me to stay away from you?"
Right now he cursed his own cluelessness about human closeness. He just didn't know how to interpret the signals of others and he was insecure if he was doing the right thing right now. From his opinion, he did, but from Lillian's?
She opened her eyes and he saw a smirk on her lips as she moved a bit away from him to look at him. "Right now I find it pleasant that you don't."
He looked her over, still insecure, but as he realized the meaning of her words, he smiled. "That is nice to hear", he said and carefully reached out his hand to caress her cheek. Something inside of him still expected rejection. This situation was too unfamiliar for him. But Lillian showed nothing like this. She kept looking at him, until reaching a hand of her own to run it through his hair, whose strands had loosened from his braid. Connor took a deep breath as she touched him and closed his eyes, when her fingertips brushed the back of his neck, his chin and his cheek. They were as gentle as a breath of wind and if felt wonderful. Never he would have believed that he could enjoy a person's touch and when he opened his eyes and looked at Lillian, he smiled. It was unbelievable that he had rejected her a few weeks ago. That he had found her kiss trivial. He was sure that he would have thought differently now. He still remembered that her kiss had been pleasant, but holding her in his arms now caused a much stronger feeling. Maybe because the kiss had been trivial?
Connor's smile vanished as he thought about it. He was confused by all of this. All these unfamiliar emotions he couldn't interpret. But when he saw Lillian biting her bottom lip in uneasiness, he forgot these thoughts for a moment.
"Do not do this", he murmured and caressed her cheek again. He didn't want her to feel uneasy. He didn't want to unsettle her, like he had used to do it. He bent down to her, leaned his forehead against hers and closed his eyes. He wanted to fathom what he was feeling. What made him searching her closeness, but he couldn't think about if for long. This closeness alone took all the space in his mind, while his heart was still rushing in his chest and he was seized by an incredibly warmth he just wanted to enjoy. Slowly he raised his head and put his lips on Lillian's forehead to move them down to her cheek. He paid attention to every reaction that could show him that he went too far. But it never came and the warmth in his body became stronger, as his lips shortly stopped on the corner of her mouth and finally kissed her carefully. It was only a brief touch and he pulled away to lean his forehead against hers again. But it had caused so much more inside of him than the kiss on the soiree. He believed that his heart was going to jump out of his chest and he had to for his breathing to calm down. He felt almost overwhelmed by the flood of unknown feelings rushing through him, but he didn't want to do without them. He was certain of it.
It was entirely silent while they stayed like this, but Connor could hear that Lillian was shaken, too. Her breathing was fast, but nothing about her indicated to him, that she would leap up and flee in every moment. I wouldn't hold such a reaction against her, but he felt great joy because nothing like this happened. But this joy vanished for a moment, as Lillian put her hands on his cheeks to push his head gently away, so that she could look into his eyes.
„Was this another ‚I may kiss you, but it doesn't mean anything'-kiss? Will you take your distance again, telling me that I shouldn't misinterpret anything?"
Her question surprised him and he frowned. He didn't understand what made her think this, but his gaze became serious as he propped his arms up beside her torso, to push himself up a bit. „Do you really think I would kiss you if it was like this?"
„I don't know. I don't know at all what's on your mind. I'm always afraid you could change your mind all of the sudden and take your steps back again."
He looked at her and shook his head with determination. „I always kept you at distance because I thought it was the best way to protect you. But you are making it very difficult to me and if I am honest, I do not want this anymore. I can protect you anyway."
He lowered his arms again until his face was so close to Lillian's, that the tips of their noses touched each other. "I do not know what you are doing with me, but basically I never wanted you to stay away from me."
It was a certainty that had totally became aware to him, now that he had spoken it out. Since they arrived at Noel's, he had wanted to repress how close he and Lillian had come to each other, but now that he knew that she felt the same way and enjoyed being with him, it appeared unimportant to him. He still wasn't sure how to name the feelings he had for Lillian, but it was certain that she had become far more important to him than any other person, or even woman before.
"I'm not doing anything", Lillian smirked and he chuckled.
"Oh, you do."
She didn't know how much.
Connor had finally supressed any kind of hesitation and doubt as he laid his lips on Lillian's again. The kiss was still tender, but now the both of them wanted to enjoy it to the fullest. Lillian slipped a hand to the back of his neck and the other into his hair and pulled him closer. This kiss was totally different from the kiss on the soiree. It had been pleasant, yes. But it hadn't been able to cause such emotions like he was feeling them now. It felt like all of his senses were completely concentrated on Lillian and as if every touch of her was warming up his body. Connor had no words for it, but it felt wonderful. He asked himself, how he had been able to reject accepting physical closeness. He just hadn't been able to imagine that it could feel like this, but maybe he had needed to find the right person who awoke this desire inside of him. The desire to enjoy every second of it. Nothing in the world could make him let Lillian go and end the embrace and the kiss and he sensed that she felt the same. Connor tenderly stroked through her dark hair and pulled away from the kiss, to move his lips over her cheek, her chin and finally the crook of her neck. Her skin was warm and soft and he could smell the salty scent of the sea, as well as the light scent of flowers and grasses. The scent of a clear morning in spring in Davenport. His home.
"You are smelling good", he murmured, while still caressing her neck, but he stopped as Lillian suddenly started to giggle. Confused he raised his head and gave her a questioning look.
"A few days ago I asked myself, if people are smelling like their homes, because you always smell like the forest and the sea close to the homestead."
He cocked his head while she was still grinning and giggling.
"I thought if it is true, I am certainly reeking of London. Horse dung on the streets, the stench of the harbour, the heavy perfumes of the rich people…"
Connor couldn't stop himself from smirking and he shook his head. This thought was absurd. He bent down to her and kissed her shortly, before saying against her lips: "Do not worry, you are not smelling of London. And you certainly do not reek."
Lillian started laughing again, but he interrupted her with another kiss.
After Connor had hesitated in the beginning, because he had thought Lillian would push him away, he now became more confident with every second. The feeling of her lips on his and her hand caressing her hair and nape, awoke the wish to caress her, too, but he didn't want to go too far. Gently he moved his hand from her hair, down to her waist, but he faltered as his fingertips touched bare skin. Lillian's shirt had slipped up and although he hadn't wanted to dare too much, his hand had landed right there. Lillian gasped and he pulled his hand back, ended the kiss and gave her an apologetic look. "I did not intend to..."
But Lillian only shook her head and to his surprise, she grabbed his hand and put it back to her waist, to pull him closer and kiss him again. Connor was surprised at first, but then he engaged in the kiss with pleasure, while gently and carefully stroking over the warm skin of her waist but without pushing the shirt further up. He would never do anything Lillian wouldn't want and what she was allowing him, was enough. He enjoyed the feeling of her skin under his hand and to feel her waist moving with every breath she took. He was also happy about the reactions his touch caused from Lillian. She sighed quietly as he caressed her gently and a pleasant shiver ran down his spine. It made him happy to know that she felt the same way and he wanted this moment to last.
When Lillian bit into his bottom lip with a grin, the warmth in his body became an unexpected heat. His heart raced, his blood rushed through his veins and once again, Connor began to feel something that was totally unknown to him. But it made him forget every caution for a moment and he uttered a quiet growl, which surprised himself as he buried his hand in her hair again and kissed her with more passion than before. Lillian sighed again and this gentle sound seemed to fuel the heat in his body. Connor pressed Lillian against himself and felt too well how her body nestled to his body. He was totally overwhelmed by all these emotions this one woman was causing in him, but these overwhelming feelings soon became overstraining.
Connor hadn't noticed that Lillian had lied twisted underneath him until now. Her legs lying on the side, her back pressed flat to the ground. An uncomfortable position which she wanted to change in a thoughtless way. He only felt her lifting her hip to turn her pelvis and touched his in the process. It was only a short, light touch but it was enough to run a wave of desire through Connor's body. It was a different kind of desire than the simple wish to hold Lillian in his arms. It was more heated and of so primal nature that Connor was startled by it himself, as he felt the heat gathering in the lower parts of his body, where Lillian had touched him. He wasn't so naiv not to know what it was he was feeling, but it had never seized him like this. He had always derided other men for saying about the sight of a woman, that she was "making their blood surge", how they called it. He had always found them driven by lust, but now he was the one whose blood was surging after Lillian's short touch. He gasped, pulled away from Lillian's lips and bit his bottom lip with closed eyes.
"Lillian, that was not good", he uttered while trying almost desperately to calm down and supress the desire in his loins. He felt more than embarassed, even as Lillian didn't seem to understand what he meant.
"Why? What is...oh..."
She must have felt what she had caused on him, as Connor had pushed himself off her and laid onto his side, trying to hide it. What must she thought of him? That he was only a debauchee who couldn't control himself and his urges?
Redness rose into her face, like always when she felt ucomfortable about something, but this color was so much more intensive in her usually pale cheeks, as if she was the one who was ashamed and this seemed to be exactly what she did. Her gaze was contrite as she stammered: "I...I'm...er...sorry. I didn't want to..."
Connor raised a hand, before she could continue and looked at her with a crooked smile, which was supposed to be reassuring. "You do not need to apologize", he started. She was the last person who had to. "I just think we should...leave it at two steps forward and do not do a sprint."
He didn't know why he was saying this. It already felt ridiculous the moment it left his lips. He just tried to play down what had just happened between them, or better to say: Inside his body.
Lillian blushed even more and this situation seemed to be as unpleasant for her as it was for him.
"I didn't intend to...", she started, but Connor interrupted her again with a shake of his head.
"I know, me neither. Just do not let us talk about it."
He would actually prefer it. He found it irritating and embarassing enough that this wonderful moment of holding, touching and kissing Lillian had ended so abruptly. Luckily didn't want to keep talking about it either. She nodded while biting her bottom lip and Connor saw her gaze aimlessly flitting through the cabin and finally stopped upon the Shetland Pony, who was still standing where Lillian had left her yesterday.
"I...will check on Cherry", Lillian murmured and had already stood up to got to the pony. Connor suppressed a sigh as he looked after her. He wanted to pull her into his arms again to reassure her that she didn't need to be embarassed for anything. She had done nothing wrong. But maybe it wouldn't help for now. Even though Connor's pulse had already calmed down and the sudden desire had vanished, he feared that he could feel and give in to this desire again.
Maybe I should get some fresh air, he though in a touch of self irony, while his eyes were still resting on Lillian, who was kneeling in front of Cherry and tickled the mare's head. Still he could feel her lips on his, as well as the warmth of her skin under his hands...Connor shook his head and decided, that he really needed to clear his mind. He stood up and unlocked the window's shutter behind him to open it. The sun had already risen over the island and faint fog rose over the wet meadows. It had just stopped raining, but Connor couldn't turn to what the storm had left behind for long. His whole attention turned to a figure that was running towards the cabin. It was small and thin, had wet blonde hair. It was Caleb and he was calling Connor's and Lillian's names, his voice full of panic. Alarmed Connor leaped to his weapons, threw bow and quiver over his shoulder and fastened pistol and tomahawk on his belt. Now Lillian had also noticed that something was wrong.
"What is it?", she asked, as Connor already hurried to the door, but now Caleb's voice was clearly enough to hear, so that he didn't need to answer.